


Still Human

by my_unlikely_hero



Series: Nature v Nurture [1]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alpha Andrew, Eventual kandreil, Everyone Else is Here Too - Freeform, M/M, Omega Kevin, So much angst, Violence, a/b/o dynamics, alpha Riko, but - Freeform, im so sorry, im terrible at tags, omega Neil, read with caution, red flags, riko is obviously a piece of shit, triggers everywhere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2018-09-18 05:08:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 48
Words: 93,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9369320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_unlikely_hero/pseuds/my_unlikely_hero
Summary: An Alpha/Beta/Omega au.Need I say more?Previously titled: Nature v Nurture





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Finally posting! Sorry for the wait. Let me know what you think?

Another rewrite. I'm going to hell. You're all going to hate this <3

 

Nathaniel's life has always been carrying degrees of pain and neglect. For the first ten years he is his father's son and Lola's student. Knives are his lessons and his toys and his punishment. His mother is a distant figure, cold and neglectful unless she's bandaging the wounds from his punishment. Nathaniel is always too slow, or too loud, or too something that makes Nathan want to hurt him, even though Nathaniel tries so, so hard to be good. 

Nathaniel is 10 and he doesn't know why his body is hot and his skin is slick between his thighs. He doesn't understand why he shivers and shakes and *needs* something he can't name, needs so badly that he cries for it. His skin is so sensitive that his clothes chafe him.

Nathaniel's head is foggy from the fever-- he thinks this must be some new sort of flu, but his dick is hard and his thighs are slick and every movement makes him whimper. His clothes are so uncomfortable, and he feels so hot. 

He presents as an omega, in a home where he isn't wanted. 

His mother finds him sweating in his sheets, whining for something he doesn't understand. That is when he meets Riko for the first time. Riko is twelve, the youngest son of Nathan's boss. An alpha. He tops Nathaniel by inches, with dark hair and cruel eyes. Kevin is a beta, taller than riko but standing with his head bowed, all but forgotten. 

Nathan shoves Nathaniel and Riko in a bedroom and locks the door behind them while Lola cackles. Nathaniel isn't sure what he did wrong but this punishment is the worst yet. 

After the week is gone, Riko is taken away and Nathaniel is left alone to shiver on the bed. Mary comes for him long after the house has gone quiet. She stuffs a handful of clothes in a bad and drags Nathaniel out the door. His mind is foggy and unfocused and he is confused. 

His mother beats him for being weak, for becoming a liability. She yells, fighting to keep her voice low enough to not draw attention. Mary screams about the uselessness of omegas, about how much of a liability he will be now-- Neil only barely understands, and it settles like a weight in his chest. He is *Badbadbad*. He wilts inside. The words stick like barbs in his heart.

“Omegas are weak-willed, and weak-muscled by nature. They are stereotypically small, and easy to overpower. They're too sensitive, too easily swayed by alpha pheromones and manipulated.” She screams at neil as she smacks him with the back of her hand.

Mary drives for three days-- she lectures him between fits of anger and beatings. Nathaniel suffers in silence in the back seat of the car, curled tightly with the sweat making his skin stick to the cheap red naugahyde. 

After his first heat, Mary hits up a contact for some cheap suppressants-- the kind that she is warned could hurt his reproductive organs. But they’re the cheapest Mary can buy, and they keep his heats down to twice a year. And anyway, having a baby would only slow them down, would get them killed-- the side effects don't matter. Not with what Mary has planned.

Mary stops for the new IDs, and pills, and bribes a surgeon. She puts something strange in her son's bottle of water. Before he understands, his head starts to spin and his muscles go weak-- the drug acts quickly and Nathaniel is unconscious in a few short minutes.

Nathaniel wakes up with stitches low on his stomach and an ache low in his abdomen. He's been sterilized-- he will never have children. Problem solved.

They hide Nathaniel’s slender body beneath baggy clothes and his pretty face is disguised with contacts and dyed hair. He buys soaps and shampoos designed for betas. Mary hits him when he acts too soft, too much like an omega. He learns to be polite but not submissive. He hides and they run. Chris and Stefan and Alex are betas so the long scar on his stomach doesn't matter. 

*********

 

Mary schedules a move and a new set of IDs. She begins scheduling it around her son's heat-- it's convenient to leave Nathaniel with the trusted contact for the week he is all but incapacitated. Often times, her contacts are alphas, or sometimes betas. Mary doesn't leave him with omega contacts-- they can't be trusted, and it would be useless anyway. And often times, Mary's contacts will give her a cut rate on the supplies she needs if they can fuck Nathaniel. It is q convenient means of payment. 

So Mary leaves her son in the care of strange, but trusted alphas. They're often as old as his father, if not older, but they take care of that burning *need* to be touched, to be fucked and knotted. Nathaniel doesn't know how he feels about this. He hates it but he still *needs* more than he can possibly think.

 

It hurts, and the alphas aren't usually gentle with him-- he is often left aching and bruised when they've finished with him. But heats are shorter when Nathaniel can spend them with an alpha, and he can no longer get pregnant. Yet it's better than spending his heats in some abandoned barn or shed or house in the middle of nowhere, far enough away that no stranger will be attracted by the smell. 

Mary stays near, but out of the room; out of sight but close enough to stand guard. As soon as Nathaniel's heat finishes, she hauls her son from the bed to the shower, with his Beta-scented soaps. She scrubs dye into his hair, impatient as always.

They immediately return to the road afterward. Mary’s idea of aftercare is letting Nathaniel lie down in the backseat alone with a blanket, a bottle of water and maybe some fruit or granola bars. He shivers and shakes in silence, drifting between dozing and ignoring the pain. It usually takes a day or two before the fog clears from his head enough for Nathaniel to string thoughts together.

 

**********

 

Nathaniel is 15-- He is Stefan, in the middle of his heat when his father's men catch up to them.

His brain is foggy when Mary forces clothes onto his uncooperative limbs and drags him out by his wrist. They run for the car, her nails cutting bloody little crescents into Nathaniel's skin. He stumbles and nearly falls, only the grip on his arm saving him and dragging him along after Mary. The sound of gunshots follow after them and Mary shoves him toward to passenger seat of their stolen truck. He struggles with the tricky handle and feels a punch to his shoulder. He doesn't understand what happened until he's actually in the truck, Mary cursing and speeding out of the driveway.

His shoulder burns and aches and he can feel the hot blood staining his skin. He moans, biting at his lip so he doesn't cry out and distract his mother.

It takes them hours to shake the tale following them. Nathaniel holds a shirt to his wound to try and staunch the bleeding. Mary finds them an abandoned house to crash and she cuts the bullet out of Nathaniel's shoulder. He's drunk on pain and cheap vodka, biting down on one of his shirts. All the while, Mary yells, calling her son week, slow, a stupid omega-- he's a liability, making them stop for an entire week while he fucked his way through his heat. He had slowed them down and gotten himself shot.

 

*********

 

Nathaniel is 16 when Mary dies in Seattle. He buries her bones on the beach, waiting longer than he knows he should. Before he can run, the nondescript SUV chasing them pulls up and men with expensive suits and guns load him into the back. They take him to Tetsuji Moriyama, where he belonged. He goes, because at least he isn't being given to his father, to be butchered. Though, in the end, belonging to Riko and being carved into and *owned* isn't much better.

Nathaniel is surprised when Kevin corners him alone after his first heat in the Nest. He tries to tell him that Riko isn't that bad, that he's just misunderstood. He tells Nathaniel it's just that he's an omega, and Riko naturally wants him due to the pheromones-- but, really, he isn't that bad.

Nathaniel doesn't believe him, but he lets Kevin hold him together after Jean finishes stitching the wounds. Kevin doesn't understand how different they are to the world. In and out of the Nest, Kevin is important. And Nathaniel ‘Josten’ is a convenient hole.

Jean is a Beta, but someone Nathaniel can rely on to help keep the other alphas at bay. Sometimes they try to corner Nathaniel, and Jean is there-- Jean is always there-- to remind them that he is Riko's whore. Of course, Riko had Kevin, but it's best not to remind the Ravens of that.

Riko keeps him on the suppressants for convenience. Most of the Ravens are alphas-- the exception being Kevin, who was given, not recruited. Omegas are considered too soft to play rough sports, but Nathaniel is hardly the average omega. And an omega is a distraction, on the court and off. With the hormone suppressants and Beta perfumes, Nathaniel ‘Josten’ is passed off as a Beta when the press come sniffing around. 

Kevin is a beta, though Nathaniel remembers meeting him only briefly, the first time he met Riko. Beta or not, he's with Riko constantly. He doesn't get locked in another room, like Nathaniel does. And he certainly doesn't get ‘lent out’ for some of the Raven alphas to ‘borrow’. Kevin is special, but in the media eye they're supposed to be brothers. Nathaniel is the omega whore that Riko keeps for fun.

It was big news when the Moriyamas ‘adopt’ another child, much like they had Jean and Kevin. They play it off like Nathaniel is the Beta son of a troubled family friend. The press sees it as every Beta’s and alpha’s dream come true, being adopted and trained by the Ravens. (An omegas dream, of course, is to be mated to some rich alpha to be kept.) 

Riko drags Nathaniel through talk shows and special appearances. Six months after his ‘adoption’, Riko not so subtly hints at the relationship building between them. Since they aren't related by blood, the morning show host congratulates them and the audience explodes.

‘Niko’ trends in less than twenty four hours. Nathaniel knows it's just another way to mess with his head, to make him think Riko wants him. To the outside world, Kevin is the prince to Riko's king. Brothers, family, royalty. In reality, in the Nest, Kevin is second in command, nearly as feared and hated as Riko. Riko doesn't allow the other alphas to so much as look at him wrong, and he never brings the knives out to play. Kevin is valuable and wanted.

Nathaniel is the convenient play thing. Riko carves his name into Nathaniel's chest, beats him bloody for every imagined slight on and off court. He's gets other players sent to his bed when Riko gets bored and thinks that Nathaniel's ‘omega hormones must be fogging his brain’. It's a convenient excuse for more torture. It's a punishment for Nathaniel daring to run all those years ago.

The only slightly redeeming factor is that Riko keeps Nathaniel on the drugs. Riko enjoys the two times a year that he can lock his omega away for the week of his heat. But Riko keeps the bruises mostly beneath the omegas clothes, but if he gets a black eye or busted lip or chipped tooth, they play it off as a practice injury. And if he limps around for a few days, everyone just suspects a sprain.

 

**********

 

Kevin runs away in the middle of the night with a broken hand and a broken heart-- its like he thought Riko was his alpha, was supposed to care for him. And he runs when he finally sees that Riko is truly the monster that Nathaniel tried to warn him about. Riko's attention settled on Nathaniel for punishment. He's beaten and fucked, and the cycle begins again. Nathaniel hates Kevin for leaving him here to live through it all. 

*********

Nathaniel wakes up burning hot. His head is foggy and stomach cramps like hunger. His skin is sticky with sweat and the black sheets feel like sandpaper, even dampened by sweat and slick.

Riko smells it before Nathaniel has a chance to hide. With a hungry snarl he wretches the omega from the bed and down the hall to the room he uses especially for this. It's a barren thing, like Nathaniel-- it has only a bed and a set of cuffs to keep Nathaniel down. There is a bathroom in the corner that Riko allows him to use once a day. 

Riko is never kind, not even during this. But tonight he is savage, nearly desperate with the need to claim something now that Kevin is gone. Riko spends hours biting into the mating gland on the back of Nathaniel's shoulder, trying to force a bond-- trying to claim Nathaniel as his omega. As if he could replace Kevin so easily.

Riko spends these days with Nathaniel, and leaves him locked alone at night. Riko brings him meals once a day, but that is as far as his kindness extends. Riko exploits Nathaniel's fear of knives, cutting into the extra sensitive flesh when the omega is pinned down with Riko's knot inside him. It hurts more when he is in heat, his skin flushed and too tender to the touch. It is punishment and rejection and *badbadbad*. He has long given up hope of ever being good. Nathaniel reeks of heat and sex and pain and fear, and it spurs Riko on.

At the end of the day, Riko stitches the worst of Nathaniel together and lets him shower and use the bathroom before he locks him away again. Nathaniel suffers alone during the nights, wishing he was a Beta and anywhere but here.

He prays that Riko's mark doesn't stick.

His neck burns and blood trails down from the wounds. His sensitive body aches all over from bruises and welts and stitched cuts, but the bite is the worst of it, as his body rejects Riko as his mate. That and Riko has been tearing at it for days, over and over. It feels like a burn against the back of his neck, like fire in his blood and his instincts telling him to *runrunrun*.

Thanks to the suppressants he doesn't get frequent heats, but that means his body isn't used to the assault. Another way his body is trying to reject Riko.

Now that he is alone, Nathaniel dazes in and out of his reality-- everything that hurts fades away to the background as his mind fogs over. He doesn't know if he's in shock, or if maybe this is some strange version is sub-space but it's better than the agonizing pain that centers around his hips and thighs, and bleeds through the knife wounds.

 

Nathaniel daydreams about a life where he belongs somewhere better than here. With friends that might miss him when he's gone. Where nobody touches him or punishes him. But Nathaniel knows better-- nobody but Riko wants a broken whore; an omega that can't have children is worthless.

Nathaniel sleeps fitfully and when he wakes, Riko is back. The alpha smells like anger and the need to breed. It's a dangerous combination, Nathaniel knows.

Only during his forced heats is Nathaniel soft and pliant. The other days he is cunning and quick and cutting with his silver tongue. He plays dirty on the court, tripping up players and going for the quickest and most brutal attacks. He can keep up with Riko and Kevin and Jean, and is well deserved of the number ‘4’ on his cheek. In a fight, he goes for the throat or the eyes or other vulnerable spots.

In bed, Nathaniel loses only half of that fight. He snarls and bites and claws and screams for them to get away, even as his body betrays him. The body that shakes when Riko touches him, but still becomes slick and pliant. The boy is a sight to behold, fierce and yet still so responsive and pliant beneath the alpha.

Hours later, the knot in his ass is swollen and stuck, and Nathaniel is trapped under the weight of Riko until either he tears them apart or the knot deflates. Nathaniel struggles beneath him, suffocating in a pillow where Riko pushes his face in anger. His arms shake with the force of it, and Nathaniel can only claw at the sheets and whimper. Riko waits until the swollen knot deflate a little, but pulls out before Nathaniel is ready, and it hurts-- he's raw and sore from overstimulation. Everything Riko does hurts. Riko does things *because* they make Nathaniel hurt.

 

“You're pathetic-- you can't replace Kevin,” Riko snarls at him, finally taking the pillow away. Neil gasps in gulps of air until he chokes and hiccups. “You're nothing like him. You're not good enough, and never will be.”

Riko leaves Nathaniel cuffed to the bed while he goes to shower and sleep in his own room. The omega curls in on himself and shakes. The air is cold on his skin, but not in a soothing way. His injuries are aggravated by the force of his trembling, and they ache all the more for it. Nathaniel pants in short breaths to try and breathe through the pain. Riko had went to his own room without a single kind word or soft touch to the omega-- discarded, now that Riko has used him for the day. Nathaniel sleeps fitfully, waking from pain and the discomfort of his own skin.

The bond doesn't stick, Nathaniel wakes up still in heat, still bleeding over the gland. If the claim had taken, it should have healed over by now, scarred with a scarlet mark for everyone to see. His scent would have changed, letting other know that he was bonded. His heat would have dissipated.

But it had not, and Riko was furious. Forget that Riko was just 21, and Nathaniel only 18-- both too young to bond for life. Riko still wants to *own* Nathaniel in every way that he can.

This is the first heat that Riko has ever tried to claim him, but at this rate Nathaniel isn't sure he would live through it. It must be a mental break, from Kevin leaving them. He wants to tie Nathaniel to him forever, afraid to lose him like he lost his favorite omega.

Nathaniel refuses to bond with Riko, he will not be mated to that sadistic fuck. The hatred and the pain are probably what keeps the mark from taking, but he thinks Riko will probably kill him if it doesn't. Maybe not this time, and maybe not even on purpose, but eventually. But Nathaniel would never have children, and he is too mouthy and disrespectful to be a good omega. Nathaniel has nothing to offer-- he doesn't understand why Riko wants him.

Nathaniel keeps a countdown to the end of his heat-- when he is lucid enough to know what day it is. Four more days and Riko will stop this. Four more days, and he'll be back to the court for another six months.

Riko is in a rage by the fifth day. Nathaniel feels bones break-- his fingers, some toes, his ribs, his nose. 

On the seventh, Nathaniel is a shivering and catatonic mess. He stares at the corner of the black walls and wishes he was anywhere else. Maybe he wishes he were dead. It doesn't matter, anything to take him away from this hell. The hands on his skin burn, and the sheets feel like gravel. It takes ages for Riko to cum, and his knot to deflate, and Nathaniel's ass had gone numb.

Afterward, Riko doesn't hold him or bring him blankets and pillows for a nest. He doesn't bring food or warm drinks. He doesn't tell Nathaniel that he's been good and he doesn't touch Nathaniel after he fucks him.Nathaniel doesn't deserve these nice things.

Riko leaves him cuffed to his bed all night, alone, while Riko sleeps across the hall. Nobody ever touches Nathaniel unless it's to beat him or fuck him. Nathaniel eats the protein bars and fruit that Riko brings him, and the water bottles.

The day after Nathaniel's heat passes, it's usually Jean takes care of Nathaniel. Jean isn't nice-- he's a Raven-- but he is as gentle as he dares to be. They are in Evermore, after all. Kindness is a vulnerability, it cannot exist here. Still cuffed to the bed, Nathaniel is beaten and limp, barely breathing. He counts no less than eighty seven stitches as Jean sews them, between Nathaniel's back and sides and torso. Riko had nearly killed Nathaniel, and the omega is pale from blood loss and shock.

It is Jean that carries Nathaniel to the showers, leaving him to lean against the wall until the blood rinses away. Nathaniel's legs won't hold him, he's barely conscious, so he sits as still as possible. He restrains whimpered as the water stings his tender wounds. 

Eventually he shuts off the cold water and towels the omega dry. While Nathaniel is naked and as numb as the cold water can make him, he tends to the sounds as best he can. Fingers are taped, cuts stitched and/or bandaged; disinfectant is rubbed on bites; a sprained wrist is wrapped with gauze. Aspirin is administered-- the strongest pain reliever in the Ravens Nest. Nathaniel should probably have his ribs wrapped. 

Jean has to dress him because Nathaniel can't stand, and won't stay conscious for more than a few minutes at a time. Nathaniel smells like pain and shock-- between the shock of the abuse during his vulnerable heat, and the actual injuries, Jean wonders if Nathaniel will live until morning. He's hardly shaking at all, which Jean knows is *not* a good sign, much like when a hypothermia victim stops trembling before they're warm. It's less a sign of comfort, and more a sign of his body shutting down. Jean has done what he can for Nathaniel's injuries, but he stays, in another six months the omega will be dead.

He dresses Nathaniel in black and red sweatpants and Jean’s own hoodie, to try and surround the omega with comforting smell. He shoves a dose of suppressant down the omegas throat, and then Jean stuffs Nathaniel into bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think of the edit??


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double chapters because you have all been so patient with my rewrites and writers block. Honestly between work and life I have l been sooooo busy but if it were up to me I would do nothing but read and write all day :)  
> I've gone into some pretty heavy family drama this week and some lovely chapter comments would be so amazing :)

Jean spends the night watching Nathaniel's chest rise and fall; It's the only sign of life, and Jean stares with desperation. The omega lies prone on the bed, covered in bruises and a multitude of stitches too high to count. Only Jean's large team hoodie keeps Nathaniel from exposure. That and the bandages wrapped around him like a replacement skin. 

The time for morning practice comes and Nathaniel won't wake. It doesn't take Riko long to realize that numbers three and four are missing from the lineup. It's easy enough to find Jean hovering protectively over Nathaniel, who is still unmoving on the bed. 

“Get him up or I will, three,” Riko snarls. 

Jean cringes. Riko calls them by their numbers when he's looking to demean them, which is always, but Jean knows he is on thin ice with Riko. Exy is life-- but Nathaniel is Jean's partner and he can't just leave him here. The omega has faced enough of Riko for now. 

“He is injured, Riko. He cannot move. Let him rest, please, just for today.”

“Do not presume you can tell me what to do, three. You and Nathaniel are nothing, and I am your king! Now get. Him. Up. Now!” 

“I can't.” Jean's voice shakes. 

“Either you play through the pain, or you get beat until you learn how.” It's something of a mantra to the Master. To Tetsuji. 

“He won't wake,” Jean stubbornly insists. 

The pillow is wet from Jean upending a glass of water over Nathaniel's face in a desperate attempt to wake him. 

Riko snarls, half anger and half delight at doling out another punishment. He strikes before Jean can get in the way-- he's not used to having to defend the mouthy backliner, and Jean is conditioned not to stand in Riko way. He doesn't block too many of Riko shots during practice, and he doesn't draw unnecessary attention to himself. So he doesn't get in the way of the knife that strikes out, burying itself in Nathaniel's thigh. 

He wakes with an inhuman noise, his face contorting in pain. He bites off the scream with clenched teeth and all that comes forth is a weak whine. Jean can see Nathaniel's arms tremble as they fist in the sheets. His eyes flutter on the dangerous precipice of unconsciousness. 

“Stop! You will kill him,” Jean pleads. 

Riko backhands Jean hard enough to send number three to the floor. Nathaniel struggles to sit up, his limbs buckling and body trembling with the pain of effort. 

“Im fine,” Nathaniel gasps, though it's an obvious lie. 

The omega reeks of blood and pain and neglect. Omegas were never meant for such abuse-- none of them were, but Nathaniel seems to get the worst of it. Even before Kevin left, Nathaniel couldn't seem to keep his mouth shut. 

He looks like death. Jean will be surprised if he can manage to do anything aside from falling out of bed. Maybe if Nathaniel faints again Riko will leave him be. Jean could only hope. 

As predicted, Nathaniel makes himself sit up, tilted to the side and hunched over his pained ribs. His face is bloodless and Jean witnesses the exact moment that the omega loses consciousness. Nathaniel makes to stand, and then his eyes roll back and he falls. He hits the floor like a limp sack of potatoes. 

Jean watches the rage settle in Riko’s manic eyes. 

Riko lunges with a snarl. He kicks at Nathaniel's limp form, and Jean swears he could hear the stitches tearing. 

Only this time, Jean dares to shove him back, away from Nathaniel. 

“You already ruined Kevin, you cannot afford to lose Nathaniel.” Jean tried to make Riko see reason. 

Riko drops slowly down to rip the knife from Nathaniel's body. 

"Keep his name off of your worthless tongue or I will cut it out." 

 

*****

 

Nathaniel wakes in small doses-- 

Riko and Jean arguing. 

Jean screaming. 

Skin on skin. 

Nothing. For a long time, there is nothing. 

Nathaniel finds strength to move the next day, after those few fitful hours of rest. He can tell he's missed practice, because the commons is empty. During the day there are various classes and at least one pair of Ravens lounge on the couches with books or stats. Nathaniel assumed that they must be at practice. He hobbles down the hall to the lockers, passing Riko's room as he goes. Kevin's things are still there, like he's expected back any day now. 

There's a crowd by the lockers and Nathaniel wonders why. He shoves his way through the crowd to get to the front, shouldering past men twice his size the way only a linebacker can. He uses his small size to slip between bodies. 

It's Jean. 

Jean lies crumpled in a pile on the black tile. Blood glistens on the black tile and blends into his dark clothes. Nathaniel is no stranger to death. He is the butchers so and he held his mother as she died, had buried her body and felt her blood stain his clothes. 

But Jean. Jean is a mangled mess of flesh. Nathaniel allows his knees to buckle. He stwres, waiting desperately for a breath or a twitch or a blink. After a long moment he leans forward and carefully presses his fingers to Jean's throat. When there is none, he glares up at Riko. There is no doubt in his mind who did this. 

“You did this.” 

Riko dares to scoff. “No, Nathaniel, you did this. Jean was protecting you, after all. He got what he deserved.”

“I am going to enjoy killing you for this.” Nathaniel's voice shakes with rage and he feels his father's smile split his face. “I am the butcher’s son and I will make you very sorry for killing Jean. You will regret ever touching him. I promise that.”

Rage contorts Riko's face into a mottle of wrinkles and fire and sharp teeth. Nathaniel sees the Master walk inside before Riko strikes. His fist collides with Nathaniel's skull and he falls. He doesn't wake for another 36 hours. 

 

*****

He wakes up in bed, which is a surprise. First he remembers the blood, and then Jean. All of the Ravens standing around squawking but none of them willing to do anything. No, they had let Jean suffer and die, alone in a cold and dark place that he hated. 

Nathaniel had forgotten how to cry long ago, before he ever presented as omega. But his head begins to ache and he can't breath and he thinks he might want to. But crying never did anyone any good-- a lesson he learned early in life. Nathaniel remembers his promise to Riko, and vows to make good on it-- for Jean, and himself, and Kevin and anyone else who had ever suffered at Riko’s hands. 

Jean's things are already packed or-- more likely-- thrown away. The other side of the room is blank and black where there should be books and pens and clothes messily folded. The only evidence of Jean ever having existed is the black and red hoodie with the number three and ‘Moreau’ stitched on the back. It swamps Nathaniel but it smells like Jean and he is so grateful that he has it. Most likely because Riko had not seen it. 

Nathaniel does not pack a bag. He stuffs his sore feet inside shoes and jerks a pair of sweats over his naked legs. He wants to grab his suppressants too, but they are in Riko’s room and Nathaniel doesn't dare. 

The Nest is asleep and his phone tells him that nobody will wake for hours. Nathaniel seizes his opportunity and makes for the stairs. He doesn't bother with his black car-- the keys are in his room and there is a tracking device inside the car anyway. He notices that Jean's car is missing already. 

Instead, Nathaniel walks an agonizing mile, fueled by adrenaline and desperation. He can hear his heart in his chest, waiting to hear Riko call his name in anger. If he is caught now his fate will likely match Jean's. After he is given to the Butcher, of course. 

There is an older, nondescript car that Nathaniel picks the door to in under a minute. It's old enough that the alarm doesn't trigger. He ignores speed limits, needing to put as many miles between him and Evermore as possible. 

Nathaniel borrows seven cars between Evermore and Palmetto, careful not to drive straight in any direction, but zigzagging his way through the states. 

He doesn't mean to go towards Kevin, but he finds that he doesn't know where else to go. A part of his mind sounds like his mother, telling him to pick a place at random and never stop running. The other sounds like Jean, telling him that he needs Kevin right now. Whatever brought Kevin to Palmetto might be enough for Nathaniel, too-- just for a little while. Just long enough to maybe heal the worst of his wounds and to contact his uncle. 

So Nathaniel runs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Keep the comments coming! They help with my writers block and distract me from all this reality bullshit <3  
> As always you guys are all so amazing I'm so grateful to all of my readers and the support you give me so thank you all so much :)  
> Also, this is a new phone so please ignore the atrocious typos. I got tired of editing


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

Nathaniel Josten ruins a perfectly good morning. Coach Wymack is heading to his office to go over pre-season paperwork. It's too early, only 4am-- another three hours until his team was supposed to start coming in. So the dark figure is out of place under the street light. The figure is small, sitting against the wall by the locked door. He slouches like it's the only thing holding the figure up. It is, mostly.

“Kid, you alright?”

The coach steps closer when the figure doesn't move. The alpha can smell blood and injury and Beta scent coming from the boy.

“Hey-- kid?” Nothing.

The boy wears red and black sweats and a Raven hoodie with the hood pulled over his face. The number three is printed on the front of the jacket but the boy is a foot too short to be Jean Moreau. 

As Wymack steps closer, he can see auburn hair sticking out in tufts around the hood. Wymack recognizes the auburn red hair and the blue eyes beneath the swelling and bruises and blood. Nathaniel Josten-- Beta, upcoming Raven linebacker, and boyfriend of Riko Moriyama. The number on his face is hidden in shadow. 

His background was mostly a mystery, but the boy was not. Adopted into the Ravens at 16, Nathaniel had seemed like a Cinderella story to the press. From rags to riches, adopted by the Moriyamas and thrown into Exy. Kevin hardly dared to mention him, and would head straight to the bottle if someone brought his name up. Kevin never spoke willingly about Nathaniel.

Nathaniel hardly seemed the ‘Princess of Exy’ right now, though. He's wearing only a large hoodie with the hood pulled over his face, and a pair of black and red Raven sweatpants. He's slouched limply against the door with his arms wrapped around his waist like he's holding himself together, even unconscious. He smells of blood and neglect. Wymack's instincts roar in his chest but a year with Andrew Minyard has taught him to be careful not to give in to his every instinct, even the nurturing ones. 

Still, David can't just leave the kid here. 

Nathaniel doesn't wake when Wymack lifts in him into the backseat of the car. The blood that soaked through his clothes stains the sleeves of David's shirt. 

He calls Abby as he drives to her house. Experience tells him that the hospital isn't a good option for runaways. The Beta is still unconscious when he lies him limp form on Abby's spare bed.

“David, what happened? Who is this?” Abby wonders as she bustles out with her medical kit.

“Nathaniel Josten, the Ravens backliner. I found him lying outside the court.”

“Has he been responsive?”

“Not since I got there.”

Abby snips the hoodie away and goes about examining the boy. His red hair is missing in clumps where it had been torn out. His face is bruised and his lip is scarred from biting into it. There are circular scabs and matching scars on his wrists from being tied down, and several long gashes on his chest, abdomen and back. Most of the stitches are careless and sloppy, slowly weeping, and there are dozens of them. He's covered in bruises, from his hairline to his hips, where the dark purple and blue marks slip below the band of his sweats. She doesn't dare try to diagnose anything lower than that without Nathaniel's express permission-- Andrew has been reteaching them all the meaning of boundaries. 

She treats the burn wound first. There are three perfectly circular burns on his cheek, exactly where his number should be. The burns have been left open, still bleeding and oozing, stinking of cooked flesh. Abby checks for internal bleeding-- there is none, though she wraps his broken ribs. There is a swollen knot from a blow to his head, one on his temple and one on the back of his head. 

Among the worst injuries, besides the stitches, are the broken fingers and toes and the bleeding bite marks torn into the juncture where shoulder meets the back of the neck. Where the bonding gland would be on an omega. But Nathaniel smells like Beta.

In short, the Beta is lucky to be here. As for the concussion, they won't know how severe that is until the boy wakes.

 

**********

 

Nathaniel wakes in pain, on a soft bed, in a room with blue walls and light streaming through closed blinds. This was not Evermore. Jean was not stitching his wounds, or sleeping in the bed across the room. He isn't cuffed down to the bed, or in heat. This isn't some Raven alphas bedroom. These walls are unfamiliar.

It takes several long moments to remember the many events of last night. The last car had been left a hundred miles north of here and Nathaniel had gotten a bus ride here from there. He barely remembers the bus ride. Nathaniel had dragged himself to the Fox’s Exy court to wait for Kevin. But he does not know how he got to be here-- wherever ‘here’ is.

Slowly, he sits up in the bed. The blanket over him is knitted, and looks homemade. His chest is bare, save for the numerous bandages on his chest and arms. He can feel more on his back. He panics for several long moments until he realizes that his legs are still covered, he still has his pants. Nobody ever ducks him and redresses him afterwards, so he doubts anyone touched him. 

Then he slowly pulls himself up to his elbows. Fuck, he hurts everywhere. His whole body throbs and he can feel his body still trembling from his heat. He feels awful-- cold and nauseous and so, so sore. He has to clench his eyes shut to stop the room from spinning. He wants to lie back down and rest in peace for once in his life, but he can't. Nathaniel is in a strange house, and he doesn't know where he is, and he's hurt and vulnerable.

With effort, he levers himself from the soft bed. He doesn't see Jeans hoodie anywhere nearby, unfortunately. He makes his way to the door and down the hall, using the wall as a crutch. His legs can barely hold his weight. He follows the voices into the kitchen. He finds an alpha man stirring the pot on the stove, and a Beta woman chopping vegetables by the counter. Nathaniel stops in the entryway between rooms and forces himself not to lean against the wall.

“Coach Wymack.”

“Nathaniel Josten.”

The Beta smells of pain and exhaustion and fear, and it's obvious he's trying to hide it. He can barely stand on his own, Wymack can see him shaking from here.

“Nathaniel! You shouldn't be up and about yet. You're seriously injured, you should be resting in bed. Come, sit down. How are you feeling? David, please dice those for me.”

The man grumbles but Nathaniel is glad when he obeys. He's never seen an alpha take orders from a beta before, except Kevin. Everyone obeys Kevin or risked Riko's wrath. 

“I'm fine. Where is Jean's hoodie? The jacket I was wearing. Where is it?" 

"I'm sorry, Nathaniel. I couldn't get it off of you, I had to cut it away. It was ruined. But I can get you another." 

Nathaniel trembles, furious. Of course they would take away his Raven gear. Of course he wouldn't be allowed to keep the only thing he had left to remind him of Jean. Nathaniel closes his eyes tightly, fighting not to snap at the woman. He tries not to think about losing Jean. 

Nathaniel swallows once, twice, pulling at his hair until he remembers his splinted fingers and scanned scalp. "How did I get here?”

“David found you at the stadium, he brought you here. I'm Abby Winfield, the Fox’s nurse.”

Nathaniel nods. That makes sense-- Kevin would have told them not to take him to the hospital. Thankfully Coach Wymack assumed the same for Nathaniel. Nathan would find him in a hospital in a matter of hours. And while Nathaniel knows that running signed his death warrant by running again, at least here he won't die alone in a place he despises. He can taste freedom one last time, can use his time make sure that Kevin lives, that Riko doesn't intimidate him into returning to Evermore. Kevin has always been everyone's favorite. Whatever happens, Kevin has to make it out of this. 

Nathaniel carefully shifts his weight and limps over to sit down at the couch. He tucks his legs beneath him and sits in silence. He pulls at his hair nervously. Abby can see his hand shaking. She is careful when she checks his bandages and then runs her hand gently through his hair to check again for open head wounds. There are none, beside the bald patches where Riko had torn his hair out.

“So--” Wymack begins, raising his voice to be heard from the kitchen. The sight of the knife in his hands makes Nathaniel sick. He curls tighter around himself. His hand finds the wound on his stomach, stitched closed by Jean. “So, what were you doing at my stadium? I won't call Kevin over until I know he will be safe around you. I don't want Andrew gutting you. We would never get the blood stains out of the carpet” 

Neil summons the energy to speak. He's so sore, and so tired. “I don't want to be a Raven anymore.” The ‘I don't have anywhere to go’ was left unsaid.

“And why is that? I thought you are Riko were a matched pair. Last I heard, you were all but mated.” Wymack hadn't seen the self-proclaimed ‘king of Exy’ when he found Nathaniel unconscious in the doorway. 

The pair were inseparable, dating for nearly two years-- starting six months after Nathaniel's adoption. Some sort of ‘love at first sight’ bullshit that Wymack knew better than to believe. Yet Nathaniel, only 16 then, had been drug beside Riko to every interview and show, as part of the ‘mated’ act. A pretty face to sit beside Riko, while Kevin had taken the other side. Nathaniel had become known to fans as the ‘princess’ to Riko's ‘king’, to Kevin's prince. Nathaniel doesn't look like royalty now, standing before them in bandages and bruises and stitches, with neglect and fear and pain scenting off the Beta in waves.

Nathaniel's heart gallops in his chest. He can't let Wymack or Abby find out he's an omega. Omegas are weak, a liability-- they can't play Exy. And Exy is the only way that the Foxes would let him stay with Kevin. If not, they might try to send him back to Evermore. He has nowhere else to go, nobody but Kevin to turn to. Nathaniel can't return to the Nest, Riko will kill him. He settles for a half-truth, the best kind of lie.

“Riko tried to kill me.” He swallows against the rasp in his throat. “I told him I wanted to break up. He didn't take it well.”

Nathaniel gestures to all of his wounds, including where the gland would be if he knew Nathaniel was an omega. Most alphas don't try to bond with betas, they only ever mate-- they become exclusive, like a marriage. Only alpha/omega couples can bond. It's a sign of madness when an alpha tries to bond a Beta-- and everyone thinks Nathaniel Josten is a Beta.

“I see that. And you thought you'd come here? We don't make a habit of taking in Ravens.”

“I don't have anywhere else to go. If you don't want me here I'll go. It's fine.” Nathaniel makes to stand, but Abby scowls and keeps him down with a hand on his shoulder.

“We can't make you stay, but you aren't going anywhere until those stitches come out, at least. Your fingers and ribs are broken, and several toes. You need to be in bed, not wandering the streets.” 

Wymack scowls, and Nathaniel holds back a shudder. Angry alphas are never good, in Nathaniel's experience. But betas don't cower or bare their throat, they don't run. So Nathaniel forces himself to stay still and impassive. 

“You're not here to bring Kevin back? This isn't some plot by the Moriyamas?” 

The little Beta shakes his head, staring down at a spot by Wymack's feet-- waiting for a blow. 

“Right. Apparently I have a phone call to make.” 

“Wait-- you should know that Jean Moreau is dead. Kevin won't take the news well, you should stock up on alcohol.” 

“Jean Moreau? Is that why you're here?”

Nathaniel doesn't answer.

Wymack's grumbled about skiing accidents and wasting good players and something about not deserving 'wow these fucked up kids’. He stands and goes inside his office. He dials Kevin's phone number and sets a pot of coffee on to brew. When Kevin's cell rings to voicemail twice, he calls Andrew instead. The psycho answers on the second ring. 

What?” His voice is rough with sleep. 

“Wake up Kevin and get your asses to Abby's.”

“Why would I?” When Andrew asks, it sounds more like ‘what happened?’ What was so important that Coach would wake then to meet him at the court hours before morning practice? 

The Ravens just lost another player. I found Nathaniel Josten on my morning jog.” 

“Interesting.” Andrew says, hanging up and returns to the lounge. Nathaniel is tense against the cushions, stiff from Riko fucking him into oblivion, and the abuse. He's hurting and hungry. Riko rarely remembers to feed him when he's locked away in a heat. 

“You okay, kid? Need anything?”

“No.” Nathaniel says it matter of factly. It matches his dead eyes. But he still doesn't move. He looks pale and exhausted-- Wymack thinks there would sleepless rings under the boy's eyes if they weren't swollen and bruised from too many hits to the face. He's still tense, sitting at the edge of his seat looking ready to run. 

Coach rolls his eyes but grabs a bottle of water from the fridge for him. He tosses it in Nathaniel’s lap, and the beta flinches violently. 

“Easy, kid. I don't hit people unless they deserve it.”

The teen doesn't look convinced. He opens the bottle with difficulty, working around his broken and taped fingers. His lip is swollen and bleeding and the failed mating bite on the side of his neck is still weeping. If Wymack notices, he doesn't say anything. 

It doesn't take long for Andrew and Kevin to arrive. Nathaniel smells them before he sees them. Worried beta and angry alpha scents the living room.

Nathaniel jumps to his feet the second he smells them. He stands on his toes, ready to move. His arms uncross and his hands curl into fists. He's preparing to run. 

Andrew arrives before Kevin, of course. Short and blonde and unmistakable-- also, off his meds, due to the early hour. The angry alpha scents that Andrew puts off is usually enough to cow most betas, but Nathaniel stands tall, ready to fight or flee. Kevin goes to stand in a corner by the door, but Nathaniel doesn't dare take his eyes off of the angry alpha. 

“Hm. Looks like Coach wasn't kidding about a little lost Raven. Aren't you Riko's bitch? Did he let you off your leash to come fetch Kevin back?” 

“Riko didn't send me, if that's what you mean.” Nathaniel’s voice is rough from the bruises on his throat. 

“Then why are you here?” 

“Because I couldn't stay there.” Nathaniel looks between Andrew and Wymack, but refuses to glance at Kevin. He wonders if Kevin had already told them that Nathaniel is an omega-- and a Wesninski. Josten was the name the Moriyamas gave him, to avoid bad press by associating with a serial killer. 

“Why? Did Riko try to break your hand, too?” Kevin cringes in the corner of his eye, grabbing at his left hand. 

“No.” 

Andrew moves quickly, out of patience and unsatisfied with one-word answers. He grabs Nathaniel by the throat and chokes him down onto the couch, pressed against the back. Nathaniel doesn't even bother struggling-- he's used to alphas choking him, among other things. He doesn't even mind the knife in his stomach; it's sharp enough to cut through his hoodie, but he isn't really cutting into him yet. It doesn't really hurt. It's fine. 

“I don't believe you.” Andrew says, all hint of emotion gone. His scene fills the air, threatening. His eyes are blank, but Nathaniel's are uncaring. He doesn't bother to reply. He lets Andrew tear the hood back.  
Behind them, Kevin gasps. His hands go up to cover his own neck. Kevin covers over his own tattoo. 

Nathaniel's face is covered in bruises, his nose broken and his tattoo is burned away in self mutilation from Nathaniel taking the dash lighter to himself. Below it is the bloody spot on his neck, covered in layers of teeth marks. 

“Nathaniel, what did you do?” He sounds outraged and afraid. Kevin can't even imagine Nathaniel doing anything that would make Riko give up his boyfriend. His plaything. 

“I can't stay with Riko.” Nathaniel says this lightly, but Kevin's face pales. 

“I thought he wanted you. I never thought he would throw you away.” 

“It's none of your business what Riko does anymore! You left us, not the other way around. You made it pretty clear that you no longer cared what happened.” Or what Riko would do to Nathaniel when he found Kevin missing. 

“No, but you're going to tell me.” Andrew grins. “Cmon little birds, chirp chirp.” 

“Riko has finally snapped. Jean is dead,” Nathaniel admits lowly. “He almost killed me too.”

 

“Jean is dead?” Kevin gasps. He doesn't even process the words before he's headed towards a bottle. 

“And that?” Andrew flicks at the bites on his neck. Nathaniel cringed away. 

“He wanted to claim me. He got worse, more possessive when Kevin left. His mark didn't stick, and Riko got angrier and angrier every day. And it was Jean that paid for it.” 

“Alphas don't bond with betas.” 

“He went crazy, when Kevin left. He was practically rabid.”

“But your boyfriend loves you,” Andrew sneers, tightening the grip. “So what did you do to make him bite?” 

“I tried to break up with him.” 

Kevin gasps, staring wide eyed at Nathaniel like he can't imagine such idiocy. Andrew levels a look at him, but at least lets his throat go. Finally he pulls away and sheaths the knife back in his armband. 

“Are you done interrogating the boy?” 

Andrew gives Wymack a bored look. Then he turns to Neil and eyes the bloody marks on his neck. 

“How'd you get here? Your ex didn't drive you.” 

 

“I stole a car and took the bus from the edge of town.” Nathaniel mumbles. “I only came here because Kevin is here. I didn't know where to go. I don't have anywhere else.” 

 

“I'm not about to turn a hurt kid away. But we don't need a backliner.” Wymack's voice is gruff but Nathaniel tries to keep from flinching. 

“I heard about Janie Smalls. I could play striker for you. Try me out.”

“I'm not sending a hurt kid on the court.”

“I've played with worse.” Nathaniel protests.  
“I don't know how Ravens train, but I don't like cleaning blood off my court. You'll stay and heal up, and then we'll try you out and take a vote. I'llbsee if Abby will let you crash here.” 

They eat lunch with Abby and Andrew and Kevin. It's an awkward affair, with Kevin shooting him curious looks that Nathaniel avoids, and drinking straight from the bottle. Andrew is openly staring, even after Kevin forks over a prescription bottle that the blond immediately doses with.

Nathaniel is still aching from Riko, and his body begs to crash on the couch as soon as he's sure the man has left. Kevin obviously wants to stay but Andrew drags him out the door after Wymack by the collar of his shirt. Nathaniel frowns and files it away for later. His legs tremble as he walks to the bedroom he woke in. Now that Neil is alone, his legs collapse from under him. It hurts to sit and laying down isn't much better. His ass throbs and his hips still pop when he moves. 

Nathaniel sleeps fitfully. He has dreams of running from his father, of driving across endless highways. He has flashes of his mother beside him-- between her laughing face and the bloody remains that Nathan had left of her. Jean is there to join her, his body broken beyond repair. It's disturbing, like his nightmares are mocking him. 

In the next scene, Nathaniel blinks and suddenly it's Riko beside him, not Mary. Riko is driving, with one hand forcing Nathaniel into a kiss. And then lower, to the erection tenting Riko's pants. It's a memory of their first anniversary. Nathaniel had been mourning the year mark of his mother's death, but Riko had celebrated the year since Nathaniel had been handed to him on a silver platter. He didn't care that the omega wasn't in heat, Riko would fuck Nathaniel whenever he wanted.


	4. Chapter 4

Nathaniel only manages a few hours of sleep. His partner is dead and he is very suddenly without a pack, which is a very dangerous thing for an omega. It's only a matter of time before his suppressants work their way out of his system. Wymack's has several omegas on the team-- Matt Boyd, Seth Gordon and Nicky Hemmick. But that doesn't mean that Nathaniel will be welcomed. 

Abby seems harmless enough, but Nathaniel knows that looks are deceiving. Her pack has at least two alphas, and it's obvious that her loyalty is to them, and not Nathaniel. 

He wakes and the house is quiet. His nightmares and anxiety plague him. The bed is too soft, it feels like he might fall right through. He gives up on the bed and drags some of the pillows off and drags them to the corner beside the door. At least this affords him a little more safety. He curls amongst the cushions and blanket and accidentally sleeps. 

He doesn't wake when the nurse cooks breakfast in the kitchen, or when she turns on the tv. He doesn't wake when the alpha comes inside the house. Abby almost worries, except that she knows that extensive injuries such as Nathaniel's take a lot of time and rest to heal. It'll be two weeks at best before he's any use on the court. So they lets him sleep while he can. 

It's Andrew that wakes Nathaniel. With the two leaders preoccupied with cooking, he can question their newest adopted Raven about his intentions toward Kevin. Andrew has a promise to keep, after all. 

He picks the locks to the door and stares for a moment, studying the new boy-- the newest threat to his family. The newest threat to Kevin, the sorry excuse for beta that he swore to protect. 

Nathaniel doesn't look like much from where he stands, though. The kid is at least a year younger, and more than twenty pounds lighter, thanks to Andrews muscles versus Nathaniel's thin runners body-- and malnutrition. Nathaniel may be taller, but he isn't quicker and he isn't stronger. Nathaniel is scrawny, even for a Beta, and Andrew has fought bigger and badder. 

Nathaniel is curled in the corner with a hastily made nest-- Andrew recognizes this as it as-- as omega behavior. He still wears yesterday's clothes with his legs tucked up inside the hoodie and bare toes just peaking out of the hem. His back lies against the wall so his face is half-buried in the cushions and blanket. The wounds on his face and hands look painful. Andrew is willing to bet that his hidden injuries haven't been taken care of, either. The ‘Beta’ reeks of pain and distress. 

Andrew takes his phone and throws it at Nathaniel hard enough to wake him. He expects the kid to wake up swinging, but he goes limp under the touch. His eyes fly open, wide with fear, but his body is carefully still. It's obviously a conditioned response, but it's so much worse than Andrew's own. It shows trained submission-- normally omegas were the submissive type. However, betas were not naturally submissive. Andrew considers the implications. A theory starts to form. 

 

Nathaniel wakes when something hard lands on his chest. He thinks it's Riko's hand, and he freezes. It takes him several seconds to realize that he isn't being touched or held down. That it's the wall pressed against his back and sweatpants around his legs. He isn't used to sleeping with clothes on, not in the years since he started ‘dating’ Riko. Even out of heat, Riko preferred him this way. 

It takes him another few seconds to remember recent events-- Riko beating him and choking him and not stopping, despite Nathaniel's desperate keening. The bloody bite marks, Riko all but tearing his mating gland. Jean helping him dress and stitching him together, and then dead on the locker room floor. The cars and bus. Coach Wymach. Andrew and Kevin. 

It's unnerving to see Andrew staring down at him with that grin. It reminds him something of Riko, with his sharp grin and that knife. Like he would love to carve Nathaniel into pieces, too. It seems to be a trend. First his father and Lola, then Riko, now the blonde psycho. Nathaniel seems to be a favorite amongst alphas with knife fixations. 

“Don't touch me.” 

They're alone in the room, and Andrew obviously has the upper hand. But he doesn't move. 

“Rise and shine, sunshine. Time to bandage those ouches. And shower, you stink like bird shit.” Andrew giggles at his own joke. Nathaniel much prefer the sober Andrew from earlier. 

Nathaniel does lock himself in the bathroom to quickly shower, and to his surprise everyone leaves him alone. Abby doesn't have any Beta shampoo, so he borrows the soap that burns his nose. He doesn't have any other clothes so he puts on his dirty sweatpants and hoodie again. His boxers are stained with blood so he shoves them to the bottom of the trash can. 

Unfortunately he doesn't find a first aid kit under the sink. He thinks it must be in the kitchen, so he gathers the courage to go back out. He doesn't expect Andrew sitting at the counter with the kit open beside him. 

“Come on, I won't bite. Let nurse Minyard make your ouches all better.” 

Nathaniel hates to obey, but it's easier not to argue. Years with alphas have trained him not to disagree, that he'll get beat if he doesn't obey.

But then again, this isn't Riko. Andrew may be an alpha, but he doesn't know Nathaniel is an omega-- and Nathaniel doesn't have to obey him. 

“I’m fine.” 

"I can smell that you're injured and I don't trust you. I want to see the wounds for myself. See if Kevin was right to be conveniently omitting you from our conversations." 

"No." Nathaniel grips the jacket tighter around himself, as if Andrew will try to tear it away. He doesn't want to show his wounds, doesn't want to show any vulnerabilities to this new alpha. Andrew presents one hell of a threat. "I'm not a danger to Kevin."

“You aren't here to bring Kevin back?”

“I told you I don't want Kevin. You keep the coward.” Nathaniel growls, his frustration showing. 

“So what do you want?”

“To play Exy.” Nathaniel says honestly. Despite the torture Ichiro and Riko put him through with the Ravens, he still loved the sport. He dreamed of court one day, minus Riko. Nathaniel just wants Exy, and to never be touched by an alpha again. 

“Hmm. We’ll see.” He tugs at Nathaniel ‘s hoodie. “Take this off.” 

 

Privacy was a luxury inside the Nest, but damn if Nathaniel will let that happen here. 

"No. Don't touch me. I'll fight you if I have to" Nathaniel tenses in expectation. Riko would have beat him unconscious for such a slight. 

"Would you? I doubt it would go well for you. But whatever. Let Abby deal with you, then. Come on. We're having a team lunch so everyone can meet the new Raven." Andrew pauses for a moment, considering. "If Riko is the king of Exy, does that make you princess or consort? Kevin is obviously a queen." 

"Don't fucking call me that," Nathaniel snarls, tensing. Hostility scents off him in waves. 

 

“Princess? Or glorified whore?”

‘What, princess, you don't like that? You take it like a whore.’

Nathaniel snarls to hide his flinch. “Either.”

 

He takes a box of bandages and tape to the bathroom to take care of the more intimate injuries. It's painful to bend over and undress, but he should be used to pain by now. He cleans and wraps his bleeding thighs but there's nothing he can do for the multitude of bruises or his sore ass. At least the bleeding down there was minimal. Just a small tear that won't require stitches. Most of the other wounds just need fresh ointment and bandages. The ones he can't reach, he leaves.

 

When he comes back out, Andrew shoves a pile of clothes into his arms and pushes Nathaniel back into the bathroom. He recognizes a pair of dark sweatpants and a black shirt that must be Andrew's. Again, his broken ribs and other injuries make it difficult to put the shirt on but he manages.

Abby’s house is a mess of people-- it's busy and too crowded. Nathaniel recognizes most of them from the Foxes lineup. Omega Nicky Hemmick is setting the table and Beta Aaron Minyard is reading a book assignment by the coffee table while omegas Matt Boyd and Seth Gordon play video games on the TV; alpha Alison Reynolds is chatting away at the alpha Dan Wilds and alpha Renee Walker who are helping to set dinner out. Dishes of pasta and vegetables and meat are still steaming. Coach Wymack is yelling something across the living room at one of his players who obviously isn't listening while a woman tries to talk over him. 

Nathaniel freezes just as he steps on the door. It all hits him like a wall, too much chaos after so many years of Raven uniformity. The Ravens went to classes in pairs, at set times. They ate together, as a unit; they had specific allotted times for school studies, practice, meals. Everyone always did the same thing, at the same time. They wore the same clothes. There was never so many different things going on at once. No wonder Coach Wymack couldn't control his players. Having three alphas fighting for dominance is the worst of his problems-- Dan and Wymack and Andrew are going to be an issue for Nathaniel. 

Andrew pushes Nathaniel inside and abandons the boy to flounder in the anarchy. Nathaniel is used to having a partner, Jean, at his back, constantly. Or more recently, Riko. He has never felt so alone as he does in this den of strange Foxes. Kevin is nowhere in sight. He finds a quiet spot, not quite in the corner but close to the door. The team must have been forewarned of his arrival, because they leave him alone for several minutes. 

So he's fine until Abby calls the Foxes to the table. Except Nathaniel isn't a Fox, and he hasn't done anything all day to earn his meal, and Riko or Tetsuji aren't around to ration his food for him. Nathaniel sits on his secluded chair. It's Wymack who motions him to come and sit with them all, and then suddenly the attention is all on him. Nathaniel knows the names of every player on every team of Exy, Riko made him memorize them. Now nine hungry Foxes staring down at a lost Raven. 

“So you're a backliner?” Dan, Fox Captain, begins. 

At the same time Nicky Hemmick, backliner, exclaims “oh my gosh!! He's pretty! Kevin, you didn't tell me he was so pretty! Especially for a Beta.” 

And then everyone is talking at once with Nathaniel stuck in the middle. 

“Everyone, shut up! Wait to interrogate the kid after dinner,” Wymack exclaims. 

With that, everyone helps themselves to whatever food is near. Kevin still wasn't there and Nathaniel had no idea how to act and nobody to take cues from. 

“Help yourself to whatever you would like, Nate.” Nicky nudges his knee under the table. Nathaniel pulls away. 

“Don't call me that.” Nathaniel snaps. ‘Nate’ is too close to ‘Nathan’ and he hates his father. 

Nicky looks a little shocked at the hostility but shrugs and passes him a bowl of Macaroni and cheese. Nathaniel stares at it like he's afraid-- actually, he does feel a little fear, staring at all this food and feeling incredibly lost. He shouldn't be eating, why are they handing him food? Riko and Ichirou would beat him senseless. And as injured as he is, Nathaniel isn't sure he would survive it. 

Nathaniel puts the dish down without adding any to his empty plate. “Where is Kevin?” 

“Passed out drunk. Couldn't handle all your boo-boos.” Andrew grins around a bite of marshmallow yams. 

“Goddamn it, Andrew. Shut your mouth and be civil for once.” 

Andrew grins and ignores the older man. “Eat something.” He orders at Nathaniel instead. Years of practicing as a Beta keeps him from jumping to obey the alpha. 

“I, uh, I'm not hungry.” 

Nicky rolls his eyes and steals the empty plate from in front of him. He passes it around the table until it's loaded with everything-- macaroni, a roll, yams with melted marshmallows, broccoli and lemon chicken. It feels five pounds heavier when it's handed back to him. He can feel himself getting fatter just staring at it. Riko would have beaten him just for taking the plate back. He can feel the echo of blows as he sets it in front of him. 

Thankfully he gets lost in the food and conversation as the Foxes talk around the food in their mouths. Nathaniel can't help thinking how this would not be tolerated in the Ravens Nest. Still, he's glad for the distraction as he picks at his food. He feels too guilty to eat any of it. 

“So you're our new striker? You were trained as a backliner.” Allison scowls. “What makes you think you can just switch positions?” She flicks her nails angrily. 

“I trained with the Ravens since I was 13.” Nathaniel says this blankly. It's all he has to his name now. “I played with Kevin and Riko since we were children.”

Dan nods in approval. 

“Well, heal up and we'll see if you're good enough. Until then, don't sweat it. You can crash in the spare room until we figure out what to do with you.”

Abby takes the bottle of vodka away from Kevin halfway through the meal but Kevin is still drunk enough to approach Nathaniel after dinner. Nathaniel takes advantage of the chaos around them. 

“What did you tell them about me?” Kevin can smell the anxiety wafting off Nathaniel in waves. 

“Nothing. They don't know anything. They're team is a mess, they don't know anything.” 

“No. Do they know I'm not a beta?” 

Kevin shakes his head. His hands are twitching for a drink. 

“No. I didn't tell them.” 

“Good. Keep it that way. I need suppressants, do you know where I can get them?”

Kevin shakes his head. “Where are yours?”

“With Riko. I couldn't get them before I left. He was keeping them as insurance, to make sure I wouldn't run.” 

Kevin looks shocked. The face sends a wave of hate through Nathaniel. 

“He didn't use to do that.”

Nathaniel scoffs. He tries to shoulder past Kevin, but the striker grabs his arm. Luckily he let's go when Nathaniel winces. 

“Tell me what you did.” His words are slurred. 

“I didn't do anything.”

Kevin's head shakes stubbornly. “No, you did something to make Riko do that--” 

“Don't you dare imply that I did anything to deserve what he did. Go bother Andrew before I change my mind about why I came here.”

“Neil, you-” 

“No,” Nathaniel snaps. “You don't get to call me that anymore. You left us and it was just me and Jean stuck with Riko. You left us and now Jean is dead. You do not get to call me that anymore.”

“Don't be like that. You were always mouthing off and making Riko-” 

Nathaniel shoves past Kevin in their secluded corner and he runs.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A great big thank you thank you thank you to Blushieboo for helping me edit!! You're an actual angel ;)

Nathaniel does not return until 3 am. By then his muscles are burning and his wounds all throb in unison, complaining the abuse. He had run for miles despite the burning itch of torn stitches, but he didn't dare return to Kevin's accusations and Andrew's bladed threats. The blonde reminds him of Riko, all Alpha confidence and power at the blade of a knife. Nathaniel had waited until he was sure everyone had quit looking for him and then waited another hour before returning. 

The bandages were sticking to his skin due to sweat and crusted blood. Others were falling off and peeling away where the sweat had melted the adhesive off. He doesn't dare wake anyone by showering, but he throws the soiled bandages away and crawls into bed. 

 

**********

 

The Fox coach didn't make Nathaniel practice while injured. In fact, he was specifically banned from any ‘strenuous activity’. Apparently, that included jogging, his morning stretches, and any working out. He wasn't even allowed to set foot on the Exy court until Abby gave him the all clear, which would be a week if he was lucky. 

So it was safe to say that this was nothing like Evermore. Here, he had people making sure that he was taken care of. Nathaniel had been a pretty toy there. Here, he was mostly left alone, minus the few rare incidents with Andrew. Even Kevin mostly avoided him. 

Abby was kind enough to make sure Nathaniel wasn't left alone when outside of the house. It's been a few days since they decided to keep him. They must have discussed this without Nathaniel because it just sort of happens. One day Dan and Matt (a couple, Nathaniel had learned by now) along with Renee (who is terrifying) come along to welcome him to the Foxes. It's cringe worthy, belonging to a team as disgraced as the Palmetto Foxes, but they're the only ones who would want Nathaniel. 

Matt gives him a hideous orange sweater with black and white accents and fox ears on the hood. It's from the campus gift shop and makes it painfully obvious that Nathaniel has no clothes to wear other than what he's borrowed from the Twinyards (Matt will never call them that to their faces) and Coach Wymack. 

That is probably what triggers Abby to take him clothes shopping for cheap jeans and shirts. In the Nest, everything had been provided for him—all black shorts and matching jerseys, black suits for when Riko dragged him out for interviews. 

Abby takes him out after breakfast, ridiculously chipper despite the early hour. Her car smells like vanilla and Beta. 

“Good morning, Nathaniel. How did you sleep?” she asks kindly as he clicks in his seatbelt. 

In truth, he hadn't slept well. Nathaniel had always been a light sleeper, but lately, he had gotten worse. For the most part, he curls in the corner of the room, too distrustful to sleep. When he dozes off he is quickly jolted awake by night terrors that leave him shaking alone in the dark. 

“Fine.” 

“And how is David treating you? I know he can be a little gruff, but he's a decent man.” 

“He's fine,” Nathaniel answers shortly. He could argue that Alphas were all hormone-fueled, sex-crazed, and possessive. All the Alphas he had ever spent time around had been violent and only interested in fucking him senseless. But so far, Wymack hadn't touched him and had given him space because he thought Nathaniel was a Beta. If Kevin couldn't help him find suppressants then the whole pack would find out within a few short days. 

“And your injuries are healing well, dear. You should be able to play in a few more weeks.” 

Nathaniel thinks Palmetto may be the best of his limited options. At least he can play Exy here. Coach Wymack is the only Coach in Exy that recruited Omegas—if they can't find suppressants and his secret gets out. Nobody has tried to touch him like that. Nathaniel thinks he might try to stay as long as he can here. 

The mall is surprisingly busy for a Wednesday morning. Nathaniel is used to the dark walls of the Nest. On the rare occasion that he had been outside for interviews and such, Riko had been there to hold his leash. This is the most he's been in public for more than two years. He tenses at Abby's side, his chest tightening. He eyes the shop entries, the exit doors, and other likely escape routes. 

Abby seems to sense his discomfort and guides him into the closest appropriate shop. It's less crowded than the large hallway and only two people were there, plus the cashier—an Alpha woman with her Beta husband and an Omega cashier girl who was idly flipping through a magazine at the counter. 

Nathaniel hurried to find the first jeans in his size—black, of course. Or maybe a dark blue. He couldn't tell. He grabs two pairs and a small shirt before Abby urges him to try them on. The pants are a size too big, but they don't fall down when he buttons them. He rejects all of the short sleeved shirts and replaces them with a few long sleeved ones, big enough to hide his slight body and to cover his hands if he wanted. It's hard to maneuver around the splints on his fingers, but he manages as he always does. 

He stops at two pairs of pants and three shirts, though Abby keeps insisting that it isn't enough. Nathaniel just shrugs and looks away. If she's so set on wasting her money on more things, she can pick them out herself. 

Beside him, Abby sighs in frustration. Nathaniel knows that tone. He knows what must be coming—finally. 

“Nathaniel—” It's never good when someone says his name in that tone. It means there will be punishment coming. The faux Beta cringed back and steps out of reach before he can stop himself. 

Abby freezes with that look of frustration that melts into one of pain. He doesn't understand. 

“Nathaniel, honey, listen. You're safe with us. Okay? It's okay that you feel anxious and unsure, but just know that nobody will hurt you while you're with the Foxes. We take care of our own. Okay, Nate?” 

“Please don't call me that,” Nathaniel pleads with a shudder. 

Hearing that name in that tone day after day for two years was painful. He had been Nathaniel in Baltimore and in the Nest—in painful places where Nathaniel had often been punished. Even his temporary aliases had been better. Sure, Alex had been fucked stupid by some fat Alpha, Stefan had been beaten for kissing a girl, and Chris couldn't remember to keep his accent right and had been punished and left alone with that one Alpha… But those names didn't bring waves of fear and nausea when he heard them. 

“I'm sorry, Nathaniel. I forgot.” 

“Can I… can you call me Neil?” 

Nathaniel had only ever been Neil to Kevin and Jean when he had been particularly good. It was a silly thing to do, to change his name in hopes of forgetting the things that had been done to him. But maybe things would be better as Neil. Maybe if he was good, the Foxes might let him stay. Not good like Riko wanted, but maybe his own version of good. 

“Of course, Neil. If that's what you want,” she indulges him with a smile. 

Abby turns back to the clothing rack and selects four more pairs of jeans and a bunch of long sleeved shirts. She mostly uses the ones Neil picked out as a reference for the others. The pants are dark but not black, and the shirts are varying dark blues, greens, and grays. He thinks there might have been a dark purple color, too. It's more color than he has ever worn, even before Evermore. On the run, he had tried to blend into the background with gray and black colors. Even in Baltimore, his father had bought him clothes dark enough that it wouldn't be obvious when stained with blood. 

Neil's arms are full when he carries them to the counter. Abby seems satisfied with what is there, finally. Thankfully.

The Alpha woman has been not-so-subtly eyeing Neil from as close as she dared to get. Her Beta Mate doesn't seem to care, but Neil has been watching her in his peripheral vision. She approaches them now, while Abby is busy chatting with the clerk and Neil is standing ways back out of the way. 

“Hey, pretty boy. You look lonely over here.” Her voice is husky, and she steps too close to him. Her hand grazes his arm. 

“I'm fine.” Neil tenses, wanting to run but knowing better than to draw so much attention to himself. 

“I'm sure you are, babydoll.” She roves her eyes over his body.

Even swimming in overlarge clothes, Neil feels too bare. His skin crawls. ‘Don't touch me’ he thinks. ‘DonttouchmeDonttouchmeDonttouchme’. 

“It's a shame you're hiding that pretty body under so many clothes. Come home with me. I want to see what you've got under all those.” The Alpha grins wickedly, like using her Dom Voice will be enough to sway Neil. 

“I've got better things to do,” he replies honestly. He would rather be anywhere but here, with a woman who is far too much like Lola. 

“Cmon, babydoll. Don't be like that.” She cards her hand through his hair, pulling. 

Nathaniel flinches but doesn't dare step back. He knows he would be punished for acting out of line. Lola would hold him down and touch him anyway or have Romero hold him while she cut into him. It would be better for Nathaniel to let Lola touch him for a little while. He could maybe avoid a punishment if he did. Maybe she would be gentle with him this time. Maybe she'll stop soon. Maybe—

“Excuse me. My player doesn't like to be touched without permission. Isn't it obvious? Leave him alone.” Another woman's voice cuts through Nathaniel's stupor. 

That's Abby's voice, right? He remembers—he isn't in Baltimore. He's in Palmetto. He isn't some little Omega; he's supposed to be a Beta. Betas don't let people touch them whenever they want. They don't get cut into. Riko or his father's men aren't here to punish him for being a bad Omega. 

“Don't touch me,” Neil snarls at her.

He shoves her away with more force than necessary. Then Abby is at his side again, between him and the Alpha. She follows him out of the shop, still yelling at the woman about manners and common decency. 

“Neil, are you okay?” 

“I'm fine.” 

“You're shaking,” Abby points out. 

“It's fine. Can we go now?” 

“Almost. We just have to get you a pair of decent shoes for practice.”

That part is easy. The shoe store is all but empty with only one person manning the register. They grab the first pair of shoes that fit—plain white trainers. Abby swipes her card and Neil follows to the car, just out of arms reach. His skin is still crawling from the Alpha’s touch. 

She drives him to some big chain store next. Neil is quiet through the drive, staring out the window and watching Abby from the corner of his eye. This store is far more crowded, with far fewer escape routes. He trails silently after the woman as she takes a cart and begins shopping. Some of it is groceries, though she grabs a few Beta scented soaps and urges Neil to pick a few packs of underwear and socks. Out of habit, he picks black socks and boxer-briefs that are similar to what Riko usually gets him. She buys him a comb, a toothbrush, and other necessities that she piled on with her groceries. Neil helps her carry her bags to the car. It's nearly noon by the time they finish. 

“How do you feel about lunch, Neil? Are you hungry yet? I know I am.” Abby eyes the streets as if looking for a specific place. 

Neil shrugs. He keeps waiting for her to decide that he isn't worth it. That he wasn't worth this kind of time and effort and money. He knew that things like clothes and toiletries were expensive. His mother had certainly told him enough times. And anyway, Nathaniel hadn't been able to make any decisions about food since—ever, actually. In Baltimore, they had a string of short-lived chefs. On the run, his mother had chosen the cheapest places where they wouldn't be noticed easily. Riko had a strict diet for the Ravens, but Nathaniel and Jean especially. In the end, Abby picks a little diner a few blocks from her house. 

The place is faded and vaguely retro, but quiet and cheaply priced. Everything on the menu was greasy fried food—fried chicken, cheeseburgers, fries, and other things Nathaniel hadn't been allowed to eat in years. 

“Whatever you want, Na—Neil.” Abby smiles kindly. “I think I'll have a BLT with fries.”

Neil is rushed into a decision when the waitress arrives. Abby orders her soda and the sandwich. Neil chooses the same because it's easiest. He wishes he hadn't when it arrives. The soda is sickly sweet, and the sandwich is mostly bacon with very little lettuce and tomato. Even the white bread is smothered in mayonnaise. It's nearly enough to make him nauseous and he gets jittery and nervous just looking at it. Riko would beat the shit out of him if he saw Nathaniel with this. 

He eats it because he knows not to waste food or money. He can practically feel himself gaining unnecessary fat already. He would have to run for hours to burn off the unwanted calories especially considering that he hasn't practiced in over a week, since before his Heat. He feels guilty eating something that he knows he shouldn't, but he keeps telling himself that he isn't in the Nest anymore. 

They deposit Neil's things in front of the apartment building. Apparently, the Beta soaps were for him. He now has more things than he had in the Nest, definitely more than he had on the run. 

Back at Abby's house, Nathaniel takes his time putting his new things away. He uses the time to decompress from the stress. He showers while Abby cooks dinner, and since it's been nearly a week since Nathaniel arrived, some of the stitches can come out. He takes the scissors from the medical box which had since been moved to beneath the bathroom sink. Most of the cuts were shallow enough that they're mostly holding together and Nathaniel is tired of having them in. Abby and Wymack won't let him practice while he has stitches in, so he simply takes them out. The ones on his shoulders, chest, and legs come out easily enough. He has to leave the ones on his back because he can't reach them, though they're all deep enough that they probably aren't healed yet anyway. The deepest cut on his abdomen stays stitched, as does the stab wound on his thigh. 

It leaves him sore all evening, but feeling overall better about having fewer weaknesses to exploit. He is one step closer to the court, one step closer to playing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Everyone still in character? Anything you would like to see in here? Let me know!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, a great big thank you to the amazing and talented blushieboo for betaing :)

Kevin has yet to stop by, and Andrew hasn't been sighted since he last threatened Neil's existence. Matt comes by to visit almost every day. He is tall and strong and one of the top two players on the Foxes—the first being Andrew.

There is a reason Riko had tried to recruit Andrew to be their number five of the inner circle. Anyone else would have taken it, but Andrew was smart enough to turn them away. But then again, Andrew was an Alpha with violence in his blood. He might have flourished in Evermore. Kevin had fallen from his pedestal when Riko had broken his hand, no longer worthy of the tattoo on his cheek. Maybe Andrew would have been upgraded to two. 

Along with Matt is sometimes Dan, who Neil is careful to avoid if possible. If not, he tries to keep the room between them, to stay out of arm's reach. Nathaniel has this bad habit of mouthing off to team captains and Alphas especially. Riko has spent the past several years trying to beat that particular quirk out of him but the lesson has yet to stick. So Neil learned to keep out of striking distance. He won't let himself be kept under control of a new pack; he refuses to be kept again like the Ravens had—like Riko had. At the first sign of that, Nathaniel will leave, he promises himself. 

Matt chats about practice, sitting on the chair farthest from Neil. “Coach mentioned you could join soon! Another few weeks and you'll be good as new. Those fingers will take the longest, I think. I broke mine once when I was a little kid. My Ma is a boxer. I grew up wanting to be just like her.” 

“I'm fine. I would be on the court now if Coach Wymack would let me.” 

Matt's face sort of crumples. “It's ok, buddy. You don't have to push yourself. Just take it easy and you can join us when you're ready.”

Neil frowns. “I'm ready now. I'm fine. I took my stitches out yesterday. I would play if anyone would let me.” 

“Nath- Neil. You had another week on those. Shouldn't you have left them in? I mean, they're sort of necessary.” 

“If I was still at Evermore I would have been practicing this entire time. I've already missed a week of practice. I can't afford to lose any more time, especially if I'm switching positions.” 

Matt shakes his head, at a loss of what he could say to comfort his new friend. “The court will be there when you're better. Even Kevin took time off to completely heal.” 

But Kevin had always been spoiled in that regard—never injured to where he probably shouldn't be playing, never cut up or used or broken until his hand was ruined. Kevin didn't know how to compartmentalize the pain in order to keep on playing. 

Neil must have taken too long to reply, lost in his own head. Matt snaps his fingers, a new grin splitting his face, white teeth against dark skin. 

“Oh! I just remembered.” He bends down to the backpack at his feet. “Here! Catch.” 

Black and red cloth falls into his lap. Neil's eyes find the letter M and his breath catches. He unfolds it carefully, unfamiliar with the hopeful feeling building in his chest. For the first time in his life, his hope doesn't lead to disappointment. It's Jean's hoodie, carefully stitched together with black thread. It smells like a mix of scents now—his own, Jean's, Matt's, and Renee's. Neil buries his face in the cloth, breathing deeply. A purr rumbles low in his chest. 

“Why?” Neil wonders aloud.

Nobody has ever done anything so nice for him. He had stitched his torn clothes when he was on the run with his mother, but that was to save money. No one has ever done something kind for him without needing something in return, and even then they tended to just take what they wanted. 

“Well, it was a thing you had of Jean's, right? I thought you might want it back. Abby gave me the pieces and I asked Renee to fix it.” 

“Why?” Neil is confused. “It isn't your problem if I miss Jean.” 

“You're a fox now, buddy. We take care of each other.” 

Neil shakes his head. He doesn't understand. “So what do you want from me? I can't do much for you,” Neil says warily. 

“No! Nothing. I mean I don't expect anything from you. I just want to be a good friend.” 

Neil slips the hoodie over his himself, basking in the warmth. Despite the heat of Palmetto, Neil has been cold since he arrived. He usually is, but he's used to the mild inconvenience. 

Wymack comes over for dinner again and brought along the entire team. It's Neil's first time meeting Seth, an Omega. He corners Neil in the hallway while the other Foxes are in the kitchen and dining room. 

“So you're the sorry excuse Wymack recruited. We don't need a backliner and you're going to be dead weight trying to learn a new position. Why don't you save us the trouble and go crawling back to Riko?” 

He's aggressive for an Omega. Neil will give him credit for that. Unfortunately, he is also annoying. 

“Bitch to your coach, not me.” 

Seth seems to ignore him. “You think you can be better than me just because you trained with the Ravens? Everyone knows they only took you in because you were willing to get on your knees for Riko. You're nothing special.” 

Neil freezes. He is nothing, will always be nothing. Everyone he had ever known had made sure Nathaniel understood that. His father had beaten it into him. His mother had made him repeat it with every new identity, _I am nothing_. Riko had cut the word into him, _nothing_. 

“I know.” 

Seth eyes him up and down and scoffs before walking away. He loops his arm over Alison Reynolds shoulder in a possessive manner—well, possessive for an Omega. 

Dinner is a loud affair. The Ravens are orderly when Riko is around, mechanically eating so they can return to their rooms to study or sleep before practice. The Foxes chatter amongst each other in chaos, with too many conversations for Neil to follow. Nicky is a constant chatter, as are Dan and Matt. Somehow Matt brings the conversation around to Neil and suddenly everyone's attention turns to him. He fights not to squirm under the pressure but so much attention is never a good thing. 

“I want to go to court tomorrow,” Neil says carefully, eyeing Wymack and Dan. 

As Coach and Captain, as well as Alphas, it is their decision. To Neil's surprise, they turn to Abby. 

“I don't want you on the court yet, not with so many stitches.”

“I took them out.” 

She blanches. “You what?” 

Neil cringes. Then he shrugs. “I didn't need them so I took them out.” 

“All of them?” 

He shrugs again. “Most of them.” 

Abby scowls at him and Neil ducks his head to picks at the vegetables on his plate. He doesn't really like vegetables but at least these are flavored with some blend of spices rather than canned (on the run with his mother) or boiled (in the Nest and in Baltimore). 

“Alright. If you take it easy—only drills, and absolutely _no_ tackling. No rough stuff. I mean it, David. I would keep you on bed rest for another week at least, but I can see you climbing the walls. But if you pop a single stitch, I'm pulling you. Do you hear me?” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Wymack stares at her wide eyed. 

Neil nods quickly. He has to prove his place on the court before they find out he is an Omega and decide he isn't worth their effort. 

The next morning he wakes with Abby to meet the team on the court. After years of living on a Ravens schedule, it's still hard to adjust to regular hours but the promise of court helps to motivate him. That and the coffee that Abby passes him in the car. 

“Be careful, Neil. I know you're used to working with the pain and injuries, but you don't have to anymore. The first sign of pain, you come see me. I mean it.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Abby's house is close enough to the stadium that Neil could have jogged there. The paint is bright and new, the floor freshly waxed, and the seats still new. Kevin must have made a lot of money for the school when he transferred. Neil and Wymack search for gear small enough to fit while the team changes into practice gear. Neil finds a mix match set of pads that will have to work. Not that it matters because Abby and Coach are still claiming this a no-tackle practice. It's unheard of to Nathaniel, but he appreciates the sentiment anyway. 

In goal is Renee with a set of backliner and dealers. Kevin is geared up beside him, clutching the racquet in his right hand. 

“What are you doing?” Neil scowls, pointedly looking at Kevin's left hand. 

“Helping you. Shut up and get your head in the game. You've been out of practice for too long. Pay attention.” 

“Are you sure you should be playing?” 

Kevin glares, offended. “It's barely even a real practice, Nathaniel. I'll be fine.” 

And it starts out fine. Neil lands one goal against Renee for every two that Kevin scores. Ravens are all trained on accuracy but Kevin is the number one striker in the States, regardless of what Riko says. Neil had lived with them long enough to know better. 

Neil was trained as a backliner so he is quick and nimble, darting around Aaron. Matt is harder to get around. Twisting pulls at the stitches on his stomach and the wound on his thigh is burning. Still, Nathaniel is used to working with the pain. He misses his fifth shot in a row and Kevin throws the racquet down. He stomps his way over to Neil, smelling of anger. If Riko were here, Nathaniel would already be punished. 

“Put some effort into it, Neil! You act like you haven't played in years. Did Riko get lax on you over the summer? Did he keep you locked away from the court?” 

_Because you're an Omega_ goes unsaid between them. 

“Fuck you,” Neil all but snarls, his fist tightening on the stick. 

“I can't compensate for your inadequacy. Take this seriously or get off my court.” The command is in Kevin's voice, telling Neil to obey, to leave before things got ugly. Unfortunately, Nathaniel has never been good at taking orders. 

“Fuck you, cripple.” 

Kevin is on him before Neil steps toward the door. His hands wrap around Neil's throat, stopping his breathing. He uses his body weight to pin Neil to the wall, keeping him from kicking out. Neil claws at Kevin's wrists, desperate to get free before Riko sees. 

The door slams open and people are yelling. Nathaniel forgets that he isn't in Evermore until he sees Matt. The backliner wraps an arm around Kevin's neck, pulling him away from Neil. 

“Get off him, Day,” the Beta growls. 

Neil sputters, choking as oxygen floods his lungs. A fight ensues between the pair and Neil struggles to breathe. Kevin struggles free and takes a swing that Matt dodges. A punch sends Kevin staggering. Nathaniel reminds himself that they aren't fighting over him—that Matt and Andrew don't know Neil is an Omega. They aren't fighting over him. The winner doesn't get dibs on him. This isn't the Nest. Before things escalate, Andrew steps in front of Kevin, his smile as sharp and bright as the knife in his hand. 

With that, the tension died down. Matt gives Neil a hand up and Neil takes it carefully. It pulls away from his shirt, pink with blood. 

“Oh no. Did you tear your stitches? Where are you hurt?” 

“I'm fine.” Neil looks around Matt to Kevin. 

Neil lets his father's smile stretch his face, but his eyes look empty. Everyone thinks for a moment that he looks like Andrew. 

“Just like old times, huh, Kevin? Good to know some things never change, even if your master did.” Neil shoots a pointed look towards Andrew. 

Matt is careful when helping Neil across the court. He doesn't remember anyone ever being so gentle with him, and if he's being honest with himself, it is mildly unsettling. Nathaniel knows how to deal with pain and anger. He doesn't know what to expect from kindness. 

“Thank you, Matt. I've got him. You can go tell David that he can expect an earful from me later.” 

Abby is a scowling force of nature as she all but shoves Neil onto the cot. He lifts his shirt obediently, uncaring of the scars there. Abby has already seen them. It doesn't matter. 

“I told you not to play rough.” 

Abby swabs at the blood with an alcohol wipe, doing her best to assess the damage. 

“I'm fine.” 

‘Fine’ turns out to be a bruised throat and half the stitches on his stomach torn open. The cord hadn't unraveled, but the force of the hit had put too much pressure on the wound and Neil's skin had been the weak point that tore. Short, bloody lines spread out from the long cut that split Neil's stomach. It held together at the first scar, the thicker skin there adding more support. 

“You boys are going to be the death of me. No more practice until _all_ of your stitches are gone. You don't move. I'll be back with the suture kit in a moment.” 

Neil drops the ruined shirt. He takes this moment of privacy to search through the drawers and cabinets of the small office. The drawers are for paperwork and pens, and there are extra granola bars and even juice pouches in a few of them. Neil ignores those, they aren't what he needs. The third cabinet holds the treasure—an orange bottle of blue pills. Suppressants. The brand is different than what Riko had rationed out and the dose was much lower. Neil suspected it was for the Omegas to use on game days to block their scents while they played. It was a new bottle but there were only about a dozen pills there. They felt like a lifeline since Neil could smell his scent changing every day. Hopefully, these would last until Neil could find more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions? Comments? Do you hate me? Message here or find me on tumble-- booksaboutgay
> 
> <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, the amazing Blushieboo is to thank for the fixed grammar :)

Wymack decides that the best place for Neil is at Fox Tower, rooming with Seth and Matt. The college board has signed off on Neil's presence and has agreed to let him play for the Foxes. Neil isn't sure how Coach managed that one, but he was grateful that he hadn't had to stand in front of a board of old men and beg to stay. 

After practice, Wymack pulls Neil and Matt aside and passes Matt a card from his wallet. 

“Dorms open back up tomorrow and Abby gives you,” Wymack points to Neil, “the all clear to move in. Don't do anything stupid to pull those injuries.”

“Yes, coach.” 

“You,” Wymack turns to Matt again. “You don't let him do anything stupid and hurt his recovery, you got me? Or you will both be running marathons until you graduate. Go buy Neil things for the dorm and some more clothes, for God's sake. Now get out of my sight.” 

 

**********

 

Walmart is the shopping equivalent of hell. There are hundreds of people hurrying about with carts full of miscellaneous bullshit. There is no order to how they steer these carts, waving their way along both sides of the aisle and refusing to acknowledge the concept of personal space. The noise and the constant physical contact from random strangers has Neil tipping toward a slippery slope of panic before they even get to the bedding section. 

Matt puts his arm around Neil's shoulders and pulls him close. An old man smelling of Alpha barrels around the corner, scoffing as he passes them. He would have walked right into Neil if Matt hadn't pulled him close. He is grateful, as the man is roughly his father's age with the same cold blue eyes. 

However, he isn't used to the casual touch that Matt offers him. He flinched away and Matt lifts his arm quickly. His eyebrows furl up and bunch in the middle, eyes wide. 

“Sorry! Did I hurt your stitches? Are you bruised? We can pick up some Tylenol too. That should help.” 

“I'm fine.” He was. Neil just hadn't expected so much physical contact. It usually leads to pain but the Foxes seemed to be different so far. He didn't understand why Matt would want to just drape an arm across Neil's shoulders—it didn't make sense. 

Matt gives him a probing look but nods. 

Shopping is an ordeal. There is an entire aisle just for sheets, and they are all different sizes and materials, each in a wide variety of colors and patterns. The beds in the dorms are singles, but they have cotton, silk, or a blended fabric. They come in different shades of blues, reds, pinks, and more colors than Neil has seen since… well, in years. 

The sheets in Baltimore had been white, replaced often when they had stained with blood. 

Mary hadn't bothered buying sheets—why would she? The hotels and hostels provided them. The abandoned houses didn't have mattresses to dress. Mostly, though, they had slept in stolen cars, bus stops, and the occasional alleyway. 

The Nest had provided black cotton sheets that didn't stain badly with all the blood. 

Matt was staring at him, waiting for Neil to make a decision. Nathaniel had never had so many options before. And the choices Riko had offered in recent years were far more tricky than sheets. 

_One or the other, Nathaniel. You pick or I will. And you won't like my decision._ Riko in his head, memories from the past. Jean isn't here to help him now. Neil wonders how he will survive. 

Neil's breath halted and his hands shook. He forced himself to grab the first ones he saw—a plain grey cotton. They would stain easily but Neil didn't intend on bleeding anytime soon. He refused to allow himself to stay anywhere that would treat him so badly. Not again. Not ever again. So the grey sheets went into the cart and Neil pretends it hadn't been a small crisis to put them there. 

He misses Jean. Jean would have noticed the tremble in Nathaniel's hands. Neil can imagine the French words in his head, Jean teasing him harshly about it. His scent is fading from the sweater Neil wears. 

Towels, grey but plush. More Beta soaps, mixed with apple this time since Matt cajoles him into buying something more than just the basics. Deodorant, toothbrush, and toothpaste, since he can't keep borrowing Abby's and the brush she gave him is too soft. Notebooks, pens, and things for classes. None of it is black or red—it's something Matt insists on. 

Clothes shopping is hell. Matt takes him to the mall rather than Walmart. He takes Neil to different stores than Abby had before, with different styles to choose from. Neil feels lost amongst the variety and colors. He refuses to waste time trying any of them on. Surely they will fit better than the clothes bought at goodwill when he was on the run. 

Again, Matt refuses to buy anything red or black. Neil refuses to pick anything that isn't long sleeved despite the heat outside. They find a soft grey shirt with long sleeves that had holes for his thumbs. Neil allows Matt to pick out a few shirts and some plain jeans. Why did so many of them have plastic jewels on the back pockets? They buy shoes for the Exy court—orange and white since half of the sportswear is Foxes themed in honor of their local Exy team—basketball shorts, joggers that Neil picks because they are soft and look comfy to run in, and some bandanas to tie Neil's hair back during practice and games. 

Hours have passed before Matt takes pity and lets them leave. Neil is a bundle of anxiety and Matt can smell it. He berates himself for not leaving after Neil's panic attack by the sheets. They could have left and come back later but Neil had recovered and honestly, the thought hadn't occurred to Matt earlier. Now Neil is a wreck, anxiety scenting off of him every time someone walks too close to them. His hands shake as he climbs into the truck. 

They load Neil's groceries into Matt's truck and Neil only has a little trouble climbing inside the monstrosity with his stomach and thigh still healing. Matt takes him out to lunch, thankfully at a quiet little diner by campus. 

Neil orders a bowl of fruit and Matt orders a cheeseburger and fries. Neil wonders why Coach Wymack allows his players to eat so much junk food. Neil had never eaten breakfast and rarely lunch; the food he did eat was rationed by how well he played, and Neil was fine. But so many empty calories would slow Matt on the field. Imagine how Andrew could play if he would quit smoking and eating so much sugar. 

Neil thinks about the Foxes training while Matt chatters on about anything and everything—from his relationship with their Captain to his mother to his college major and upcoming classes. 

Thankfully, Matt doesn't force Neil to stay long. After lunch, they return to the dorms and unload their things from the truck. Sheets, towels, and new clothes are washed and put away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo? Whatcha think? The more comments the better!! I loooooove hearing from you! Your thoughts make my day. Seriously. Let me know!!


	8. Chapter 8

Neil may not be able to participate in practice but that doesn't stop him from sneaking into the weight room when Abby and Coach were busy with the Foxes. In addition, he talked Abby into letting him participate in some of the easier drills, which wasn't many. Abby didn't know about the stab wound on his thigh, so she can't forbid him from running. 

Kevin has taken every opportunity to criticize Neil's footwork, his speed, his attitude—anything that isn't up to Riko’s impossible standards. 

As if that isn't enough, Seth Gordon has taken to tripping Neil up at every opportunity. He seems to have made Neil a target days ago when Allison had perched herself against Neil's side during a team meeting. She had been oblivious to the stress it caused him to have an Alpha so near. She had ignored the violent flinch when she had touched him, had pressed her side against Neil so her breasts were practically in his face, an unwanted obstruction of his view of the room. _Too close, too close_.

Neil has to remind himself again that this wasn't the Nest. His scent had faded again with the help of the medication he stole from Abby's office and Kevin seems to be keeping his secret; nobody has any way to know that Neil is an Omega so it's doubtful that Allison would hold him down and—well, he doesn't believe she will push him beyond this. 

It's after practice that coach calls another team meeting. The girls are fresh out of the shower and everyone is waiting on Neil who usually hangs back to shower after the others. His hair is still dripping when he sits on the floor. His injuries twinge but it's only a minor inconvenience. 

“Last order of business from me today is our schedule. We don't have dates yet, but ERC has made some changes that will make this spring look like a cakewalk. They're notifying the coaches in our district one by one to try and control the fallout. It has potential to get ugly.” 

Neil waits for the final blow—the ERC has found out he's an Omega and they won't allow him on the field. The Master found him and they are going to make Neil go back to the Nest. 

“We've got a new school in our district. Edgar Allen has come south.” 

The noise erupts like a firework lit. Neil's ears rush with blood. Around him the men and women are yelling at each other, protesting. Someone is laughing—either Seth or Andrew. Neil can't tell because his body is frozen. 

They're coming for him. Riko wants him back and he changed districts to ensure it. He doesn't want to. He doesn't. He can't stand the thought of Alphas surrounding him and holding him down while Riko touches him. Oh God. Nathaniel can only imagine what Riko is going to do to punish him. He would rather die. 

A hand dares to touch him, just a graze of palm against Neil's shoulder. Neil is up and out the door, running from the locker room and out of the stadium. People yell after him but there are no footsteps chasing behind him. 

The sky is blue over him and the air is sweltering and breezy. He should savor the nature while it lasts. Once Riko gets him, Neil won't see the light of day again. So he runs. 

**********

Andrew corners him again after practice the next day. Neil is alone in Abby's office with the door locked. He had just finished bandaging his stomach and thigh, had gotten dressed and was putting away the gauze when he hears someone picking the lock. It only takes a moment and then the door is slamming open with Andrew blocking the only exit. Matt isn't here to keep Andrew back, not that Neil knows he would. 

“My, my. Does Tweety have a few ouches?” 

“What do you want, Andrew?”

Andrew tsks, his tongue clicking in his mouth. “Nothing. You're coming with us to Columbia on Friday. No, no. It's not an option. Don't waste your breath arguing. I'll send Nicky over with something for you to wear. Even you can follow simple instructions, yes?”

“Fuck you. I'm not going anywhere with you.”

“You will. Or I will make your life hell. It's best to just agree.” 

“Says the psychopath.” 

“You would know all about those—you dated one. I just want to get to know you. Choose wisely.” 

Andrew leaves again without another word. The door slams behind him and Neil fights the panic rising in his throat. Columbia was over an hour away. He couldn't just let himself be taken away. Who knows what Andrew has in mind. He knows what Riko would have had planned for such an outing but Andrew is an unknown threat. 

 

**********

True to his word, Nicky shows up at Neil's room with a bag of clothes that Neil really doesn't want. The cargo pants weren't bad, black with a lot of pockets and loose enough to hide his body. The shirt, however, was about two sizes smaller than Neil would prefer. He nearly panics when he sees the rips in the material, but then he notices the sparkly black cloth beneath them. No skin would show, no bandages, no obvious weaknesses, and his scars would remain hidden. Neil showers with Beta scented shampoo and takes another dose of scent suppressants just to be sure. 

At nine Neil meets the monsters in the parking lot. 

“Ooh, look at you, hot stuff! When my Heat comes around, I want you to keep me company.” Nicky licks his lips. “Just—damn. Aaron, don't let me get too drunk tonight.” 

Beside him, Aaron gags. “Don't you have an Alpha to help you?” 

Nicky waves it off. “Erik doesn't care as long as it isn't an Alpha. Omegas and Betas are fine.” 

“I'm not interested.” Nicky may be an Omega, but Neil doesn't want anyone touching—not again. 

“In Omegas? Or in men? Or in me, in particular? Which way do you swing? ” Nicky is still eyeing Neil like a piece of meat and Neil wishes he would stop. He knows that look and what generally follows after. 

“Nothing. I don't swing. At all.” 

Nicky scoffs. “Even Betas need sex.” 

Andrew steps into Nicky's space, the manic smile missing. He must be off his meds. Neil wonders if he understands the conditions of his probation or if this is a conscious decision. 

Andrew paused beside them on his way to the car. He lit a cigarette and pointed the glowing end at Nicky's face. 

“Don't touch him.” Andrew doesn't need to growl; the empty look on his face somehow conveys enough warning. The pheromones he is scenting certainly do. 

Nicky must be stupider than Neil thought because he actually argues with the Alpha. 

“What if he says yes?”

“I'm telling you no.”

“You've got Kevin, though. Don't be selfish!”

Nicky yelps. The hand that isn't holding the cigarette is pressed between them. Neil would bet that Andrew has a knife pressed to Nicky's stomach. 

“Okay, okay! No touching. I promise. I'll be good.” Nicky bares his throat and smiles, submitting. 

“Don't make me kill you,” Andrew warns before stepping away. 

They pile into the car with Nicky driving. This surprises Neil. Only Riko drove them places because he was the Alpha. But Kevin takes the passenger seat and Aaron sits behind him. Andrew forces Neil to the middle and his heart stops. He pauses, considering running rather than being trapped in the car with Andrew. 

Andrew clicks his tongue at Neil. “Relax. I wouldn't want to end the fun so early. Get in the car.” 

Neil does, but only because Kevin does. The past week has made him curious as to how Kevin fits in with Andrew. He wants to know why Kevin ran here of all places and why Andrew was protecting him. 

Andrew and Aaron slump against the windows and fall asleep before they even leave campus. Neil watches the signs as they go by, memorizing the route in case he has to find his own way back. 

Aaron wakes when Nicky starts asking about exits and shortcuts. Aaron reached in front of Neil to shove Andrew's shoulder and quickly pulls back. Andrews elbow slams into Neil's stomach, just shy of his wound. He feels the familiar burn of pulled stitches and clenches his teeth against the pain. 

Then there's a weight on top of him, along with the smell of Alpha and anger, and Nathaniel is panicking. 

Nathaniel throws his weight back, fighting to throw the weight off of him. Hands wrap around his arms and chest, forcing him down. Someone is yelling, then Nathaniel is being thrown outside, and finally, everyone stops touching him. 

It takes several long moments for him to open his eyes and remember where he is. Nicky had pulled off to the side of an exit ramp and Andrew is wretching. Kevin is standing in front of Neil, scowling. 

“He is not Riko.”

Neil doesn't believe him, but he doesn't feel like arguing either. He shakes his head and looks warily back at the car. He doesn't know how well he will react to being enclosed between two men in the back seat again and he is hesitant to give it another try. 

“Kevin,” Andrew's voice is wrecked. Neil looks at him to find Andrew staring. “Switch seats with Neil.” 

“Andrew—” Kevin sighs and cuts himself off. He probably figures that it's easier to agree; they can get to the alcohol quicker. Neil knows that if Kevin is going anywhere willingly it is to the court or to alcohol. 

Neil doesn't realize Andrew's withdrawal until they get seated for dinner at a place called Sweetie's. Dinner turns out to be large bowls of ice cream that make Neil sick to his stomach to even look at. Andrew eats a handful of crackers before they've even sat down and his body is still trembling hard enough for Neil to see. 

Kevin digs a bottle of pills from his pocket and smacks them down on the table between him and Andrew. 

Andrew growls, the air around them suddenly thick with the scent of angry Alpha—thicker than it had been in the car. Neil cringes away, not daring to take his eyes off of the threat. 

“Put that away before I shove it down your throat.” 

Kevin pockets the bottle and Neil tries to breathe.


	9. Chapter 9

Nathaniel had been to quite a few parties in the Ravens' Nest. Mostly during the summer, of course, when it had been Riko's chosen few and the more dedicated older players. Riko had hoarded bottles of vodka, rum, and gin; sometimes, if Riko was particularly bored, there would be more than alcohol. Riko was often bored. 

They had waited until the Master had left for a conference and they had taken their respective bottles and drank until they couldn't anymore. Some nights Neil doesn't remember. Most nights Neil wishes he could forget. 

Eden's Twilight is a mass of flickering colors and moshing people and music that bounced Neil's heart into a stutter. The sweat and pheromones of Betas, Alphas, and Omegas mingled together with the smell of alcohol and drugs. 

It was loud and dark and crowded and Neil hates all of it for strangling his senses. Neil couldn't walk without someone touching him, couldn't breathe without their scents choking him. 

The bartender greets the monsters with familiarity. He smells like Beta beneath the perfume of alcohol. Neil hesitates before he orders shots of vodka. He probably knows better than to incapacitate himself with Andrew around, especially in a sea of strangers. But he knows what Riko would do, and so Neil takes an educated guess that he won't want to be sober for the events that may follow. 

So really, his choices are to drink or to run. And Neil can't keep running forever. He can't hide from Andrew forever. It's better to get this over with. Distantly Neil thinks that if he's good, maybe Andrew won't be so bad. 

It's stupid of him to hope, of course. That hope dies on Neil's tongue with the too-sweet taste that doesn't belong to vodka. The drinks hit him harder than they have any right too. They drugged him. 

Neil spares a moment to glare accusingly at Kevin. Kevin is too busy upending a packet of cracker dust into his mouth to notice. 

“I knew it. You're just like him.” Neil's mouth shoots off, his only weapon against the Alpha. “You keep Kevin on a leash and pretend you're protecting him, but you're just hoarding him away from everyone else. You're violent and you don't care who you hurt as long as you get your way. It looks like Kevin has traded one Alpha prick for another. You're just like Riko. I don't know why I ever came here.” 

Andrew listens with blank, uncaring eyes. Until Neil moves to stand and Andrew grabs him by a handful of hair. He presses Neil's face to the table, forcing him to bend. The position is familiar and Neil fights himself not to shut down and submit. He claws at Andrew's hand to no avail. 

“Just noticed, did you? You're an idiot.”

“Y-you—” Neil's teeth clench in a growl. 

“Did you think you were safe because you ordered your own drinks? Roland knows what it means when I bring outsiders here.” 

Andrew pins his weight against Neil, ignoring the snarls of warning and checking Neil's face. 

“Almost there. Give it a minute and then it will really hit. Until then why don't you go and have a little fun?” _Have some fun with him, boys._ “The night is still young.” 

The world tips beneath him and then Aaron and Nicky are dragging Neil into the crowd. Kevin finally looks up. 

“ _Sois sage_ ” Kevin tells him. It takes Neil a moment to translate the French. _Be good_. 

Of course. Of course, that's what Kevin would say. He wouldn't intervene with Riko. Why would Andrew be any different?

Aaron wanders off and Nicky grabs Neil, dragging him into the dancing mass. The light splinters around him, too sharp for his dilated pupils. 

Nicky wraps himself around Neil, pulling him closer until all Neil can smell is Omega. Nicky's hands are everywhere, groping at Neil's waist and back. He presses his lips to Neil's, who fights his pliant body to keep his mouth sealed. 

It works, until Nicky's hand slips lower and squeezes Neil's ass. Neil's lips gasp open and then Nicky's tongue is in his mouth, tasting salty and sweet with more drugs. Neil fights to push away and his wrists are held down. He whimpers and Nicky pulls back for a moment. 

“This is how the game goes.” _Want to play a game, Nathaniel_. “Stop fighting if you want to survive.” _Lost your fight already?_

Nathaniel knows how this game goes. The him of the past that wants to fight is mollified by the drugs. _Be good, Nathaniel._ He knows what it is to be dressed up like some pretty thing and paraded around; to be drugged and touched without his permission. 

It was wrong of him to hope. He should know better. A voice that sounds like Mary is chastising him for being bad and breaking their rules, for being stupid enough to hope the Foxes wouldn't be like Riko and the Ravens, or any of the alphas before that. Omegas were meant to be used. 

There is one more drugged kiss before Nicky squeezes him again and slips away into the crowd. Without someone holding Neil up, he sinks to the floor. 

Strangers surround him, pulling at Neil and touching him. He tries telling them not to touch him. The words come out slurred and weak, easily drowned out by the pulsing bass of the music. Nobody has ever listened when Nathaniel said no, and they don't listen now. 

He doesn't know how long he stumbles around for, confused by the drugs and the dashing lights. Men and women of all natures rub against him, trying to entice Neil to join them when all he wants is to hide somewhere quiet, isolated, and safe. He doesn't want these people touching him; he wants Riko and whoever else to either leave him alone or hurry up and finish already. 

Someone shoves him against a wall and Neil thinks _finally_. He also thinks he should try to run or something to give him at least a chance. However, drugs tip the odds out of Neil's favor. 

“Now you're getting it.” Andrew's face blues and twists in Neil's vision. 

“Don't touch me.” 

Andrew ignores him. “So what do you want with Kevin? Spit it out.”

“You think I'm a mole? That I would let Riko nearly kill me to convince you? That Jean died for Riko's petty fucking revenge?”

“It's announced that Kevin is joining the Foxes and a few weeks later you show up with a sob story Wymack can't resist. You hate Kevin as much as Kevin hates you yet you can't seem to stay away from him.”

“Fuck you.”

“Not ready to chat, huh? Take a minute and think it over.” 

Andrew shoves him back into the crowd. 

Nicky forces another kiss to his lips and Neil is too numb to feel where Nicky's hands wander. 

It takes an indiscernible amount of time to get to the door before Andrew finds him. He leads Neil outside by his arm, pressing him against a dumpster. He pins Neil like he's prey with an arm across Neil's chest. 

“Chirp chirp, birdy. This is how it goes—I ask and you answer. Or I make you answer.” 

“What are you gonna do?” Neil's voice is slurring heavily. “Cut me? Beat me? It doesn't matter. Whatever you've got in mind, Riko’s done it. Even his drugs are better than yours. They may call you Monster but you're nothing special.”

Andrew hums, considering. “You are surprisingly coherent. I guess I'll have to try harder, then. Go on, then. Don't wander too far.” 

Andrew shoving Neil away for the third time is unexpected. Neil loses track of all the familiar faces in the crowd. Neil stumbles to a fire exit.


	10. Chapter 10

Neil wakes up dehydrated and aching behind a dumpster. His clothes are covered in dirt and he stinks like sour sweat. The stink of the dumpster must have covered his smell enough that nobody found him because there is no trace of Nicky, Andrew, or the other monsters. 

Neil doesn't remember much after Andrew's last talk. Nicky had cornered him again, had rubbed against him and poured drugged drinks down Neil's throat. Neil had run through a fire exit and had escaped during the chaos that had followed. Apparently, he had found a dumpster to crawl under several blocks away from the club. 

Honestly, Neil had no idea where he is. But it doesn't really matter because he's alone, and therefore, fairly safe. For now. 

 

It's slow going to campus. He walks until a kind Omega woman with a mated mark offers him a ride. She allows him to sit in silence and drops him off on the side of the interstate near the campus exit. 

It's a five-mile walk to Palmetto, and Neil is still suffering from whatever drugs Andrew and Nicky forced on him. His head is throbbing and his hands are trembling violently. His throat is parched. 

He alternates between running and walking because, although his head is killing him and his muscles tremble, Nathaniel has run under far worse conditions while in the Nest and on the run. 

It's evening before he reaches campus. He passes Wymack's apartment without even considering going inside. In the Nest, issues were handled between the players. The master was a man to be feared, not to bring into drama such as his. Neil will have to deal with Andrew on his own. 

“Neil! Oh, thank god. Where have you been? Are you okay? What happened?” 

Matt pounces on him like an exuberant dog as soon as Neil opens the door. 

“I'm fine.” He bypasses Matt, heading straight to the fridge where he downs two bottles of water and makes himself sick. 

“Whoa! Easy, buddy.” Matt grabs the second bottle from Neil's grasp. “You'll make yourself sick. What happened? The monsters got back hours ago and you weren't with them. They said you ran off.” 

“I did. I'm fine. I just didn't want to stay with them.”

“Jesus, Neil. Why didn't you call me?”

Neil stares at Matt blankly, confused. “Why?”

“I would have come and got you.” 

Neil shrugs. He still isn't used to the Foxes kindness, especially Matt’s. “I told you I'm fine.”

Matt sighs. “Well next time, call me, okay?” 

Neil doubts there will be a next time. Without any satisfying answers, Andrew will run him out of town. 

“You stay here. I'm going to tell the girls you're here and call Coach. We've been worrying sick about you.” 

Matt leaves, motioning for Neil to stay, which is fine with him for now. His legs are jelly and his head feels like Riko slammed a racquet into it… again. He drinks the rest of the water bottle in quick swallows and digs through the pantry for some crackers to eat. 

Neil feels the knife on his back before he hears Andrew come in. He turns slowly, careful of the blade. Andrew is grinning dangerously, so hard it looks painful. 

“Andrew, they'll be back any minute.” That's Kevin, standing anxiously by the door. 

“We just need a minute, Kevin. Keep the others occupied. Be a good boy and lock the door, would you?” Andrew grins. He must be on his meds again. Neil heard the door close and lock. 

“No more running, Nathaniel. Kevin's got the door and I've got you here all alone.”

“So nothing has changed, then. New Alpha, old games.” 

“Don't get smart. You're Riko's bitch. I want to know why you're here. No more games, no more running. You answer my questions or I show you your liver.”

“Not everyone is as obsessed with Kevin as you and Riko are.”

“If you didn't come for Kevin, then why are you here?”

“Jean is dead. I have nowhere else to go.” That, and Coach Wymack is the only coach in Exy willing to allows Omegas to play on the field. Of course, Neil doesn't say that. Obviously. 

“Then run back to Riko—let Alpha take care of you. It gets you out of my way and far away from Kevin. You were Riko’s precious princess. Why didn't you stay?” 

Neil's eyes go blank and empty now. His father's grin stretched across his face, sharp and dangerous. It hurts as much as the words that come out of his mouth. 

“I got tired of being fucked.” Behind them, Kevin flinches hard. 

“Riko no good in bed? Shame. I knew that attitude must be compensating for something.”

“You're one to talk,” Neil glares. “You're just like him. You drugged my drinks. You had your cousin force drugs into my mouth. You let him kiss me and touch me.”

“Nicky did what?” 

“Like you didn't know. Who were you going to send to my room first? Nicky was pretty eager. Kevin would do whatever you told him to. There's nothing you can do that hasn't already been done to me.” 

Andrew wraps a hand into Neil's hair and jerks his head to the side. He pulls down the collar of Neil's shirt, exposing scars. Andrew studies the damage to Neil's mating gland up close.

“Doesn't Riko know Betas don't have mating glands?” Andrew tsks. 

“The Ravens' Sex-Ed was lacking.”

“Or you're an Omega and you're lying to my face,” Andrew growls a warning.

“Smell me. I'm a Beta—Riko is just a possessive fuck.” Nathaniel offers his wrist instead of his throat—offering his neck would be a submissive, Omega gesture. Andrew shakes his head like it doesn't matter.

“Why did you come here? Why not run?”

“I wanted to make sure Kevin was safe.” Neil shakes his head slowly. “Nothing's changed.” 

“Let him stay.” Kevin finally speaks up. “Andrew, please, leave him alone. Let him stay. He—I want him to stay. Please.” 

“I don't like that word,” Andrew says at the same time Neil speaks. 

“Don't beg him for anything. This isn't the Nest; Andrew isn't Riko. He doesn't own you. I never want to hear you beg Andrew for anything. You're better than that. You're Kevin Day, the best striker in the nation, regardless of what the Master and that bastard told you. 

“And don't ever beg for _me_. Didn't Riko ever teach you anything? Begging gets you nowhere, and I'm nothing anyway. I'm not worth it so just keep your mouth shut.” 

To Andrew's surprise and amusement, Kevin nods. 

“Is that why Riko burned your tattoo? Did he disown you?” Andrew asks. 

Neil shakes his head, his hand hovering over the burn scar on his cheek. “I got sick of seeing Riko's brand on my face. So I took a car lighter to it as soon as I was away from Evermore.” 

“Oh, God,” Kevin whimpers, covering his own tattoo. “He is going to kill you.”

The doorknob rattles and then someone is banging on the door. Probably Matt. Neil is surprised he took this long. 

“Neil? Neil, open the door!” 

“Oops, time’s up. Ta ta for now, Nathaniel. Enjoy it while you can.” 

Matt stops Andrew from going down the hall. “What did you do to him, monster? He looks almost as bad as when he got here.” 

Kevin scowls at Matt and the other Foxes but is unwilling to interfere. Neil stands in the doorway, watching. Nobody has ever stood up for him the way Matt is now. But it's Dan who braces her feet apart and growls low in her chest. Her teeth bare into a snarl like she wants to rip Andrews throat out. 

Andrew doesn't copy her the way Neil expects from a fight between Alphas. Andrew waits for Dan to get in his face. 

“What is wrong with you? We were worried sick, Andrew. He still has stitches in; he could have been hurt. And you just left him there, you goddamn psycho.” 

“Careful, Cap. Your jealousy is showing. Don't pick a fight you won't win.”

“I won't let you terrorize my recruits anymore, monster.” 

Andrew grins, vicious. “You gonna stop me, Oh Captain, My Captain?”

Dan lunges at him and Andrew twists her into the wall. She rebounds and swings a fist out. Matt moves to pull Andrew away from Dan but suddenly Aaron is there, punching Matt regardless of their height difference. It's almost comical. 

Nicky is blocking Allison from interfering and Renee is watching the small riot with an unamused expression that sends a shiver down Neil's spine. 

Andrew has Dan in a choke hold, and Matt has Aaron pinned against the wall by his throat. Allison punches Nicky in the mouth. 

Neil sees Andrew smack Dan in the throat and she drops, choking. Andrew moves toward Matt. Nicky punches Seth in the face. 

The Ravens were brutal, but there had been a definite hierarchy. Riko and Kevin had been at the top, untouchable. Below them, Jean and Nathaniel who were only to be touched with Riko's permission. Then came the rest of the top ten, also untouchable. The rest fought for Riko's notice, trying to claw their way into the coveted perfect circle. 

The Foxes were chaos. Neil's instincts were yelling to run and hide somewhere safe where nobody would hurt him. This almost reminded him of when the top players would fight over who would get to have Nathaniel first. 

However, Neil had his father's temper, and even if he had never been very good at winning fights, he didn't shy from them. Neil grabs a fist full of Andrews shirt and grabs his wrist as Andrew pulls back to punch. He throws Andrew away from Matt and Andrew crashes into the wall. 

“If I meet you later, will you leave them alone?” Neil asks, glaring accusingly at Andrew. Around them, the fights have stopped. 

“Neil, you don't have to go with him," Dan practically pleads. 

“Of course. Fair’s fair, Nathaniel.” 

Neil nods once and heads back inside his room. Matt and the girls follow one by one.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one :)

Neil met Andrew in the hall and followed him outside to the parking lot. He isn't afraid of what Andrew will do. Honestly, he's more afraid of Nicky. Andrew had drugged his drinks and may have beaten him up a little, but Nicky was the one who pinned him against the wall, kissed more drugs into him, and touched where he pleased. 

Andrew chain smoked for nearly twenty minutes. Neil breathes in the smoke and thinks distantly of his mother. 

“Am I here for a reason? I didn't think I was good company.” 

“Didn't your mother ever tell you that patience was a virtue?” 

“If you're going to waste my time, I'm going back inside.” 

“Uh-uh, stay. Sit. Good boy. Now, let me explain how this is going to work. I'm going to ask a question and you're going to answer. Then you can ask me a question. But we can't lie. Truth for truth.” 

Neil nods. “Okay. Who goes first?”

“I do. Did you want Nicky to kiss you?” 

Neil is shocked that is Andrew's first question. Actually, he is surprised Andrew asked at all. Of course, that didn't mean he cared. “No.” 

Andrew nods once. 

 

“Why did you turn down Riko when he offered you a spot? You would have made perfect court in no time, you would have been untouchable. I would think an alpha like you would love that sort of power.” 

“You don't know me very well. Exy bores me and Riko is an unimpressive child trying to get his daddy's attention. Nothing he had to offer interested me.” 

Andrew wastes no time asking his next question. “Are you an Omega?”

Neil freezes. “Wha-” 

Andrew drops his cigarette. He fists one hand in Neil's hair, jerking his head to the side, and twists the other into Neil's shirt to pull his collar down. It reveals the healing scars, crescent-shaped and vicious.

Andrew lets him go just as quickly. Neil stumbles a step back. 

“I'll find out eventually. After all, everyone thought Kevin was a Beta, too. Until he got here and didn't have any suppressants. We found that lie pretty quickly.”

Neil freezes. “What? Kevin _is_ a Beta.”

“Nope,” Andrew pops the P like bubblegum. 

Neil shakes his head. “We lived together for years. I would have known if—” 

“Not if Riko kept him drugged on suppressants. He came here and ran out and then the cat was just out of the bag. Not that it mattered to Wymack or anyone else. Kevin chooses to stay on his suppressants for his own reasons.” 

“What did you do to him?”

“Relax. I didn't touch him. He's worthless to me off of the court. I wouldn't bother with the effort of fucking him. And he's under my protection, which means nobody else touches him, either. Including you.”

“I'm not interested.”

“In Omegas? Or in Kevin?”

“In anyone, at all. I don't… swing. It's your turn now—why are you so obsessed with Kevin?” Neil narrows his eyes. 

“We made a deal. I keep him safe from Riko and the Ravens, and he does something for me. I'm waiting to see if he holds up his end of the deal.” 

Neil sounds hollow when he says, “I thought you said you didn't fuck him.”

“I don't fuck people who don't want it. He's too annoying for me, anyway. It's not that type of deal. You're avoiding my question.”

“I'm not—” 

“You made a nest in the corner of Abby's guest room. You wash religiously and your scent fades at the end of the day. You're not exactly subtle, idiot. Don't lie or this is over.”

Neil takes a deep breath of smoke, fighting to calm himself. Neil thought he was being careful but Andrew already knows. Kevin is apparently an Omega and Andrew claims he hasn't touched Kevin—but he could be lying. 

Neil knows not to trust Alphas, but… but he doesn't don't really have a choice here, does he? 

If he lies, Andrew will make him leave, to protect Kevin. He already knows; he's just testing Neil. 

He has to give in this one. If Andrew touches him, Neil can run again. He's in better shape after so many weeks of being treated with kindness. He could fight and run if he had to. Neil won't stay somewhere where he is abused and forced to do things he doesn't want to. 

Slowly, Neil nods. “Yes,” he rasps like an old smoker. “Don't tell the others—please. I can't—I don't want them to know. I can't do that again.” 

“Wymack won't kick you out for being born with a shit designation. This isn't the Nest, little bird.” 

“No, it's not. But Alphas are still Alphas, wherever you go. And I won't let things be like that here.” 

“Make a deal with me,” Andrew says, lighting another cigarette. 

“No.” The only deal Neil had made had all been broken. Kevin had left him in Evermore. Jean had died and left Nathaniel alone in hell. He won't make another deal for someone to break. 

Andrew ignores him, carrying on. “Kevin listens to you, even though you hate him. I need him here to keep his half of the bargain, but he won't stay if Riko drags you away. Guilt or something equally useless will render him useless to me. All you have to do is stay here and play Exy, and keep Kevin interested enough to stay. I'll keep you safe from Riko. 

“You can play your little junkie heart out, work things out with Kevin, and be free of Riko. Kevin can stick around and hold up his end of our agreement. Everyone wins.” 

“I don't need your protection.” 

“No? What will you do when your Heat comes, huh?” 

Neil looks away. He doesn't know. “Okay. Fine. But good luck facing off against Riko when he comes for us.” 

Tired of talking, Neil pushes himself away from the car he had leaned against. 

Andrew wiggles his fingers at Neil, who ignores him, save to assure himself that Andrew isn't following him. Nicky greets him in the hallway upstairs. 

“Oh good, you're okay! You are okay, right?” 

“What do you care?” 

“Neil, wait—” 

Nicky grabs Neil's sleeve as he tries to push by. Neil shoves Nicky, hard, sending him stumbling back. 

“Don't you fucking touch me!” 

Nicky stands, rubbing the elbow that had dented the wall. His chin and eye are bruised from the earlier fight, but if he doesn't leave Neil alone, Nicky is going to have more bruises to worry about. 

Nicky spreads his arms in the middle of the hall as if to block Neil. “Just let me apologize. I—” 

“Nicky.” That's Andrews voice behind Neil. “Leave him alone.”

“But, Andrew! I was just trying to apologize.” Nicky pouts. 

“For what, exactly?” Andrew inquires, playing dumb. How Nicky can't smell the anger rolling off of him is a mystery to Neil. 

“I, uh—” Nicky stumbles over himself for a minute before Andrew holds a hand up. 

“For assaulting Neil, maybe? I'm not sure that's something you can apologize for.” 

“You said to drug him! I just thought that would be the best way.” Nicky has the sense to look ashamed. 

Andrew doesn't care. He's standing between Neil and Nicky now. It's different to see an Alpha tense for a fight when Neil isn't the target. He punches Nicky in the mouth. 

“I didn't tell you to hold him down or kiss him. I thought you said you knew better.” 

He hits Nicky again. Neil is surprised nobody's come out yet, disturbed by the noise. Andrew pins his cousin against the wall by his throat, the glint of a knife pointing into Nicky's gut. 

“I'm going to say this one more time because you seem to be exceptionally stupid. You don't touch people who don't ask you to. And you don't touch Neil, ever. Do you understand?” 

Nicky chokes but nods frantically. His lip is bleeding and swelling. Neil doesn't feel bad about it, but Andrew isn't letting Nicky go. The Foxes can't afford for Nicky to die. Neil doesn't want anyone to get in trouble for fighting. There's no telling how Wymack will dole out punishments here. 

“Andrew, it's fine. It wasn't the first time that's happened. He won't do it again.”

“He won't live to regret it if he does,” Andrew growls. Still, Andrew lets Nicky go. Nicky shoots a quick look to Neil before scurrying to his room. 

“I told you I don't need you to protect me.”

“Those bite marks on your neck tell me differently. You already agreed to the deal. Don't start changing things already.”

“I'm an Omega, not some helpless damsel in distress,” Neil snaps. 

“The pretty ones always get into more trouble than they can handle.”

“Don't call me pretty, you psychotic midget.” 

Andrew must smell something coming off of Neil because he gives Neil a look and nods once. 

“Go to bed, bird brain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise bitches!!!   
> Muahahahahahahaha  
> Comments please?


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For WingsOfWax, who seems to keep stumbling into every horror story I write ;)

Wymack lets Neil join in for regular practices and scrimmage. Neil's stitches have healed and gone, and he's put on some healthy weight. Wymack and Dan gather everyone in the commons, but it's like herding cats. Kevin wants to go straight to court, Andrew wants to be anywhere other than here and Allison and Seth are both busy arguing with each other. Aaron doesn't seem to care as long as he doesn't have to look up from his phone. Nicky has been Skypeing Erik, despite the time difference. They're speaking in German, which Neil remembers from his time with his mother. Nicky is discussing viable partners to get him through his upcoming heat. Neil ignores him in favor of listening to coach. 

Per usual, Seth makes his own opportunity to take jabs at Neil. 

“If Josten would man up and learn to play we would get more points. He can't just suck dick to be on the team. The fags need to pull their weight.” 

Neil has heard worse. Of course he has. Around the Ravens Neil was a known omega, which meant he was on guard all the time. Now he is wary for a different reason, hiding himself to protect himself. But hearing it from some useless fox who knows nothing about his past or orientation is a sure way to push Nathaniel's anger to the forefront. 

“Are you really mad ‘cause the ‘fags’ play better than you? You've had years to train as a striker and you still can't score against Andrew. I've only been a striker for a few weeks and I score on Renee just as much as you.” 

“Shut the fuck up, Josten. You saying some fag is better than me?” 

“I'm saying you have a fragile ego and shitty aim.” 

“And I'm saying that we don't need some cock sucking Raven.”

Neil tackles Seth in a move he had learned from Jean. Seth was trained as a striker, and Neil as a backliner. It wasn't hard to get him on the ground. It was harder to keep him there, though. Seth outweighed Neil by at least fifteen pounds. 

Neil was drug off after he got a few good hits in, blackening Seth’s eye and bloodying his mouth. Neil's side was sore. 

He turned with a snarl and launched himself at Kevin next, the idiot that had dared to pull Nathaniel away before he had exhausted his rage. 

Neil knees Kevin between his legs, stooping him into Neil's swinging range. Matt gets between them, deflecting Neil's arm harmlessly to the side. Finally Neil steps back with a smile. He glares around Matt, to Kevin. 

“Don't you ever fucking touch me again, or I will finish what Riko started. I will kill you, Kevin.”

Neil spends the next day benched, and the rest of the week after that practicing drills with Dan, Matt, and Renee. Neil doesn't mind the space. 

 

*****

 

Seth goes into heat the next day, which only partially explains his mood swings and shitty personality. He and Allison disappear at the same time-- probably to Allison's place, according to Matt. 

Neil wonders what happens to the single omegas. Nicky, Seth, and Matt all have partners to help them through their heats. Neil wonders what Kevin does. Which, of course, makes Neil angry all over again. 

Neil refuses to think about what he will do when his heat comes. 

 

*****

 

Classes come, and with them, mandatory meetings with Betsy the psychologist. Her office is perfectly cleaned and organized, not a spec of dust on the glass figurines that are set exactly one inch apart. 

Betsy is a beta, judging by the smell, but she exudes a calm gentleness often associated with happy omegas. Neil wonders if she does that on purpose. 

“Tell me about yourself, Neil. Where are you from?”

Nathaniel Wesninski is from Baltimore. Neil Josten, the Raven, is from West Virginia. 

“Charleston,” Neil lies. He's done this so many times during interviews that it slips off his tongue like greasy food he can't eat. 

“What do your parents do for a living?” 

His father is in prison for murder and his mother is dead. 

“My mother is dead-- a car accident. My father is halfway through his CDL training.” More lies thought up by Tetsuji. 

“That must have been painful for you. How old were you?” 

“Sixteen. I was taken in by the Moriyamas shortly after. My father couldn't support me. I don't want to talk about that.” 

Betsy nods and scribbles something on her paper. She gets him to talk about Exy and his team and Friday's upcoming game. Neil is grateful to leave. He hopes he didn't miss much at practice. 

“Alright, mutts. School starts tomorrow, which means…” 

Wymack informs them about practice schedule changes and the importance of maintaining decent grades. He lectures them about staying safe for the upcoming game, avoiding reporters and ‘trouble’. Like it's possible for his players to actively avoid trouble. 

“-we're not saying anything until Kathy’s show on Saturday.” 

Neil's heart stops. 

“Kathy?” Dan asks. 

“Kathy Ferdinand.”

“Like, morning show host Kathy Ferdinand?” Matt asks in horror. 

“That's the one. We have to do some publicity at some point. It was part of our agreement with Chuck and the ERC. Kevin chose Kathy because she agreed to wait until after our first game. Saturday morning we're headed up to Raleigh to give her an exclusive first interview.” 

Kathy Ferdinand is a shark in bloody water. Neil has been forced to attend enough talk shows with Riko that the thought makes him queasy. Let Kevin, the Exy obsessed idiot, make a fool of himself without Riko. Neil wanted no part of it. 

“I'll buy doughnuts for the ride,” Dan sounds entirely too excited about the whole thing. “Renee? Neil?” 

“No thank you.” It comes out much more polite than the ‘fuck no’ Neil is thinking. 

“I vetoed your choice on the matter,” Wymack said. “The ERC is outing you Friday morning. I don't want you out of my sight until the initial hubbub dies down. One Raven was bad enough, but two is going to bring us a lot of fan hate.”

“I can take care of myself.” 

“Watch me beam with pride. It's not your job to take care of yourself. It's your job to play and mine and Abby's job to look after you. Get your priorities straight.” 

Neil didn't realize Andrew was asleep until Wymack's pep talk was over. Nicky reaches over to shake him hard and doesn't move fast enough when Andrew explodes awake like a cat caught in a bathtub. Nicky catches a punch in the chest that sends him to the ground. Andrew pays him little mind, and instead surveys the room quickly. 

Neil knows this all too well, and it sickens him that he understands. Andrew was reacting to a sudden threat imposing on his vulnerable state. Now he is searching for the threat that isn't there. 

Riko would never have been caught unaware. Mostly because nobody dared to. Partially because Riko doesn't leave himself vulnerable like that, sleeping anywhere except behind a locked door. 

Andrew looks surprised to see Nicky's face, rather than whoever he was expecting. Neil wonders what Andrews demons look like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, mostly filler, and some set ups for further drama :) 
> 
> Thoughts? Tell me how much you hate me in the comments :) 
> 
> My tumblr is booksaboutgay


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I've been on a roll, so have another chapter :)  
> Also, it seems like nobody is really updating frequently since the school season begin.

Monday's suck, regardless of how old you are, where you reside, or what your current alias may be. 

Neil spends his Monday dodging reporters and getting lost around campus. He was late to two classes. He sat at the back of the class or against the wall when he could. He dodged two women and a young man who all paid entirely too much attention to Neil, offering help with homework and other things, though it was only the first day. He brushed off their attention and fled as soon as possible. 

With Neil's head down and hood up all morning, it's lunch before he notices the fox ears and tails around campus. For such a poor sports team, Palmetto sure supported their Foxes. 

Kevin has been training Neil himself, with very little input from Seth, who finally returned. Neil is learning quickly. The Ravens disciplined all players to have perfect aim, so it's no problem for Neil to land the ball right into Kevin's waiting net. He dodges around Matt and Aaron with ease. It's Renee that's the problem. 

Andrew has yet to be on the court with Neil, but that's fine because Renee is batting away 4/10 of every shot Neil takes. Kevin lectures Neil about projecting his movements after every practice and it's driving Neil insane. 

“Shut the fuck up, Kevin!” Neil snarls. “This isn't the Nest, you're not number two anymore. Quit talking down to me like I'm beneath you.”

“Because you aren't good enough, Nathaniel. If Renee can block a single one of your shots, you're not good enough. Try harder, or I'll stop wasting my time with you, *four*.” 

Neil goes numb inside. *BadBadBad, not good enough*. Neil is never never good enough. Never quick enough. Never smart enough. 

“Go to hell,” Neil growls, not one to be slighted by Kevin when he wasn't under the threat of pain. He drops his racquet on the ground and unstraps his helmet. 

Dan unlocks the court door from the outside but Wymack tries to stop him. “Where do you think you're going? You still have a half hour of practice.”

“Coach, if you lock me up with Kevin right now I'm going to kill him. Somehow I doubt Andrew would appreciate that.”

Wymack nods. “Okay, go cool down. I know Kevin can be a pain in the ass, but don't make a habit of this. I hate cleaning blood off my court. Get out of here, Josten.”

Neil forgoes showering because he's going to get sweaty running around campus anyway. Kevin catches up to him in the parking lot. He grabs Neil's arm and pulls hard enough to spin Neil like a doll. 

“Don't fucking touch me.” Neil pulls away from Kevin's grip. “Why is that so hard for everyone to understand?”

“Don't be dramatic, I wasn't going to hurt you.” 

“Not unless an alpha told you to, right?” Neil sneers. “Then you'll do whatever you need to. Hold us down, send the older players to our room; enforce Riko's pathetic rules so you don't risk angering the alpha. Remember when you told Riko I gave you that split lip? Because I don't.” 

The beating that had followed had given Neil a severe concussion, and he had lost most of the day. 

Kevin swings at him. Neil doesn't duck and lets it hits him in the jaw. Nathaniel has been hit before and although it sends him to the ground and spikes pain over half his face, he laughs. It's cold and cruel, paired with his father's grin. It makes Kevin flinch, which makes the blow worth it. 

“I know you're an omega.” 

Kevin looks like Neil hit him in the gut with a racquet. 

“Who told you?” 

“It doesn't matter. Why didn't you tell me? You knew what Riko and the others did to me. So why did you have to keep that a secret from me? I would have understood.”

“Because omegas don't get to play Exy.” Kevin's omission is half snarl, half sob. It's a pathetic sound. “If It got out to the other Ravens, it would have eventually gotten into the news. And then I would never  
have gotten court time.” 

“I suffered alone, for so long, because what? You thought I would put you to the other Ravens? News flash, Kevin, there are worse things than being outed to the media. And I doubt they would have been interested in that, since most of them were fucking me and Jean.” 

“But I had to deal with Riko!” Kevin says, as if Neil could forget for even a second the monster that was Riko Moriyama. 

Neil shakes his head and pointedly stares at the stadium doors. Or, more accurately, Andrew. 

“This isn't the place for this,” Neil states. He doesn't want to cause a scene where the Foxes might hear. Neil and Kevin both share too many secrets to be overheard. 

Andrew is easily talked into driving them back to the dorm, if only because it's easier to keep Neil from killing Kevin that way. The Exy floor of the dorms will be abandoned for the next hour or so. Kevin and Andrew go to their room and Neil follows. Andrew walks straight to the window and lights a cigarette, making it clear he wasn't going to let these two junkies out of his sight. 

“I could have helped you,” Neil says first, and it's like they're back in the Nest. 

Nathaniel is snarling and Kevin looks like he wants to beat him for his insolence. It's a look Neil has seen too many times to count, only now Riko isn't here to enforce it. That makes Neil brave. He grew up with the Butcher and then lived with Riko, Neil isn't capable of being afraid of Kevin. 

“You were just as trapped as I was. You couldn't have done anything,” Kevin scoffs. 

“Then why did you leave us there? Jean is dead because of Riko but you could have saved him.” 

“I-” Kevin stops. A dark look crosses his face before he turns. A bottle is calling his name, something to drown his worries with. 

Neil scoffs in disgust. If only the Ravens could see him now-- the great Kevin Day, drowning himself in booze and pickling his liver. 

“Was if you who taught him such bad habits?” Neil asks Andrew. The smoke from the cigarettes is calming. 

“Drunk Kevin is slightly less annoying,” Andrew shrugs. “It keeps me from losing patience.” 

Neil nods. He understands the losing patience part. 

“You should try it yourself. Never know, you may like it. Not like you have any secrets to hide now, big bird.” 

“And chance you drugging me again? I don't think so. I'm not that stupid.” Neil looks toward the kitchen. Kevin is still drinking heavily from a clear bottle. “Do you think he's had enough of that to loosen his tongue? I'm not done questioning him yet.”

“Is that your question?” 

It takes Neil a moment to realize that Andrew means they're still playing their game. “Sure.”

“But it isn't your turn,” Andrew grins a shark's smile. 

“Then take your turn.”

Andrew hums idly. Neil begins to wonder if he's going to ask a question or keep him waiting for the fun of it. 

“How did Jean Moreau really die?” 

It wasn't the question Neil was expecting. Jeans name hits him like a blow to the gut, painful and sudden. It takes him a moment to adjust. 

“Riko killed him. I don't remember much. I was unconscious for most of it, I think. When I woke Jean was a bloody mess on the floor. Riko had beaten him. It wasn't like the news said.”

Andrew's hand waves in dismissal. “Go harass Kevin. Give him another ten minutes or so.” 

Andrew even passed Neil a cigarette, which Neil refuses. He snaps the stick in half and throws it out the window. Andrew laughs as he lights a new one. 

“Are you going to tell coach about me?” Neil is surprised Andrew hasn't thrown him to the wolves already. 

“Not my problem. Tell him yourself, though you're going to run out of pills eventually. Did you think nobody would notice? Abby thinks she misplaced them and ordered another, but you won't be so lucky next time. Should be interesting to see what happens.” 

Neil remembers why he hates Andrew, not that he ever forgot. Instead of dwelling, he goes to find Kevin. He finds him drinking straight from the bottle on his room, staring at a laptop screen. Neil recognizes one of last years games. 

“Why Andrew?” Neil has been wondering that since Kevin left. He hopes Kevin is drunk enough to answer. 

“Why Andrew what?” 

“When you left, why did you come here? Why didn't you go to the Trojans? You worship Knox. So why here? Why do you hide behind Andrew, of all people?”

“You've seen him. He's not afraid of Riko. He can keep him away from me.”

Neil doesn't know what makes Kevin sound so sure, but he nods. Andrew is psychotic, with or without the meds. Riko was trained by Nathan to handle a knife, and he had the body guards to back him up. Neil wonders who would come out of that fight. 

“Why didn't I know you were an omega?”

“Because I didn't want you to. I didn't want anyone to know-- I already had Riko, I didn't want the others too.” 

Neil shudders at the implications. 

“So you left them to me?” Neil can't feel the words on his lips. He's gone numb; hollow. 

“I'm sorry.” 

Neil leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whatcha think of Kevin being a total asshole? I got a kick out of writing it :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) because I couldn't wait I spent all day writing and I'm excited for what's to come.

Blowing his legs out days before the first game was probably an unwise decision. Leaving campus alone was definitely a bad decision. Neil realizes that only after he has run until grew dark, and finds himself miles out of town on trembling, numb legs. 

Neil doesn't even consider the cell phone in his pocket. He resigns himself to the long walk back to the dorms and forces his legs to move. 

_I already had Riko, I didn't want the others too._

Why didn't Riko leave Neil alone, if he had Kevin to fuck? Neil knows the answer as soon as the questions pops in his mind. Because Riko is a selfish, greedy alpha. When he couldn't have Kevin, his favorite, he had Neil as a backup to satisfy his violent urges.

Neil has seen Kevin shirtless, he knows that Kevin does not wear the same scars that Neil does. It makes Neil wonder if that had been a sign of Riko's fucked up version of love. 

Riko could keep his best omega locked beside him always, an inseparable pair. He could order Kevin and Kevin would always obey so easily. He could smack his omega around when he needed punished and fuck him when Kevin went to heat. He could pretend it was love. 

But the true punishment was saved for the expendable omega. Neil, who couldn't even get pregnant. The useless one, who was already covered in so many scars that a few more wouldn't make any difference. 

Nathaniel had been ruined before he returned to Riko. Kevin was the perfect omega. 

It made sense, from a clinical point of view. Why allow the other Ravens to soil Riko's precious Kevin when Nathaniel, or even Jean, were around? 

Neil stumbles in the dark. His jeans and skin tear at the knees. He's exhausted. His mothers voice echoes suddenly, _you're fine, keep moving_ , but it's only his imagination. He misses her. 

Neil's phone rings in his pocket, startling him out of his lonely thoughts. Fear freezes in his chest before he realizes it isn't Riko calling him. He isn't in trouble-- probably. Maybe. 

It's Matt. “Hello?”

“Neil, buddy, where are you? It's, like, almost midnight.”

“I went for a run.”

“In the middle of the night? Where are you, I'll come pick you up.”

Neil doesn't know where he is. He looks around for a sign or a landmark, anything. He keeps walking. 

“I don't know. I'm just outside of town, I think. There's a gas station, a Sinclair.” He knows that isn't very helpful. There's at least half a dozen of those around here. “I'll ask for the address, hang on.” 

The attendant is a bored looking beta, looking through her phone. She doesn't look up as she prattles off a street address. 

“Seriously? You're like five miles out. Hang on, I'll be there in a minute. Don't go anywhere.”

Matt rambles over the phone as he drives and Neil stretches his cramping muscles on the curb outside. Matt's big truck pulls directly in front. Neil is grateful. 

“Thank you. You didn't have to come get me. I'm fine, I could have ran.” 

“You say that so much in beginning to think you don't know what it means. You know you missed dinner, right? Everyone was worried. Well, our group was. Kevin was passed out drunk and Andrew is never any help.”

Neil hadn't noticed his empty stomach before. Hunger was a mild inconvenience that he was used to working through. His stomach, however, protests loudly. Matt laughs. 

“Tell you what, there's a Taco Bell I passed, that at least has lettuce and tomato, right? That counts as vegetables. Do you like tacos?”

Neil can't remember the last time he had a taco. He shrugs. The air conditioner in Matt’s truck works too well and he shivers. 

Without a word, Matt reaches his long arms into the back seat and produces a hoodie out of nowhere. It's fox orange, but it isn't his team jacket. Maybe it was a present from Dan-- she likes orange. Matt drops the jacket in Neil's lap wordlessly. Neil mutters a thanks and slips it over his head. 

It swims on him, the length covering his thighs and the sleeves covering even the tips of his fingers. It's baggy and warm and leaves everything to the imagination. It smells like Matt. Neil hadn't noticed when Matt started becoming synonymous with ‘safe’ but the smell is comforting. 

They do a drive through so Neil doesn't have to walk on his tires legs. The tacos are surprisingly good, though Neil doubts they would make Kevin's diet plan. That makes them all the better. 

Neil forgets that he has on Matt’s hoodie until they're back at the dorms. Neil doesn't understand why it pleases him so much to wear a jacket that isn't his. It's not the same as Jean’s old team hoodie but it's still nice. 

The upperclassmen are all gathered in their room, though Seth and Allison have wandered away for some privacy. Dan has Neil sit down before her and Neil only cringes a little at the lack of space between them. 

“Neil, how do you feel about nail polish?” 

“What?” Neil's brain stutters, trying to remember if his mother said anything about it before. 

“Can I paint your nails? Orange and white, for the game.” 

Allison looks up suddenly from Seth. Neil gets the impression that this is some sort of dare. It probably has something to do with a bet, but Neil doesn't know how. 

“Sure.” It's only paint, after all. And Neil wants to make a statement that he is t with the Ravens anymore. He is a fox now. 

It's confusing, Neil isn't sure what to do with nice things. Dan cradles his hands carefully, painting each finger slowly. Orange with white paws, white with orange paws, little fox faces that end up a little smudged. Allison and Dan split the winning cash between them. 

“So Neil, who are you taking to the banquet?” 

Neil hadn't thought about that. He had been too busy worrying about seeing Riko again. 

“I'm not bringing anyone.” 

“That's stupid, even the monster has a date.”

“So?”

Allison's rolls her eyes and flicks her nails at him. “So you can't show up alone, it would be pathetic. I can hook you up with a pretty face. What do you prefer?”

“Um, sorry, what?” 

This felt eerily similar to having Riko pick who got to spend the night with Neil. _Bishop played well on the last game. But Markov reminds the omega of his manners._

“You know, male, female; alpha, beta, omega. I bet you'd want an alpha. Someone who can-” _take care of that big mouth of yours._

“No, don't. I-I don't swing.” 

“Come on, we saw you with Riko how many times? Cut the shit, Josten. I can find you another short alpha, you won't even miss that Raven asshole.” 

“I said no, Allison.” 

She opens her mouth to protest, her painted brows furrowing down into an unbecoming scowl.

When he said _no_ he expected to be listened to. He will not be ignored anymore. 

“No, Allison. Alpha or not, I won't be forced into anything. I don't want a date, I'm not interested in anyone you have planned. I don't know why it's so hard for alphas to understand that, but if I won't be listened to, I'll leave. Fuck the contract.”

“Fine.” With a sniff, Allison turns back to Seth. 

Dan and Matt and Renee all force themselves to ignore the tension left behind from Neil's outburst. After that it doesn't take long for the room to fall 

Eventually Seth and Allison broke apart and an argument starts. Neil tries to ignore them, but Allison is a very demanding and loud alpha. The scent of anger and lust is too thick to ignore. Before Neil can get out of sight, Allison storms back to the girl's room. Seth and Matt turned on a video game console that Neil didn't recognize. 

After that it doesn't take long for the girls to leave the room. Seth and Matt are glued to some sort of shooting game with aliens that Neil doesn't find entertaining at all. Thankfully now that the alphas gone, Neil can sleep in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What scenes are you guys excited to see?   
> Are you missing the angst yet?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo since I just finished writing ch18, I thought I should update again :)

Neil, Renee, and Nicky are the subs for the first half of the game. They press against the glass, wary of the refs, and watch the rest of the Foxes take their positions. Andrew takes his time walking slowly to goal, at a leisurely pace that would get him punished in the Nest. Kevin swaggers to the half court line like he belonged there. 

It's been eight months since Kevin wore a uniform. Regardless of which team the fans came to support, the stadium echoed hundreds of cheers. If Neil let himself close his eyes, he could pretend it was Jean at his side. 

At least, until Nicky opens his mouth. 

“Hey. I know we haven't really had a chance to talk after… well. I just wanted to say sorry, but it's not like Andrew really let me be alone with you. So… are we okay?” 

“No. In fact, it's not Andrew you should be worrying about. Because if you touch me again, I will kill you before Andrew gets the chance, damn the consequences.” 

“Okay.” Nicky has the sense to look ashamed, but Neil doesn't feel guilty for a second. 

Neil had almost forgotten how much he loved Exy. At the Nest, Exy wasn't something to be enjoyed. It was something that brought him pain, and had often earned him punishment. Being locked in a room with alphas that wanted to hurt him had never been a pleasant experience, whether Neil had played well or not. 

Aaron dodges under the opposing striker. He catches the ball in a move that Riko would approve of. He keeps spinning until he is facing Andrew and throws the ball at his brother. Andrew ricochets it back down the court. 

With no threat over his head, Neil can remember why he loved it now. The Foxes are a far cry from the Ravens, but he still loves to watch. 

Breckinridge breaks through the Foxes defense, barreling through Aaron with brute force. Neil shouts his criticism at the glass, with Wymack shouting beside him. 

“Get it out of there!” 

Andrew aims the balls he blocks to ricochet off the Jackels helmets. Neil can't help snickering at the sight. Wymack shoots him a glare and Neil just smiles. 

Gorilla Hawking catches Seth between his three hundred pound mass and the wall. Neil rolls his eyes at Seth’s stupidity. The striker goes down onto all fours while Gorilla bounds down the court. Seth is refusing to call his injury. 

Down the court, Kevin gets slammed between two of the Jackels. He loses the ball, but doesn't fall. 

Seth finally raises his racquet to signal the refs of his injury. 

Neil doesn't wait for Wymack's command. He grabs his helmet and jogs to the door. He can hear the announcers. 

“Going on for Seth Gordon is number 10, Neil Josten.” 

Boos chorus from the crowd. He can hear the fans calling him a traitor and a failure. It doesn't matter. 

Neil braces himself for the smell of alpha aggression and he doesn't even flinch when he steps inside the court. He runs to his spot. A Breckinridge girl faces off against him. 

“Are you kidding me? You traded in the Ravens for _this_? You traded _Riko Moriyama_ for the cripple? You're not even a striker.”

“Then you don't have anything to worry about, right?” Neil grins at her, all sharp edges and teeth. 

The bell sounds overhead. Andrew smacks his racquet hard enough to get Neil's attention. 

“Better run, bird brain. This is for you.” 

Neil bolts before Andrew even swings. 

Despite their borderline hatred of each other, Neil and Kevin play well together on the court. 

Neil throws to Dan, whose aim isn't good enough to get to Kevin that far away. Instead she stalls while Neil dashes around her. Neil nabs the ball from her and aims to Kevin, who scores. 

In the next play Gorilla gets the ball. The Jackels herd down court, passing the ball in increments. Neil grits his teeth. He forces himself into the fray while Kevin stays safely back, waiting. Neil is small enough, even in his gear, to dodge the sticks and elbows in the chaos. He smacks the ball out of a Jackel’s net and risks a jump throw to Kevin. He hears the score buzzer sound a moment later. 

“Whore,” the Jackals female backliner snarls. 

“You're pathetic,” Neil smiles. 

She snarls at him, scenting the stale air around them with alpha pheromones. She tackles him the ground and Neil twists beneath her. His mind is clear and he isn't panicking, he's allowed to defend himself in the court. 

Neil throws the girl off of him and one of the other Jackels pulls her away-- no, it's Andrew. Andrew is in the girls face, threatening her with a fake grin on his face. Neil stands. 

“Andrew. I'm fine, get back in goal. We have a game to win.”

A ref guides the dealer away with a red card. It was worth the bruises. Neil grins at Andrew, and looks down the court at Kevin. Kevin shakes his head slowly, and Neil can almost imagine the fond smile there. Neil had taken worse hits at the best, Kevin knows he can take it. 

Matt gets the ball from his mark and deals to Aaron. Aaron’s only clear shot was to his brother. Aaron dodges around a Jackel and Andrew returns it back to Aaron, who shoots to Neil. Neil passed to Kevin. 

Kevin catches it with a familiar ease. Neil chest twinges with something unfamiliar. 

Gorilla smacks at Kevin's racquet, sending the ball shortly into the air. Kevin only just manages to keep possession. 

“Get him off of me!” Kevin yells. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Matt is moving to help. Neil gets there first. He shoulders Gorilla out of the way in a tricky movie that Jean had taught him. It had taken weeks to master it and Riko had been impatient for him to learn. Neil puts all his strength and momentum to knock Gorilla away from Kevin. 

Neil accepts the yellow card. He chances a glance to Wymack, who is scowling something fierce. Neil swallows heavily, shaking the gathering fear from him. He will deal with the consequences later. Right now he has a game to win. 

They're paused, and Neil looks around for the cause. Kevin is standing in front of Andrew, his left hand held out. Andrew peels away the layers impatiently. Neil runs to meet them.

“Did you break it again?” Neil asks. He pays no mind to the mast look Kevin sends him. 

Andrew peels back the last band to show skin. Kevin flexes his fingers slowly, carefully. 

“No, but I'm done for the game. I can't-- I can't risk it.”

Neil and Andrew both nod. Neil waits for Kevin to walk away, back toward the court day where Abby is no doubtedly anxiously waiting. 

“Thanks for earlier. With the girl, I mean.”

“Shut up and play, junkie.”

The next serve goes from Andrew, all the way down court to Neil. Foxes win, 10-9.

Neil suffers through a long winded lecture about him being a striker, not a backliner. How he needs to let Matt and the others do their job. Neil is there to score points. In the end, Wymack congratulates Neil on his teamwork.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm loving writing this monster, but i would love someone to bounce ideas off of... if anyone wants to volunteer you comment here or on my tumblr booksaboutgay


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much canon, with a twist. Because you know...

Neil doesn't sleep well. The upperclassmen have all gathered in their dorm, the girls draped across their boyfriends and the furniture, passing a bottle of vodka around. They stay up drinking for most of the night, playing music and dancing and whatever else drunk people did. 

Neil spends the entirety of his night huddled in his bed, afraid that one of them would come in. 

Neil is careful not to make any noise. He doesn't want to draw any attention to himself, not with three drunk alphas nearby. He buries the blanket up over most of him, his eyes on the door and his back to the wall. Part of him dares to hope that the Foxes won't hurt him. Maybe they will forget he's here. Maybe they'll just leave him alone. 

A different part of him knows better, has learned the lesson through hard won experience. He waits. 

Neil can hear everything through the flimsy door. Dan’s drunken bragging, Allison's clumsy cackle. Matt challenges Seth to some sort of contest. Allison dares Dan to let her do Dan’s hair. Seth is loud, obnoxious. Matt is less obnoxious and more boisterous, like an overexcited puppy. They get louder as the night progressed. 

At some point they all fell asleep, one by one. The girls didn't leave and so Neil assumed everyone piled onto the couches and chairs and beanbags to sleep. 

Neil stayed awake, vigilantly watching the door. 

Neil is still awake when his alarm goes off. He watched the numbers tick a countdown in his head. He hits the alarm off and drags himself out of bed, exhausted. 

Matt and Dan are tangled together on the couch, Renee curled on a chair while Seth and Allison take separate beanbags. Neil dodges around the bodies, only waking them after he has dressed and slipped his shoes on. He brushes his teeth while the others begin to stir, and then he's out the door, waiting on the street for the bus. 

Half of the team shows up in pajamas, but Neil had settled for sweatpants and one of the long shirts with the thumb hole in the sleeve. Dan and Matt try to ruffle his hair but Neil flinches back-- he's tired, he doesn't want to be touched. They call him some form of endearment that Neil is too tired to process. 

Allison coos at him as he passes her, searching for a seat. Behind her, Seth snarls a territorial warning that Neil ignores. They all look in varying shades of hungover. 

He files toward the back of the bus out of habit. He doesn't realize that is where the monsters sit until Andrew and Kevin stand before him. Andrew takes the seat across from Neil, and Kevin claims the one before that. Aaron and Nicky sat slightly closer to the front. 

Neil labels the passing scenery in his head-- red car, pet shop, highway, sunrise; so on and so forth, in effort to keep away the sleepy fog closing in. 

At some point Renee and Abby bring back coffee and doughnuts. Neil takes a coffee, as black and bitter as Riko's soul. He passes on the doughnuts and greasy breakfast sandwiches. The middle of the night fast food tacos with Matt the other day had probably accounted for enough empty calories. The coffee tasted like burning tires smelled. 

Kathy is in much better form than the Foxes. Her hair is styled and her makeup is bright and perky. She reeks of beta and perfume.

She kisses Kevin on the cheek and Kevin smiles indulgently. Neil hates Kevin's fake Press Smile. Then Kathy's eyes catch on Neil, and the bandage covering the burn on his cheek. 

“Nathaniel Josten. Good morning, dear. How are you?” She bats her eyes like she has a hair caught. Neil doesn't buy the act. He knows better. 

“No.”

“No?” She looks aghast. “Nathaniel, you haven't even heard me out.” 

“No. I'm not interested.”

“Don't be shy. You've done this plenty of times before. Everyone is dying to know where you've been, and why you broke up with Riko. Amongst other things.” She looks pointedly at his bandaged cheek. 

Neil flinches back. It nearly sends him into Matt, who stands carefully behind him. 

“I don't care.” 

She looks ready to argue when Wymack interferes. 

“We won't make him do anything he doesn't want to.” 

Neil is surprised that Andrew allows Kevin to be taken backstage to dress. The twins are the last in the row. Neil sits closest to the aisle-- closest to the exit. Andrew lets him. 

“Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. It is so good to see you again, back on the field after that mast injury!” 

Kathys voice grates on Neil's nerves. His fists clench in his hoodie, worrying little holes into the fabric. 

Kevin may be keeping a believable face for the crowd, but Neil can hear the subtle tremble in his voice. He ignores it-- Kevin got himself into this mess, after all. 

“I would like to stay as long as the Foxes will have me.” 

“Very convincing,” Neil mumbles under his breath. Andrew's meds have kicked in by now, and he giggles. 

“He might shake right out of his chair, that would be funny. I bet he hits the bottle before Wymack puts the bus in drive.” 

Neil nods. 

“I imagine Riko misses you.” Kathy is pouting on stage. The crowd _awwww_ s. 

“We will see eachother again this fall.” 

“Indeed you will. They're in your district now. Why the major change?” 

“I don't presume to understand coach Moriyama’s motivations.” 

“You mean they didn't tell you?” Kathy’s acting is more convincing than Kevin's. 

“We are all very busy. It's been difficult to keep in touch.” 

“Well then, have I got a surprise for you!”

Neil's heart stops. The speakers around the studio blare a familiar beat. The crowd chants, _king, king, king_. Neil can't breath. His body has gone numb. Riko emerges from the side of the stage in slow motion and Neil can't look away. Riko looks out at the crowd and grins at Nathaniel. 

“Oh god,” Neil chokes.

This is it. This is where Moriyama bodyguards sneak in and take him back to Riko. They probably have a car waiting, if they knew there was a chance at taking Nathaniel back, he wouldn't have risked a plane. 

Beside him, Andrew lunges out of his chair. Neil is on his feet out of instinct, unaware of the team that's surrounding Andrew, holding him down. Neil has to run-- to get out of town, to give in and call his uncle. 

A hand catches Neil's wrist. It's Matt, eyes wide and concerned. 

“Don't go. It'll be okay, Neil.”

Behind Matt, the show is continuing. 

“Your golden pair is back, everyone! But for the first time ever, they're rivals.” Kathy turns to Riko. “From what Kevin was telling me, it wounds like you two haven't gotten much of a chance to speak. Is that true?” 

“It is. You sound surprised.” 

“Well yes,” Kathy nods, her eyes wide with a fake concern. “It has been an eventful summer. It hit all of us hard to hear about Jean Moreau, I can't imagine how you feel.”

“Jean Moreau was a talented player and one of my closest friends. Almost as close as Kevin and I.” 

That does it. Neil can visibly see Kevin trembling. His fists are clenched against his thigh and he looks pale enough to faint. Riko has tortured them enough. Neil darts around Matt and runs his way back stage. He smooths his hair down out of habit and sneaks his way on stage. The crowd sees him immediately but Kevin and Kathy don't. 

“Kevin, what did you do when you got the news?” Kathy clutches her chest dramatically. “Oh! It looks like you made it after all. Nathaniel, what a pleasant surprise.”

“I'm so sorry I'm late, Kathy. I had some car issues this morning, and then I missed my turn and wound up downtown. I didn't even have chance to change.” 

The sweatpants and purple shirt are a far cry from Riko's impeccable suit. Neil used to have one just like, for occasions exactly like this. It feels rebellious and Neil kind of loves it, even if he was queasy with fear. 

“That's quite alright, take a seat. Wow, the perfect court, all in my stage. But first-- Kevin, you were saying?” 

Neil takes the other side of the couch Kevin sits on. As usual, the attention turns away from him quickly. Kevin and Riko had always be the favorites. Neil had only been exciting after he had first been numbered. 

“I will miss Jean tremendously. I wish we had more time together.” Kevin dares to look to Neil, peeling his eyes away from Riko. “There is nothing I regret more.” 

“And then for Nathaniel to follow Kevin to the Foxes. Riko, did this come as a shock to you? Did you and Nathaniel discuss a transfer before or after Jean’s death?”

“Yes, I will admit it was rather sudden. Jean’s suicide hit Nathaniel and I both very hard. Nathaniel took the worse, of course. You know how emotional omegas can get.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I'm not even sorry. U hardly ever leave cliff hangers!! This was fun :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm as impatient as you guys so here you go :) 
> 
> FUBUKIATSUYA is inspiration, you can thank her for the motivation

_“You know how emotional omegas can get.”_

Kathy gapes. “I'm sorry, could you repeat that? Did you just say that Nathaniel is an omega?”

Riko nods. “Yes. We had been keeping it secret for Nathaniel, of course. He hadn't wanted people to know. He thought he might be ridiculed for it. But he wanted it, so we did.” 

The smirk Riko shoots Neil's way is terrifying; hungry. Like Riko can already taste Neil's flesh between his teeth. Neil fights the fear pulsing for in his veins. He can hardly hear over the rush. He has one foot in the grave, he can't run now. 

“So you see,” Riko continues. “The foxes weren't really the first team to take in omegas. Nathaniel has been with us since he was sixteen.”

“An omega marked for Perfect Court, Riko? Are you sure?” Kathy chuckles condescendingly. “

“I was. But not anymore-- Nathaniel was trained as a backliner, not a striker. I'm afraid the Foxes have been teaching him bad manners.”

“The Foxes have been more of a family than the Ravens ever were. A concept you wouldn't understand.”

“So, Riko, why the sudden change in districts?” Kathy tries to rein in the animosity before her show becomes a battleground. 

Riko prattles on about the challenges of switching districts. About how the world doesn't revolve around Kevin or Neil, despite ‘omega dramatics’. Riko is a master at tearing them down while seeming kind, if condescending. 

“I'm sorry, boys, but we're coming to a close. Perhaps you would come back for a sequel segment!” The fans cheer. 

“Thank you for having us, Kathy.” 

Neil and Kevin are off stage before the applause has stopped. They nearly get to the exit before Riko catches them. 

“You are forgetting your manners, Nathaniel. I will enjoy reteaching you.” He turns from Neil, as dismissive as always, and obsessed with Kevin. 

"Kevin!" Riko makes a move toward Kevin, smiling all too pleased, the cat that got the canary. Neil gets between them, shoving Riko back. 

Riko stumbles and rights himself with a snarl. He hits Neil wth a closed first, his knuckles burying in the side of Neil's face. 

Riko grabs him by the throat and pins him back to the wall behind them. Neil gags and chokes, but at least his attention is away from Kevin. Riko won't do anything too bad when there was the risk of getting caught. 

“What is this?” Riko peels the bandage from Neil's cheek. Neil pushes ineffectively at Riko's chest. 

Neil had a bit of a breakdown on his escape from West Virginia. He had pulled over to the side of the dark highway and taken the dashboard lighter to the number tattooed on his face. It had hurt like hell, but he wanted it gone, desperately. 

Riko's fingers tighten around Neil's neck. His skin will surely bruise. 

“You bitch! You belong to me.” 

He punches Neil again, this time letting him fall to the floor. The alpha straddles Neil's hips, pinning him to the floor. Riko returns one hand to Neil's throat, the other around his wrists. He can't breathe. 

Neil freezes. Riko is _here_ and he is on top of him, holding Neil down and touching him everywhere. Neil can feel Riko's hips grinding into his own. Neil can't breathe. 

“You are _mine_.” 

Riko forces Neil's chin back and sinks his teeth deep into Neil's throat. 

It hurts. Of course it does, or Riko wouldn't be doing it. This is different than biting at the mating gland on the back of Neil's neck. This is a warning, a threat, and a promise of punishment to come. 

Neil whimpers once, and then Riko is pulling away. 

No-- Andrew had Riko by the hair, yanking him up off of Neil. He presses a knife into Riko's throat. He looks like he would gladly rip his throat out-- with his teeth, if need be.

“Kevin, Neil. Go to Renee. Now.” 

Neil stares dumbly at Andrew. He thinks he may be in shock. 

Andrew does not once look away from the threat in front of him, but he doesn't hear the two idiot omegas moving. 

“Move.” He puts authority behind his order. 

Kevin starts moving first. He always was better at obeying. He hauls Neil from the floor while Neil is still numbly choking on air. 

The others surround them immediately. Abby clutches Kevin to her chest

Neils throat is burning, but now that he can breath, it catches in his lungs. Fast, short little gasps. His chest is aching. 

He thinks his face might be swelling where Riko hit him. 

“Neil?”

Someone touches his wrists, tender with fresh bruises. Neil pulls away. 

“Don't touch me.” 

“Neil, what the hell just happened? Where is Andrew?” 

“Backstage.” Neil manages to mumble. He can't bring himself to look at Wymack. 

Andrew comes out before Wymack has the chance to go in after him. Andrew is wiping his hands on his jeans, probably wiping blood away. Maybe that is why he wears so much black. 

“We're going.” Andrew orders. 

Surprisingly, or maybe not, Wymack nods and follows his lead. He herds everyone to the bus. Neil is just behind the monsters, in a hurry to put as much distance between him and Riko as possible. 

The drive back to campus is even quieter than this morning. Abby comes with her first aid kit, cleaning and bandaging the bleeding bite on his neck. Neil sits quietly and lets her. She leaves a chemical ice pack for his swollen face. After that, everyone leaves him alone. 

The bus pulls into the parking lot in front of the dorms and Wymack stands. He tells everyone to stay out of trouble, with a particular look at Neil. 

“Damage control can wait until tomorrow. Everyone be careful. Get the hell off my bus.”

Andrew catches Neil on his way off the bus. 

“Why did you do that? After he outed out on live public television, you still threw yourself to Riko.”

“I didn't throw myself at him.”

“You put yourself right in his bullseye. You practically stabbed yourself on his knife. Why?”

Neil takes a steadying breath. “To protect Kevin. I'm used to Riko hurting me. The worst Kevin ever got was a few rough fucks and a broken hand.”

Neil shakes his head, as if to banish the thoughts. His throat is tender. Talking hurts. 

“You're making my job harder. I thought you were running from Riko, not turning yourself into a target.” 

“I did what nobody else was going fb to. He didn't touch Kevin-- that's what matters.” 

“You never told me you were a martyr.” 

Andrew lights a cigarette. Neil can see his hand bruising across the knuckles. 

“Thank you. Nobody ever-- thank you.” 

“Don't make a habit of it.” 

Andrew brushes Neil's hand as Neil turns to leave. It's the quickest of grazes, almost an accident. Neil ignores it. 

Matt and the others are waiting in their room. Neil is immediately wrapped in a hug-- he doesn't know who, can't think to recognize the smell brought the sudden panic. 

He shoves the person off, stepping away desperately. 

“Don't touch me,” Neil snaps, though nobody has ever obeyed him before. 

“Hey, easy buddy. I'm sorry.” Matt bends his head to the side, showing his throat in a submissive manner. He's hoping to calm Neil. T works; only Jean had ever submitted to Nathaniel. Only on the very worst days when Nathaniel was afraid that the lightest touch might shatter him. 

Neil is now the center of attention-- the lowest ranking omega surrounded by people with more social standing here than he. He doesn't want to be here. He can't be here right now. 

Neil escapes through the still open door and nobody chases him. 

Neil runs himself until exhaustion masks over the panic. It's not as late as usual, since he's been up since 3am. 

The dorm smells like pizza-- something Neil hasn't smelled in a long time. He can't remember the last time he had any. His diet at the Nest had been strict, and before that his mother had favored towards ingredients that could be used multiple times. Tortillas, bread, sometimes fruit if she was feeling kind. 

But pizza had been a frivolous thing. It smells delicious and suddenly Neil is starving. The upperclassmen, minus Allison, are lounging around the front room with plates of pizza. There are several boxes open on the coffee table. There is some unfamiliar movie playing in the screen. 

“You're back!” Matt looks relieved. 

“I'm fine.”

“Are you? I mean, Riko outed you on live television. We didn't even know, and we're your friends.”

“We're friends?” Neil wasn't sure even Jean had considered Neil a friend. He had no idea. 

“Of course we are, buddy.” Matt scoots closer to dan, making room on the corner of the couch for Neil. 

“Come on, there's plenty of pizza and we just put on Mulan.”

Neil nabs two pieces of pizza at random and slowly sits down on the couch. Matt smiles at him and lays the end of the blanket over Neil's lap. Neil finds himself falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that happened.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheekbonesthatkill wanted some protective Andrew, so…. so this happened. I will not apologize.

Andrew wakes up to a distant screaming. It isn't himself-- Andrew never screamed. He yelled occasionally, but never this kind of terrified horror movie scream. 

It isn't any of his wards-- Nicky and Kevin are still sleeping. Aaron sits up, rubbing at his face. 

“What the fu-” 

Andrew is out of the room before Aaron finishes. The scream comes from across the hall, from the dorm Neil sleeps in. Neil, who was very recently outed as an omega. He should have been safe with Seth and Matt, both omegas. If one of the alphas snuck inside, Andrew is going to murder someone. Again. 

It only takes a moment to pick the lock because Andrew has picked it before and is now familiar with the pattern. 

The screaming has stopped now. Andrew doesn't trust the silence, picturing red hair smothered in pillows. He moves to the bedroom and opens the door without knocking. The scent of scared omega is thick and cloying. It makes Andrew's inner alpha snarl. The hair on the back of his neck stands. 

Neil is sitting on the floor, knees to his chest and arms wrapped around his head. Seth passes Andrew in his way out-- probably to sleep with Allison. 

Matt is kneeling in front of Neil, looking alarmed. Andrew can hear Neil's breathing, short and panicked little breaths. He might faint soon if he doesn't breath. 

Andrew turns on Matt, yanking him by the arm and throwing him across the room. Matt bounces against the wall. 

“What happened?” 

“A nightmare, I guess. There was nobody here.” 

Andrew hums. “Get out.” 

“What? No, he's my friend.” 

“Right now he is scared and you're crowding him. Leave.” 

Matt grudgingly walks out into the hallway. He leaves the door open. 

“Come on, Neil, breathe. That thing where you move your chest and calm the fuck down. Nobody is going to hurt you here.” 

Andrew doesn't touch him because Neil is so obviously struggling with the present. Andrew understands. He used to get confused on where he was too, when he was much younger. He waits. 

Eventually Neil's breath evens out. He dares to look up at Andrew, though he's still curled like he expects a beating. 

His eyes are hollow, emptied of the panic and every other emotion too. Expecting the worst, Andrew thinks. 

“Don't touch me,” Neil pleads pitifully. 

Andrew scoffs. “As if I would want to.”

Neil's skinny shoulders shrug. “Everyone else does. Want to.”

Andrew tenses all over. “Did something happen?” 

“Not recently. You stopped him. Nobody has done that for me before.”

“Your parents?”

“My father sold me to the Moriyamas. He even brought Riko over for my first heat. After my mother took me, she left me with alphas she sort of knew. It was easier that way. It drew less attention.” 

Andrew had gotten answers from Neil's complacency. They were uneven. “Ask me something.”

Neil thinks for a long time, staring at Andrews chest like he is afraid the alpha might move. It's a handy habit to keep danger in sight, Andrew knows. Then you know what to expect. 

Andrew crosses his legs and prepares to wait. 

“Do I have to ask it now?”

“Sooner, rather than later.” 

“I'll come find you when I think of something. I'm gonna go for a run.” Neil moves to stand in his shakes legs. Andrew can see him tremble from here, as scared and weak as when he first arrived. Just as stupid, too. 

“No you're not. It's the middle of the night, it's not safe. Do some yoga or meditating or whatever, but don't leave this building.” 

Neil looks longingly out the window. Maybe he could run up and down the stairs. Anything to get himself out of his head and away from these walls. He still feels the lingering fear from his nightmare and the room is still too small around him. 

“Come on.”

Andrew turns, expecting Neil to follow. Neil almost ignores him, simply out of spite. Then he decides he would rather go anywhere than stay here. The need is greater than his spite and he follows. Andrew stops in his own dorm and grabs two jackets-- one of which he throws at Neil. 

The hoodie is large and black, and smells like Andrew. It's warm. It's a good jacket. 

The alpha leads Neil up the stairs to the roof access door. 

It's cooler at night and Neil appreciates the jacket. He would have come out in just a tee shirt otherwise; things like chill and hunger didn't even register on his radar. It was surprisingly kind thing for Andrew to do. 

Neil walks to the edge, admiring the lights below. It isn't as grand as Paris or Hamburg or Cologne. But it's quieter. It feels less lonely to look out at the lights than it used to. 

“Are you thinking about jumping?” Andrew asks. He is sitting a respectable distance away, fighting to light a cigarette in the breeze. 

Neil shakes his head. Andrew offers Neil the first cigarette, which he takes gladly. 

“It's not high enough to kill me.”

Andrew makes a noncommittal noise. The second cigarette is harder to light. Neil sits beside Andrew and helps block the wind. It takes a moment. 

Neil curls his legs up under his arms and stares out. It's no wonder Andrew brought him here-- there are no walls to keep him in, the fresh air and a cold wind to keep him grounded. There is nobody around to be afraid of. Andrew promised to protect Neil, and for some reason Neil is willing to let Andrew try.

The dreams aren't something he can be protected against. He rarely has dreams, but when he does they're bad. It usually involves Riko or his father, his two greatest fears. Or his mother's death. 

This one had inevitably been about Riko. The scene at Kathy’s talk show had reopened Neil's barely healed psych. He had been sure that he was beneath Riko again, struggling against the cuffs on his wrists while his body was hot with a heat. Kevin had been there, sitting in a corner, looking out the door. There had been no Andrew to pull Riko away. 

“What are you afraid of?” Neil asks. 

“Heights. Falling.” Now that his meds have worn off, Andrews voice is lifeless. 

“Seriously?” 

Andrew doesn't answer. It's the affirmation Neil needs. 

“Andrew, what are you doing on a roof?”

“Not your turn.” 

Neil rolls his eyes-- something Riko would have hit him for. Andrew doesn't seem to mind. 

They sit in the dark some more. Neil should probably be afraid to be here alone with a strong alpha, but he isn't. 

Andrew is good at sitting in silence. He doesn't feel the need to fill the quiet with unnecessary words, like Nicky. Neil doesn't mind. 

“What are you going to do when you have your heat?”

Neil doesn't know. He doesn't have the slightest idea. His plan revolves mainly around finding somewhere safe and quiet to suffer alone. He's started scoping out abandoned houses on his runs, but none of them are isolated enough. He resigns himself to take his search farther. Maybe he will get lucky with a foreclosed farm house on a few acres. Those are usually nice and quiet. 

“I have no idea.”

Andrew tosses his cigarette down to the alley below. Then he plucks Neil's from between his fingers and takes a long drag before throwing it too. It seemed like a waste of nicotine, but they were Andrew's anyway. 

“Give me your hand.” 

Cautiously Neil offers his hand. Andrew flips it palm up and drops something hard and warm there. A key.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't Kevin so nice in this one? He went and fetched Andrew! That's like... a baby step in the right direction!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments! That was so nice, you guys. Every single comment made me smile I really appreciate it :)   
> And comments make me want to write more, so that means more updates for you guys!

Neil doesn't know how he got inside the dorms, but Riko is there, standing in the dark corner, watching Neil with that hungry, predatory stare. He can't move, can't breathe. The walls are black around them, the only light is the moon shining through a gap in the curtains. 

Matt and Seth are gone. It's just Riko and Neil now. He doesn't know where they've gone, but they left him alone with Riko. Neil distantly wonders what he did wrong to deserve this. 

“You've been a bad boy, Nathaniel. You know better than to run away from me. At least, you _should_ know better by now. But then, you always were slow to learn your manners.” 

Riko steps closer, a blade shining in his hand. Neil remembers that knife. He's surprised it hasn't stained with his blood by now. 

“You can't leave me. You can't talk back to me. You can't eat or shower or sleep unless I say so. Now get in your knees and earn your dinner.” 

Neil jolts awake before Riko can touch him much. His chest is aching with phantom pain-- but the pain in his face is very real. The room around him is dark but familiar and safe. There is no moonlight coming through the window; he thinks he hears rain. Seth is snoring. Matt grumbles in his sleep and buries himself deeper in his little nest. They're alone in the room-- no Riko. 

“That fucker,” Neil mumbles into his hand. Even in his sleep, Riko torments him. The bite marks on his neck are stinging a vivid reminder. Neil is doomed to relive the terror over and over again; he wonders if a day will ever come that he doesn't wake at least once. A full night's sleep seems far fetched. 

Neil sighs, heavy and desperate. He's shaking. He doesn't feel safe here, despite Matt snoring below. Neil rolls to his side with his back pressing against the wall. He waits for the hair on the back of his neck to relax but he feels like he's being watched. Eventually he gives up on sleep-- the clock reads 3:18 am. 

Matt sort of wakes when Neil jumps down. He rolls over to face Neil, but his eyes are still mostly shut. 

“Y’okay lil buddy?”

“I'm fine. I’ll be back.” 

Matt sort of nods and mumbles something unintelligible before his eyes drift shut again. Seth hadn't even twitches. 

Neil grabs clothes and changes in the bathroom behind a locked door. Running shorts and a loose shirt, an orange bandana keeping his hair out of his face. For his own peace of mind, Neil nabs a knife before walking a quick sweep of the dorm. Of course, Riko hadn't really been here. He puts the knife back. 

Neil takes the stairs down and stretches on the sidewalk out front. The morning air is brisk and it's still early enough that nobody is out yet. The streets are peaceful and quiet. 

He starts with laps around Perimeter Road. The street lamps are on, flickering with swarms of moths. After a few warm up laps Neil ventures farther. He knows he should start looking for a safe place to have his heat. He can't ignore this any longer. He could talk to Abby about suppressants now that the cat is out of the bag; he really should. But he doesn't want to be examined, doesn't want her to see the surgery scar that hides just under the waistband of his sweats. He doesn't want the foxes to know how useless he is. 

So Neil heads in a new direction, trying to picture the town on a map. He wants the shortest way out of town, which will be more likely to have a few farm houses. Hopefully an abandoned one. 

It gets darker as the street lights disappear, and it's raining slightly. Not enough to matter. Neil has more important things to consider-- like what he is going to do for his impending heat. 

The highway out of town branches out into long dirt roads. They look well travelled, which means it's a busy road, probably an access to several ranches, or maybe a subdivision. 

Another few miles down is a metal green gate over a cattle guard, locked with a metal chain. There's a for sale sign posted with a phone number on it. Neil makes a note of the address and keeps walking. 

He doesn't know when the car started following. He hadn't heard any motor over the sound of the rain, heavier now than it had been. It's headlights are off but Neil can can sort of make out the shape of it after he notices the very faint echo of a finely tuned vehicle. 

Neil should have know that Riko's relations wouldn't wait long. He should have known better. He was getting used to having Andrew or even Dan or Matt or Aaron with him at all times. He had started to maybe feel safe--stupid of him; clumsy. 

A week had already passed and Neil had foolishly thought himself safe. Riko had never shown patience before, not when it came to punishment. 

A door opens-- but pointedly doesn't shut. Neil stops and turns, waiting to see who Riko sent. Actually, he doesn't recognize these men. They're older than Neil, as they usually are. 

Neil runs and the headlights suddenly floor the dirt road. The brightness is nearly blinding. 

The car is getting closer, passing him. Neil turns, expecting it to stop in front of him, blocking the road. But this isn't an action movie. Instead, he gets doored-- hard. The passenger door swings open, crushing into Neil's back and sending him tumbling. 

Footsteps crunch on gravel. Neil tries to stand. 

“Come on, get him off the road.” 

Four sets of hands wrap around his wrists and ankles. Neil is dragged into the car, regardless of his he fights, hiding and kicking flesh at random. The men grunt as he lands blows but Neil can't do any damage and they don't drop him. 

They throw Neil into the back seat of the car and physically sit on top of him to keep him pinned. Neil is suffocating under the weight on his chest, and the panic of having men press against him. Thankfully, or maybe not, it's just a short drive down a dirt road to a field. They're not taking him back to West Virginia. 

“Get off of me! Who are you?” He chokes the words out. Nobody answers him. 

Neil is dragged out of the vehicle and immediately attacked with boots and fists. A kick to his chest, his stomach, his back. Neil wraps his arms up to protect his head. 

The blows roll him around in the mud, caking him. The rain keeps coming harder. Neil's aches with every blow. 

He tries crawling away once. He keeps one arm over his head and uses the second to push himself up. Its kicked out from under him. A heavy boot kicks the side of his unprotected head. 

Neil curls into a ball again. They beat him for a long time after, until Neil is sure that every inch of skin is bruised. He feels no broken bones. 

One of the men pulls something out of his pocket. Neil can hear pills rattling around. 

Someone grabs a fist full of red hair and wrenches his head backwards. They force three pills between Neil's lips and clamp a hand over his mouth until he's swallowing them down. 

“What did you give me?” His words are slurred. Maybe he's got another concussion. 

“Not a clue,” one of them says. “Just doing what I was paid to do. Nothin’ personal, man.” 

Great. So beating Neil half to death is a chore now. The culprit behind this is Riko, obviously. 

Sometime during the beating, the sun had come up. It shines bleakly through the clouds, regardless of the rain still falling. Shivers shake his body. 

It takes Neil a while to bring himself to stand. Every inch of him hurts. They had been very thorough, though careful not to leave any lasting damage. No broken bones or internal injuries. The pills obviously weren't for the pain. 

Neil walks slower than he should, but setting a steady pace is hard when he keeps stumbling and falling and has to fight his aching body to stand again. He's gone maybe a mile or two when he realizes what the pills were-- he blames the concussion for his slow grasp. 

Neil recognizes the fever spreading through his limbs. His skin is growing more sensitive with each minute and the mud cracking off of his skin actually burns, rather than the mild itch it should be. His jeans are damp with what he thought was rain, but now thinks might be slick. 

Neil is going into heat, frighteningly quick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know. I'm a fucking monster :) 
> 
> Thoughts? Should I be mean and make you wait another week for the second chapter?


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that you asked for this. 
> 
> So I'm gonna leave this here, and back away slowlyyyy....

_Neil is going into heat, frighteningly quick._

His muscles feel like jelly already; or maybe more like tenderized meat. Every step hurts and his lower stomach has started cramping ferociously. Neil whimpers as a particularly bad cramp buckles his knees. His soaked jeans are becoming uncomfortable, stiff from the mud and wet from the natural slick between his thighs. 

The road is still deserted but it won't be for long. Farmers usually start their day as soon as the sun rises. He has to find a safe place to stay, and soon. 

He remembers the foreclosed sign on the gate several miles back but he doesn't dare to walk that far, not when an alpha could drive up the road any minute. He will have to improvise. 

Instead, Neil finds another well used road and walks until he sees a sale sign. From there, it's a mile back to the house, which is obviously not foreclosed. There's a car out front and a long pumpkin patch beside a hay field. A few horses see him and come to investigate, their long noses reaching over the fence. They snort at him, curious. 

There's a sign on the field next to them with an auction date posted on the wooden fence post. The house is ancient and obviously hasn't been lived in for several years. It seems that lived-in homes decay more slowly than abandoned ones, he isn't sure why. 

Neil slips through a broken window, ignoring the glass that nicks his legs and hands. The place is musty and dark, but water runs out of the pump hydrant beside the back door and the roof doesn't leak very much. He has water to drink and a place to get out of the rain. There's nothing salvageable to sleep on but that doesn't really matter. 

His muddy clothes are stripped and rinsed quickly under the hydrant while he is still lucid enough to care about it. He leaves his jeans draped over an old rocking chair to dry while the rain comes down. Neil slips back into the sopping shirt immediately, unwilling to look at his bare chested scars. 

His skin feels chilled but it's probably from the fever. Now that the sun has risen it's warmer, even if it's still raining. Neil rinses the sweat off his skin while he has the chance, hoping to keep his scent down. The rain should help with that. 

Neil finds a bathroom to curl up in, the safest room in the house. It had no windows and the door had a lock. It was away from the door leading outside so hopefully the scent of his heat won't be carried out by a draft. 

Neil can smell the mice beneath the floorboards when he lays down. His entire body feels like it's being pulled apart-- he's both hot _and_ cold; every single bruise throbs with his heart beat; his groin throbs too, but in a different way. The cold water hadn't helped, of course. His body trembles from the cold and the pain of his cramps. Maybe he should just start carrying painkillers in his pocket for days like this. 

The floor is as good a place as any to lie down. Pale limbs tangle together to keep warmth in, though he's still shivering. Maybe he shouldn't have rinsed the mud off of his skin. He might have dried faster; or maybe not. The heat or the drugs are fogging Neil's brain and logic is too much right now. 

Neil misses his mother desperately. He would much rather be curled up in the back seat of a cheap but average car with a bottle of water and maybe some protein bars in the floorboard in front of him. He would have been wrapped in a cheap, foam like hotel blanket or his mother's coat. Her scent was a comfort to him. He wishes she were here to take care of him, though it probably would have earned him a lifetime of beatings considering what Nathaniel had done after she died. He hadn't even lasted a day without her. 

Pain stabs through Neil's lower stomach. He huddles over himself in a dark corner as murderous cramps grip his stomach, tearing him apart from the inside. This is nothing new, but Jean usually brings him something to help with the pain. 

But Jean isn't here now, and never will be again. So Neil deals with the pain as he always has-- as quietly as possible, curled up and thinking of somewhere better. 

Ages pass before his cramps ease. His thighs are soaked with slick. There is probably a puddle below him. The cramps have migrated lower; have turned from vicious bites into a hollow, wanting ache between his legs. 

Neil has never spent a heat alone before. His first had been with Riko. Everything after that had been arranged by his mother. He always had someone with him at the Nest; even if it wasn't Riko, it would have been one of the older players, one of the top ten. 

Neil doesn't know what to do. Usually there is an alpha in his room by now. Though he is thankful to be left alone, it isn't what he is used to. He's so turned on that it hurts. 

He strokes himself roughly, cringing at how over sensitive he is. This is worse than his normal heat-- it feels more desperate. He is alone here, in a place he doesn't know with nobody to ease the ache or protect him. There is the distinct buzz of anxiety besides how impossibly horny he is. He's cold and wet-- in both senses of the word; he's alone and unprotected and terrified of what that might mean. 

More important than the fear and pain and anxiety is the ache of Neil's cock. He is so hard that it hurts, standing hot and red and heavy against his belly. He tugs on it slowly at first, hissing from how sensitive he is. He doesn't keep the slow pace for very long. It doesn't take much to cum; it helps take the edge off, but not for long. That isn't what he _needs_. He shifts his hands lower, rubbing his fingers through the slick fluid. 

He teases the pucker there experimentally, a little surprised at how loose he is. He slips two fingers in first, pressing inside slowly. They go in easily and Neil fucks himself with them hesitantly. The slow friction feels foreign-- the alphas before had been rushed and careless. But this feels impossibly good. 

Soon, two isn't enough and Neil adds three, then four. His cock is leaking into his belly, hot and sensitive. He's hard again already. 

The angle isn't right and Neil growls in frustration. He pulls his fingers out, ignoring the sting when he hurts himself. The need to fuck overpowers the minuscule pain. 

He tries a different position; laying on his hip and twisting his shoulder around; kneeling against a wall and bending himself over backwards in effort to fill himself inside. None of it is good enough. He can't get deep enough, and his fingers around enough. 

Neil alternates between snarling fits of discomfort and frustration, and contorting himself into pretzels trying to please himself.

 

*****

 

Eventually Neil's mind clears enough that he registers where he is, and that he is probably dehydrated. He ventures outside to drink from the pump. The rain has stopped, leaving the air smelling of clean grass and mud. The sun is warm, which Neil appreciates. Now that it's stopped raining he can put his pants out to dry in the sun. He allows himself a little time in the sun, just enough to dry his shirt and hair. 

Grudgingly, he makes himself return inside when the ache becomes too much. Neil shivers in the bathroom for a while, sore and miserable. After a few hours of self inflicted torture, he ventures back out into the front room area and finds a strip of sunlight to lie in. At least it's warm. 

His stomach growls and his mouth is dry again but he can't find the energy to move from the floor. 

Maybe he should have called someone to come get him-- oh. No. His phone is still at the dorms, neglected and useless. 

Would Womack have came and gotten him anyway? He's a beta, uninterested the plights of the omega. Maybe he would have sent Andrew to fetch him. 

But then again, Dan is the team captain, all alpha strength and demeanor. By all rights, she would have him first. But she had Matt-- would that change anything? It seems unlikely that Wymack would disturb the haphazard balance here just because of Neil. 

The Nest was all about balance and order. Riko was up top, followed closely by Kevin. For an omega, Kevin had been granted far more rights than even most of the alphas; certainly more than Nathaniel ever had. 

The alphas had never been allowed to so much as snarl at Kevin. Players had mysteriously ‘broken contract’ and left after picking a fight with Kevin. And Kevin had ruled over Jean and Nathaniel nearly as much as Riko. Jean and Nathaniel had been cursed to cleaning the court every single night after Neil tore into Kevin during his first week at Evermore. 

Neil isn't normally one for wallowing in self pity but the loneliness sneaks up and hollows out his chest before he can acknowledge the turn his thoughts have taken. 

Neil and Kevin were essentially the same-- except that Kevin was wanted. Kevin had Riko before, and now he has Andrew. Alphas that want him and protect him. 

Neil is nothing. He was born nothing, had only ever mattered to his mother and even then it had been in some sort of detached, obligatory manner. He had been an inconvenience to her ever since he presented as an omega. He had been worthless to Riko. He would be just as worthless to anyone else. After all, nobody wanted an omega who couldn't even do what it was born to. Nobody wants an omega that can't have kids. 

 

*****

 

Neil smells the alpha before he sees him. And obviously the alpha smells Neil, too. 

“Hey there, pretty boy. What are you doing all by your lonesome? What are you hiding in here for?” 

The alpha doesn't smell good, not really. He reeks like sour sweat, old hay, and cow shit. But something inside Neil craves what the alpha can give him. Except Neil doesn't want that; he wants to be somewhere safe. 

The alpha is still talking. He reaches down to wipe at the punishing bite mark on Neil's throat. Neil chokes on his tongue, stuck between what his body wants, and his need to flee. He sits frozen. 

“Somebody been treating you bad, darlin’? You hiding from them? Well don't you worry your pretty little head, I'll take care of you.” 

The words tip the scale towards fear. It loosens his tongue. “No, I have to call someone. Please. Can I use your phone? Please?” Neil hates the reedy whine of his own voice. His head hurts. 

“No need, darlin’. I'll take care of you,” the alpha insists. 

“No, please. Don't. I have people looking for me, wondering where I am. Let me call them. Please.” 

“Now, don't get upset. I have a daughter your age, you know. I know an omega can't be without an alpha to take care of them. Just be a good boy and relax. Just be good.” 

Neil whimpers. He doesn't want to be good. 

“Leave. Please leave.” 

“You be good, or I'll have to punish you. You hear?” 

“Fuck you,” Neil snarls. 

“That's no way for an omega to talk.” The alpha slaps him. 

Neil kicks out, his heal burying itself in the man's soft stomach. The man is quick to retaliate with a few more blows of his own. After that, it doesn't take much to manhandle Neil and pin him down. 

After depriving himself of an alpha for what's felt like hours and hours, it's easy for Neil to give in. It's what he knows. Thankfully after Neil starts distancing himself from the situation and relaxes, the man isn't unnecessarily rough or cruel. He pets Neil's hair and tells him he's a good boy. 

After the man has had his fill, he leaves for a while. Cold seeps into Neil's bones, slowly hollowing his chest. In a moment of clarity he feels anger in the background, but shame is at the forefront. He should be better than this; he should be above his body's pathetic needs. He should be able to ignore this like he can ignore hunger or cold or thirst. 

But then his heat clouds his brain and Neil's mind wanders to other matters. 

 

***

 

Neil's heat has passed after what he's pretty sure was only two days. It had been nearly dark when the alpha had come, and he had left after dark. Neil had been alone for the entirely of the following day. He had shivered all night. 

It's light out now. Neil feels sticky with fluids, sore and hungry. He's exhausted. 

Neil stumbles to the hydrant out back and fights with the pump handle. His hands are trembling. Actually, it's probably his entire body shaking; not that it matters. He drinks a few mouthfuls of cold water. He rinses the worst of the stink away and redressed before he starts the long walk to campus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the comments! Please send me more!!  
> Another big thanks to Sarah for being so helpful and motivating and amazing.  
> Umm, yeah, tell me how mean I am to you :)  
> Also, the smut? Was it weird? Critique me pleaseeeee


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I wasn't gonna post this but I'm having a bad.... week, actually. And I thought some comments might cheer me up :)

The walk back to campus had been long and tiring. Neil had forced himself to jog over, and his weary body had protested every movement. It complains loudly, as if Neil wasn't already aware of his hurts. His muscles are stiff and cramping, and his empty stomach is ravenous between bouts of nausea. His head is pounding and he can't stop fucking shaking. 

It's a miracle that his keys are somehow still in his pocket and Neil lets himself into Fox tower. He had been convicted worried about finding Dan or Allison or Renee in his room but thankfully the dorms are empty with most of its residents in class. 

Neil locks both doors behind him, showering as hot as he could manage, determined to chase the cold in his bones away. His own apple scented soap is strong and cloying so he uses some of Matt's. The scent helps ease his headache somewhat and the water finally begins to warm his frozen bones. 

He leaves in a towel, clean clothes forgotten in the bedroom. He finds his warmest set of clothes and draws the hood of Matt’s borrowed jacket up over his head. He burrows himself in his mess of bedding and stares blankly at the wall. His thoughts are fuzzy and thinking right now feels like swimming through jelly. His brain is foggy and uncooperative. 

He doesn't know how much time has passed since he returned, but he doesn't remember showering or walking into the tower. He must have fallen asleep because he's in bed and his hair is still damp. 

The voices on the other side of the door must have woke him. 

“-closed the door?” 

“Um, no? I don't think so.” 

“Neil? Are you back?” Matts voice precedes him as he barges into the bedroom. He sees Neil lumped into the covers on his bed, slowly blinking. 

“Holy shit, you're alive! Dan, look, Neil is back.” 

Neil is torn between not wanting to be alone, and suffering in quiet and relative safety. Of course he doesn't get a choice-- people are already crowding into the room, drawn by Matt's shouting. 

“Matt, call coach. Neil, sweetie, are you okay? Where have you been? We've all been worried sick.” That's Dan. 

“Even the monsters. Well, mostly Kevin.” Allison. 

Neil sits up against his pillows and stares blankly at them. They all gasp and mutter curses. Neil wonders how bad the damage is; he couldn't bring himself to look in the mirror to check. 

“Oh my god!” Dan yells. It hurts Neil's head and he cringed away. “Who did this? Matt, make sure Womack brings Abby over too. Neil is hurt.” 

“I'm fine.” His voice is scratchy from disuse. 

“You've been missing for two days, Neil. Andrew had to talk Wymack out of putting in a missing persons report with the police.” 

That's surprising, actually. Wymack didn't look like he would let anyone sway his decisions. But then again, it is Andrew. 

Allison chimes in, “and you look like shit.”

Neil sighs. His mouth is dry and he doesn't really want to be trapped on a bed, surrounded by alphas. He manages an ungracious tumble out of bed, barely landing on his feet. His muscles aren't cooperating like they should be; it feels like Neil is fighting through jello. 

He ignores everyone in favor of drowning himself in a bottle of water. His fingers fight with the plastic cap. He's still shaking and he doesn't know why. He gives up on the cap and lets Dan herd him into the couch and Matt cocoons him in a blanket.

Renee hands a cup of hot something to him, which Neil sips slowly. He isn't sure he should trust something from an alpha right now, but the hot tea helps warm him. 

Wymack comes in without knocking, followed by Kevin and, of course, Andrew. 

“Did you enjoy your vacation?” Wymack sounds gruff, but doesn't smell angry. 

“Not really.” When Neil doesn't elaborate, coach sighs heavily. 

“Okay, let me try this again. Where the fuck have you been?”

“I went for a run and ran into some trouble. I handled it, I'm fine. I'm sorry for missing practice, but I'll make it up.” 

“Don't worry about practice right now. Tell me what happened, without the riddles and bullshit.” 

Neil sighs heavily and takes a swallow of tea. His throat hurts. “I ran into a few friends of Riko’s. They beat me up and made me swallow these pills that messed with me. I-” Neil stops, grinding his teeth together in frustration. “It forced me into a short heat or something. I don't know. I couldn't get back to campus so I found a place to lay low. That's it.” 

“Jesus H. Christ, kid. You're gonna be the death of me. You got beat and drugged, and you're worried about exy. This isn't Evermore, kid. You don't have to do that here. But you will need to pass another blood test before I can let you on that court. Worry about getting better first.”

“I can still play, coach.” 

“Abby, you argue with the kid. I'm gonna go get drunk. We'll talk about handling the press from Kathy’s show tomorrow. It's been a shit show. I'm gonna go get drunk-- don't leave the tower, especially without Matt, Dan, Allison, or that psychotic midget.” He jerks a thumb over his shoulder to point at Andrew, grinning and leaning back against the wall. 

Abby offers to take Neil down to her office at the stadium, but that is far too much effort. And anyway, the foxes would find out one way or another. It hardly mattered. She let Neil stay curled in his chair, the upperclassmen surrounding him while he leaned a shoulder against Matt. 

Andrew and his group are blocking the door out. 

The blood draw is quick enough, and Neil hardly feels the needle go in. 

“Okay Neil, time for the tough questions. You said you had your heat-- did you spend it somewhere safe? Were you with someone?” 

“Does it matter?” Neil had spent his heat in some pretty questionable places before. He hadn't know it would make any difference. 

“It's a standard question, Neil.” 

“Yes.” Short answers Neil can do. His hands won't stop shaking. Dan brings him a carton of leftover Chinese food she microwaved for him. Neil is grateful. 

“And did they use protection?”

He feels numb. He should feel anxious or something but he doesn't. He just feels-- nothing. 

He shrugs. Abby must take that as some sort of answer because she scribbles on the paper again. She takes his temperature. 

“Were you taken care of afterwards?”

“What?” These words make no sense. He hadn't been hurt, not really. There had been no mess to clean up. He isn't sure what she's asking. 

“Aftercare, Neil. Did they provide you with any sort of aftercare?” 

“What's that?”

Behind him, Matt whines pitifully. Nicky gasps and sounds like he might cry. He quickly gets up and leaves. Kevin keeps staring at the ground. 

“Oh my god, Neil. You don't know what aftercare is? Has nobody loved you, ever?” Matt sounds shocked. 

“I don't understand what the big deal is.” The room scents of outraged alphas and omegas pitying him. It's an obnoxious combination. 

“Neil, aftercare is very important for omega health. Alphas-- any of them worth their salt, take care of their omega during heat. They keep them warm and fed and hydrated. They often sleep and cuddle next to them during and after a heat. Did your partner provide any of this?” 

Neil shakes his head. Matt is whining pitifully behind him, despite Dan’s best attempts to calm him. 

“What about nesting?” Abby asks, looking fully prepared for the answer this time. 

Neil shrugs, and then shakes his head. 

Abby sighs heavily, as if in pain. The other foxes are scenting the room with a suffocating mix of anger and shock and sadness. It burns in Neil's nose; it makes his head hurt. Neil didn't know they cared about how he was treated. It doesn't make sense. 

“Did nobody show you any of this?” 

The Foxes know about Neil's mysteriously dead mother, and the lies he told about his father. So he can't tell Matt that his mother hadn't had time to teach Neil these things, even if he wasn't pretending to be a beta. 

“My parents were busy. They didn't really want an omega son. They certainly didn't have time to coddle one.” 

“And Jean or, hell even Kevin, never let you make a nest?” 

Neil is starting to feel confused and a little embarrassed. “We had bigger problem to worry about that blankets and useless toys.”

“Omegas keep nests, buddy. Usually made out of soft blankets and pillows. Most omegas sneak in things that smell like their friends and family. It's comforting.” 

That almost made sense. The pile of blankets on his bed _were_ warm and comfortable. And he had never returned the hoodie Andrew had lent him just a few days before. He had liked the smell too much, and had been reluctant to return it. Though Andrew didn't seem to be missing it. 

“Casual touch is actually pretty normal to most omegas. I can understand why you don't like, but it's important for our mental health. When I had first presented, for years I would get depressed if my mom or dad left for too long and weren't around to hold my hand or hug me. I used to get pretty upset when I didn't have anyone to touch me. It felt isolating.”

Neil shrugs. “My parents weren't big on affection. They both wanted an alpha son.” An understatement. “I was left alone a lot.”

“Oh, buddy. I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that. Every kid needs to be held, not just omegas. You deserved better.”

Neil wisely doesn't mention that he hated being held. Touch was repulsive after his first heat with Riko. Even before that touch had only ever brought pain. 

“That explains your touch aversion, though. Most omegas love being cuddled. But I think if anyone tried it with you, you'd run. And then Andrew would probably stab someone.” 

“Okay, Neil, I'm going to have the lab run these, and I'll call you with the results. For now, get some sleep and for the love of god, eat something.”

“And the rest of you, get to class,” Abby barks them into action. 

*****

Neil's arrival is instantaneous; he goes missing for two days and suddenly reappears back in his bed at the dorms, a little worse for wear but still alive-- in other words, Neil is _fine_. 

Andrew stands back, letting the others confirm for themselves that Neil has in fact returned. Abby and Matt fuss over their lost duckling and his complete ignorance about even the most basic of omega care. Neil should have learned these things when he had first presented, but it doesn't surprise Andrew that once again, Neil knows nothing. 

He tells the mothering hens around him about his misadventure with the Raven fans (supposedly). He tells them about the drugs and Andrew had to keep himself from punching the wall behind him; and then just as his rage flares, the medication in his blood swells to smother the anger into something less like lava and more like scalding water. It forces that damned smile on his face to stretch and he laughs when Neil acts completely oblivious to the direction which Abby’s questions are headed. 

Essentially, Neil had been attacked and forced into a heat. And Neil was _fine_ , was acting like this happened on the regular-- it might have, for all Andrew knows. And he certainly intends to find out exactly what _normal_ is for the idiot omega. Because while he tells people exactly how _fine_ he is, his body tells differently to anyone keen enough to read the signs. 

Beneath the bruises, of course. Those are too obvious, anyone can tell the abuse even if Neil hadn't spoken the words aloud. But his eyes are swollen from a lack of sleep and the blue of his iris is clouded over and distant; it's clear that Neil is going through the motions here. His face is pale, probably from the neglect he had faced-- dehydration and low blood sugar. Andrew watches Neil's trembling hands run through tangled hair. 

This is probably shock that Neil is facing now, having gone into heat and dropped suddenly from the combination of loneliness and pain and neglect. With nobody to ease Neil out of his drop, he had been forced to take care of himself and find his own way home. Andrew had to admit that Neil was a stubborn idiot to take care of himself, under the conditions. But now Neil was in shock. He didn't need people interrogating him right now, he needed someone to take care of him. 

However, Andrew drew the line there. In Neil's condition, his consent is worthless. And he had asked Andrew to be a bodyguard, not his alpha. Andrew refuses to take advantage of the situation at hand. Let Neil bottom out and recover slowly over the next day or two. It was no doubt that Matt and Dan, at the least, would be hovering over the scrawny omega. Let them take care of it. And if they went too far, well…. Andrew would know, and he would quickly rectify the situation, should that be the case. As it is, Neil is probably safe in their care. 

Finally the team trails their way out. With a few goodbyes to Neil they herd out of the room with their backpacks. Andrew stays behind, staring pointedly at Neil. He crooks his finger for Neil to follow. As expected, Neil stumbles along after him. 

Andrew leads the way to the roof. Neil sits beside him on the ledge, legs dangling, and lays back on his hands to bask in the sun. His eyes close and some of the tension in his shoulders ease away. Andrew takes the opportunity to survey the visible damage. Dark bags under those hollow blue eyes; bruises all over his face and arms, and he walks stiffly and careful like he is in pain. Some of the bruises are from Riko, faded yellow and green as they heal. Most are fresh, from the beating Riko had ordered. 

Twice now Neil had left himself vulnerable to Riko; twice Andrew had failed to protect the omega. No more. 

Neil sways precariously on the edge. Andrews heart stutters and his hand snags Neil's elbow without a thought. 

“You idiot. If you want to jump, jump. But don't prematurely age your entire team with your accident prone suicidal tendencies.” 

Neil doesn't know what to say to that, so he just breathes in the smoke. Andrew lets him, but he isn't patient for king. He wants answers and Andrew is good at breaking the silence. 

“What happened? No more secrets.”

“You heard everything I said back there. What more do you want? Do you think I'm lying?”

“Lying by omission. I want you to tell me everything that you wouldn't tell the others.”

Neil sighs heavily. “I didn't know what the point of it was until I was walking back to come here. The drugs hit kind of suddenly and I was too far from the dorms. I didn't have my phone. I couldn't make it back. There was this abandoned farmhouse but it wasn't as secluded as I should have been. The neighbor smelled me or saw me or something and came to _help_. He didn't stay long. He didn't--. He wasn't that bad.” 

Of course Neil had an escape plan in the back of his head, but no idea how to take care of himself in that situation. A strange alpha had forced himself upon Neil when the opportunity had arose. 

Andrew doesn't confuse his own traumatic past with Neil's, but it's hard not to imagine the worst scenario when he stutters and says it wasn't that bad. Sex shouldn't be nonconsentual. It shouldn't be varying degrees of _not that bad < _.__

__“You can't even go two days without an alpha? I can't protect you if you go off with every alpha you see.”_ _

__Neil glares at Andrew, barring his teeth. A little bit of fire has returned to Neil's eyes. It's far more attractive than the dull fog from minutes before._ _

__“Fuck you. I've never had a heat alone before, not that it's your business. I did what I could.”_ _

__And oh, Andrew hadn't expected to hear that; hadn't expected those words to hit him like a heavy fist to the chest, knocking the air out of him and reigniting that constant simmer of fury. Andrew buries it again. He can be angry later, but not now when he could so easily lash out at Neil._ _

__“Says mister ‘I don't swing’. So tell me-- are you lying to me now, or did you lie to me earlier?”_ _

__Neil shakes his head. “Neither. I've had worse. He didn't hurt me. Not like Riko.”_ _

__“You've never had a heat alone before-- what did you do before Riko? When you were on the run. Surely you couldn't stop for an alpha every single month. You'd never get anywhere. You would have been caught and turned into rabbit soup.”_ _

__Neil shakes his head. “My first heat was spent with Riko. After that, my mom took me and gave me medication so it would only happen every six months or so. She left me with alphas she thought she could trust.”_ _

__This conversation was one hit after the next. His first heat had been with Riko fucking Moriyama. He can only imagine what that had been like but he actively tries not to think too much about it. However, he is going to enjoy ripping Riko's throat out, possibly with his bare hands._ _

__“And you couldn't manage two days on your own. That's pathetic.”_ _

__“I didn't know what to do.”_ _

__Of course not. How did Andrew keep finding these helpless idiots? Neil should have known to find Andrew-- it was why he had a phone; it was why Andrew had sworn to take care of Neil._ _

__“You didn't call me.” Andrews voice is accusing._ _

__“I didn't have my phone.”_ _

__Andrew throws his cigarette into the parking lot below them. He grabs Neil by the back of the neck, leaning forward into the space between. He searches Neil's face for a moment._ _

__“Look, idiot. I can't protect you if you go running off in the middle of the night; if you keep throwing yourself on the knife. This is how it's going to go-- No more midnight surprise runs. No more letting your phone die or leaving it behind. You let me protect you, or we break this deal now and I wash my hands of you. I won't waste my time on some suicidal junky. Yes or no?”_ _

__“What about my heat?”_ _

__“That's what I gave you the key for, dumbass. Unless you prefer the dilapidated decor.”_ _

__“Fuck you.” Neil says. He isn't used to this-- whatever _this_ is. _ _

__Andrew gives Neil plenty of time to decide. He will ask again when Neil is back to his snarky self and not this boring, damaged shell of himself. But he wants Neil to keep Andrews words in his head, to mull over what Andrews protection means._ _

__It takes some time. Neil is probably unused to someone giving him options and not just ordering him to do things for his own protection. Andrew was asking._ _

__“Yes.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nice long comments? Please? 
> 
> Alsoooo I saw a thing on tumblr and like... please tell me if I write something offensive. That is, *me* the writer, not one of the characters. If that makes sense. Cause lets face it aftg has a lot of offensive assholes in it.


	22. Chapter 22

Neil should have known that this would happen. He should have expected it. But honestly, Neil had never had _this_ sort of attention before, and it's confusing if a bit annoying. 

Matt had stopped by a store when he went to pick up dinner and he had returned with bags of things for Neil. Soft blankets and fuzzy pillows, and even a few large sweaters in Neil's favorite muted colors. He's actually wearing one of the sweaters today. 

The blankets had been piled on the bed, soft and warm and surprisingly comfortable. The sweaters he wasn't wearing got added to the pile. Maybe Matt had been right about this. 

Dan and Renee have bought him at least two stuffed animals apiece, though Neil doesn't know what he is supposed to do with them. They sit in bed with him, in a pile amongst his blanket nest. Neil had slept among them, twisted in the soft blankets and surrounded with fluffy pillows. Admittedly, it had been the best rest Neil had gotten in awhile. 

The next evening Abby comes bearing pizza and unsurprising news. She pulls Neil aside while the upperclassmen settle with their food and a movie Neil has never heard of. 

“So your pregnancy test came back negative. I thought you would want to know as soon as possible,” Abby says with a smile. 

“You didn't need to test for that,” Neil wonders if he sounds as hollow as he feels. “I can't get pregnant.” 

Her brows furrow, her concern scenting the room. It draws the attention of some of his teammates. “What do you mean?”

Neil's hand slips to the long scar between his hips. “You saw the scars. One of them was from a surgery. I don't know what they did, but I can't get pregnant.”

“Oh, Neil. I'm sorry, I-” 

He shakes his head. “It's fine. I don't want to talk about it.” 

“Ok but if you change-” 

“I won't. Was there anything else?” 

Abby sighs. “Have you thought about suppressants? What did Riko have you on, do you remember? Kevin didn't know what his were.”

Neil shrugs. “Something to keep the scent down so I could pass as a beta. I only had my heat every six months or so, when Riko or the master would stop giving me the pills.” 

Her face pinches together but she doesn't make any annoying notices, she only smells a little concerned. “I suspected you might say that. That isn't healthy, Neil. Medications like that are banned in the states because they're really bad for your reproductive health.”

“That doesn't exactly apply to me, though, does it?” Neil snaps irritably. Abby continues on like she hadn't heard. 

“Most suppressants are for scent. The severity of a heat varies from omega to omega, so the suppressants ensure that an omega can continue on with their day to day, if they do choose. How long were your heats when you first presented?” 

Neil isn't sure he likes where all of these personal questions are headed. “A week.” 

She shakes her head again. “And with Riko?”

“About a week-- sometimes longer.” 

“Okay. Well that's not healthy or normal, Neil. A healthy heat lasts a few days, with maybe an extra day to recover if you aren't properly taken care of-- if you go into a drop or shock, which is what happened to you yesterday.” 

Neil wonders what she considers ‘proper care’. 

“I can prescribe you a scent suppressant that will help regulate your heats to once a month, give or take a week, and should also help with the severity. It should last two or three days, rather than a full week or more. Though, you might need four or five days at first, considering the medications you have been on before. But--” Abby pulls a bottle from her jacket pocket. “These should work fine for you. If you have any questions or concerns at all, please call me. My number is on the bottle, I would like if you added it to your phone contacts.” 

Neil studies the bottle-- a months supply of little white pills. 

“Thank you.” 

He was told not to leave the tower, so he heads to the roof. Andrew isn't there, but the night is quiet and cool. Neil sits at the edge and watches people and cars pass below. He clutched the pills in his hand like a lifeline. 

*****

Wymack meets up with Neil the next day-- he rode with Matt in his truck to the stadium. Coach may not let him practice, but he could still watch. Maybe he could talk them into letting him play. 

Neil is grateful that the team seems to have gotten the message and keep space between them and Neil. He had nearly punched Allison for grabbing him the night before. Neil takes a seat in the commons while the team changes out. They disperse around him, waiting through Wymack a daily motivational speech. It could use some work. 

“No slacking, I want all of you drowning in sweat by the end of practice, you hear me? Dan, send them on their laps. Josten, stay.” 

Neil waits anxiously, nervous to be around the older man after so many obvious mistakes on Neil's part. Maybe Wymack will change his mind about keeping Neil safe, and will decide a punishment was in order. He hopes not. 

“I've been beating off reporters ever since that little fiasco on Kathy Ferdinand’s show. Have you ever heard the old saying, ‘don't poke the bear’? I doubt it. 

“The board has been on me to get a statement from you about your designation after the next game. Until then, lie low and keep your head down. I didn't tell them about your little sabbatical, but if you go AWOL again I'll let Andrew track you down and drag you back here whether you want to or not. This is your home, Neil. You can trust your team, if you gave us a chance. So no more running off, or you'll be doing laps until your legs fall off.”

“Yes, coach.”

As far as threats went, Wymack had nothing on Riko or the Master. But Neil got the gist of it. No more running, and a supervised interview at the next game. 

Despite Wymack’s orders, Kevin comes knocking on Neil's door after dinner. He interrupts Neil's chemistry homework, which he hates anyway. 

“Enough slacking-- you were down for weeks already, you can't afford any more time off if you're learning a new position. Come on.”

Kevin leaves like he expects Neil to follow. He briefly considers ignoring him, but in the end his desire to play wins out. Andrew comes too, to Neil's surprise. Neil is designated a back seat in Andrews car as they drive to the stadium. 

If nothing else, at least Kevin knows that Neil won't break if he practices while injured. He knows that Nathaniel had played entire games with stitches and bruised ribs and broken fingers. If nothing else, at least Kevin will let Neil play. 

They gear up quickly, with efficient and practiced moves. It's familiar enough to make Neil dizzy. Andrew abandons them in favor of napping in the stands, but Kevin has Neil's full attention. 

“Isn't Andrew going to practice? What's the point of shooting at an empty goal?” 

“Andrew doesn't play unless he wants to. But we can practice your shots. You're too obvious with your aim, I can tell where you're going to shoot. And if I can tell, the goalie can tell. That's what you need to work on.” 

They stretch out and run some stairs before Kevin sets to tutoring Neil. 

It's hours later before they've finished practice and showered and driven back to the dorms. Matt is still up, apparently waiting for Neil. Seth is absent again. Neil walks in, ready to eat a protein bar and go to bed. 

“Hey, how you feel? You didn't let Kevin work you too hard, did he? He's kind of a hardass.”

“I know,” Neil smiles at Matt, unwrapping a protein bar. “It was good, though. I don't want to fall behind.” 

“You guys are intense. You ready for bed?” 

Neil shakes the protein bar and takes a bite. “In a sec.” 

Matt nods. He moves slowly, giving Neil time to duck away. He allows Matt to ruffle his hair, the red strands soft and still wet from the locker room showers. “Good night Neil.”

*****

The others take to bringing Neil food and drinks and even jackets. He sees Matt and Dan and Andrew between his morning classes. Andrew shoves his jacket into Neil's arms as they pass, only a little harder than necessary. Since it was a brisk morning with the drizzle of rain, with fog all over campus and it became obvious that Neil had forgotten his own. It's only a little big on Neil, but it's warm and nice. Andrew may be shorter but he was wider, with larger arms and his broad chest and shoulders. 

“I won't visit you in the hospital if you catch pneumonia. And Kevin will never shut up if you get sick.” 

It smells like cigarettes and Andrew, with an underlying layer of something spicy-sweet that may have been from all the candy and Thai food Andrew is always eating. 

Matt had tracked Neil down from several floors, detouring himself several minutes out of his way to give him an apple flavored protein bar and a cup of hot coffee. Dan had found Neil before lunch with the promise of a new fruit salad blend at the school's cafe. She had linked her own elbow through his, either unaware or uncaring of Neil's reacting flinch at having an alpha so close. 

Matt, Allison and Seth are already at the cafeteria. Neil chooses healthier options than Dan’s burger and fries and carrots. A chicken breast with a side of fruit and mixed vegetables. 

“So-- Andrew’s jacket, huh? What's been going on between you two lately? You're practically inseparable.” Allison is as quick to comment on gossip as always. 

“Told you they were fucking,” Seth sneers at Neil. 

Neil tenses at the accusation-- did Seth think that Andrew somehow did this to Neil? Or was he just spouting off bullshit, as usual?

“Hey Seth, shut the fuck up.” 

“Wha-” 

“Come on, Seth, let's go. We have places to be.” Allison tugs Seth away by the arm while the omega scowls at Neil. 

Nicky and Kevin join them not long after that. Neil had finished his fruit and chicken, and was picking his way through the vegetables. Nicky had some sort of sandwhich and two bowls of fruit, which he promptly traded with Neil. 

“So I was walking into my geometry this morning and some cute guy stops me. Tall, blonde hair, brown eyes; and those lips?” Nicky fans himself dramatically. “And that ass could turn a straight man. Chad or Charlie or ch- something, anyway. Anyway! I stop and he says-- wait for it. ‘ _You're on the Exy team, right? With Neil Josten? You think I can get his number?’_ I kid you not. You're a hit, kid!”

Neil's fork clenches in his fist. “So?” 

“You can't pimp out Neil, there's rules against that. Tell him, Dan.” Matt says, wrapping an arm around Neil. 

“He's right. It's right above, ‘ _don't Gatorade coach’_ and below _’touch Andrew at own risk_.” 

“I wasn't! He's like a brother to me.” Nicky pouts. “Oh wait, wait! Hold up, rewind. Is that Andrews jacket? Neil, are you wearing Andrews jacket?” 

“Aww, look at him blush!” Dan exclaims. 

Neil buries his face in his hands. “I hate all of you.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm irrationally sad again so here's another update

In the following week Neil sleeps the best he ever had. The bruises heal and Neil has returned to practice. Andrew walks Neil from class to class himself the day before the game. They have become as inseparable as Kevin and Andrew. 

Today Andrew had shown up at the door and escorted Neil and Kevin to the bus, prepared for the long ride to Belmont. Andrew pulls Neil toward the back of the bus with Kevin. The other sit near the front, with Nicky and Aaron between them. At some point Renee comes to chat business with them. Abby walks around the bus, distributing extra suppressants to the omegas. 

Wymack drove and only stopped for gas and a quick lunch where Andrew stands between Kevin and Neil, and the rest of the world. Kevin is safe in the middle, with Neil on his other side. 

Neil knows that the other sports teams get bus drivers, but Wymack is as leery of strangers as Andrew and Neil are-- which is saying something. And also, greatly appreciated. 

The Belmont locker rooms didn't have stalls like the foxes did. He stalls while the rest of the team changes, surveying the court and pretending that he isn't panicking about the lack of shower stalls. 

The foxes come out and Andrew catches Neil's eyes with a very unimpressed gaze. 

“Go change. I've got the door.”

Neil nods once and runs inside; the quicker he changes, the sooner he can be on the court. When he finishes, Andrew is still guarding the door, arms crossed and muscles bulging with a bored expression on his face. 

Neil's mark is a senior names Herrera, a mouthy beta who spent the entire first quarter calling Neil boring variations of the same name. Kevin must have heard because he detours by Neil on his way to the bench. 

“Destroy him.” 

This is familiar. This is good. It makes him feel some semblance of power. “Yeah.” 

After Wymack subs our players, Andrew makes a point to throw the ball at the ball, where it ricochets to Neil and Herrera. Neil doesn't wait for it to come his way, he bolts forward and feels Herrera on his tail. The wall comes up fast and Neil doesn't slow; and neither does Herrera. Neil moves in quick succession-- he catches the ball, pops it straight into the air, and drops to a knee as Herrera stampedes into the unforgiving wall, rather than crush the skinny omega. 

A stray knee catches Neil's shoulder armor, but he's fine. He shoves Herrera’s body off of him and ignores his shoulder-- hot and uncomfortable but probably just a pulled muscle. 

Someone pounds on the glass, but the ball is bouncing down in front of Neil and Exy is obviously the priority here. Neil shoots; the goal lights up red. First half ends. 

As expected, Neil hears an earful from Dan about the move he pulled in Herrera. It was legal, and it had gotten them a point; that was what Neil cared about. That, and Dan won't punish him. 

The second half is incredible; Andrew finally seems to have come alive for the first time since, well, ever. Neil has never seen Andrew so animated, batting the opposing balls away like they never stood a chance. Neil is awe struck. It was no wonder why Riko wanted Andrew to join their perfect court. Neil wonders how Andrew would have handled becoming a Raven; if Andrew would have joined the rest in Nathaniel’s punishments. Something tells him that Andrew wouldn't have stood for that. 

Of course, it doesn't take long for Andrew to notice the extra attention Neil is sending his way. Then Andrew makes sure Neil is too busy chasing the ball to watch Andrew. 

In the end, the foxes pull out another win. With nothing to catch Neil's attention, his eyes find Andrew. In the goal, Andrew is sagging and unsteady. Neil is waiting to see what happens. If this were Evermore, Andrew would be left behind. As it is, Nicky runs to offer his shoulder. 

As planned, Wymack, Neil, and Kevin handle the press. Neil handles most questions without the smile that Riko had always made Neil wear. Of his own free will, Neil answers shortly. 

“Josten, how does it feel to be playing beside Kevin again?” 

Good. 

“Do you miss the Ravens?” 

No. 

“How does it feel knowing that Riko outed you to the public?”

This is what they've been waiting for. “It's childish, that Riko feels the need to resort to such petty acts of revenge. I'm not ashamed of my designation, but it was more convenient for the public to think I was a beta. It was Riko’s idea, really; he thought that it might save me from unnecessary discrimination in an alpha dominated sport. Obviously that backfired.” 

“What about the bruises, number ten? Do you care to explain those?” 

“Not all Exy fans are supportive of omegas playing Exy. But I get worse than this on court. Raven fans need to learn how to throw a punch.”

“Coach Wymack, how did you react to Josten’s designation? Were you aware he is an omega before you signed him?”

“We don't care about things like that here. Neil Josten is talented player, and a damn good striker. That's all that matters to us.” 

“Day! How long have you known that Josten was an omega? How does that affect training and games?”

Kevin answers with his charming and disgustingly fake press smile. Standing for an interview with Kevin at Neil's side is dejavous; he keeps waiting for Riko's hand to clench around his wrist or thigh in warning. 

“That's a rather personal question, don't you think? But we're a very supportive team, and we're here for Neil whenever he needs us. We're glad to have him on the team.” 

Another reporter elbows their way in front. “Josten, what do you have to say to the claims that you've been unfaithful to your mate?” 

Mate? “First of all, Riko and I were never mated. Riko and I will never mate. Not to say that he didn't try--” Neil ignores Wymack and Kevin’s attempts to get his attention and shut him up. “He just couldn't manage. It's a shame that some alphas are so-- well, I don't want to say impotent; but simply aren't strong enough to claim a mating mark.

“Some alphas just aren't cut out for a leading position, if he couldn't keep one unruly omega in line. Yet the Exy fans seemed to deem Riko the child of Exy, and call him an inspiration. Forgive me, but I would never accuse Riko Moriyama of being anything close to inspiring.”

“Are you saying that Riko doesn't deserve to be captain of the ravens?” 

“I'm saying that Kevin was always better at motivating his team, through skill rather than alpha strength. Kevin always was the best striker in Exy.” 

“Okay, that's it for the interview.” Wymack ushers Kevin and Neil to move. Kevin all but bolts from the stage but one last question grabs Neil's attention. 

“Josten, do you have anything to say to Riko after that?”

“As my dear friend Jean Moreau would say, _mange tes morts et va bien te faire enculer_.”

Off to the side, Kevin and Wymack are gone. Andrew waits instead, with a slight amusement on his face, despite the withdrawal he must be suffering through. Maybe he's already taken his pills. 

“You don't know when to keep you mouth shut, do you? Don't bother answering, that was rhetorical. What did you say on Jean’s behalf?” 

“Is that your question?” 

Andrew nods. “That Riko can eat his deads; that he deserves what is coming to him. And that he can go fuck himself.” 

“You must like making my job difficult.” 

Andrew is fully dressed with his hair wet, which means that the men's lockers must be emptied now. Andrew is always the last to shower, save for Neil. Neil debates if he wants to smell on the entire ride home, or if he wants to risk the showers. Somehow he doubts that the rest of the foxes would appreciate him stinking like sweat for hours. 

Neil risks another favor from Andrew. “Can you guard the door again, if I shower? I'll be quick.” Neil doesn't say _please_ he knows how Andrew hates it. 

“Yes. But hurry up.” 

Andrew is still outside the men's locker room when Neil has finished, his hair still dripping into his eyes and his clothes wet. 

“Thank you. I-- thank you.” 

Neil has been surprised by Andrews constant reliability this last week. He doesn't know what has changed, but Neil is beginning to think that maybe Andrew is someone he can begin to trust. This is not a safe line of thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please thank fubukiatsuya for the French, she is amazing ;)


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been distracted. Forgive me.

First, Allison drags Neil to get a haircut. This is supposedly done with Andrews consent because Allison is not a stupid woman. She all but drags Neil away from his classroom and into her alarmingly pink Porsche. She drives him across town to the shopping center, blocks lined with stores and boutiques and things Neil didn't care about. 

The hairdresser is a beta male with a catty attitude to rival Allison’s. He pull Neil's hair this way and that, discussing options with Allison. He washes and and takes a razor to it before he even touches the scissors. 

The beta sections off wild hair and twists some of it in a clip before he shaves the sides and the back down to a short fuzz. Having someone play with his hair feels nice, relaxing in a way that it had never been when it was Mary behind him with a pair of scissors. Neil wouldn't mind this at all, if it weren't a stranger behind him. The top of his hair is trimmed but not cut short; it is left long and wavy, but trimmed out of his eyes. 

Allison insists that he looks amazing but Neil really could not care any less about the way his hair looked. He had never had a choice in it before, between all the dyes and plain cuts; why would he start caring now? 

While they're out and about anyway, Allison takes Neil out to dinner somewhere that meets his dietary needs but still manages to be more flavorful than the plain chicken breast from the school's cafeteria. Dessert is some sort of alcohol glazed fruit that makes Neil's chest feel warm. She orders another serving on his behalf and shoves the takeaway container into his arms. 

Second, Nicky, Aaron, Kevin and Andrew take Neil shopping for a suit. Nicky is there for the fashion of it, to make sure Neil looks good. Aaron is there to make sure Nicky doesn't touch Neil. Kevin distances himself from them as much as possible and Andrew vetoes several of Nicky's choices. 

This is a long and complicated affair-- apparently Nicky doesn't want Neil in a black suit. And nothing red, either, Andrew insists. Not that Neil cares either way. He lets Nicky dress and redress him in different colors and cuts and begins to miss the fashion designer the Ravens had hired for these things. 

In the end, Neil walks away with whichever suit Andrew had said to. In return for his compliance, Andrew allows Neil a question. Per usual, Neil goes straight for a vein. At least he waits until they're in the roof, Andrew with a cigarette and some sort of candy bar Dan have given Neil, and Neil had hated. Neil is content to smell the smoke. 

“Why did Oakland PD call you?” 

Neil had read Andrew's police reports before Andrew had turned Riko down. At thirteen, Andrew had still been Andrew Doe, living in foster care. For reasons unknown, he had stolen the most expensive car he could find, taken if for a test drive, and had torched it in a park. The car he had stolen had belonged to a judge and Andrew had been thrown in juvenile detention. 

“Right for the throat. Child services is opening an investigation into one of my foster fathers-- the wrong one, of course; this one is innocent of most wrong doings. But pig Higgins knew I lived there and he called me looking for testimony.”

“You're not going to testify?”

Andrew clicks his tongue at Neil, wiggling a finger in his face. “Not your turn, Neil. First, answer me this: how did your mother die?”

That an easy question to answer, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurts. 

“The simple answer: my father killed her.” 

Andrew takes it with a nod. “I'm not going to testify because it won't do any good. They've got the wrong person.” 

*****

It is now ten minutes before Wymack wanted the bus loaded, and Neil is hiding under the staircase. It's a four hour drive to Blackwell where the banquet is hosted, only four short hours until Neil faces Riko and the rest of the Ravens. He wonders if Riko will drag him back to Evermore tonight or if he will wait. 

It's Andrew that finds him-- Andrew had an uncanny knack for finding Neil when he doesn't want to be found. 

“Stop that, we're going to be late and you know how Wymack is so looking forward to this.” 

“Do I have to?” Can't Neil just stay here and run extra laps later? He doesn't want to have to face everyone, not now that they know what he is. 

“Hey, look at me. Neil, look right here at me. I promised you, didn't I? I swore to you that Riko or his Ravens will never touch you again. Don't you believe me?” 

“What makes you so sure you can take Riko and all of his Ravens? If they want Kevin and me he will find a way. He always does. I always go back to him.” 

“You have so little faith in me, Neil. If I had a heart, it would be bleeding.” Andrews fingers slip up his sleeve, into the bands there. “Here, take this as insurance. Surely you picked up a few tricks during all that time under Riko's tender care, yes?” 

“Not because of Riko, but yes. My--” Neil pauses, weighing the consequences of what he is about to say. “A woman named Lola taught me. I don't like using them.” 

“We will fix that later. For now, keep it; use it if you have to, and stay by me and Kevin at all times.” 

Neil searches Andrew face for some sort of betrayal or lie and finds none. He wants to beg Andrew not to leave alone; to not let anyone touch him. But what Riko wants, Riko gets. However, he is willing to let Andrew try to stand between them. 

The bus ride is quiet with tension. Kevin is panicking and Andrew is letting him. Kevin's panic is adding fuel to Neil's own. He replays Andrews words in his head, over and over trying to reassure himself. The knife is tucked away inside his suit. 

Too soon Wymack stops the bus in Blackwell’s parking lot. He orders everyone off the bus-- Neil, Kevin, and Andrew are the last on. Wymack takes pity on Kevin in form of ten seconds with a bottle of vodka. It is astounding how fast Kevin can drink when he needs a little liquid courage. It takes another five to pry the bottle away from Kevin. 

Wymack offers it to Neil next, who is frightened enough to actually consider it; if Riko or the Ravens catch him alone, Neil would want to be drunk enough to forget. However, he knows better-- to be drunk is to be clumsy and vulnerable. Neil shakes his head and follows Kevin off the bus.

Wymack leads the way, with Andrew bringing up the rear. They get to the doors, part music filtering out into the hall, and Wymack stops the monsters. 

“No fighting. No bloodshed-- I'm looking at you, Andrew. And for the love of god, Neil, try not to instigate anything. Andrew, you keep a close eye on these idiots. Make sure Neil doesn't malfunction and start a riot or something. Kevin-- don't drink yourself unconscious.” 

Wymack left them, looking like he needed a drink, himself. 

Fourteen Exy teams, plus all of their dates and coaches meant around three hundred people gathered on Blackwell’s repurposed Exy court; most of them were alphas, but quite a few were also betas. The Foxes held the entirety of the omegas-- Nicky, Seth, Matt and Neil. Nicky and his date, a beta from his improv class, were sticking within view of Andrew. Matt was glued to his alpha’s side, as was Seth. They were wise to. Most of the court turned to watch the Foxes as they entered. 

Neil is as close to Andrew as he thinks the alpha will allow. As Neil had anticipated, Riko had arranged for the Foxes to sit with the Ravens. At least Riko was being predictable. 

The last banquet Neil had been to was last year with Jean at his side. He had been in pain during the entirety of the two day event, sore from Riko's beating and the two alphas he had sent to Neil's room-- to remind Neil of his place, before going out and socializing. 

They hadn't witnessed Riko breaking Kevin's hand. Nathaniel and Jean hadn't been allowed to see the match between them, per the Master’s orders. However, they had witnessed Riko's fury after the fact. 

While Kevin had been safely on the Foxes bus to Palmetto, Neil had been screaming. It had been one of Riko's worst rages-- matched only by the night he had killed Jean. Nathaniel had been held down by Jean while Riko had carved his frustrations into Nathaniel; and then while Riko had reminded the omega of his place. 

Jean had trembled as hard as Nathaniel had, afterward. His finger marks were bruised into Nathaniel’s wrists for days. They hadn't been able to look each other in the eye for longer than that. 

And the Ravens are waiting for him, only feet away. This is it-- Riko is going to drag Neil back to Evermore. He’ll leave Neil for the starting line, since he has Kevin. Maybe he will wait until Nathan is out of jail to rid himself of the useless omega once and for all-- after all, Kevin is still fine. Riko may punish him for leaving, but he won't damage him beyond repair. But Neil's life is going to be hell until Riko finally lets him die. 

Neil can't go back to Riko, he can't, he can't, he _can't_. He can't be here. He can't let Riko see him here. He can't let Johnson or Perry or Rhodes or the countless others get near him, because if they do Neil won't make it out of Blackwell in one piece. 

He has to go, he has to run, he can't breath, he _can't _\-- a hand grabs Neil's neck and he elbows someone in the stomach.__

__The smell of Andrew is suddenly overwhelming. It's Andrew touching him, not the others. He's safe with Andrew-- he promised._ _

__“Breathe, idiot. You're making a scene. Anyone with a nose can smell you reek of fear. Don't give them that power-- I won't let them touch you.”_ _

__“Promise?”_ _

__“Pinky,” Andrew grins, his alpha aggression mixing badly with his meds. He wiggles his little finger at Neil._ _

__It takes a while for Neil to control himself enough to join the foxes at their table. Riko's eyes are on Kevin, but Perry is seated across from Neil._ _

__“Nathaniel, long time, no see. You look good,” the alpha grins._ _

__“You look like you've been hit in the face with too many Exy racquets. You know you're not supposed to block the ball with your face, right? Or is Riko slipping up in his captaincy?”_ _

__Perry snarls, the mock of a smile. “I've missed those lips of yours, but you're prettier when your mouth is full.”_ _

__“How would you know-- you could never keep it up, you impotent sack of shit.”_ _

__“You're just a loose slut-- nobody wants to fuck a used hole. You always were a useless whore.”_ _

__“Hey!” Neil and Perry had caught Allison’s attention while Andrew was busy with Kevin and Riko. “How about you shut your mouth before I knock out your teeth.”_ _

__“No need to be territorial, Reynolds. We're both alphas here, and Nathaniel is good at sharing. Isn't that right, pretty boy?”_ _

__Oh fuck. Neil tells himself that he doesn't need to fear Allison-- or anyone else. Andrew is right beside him. Wymack is here somewhere-- they won't let anyone touch him, right? Andrew had promised._ _

__Allison scoffs in disgust. “As if I would stoop so low-- I don't have to rape omegas to get laid. And I'm ashamed to even share the same designation as you. You're a pathetic disgrace of an alpha.”_ _

__“Nathaniel.” Riko's attention had suddenly swiveled to Neil. “I see the you've been learning bad habits. You will have to be punished for talking back like that. I already have a list of your failures that will need to be corrected when you return. Should I let Perry help? He does miss you so much. As do the others.”_ _

__Andrew looks like he's about to lunge over the table to get to Riko._ _

__Wymack appears as if summoned. Maybe he could smell the hostility from across the room because he comes with an official and Jeremy Knox. It's Jeremy who so graciously offers to switch tables with the Foxes. Kevin stares at the beta like he might swoon. Neil sees that Kevin's crush is still going strong. It's too bad they're not switching the Ravens-- it was always amusing for Neil to watch Kevin state and flirt clumsily._ _

__No, the Foxes are reassigned to the panthers. The dinner is passed with polite, idle chatter-- most of the silence taken up by Kevin so helpfully critiquing, and Nicky’s pointless epilogue._ _

__Neil doesn't take any part in this; he's too busy trying to wrap his brain around his own stupidity. What was wrong with him-- he knew better than to taunt Perry and the others. But he couldn't help himself; fuck those hormone ridden jackasses. He picks at his food, rallying his nerves for their retaliation, which is sure to happen after the meal has finished, when the teams are supposed to be mingling. The Ravens did not mingle-- they intimidated._ _

__As predicted, Riko and his flock of Ravens decide and conquer-- sort of. Neil is depressed from Andrew and Kevin when he goes to fetch a bottle of water for himself and Kevin, who is drunker than he should be; Neil wonders if he snuck a flask in to the event. It wouldn't be the first time._ _

__The court is cleared of tables and chairs and replaces with music and people gathering in groups to chat and dance. Of course, it doesn't take long Perry and Dodgers find Neil. Neil searches for Andrew in the crowd, but sees him surrounded by Riko and a few others. Neil had a better chance of escape, than rescue. There's only two here, and Neil isn't tied down or freshly beaten. He won't let these perverts touch him again. Neil stands by the drinks table, refusing to let them back him into a corner._ _

__“Where’s your guard dog now, bitch?” Dodgers smirks like he's already got Neil._ _

__“I think we should take this reunion elsewhere.” Perry grabs at Neil and fists a handful of auburn hair. Neil lets himself be pulled close. Perry sniffs Neil's neck, one hand in his hair and the other on his ass._ _

__“You don't get to touch me anymore,” Neil snarls._ _

__He brings his knee up into Perry’s crotch._ _

__Perry drops with an inhuman gurgle and Neil bolts while Dodgers looks shocked; he never had been a bright one, but he was one big son of a bitch._ _

__Neil makes a good striker because he's fast as hell, and Neil puts it to good use, leaving Perry and Dodgers behind._ _

__There's a blockade of Ravens separating Neil from Andrew and Kevin. Usually Neil is the one on the opposite side of this trap. Riko thought that having the starting lineup fuck Neil was a good team bonding exercise. Not before a game, since Neil was still number four-- but a few days later, after the press and fans had left and Riko had reviewed the game tape. The good ones-- usually the starting line, sometimes others who had done particularly well-- got to join in on Riko's fun and games._ _

__Even in public, it was hard to tell how far Riko might go if he thought nobody could see. The thought of Kevin and Andrew being the center of the attention made Neil's heart thunder. Neil couldn't let that happen. He can't imagine how something like that would break Kevin-- maybe permanently. And Andrew-- Andrew could take care of himself; Neil wouldn't have trusted him to protect himself and Kevin if he didn't think Andrew could home up against Riko. But it was becoming obvious that Andrew took shit care of himself. Neil couldn't count the times that Andrew bruised his hand punching a wall or got hurt while fighting Renee; he had punched out the window after Kathy’s show, and then again after Neil had gone missing; Andrew willing stood on the edge of Fox Tower, though he was scared of heights. But this was different._ _

__Neil pushed his way through the crowd, desperate to get to Andrew and Kevin. The Ravens pushed him forward as soon as they could grab onto him. They held him behind Riko, meaty hands like vices around Neil's arms._ _

__Andrew has Kevin behind his back, their backs against the wall, and he's not submitting. His knees are bent and feet wide apart, ready to move. His shoulders are straight and tense-- he looks like he belongs in a fight. It's no wonder he makes such an amazing goalie. Except for that demented smile painted into Andrew's face. It doesn't belong there; it belongs on the faces of alphas like Riko, and Nathan, and Lola. It doesn't suit Andrew. Neil wants to know the real Andrew-- the one without the pills._ _


	25. Chapter 25

Andrew POV

*

Tables were cleared and folded away, chairs stacked away to clear the floor. Obnoxious pop music blasted from the speakers-- yeah, definitely not Andrew's choice in tunes. The meds make him high as a kite so he chatters at Kevin while the omega broods and drinks from the flask. Andrew is tempted to drink with him if he weren't on guard for Riko and his pigeons. It's a good thing Neil went to fetch water, or Andrew would be carrying Kevin out of here; as it is, Kevin is leaning heavily on the wall behind him. 

Andrew sees the Ravens make their way over, but he doesn't run. He's been looking for an excuse to rip Riko's throat out. Maybe he'll get lucky and Riko will do something stupid, like touch Kevin or start a fight. At least Neil is out of the way. 

“Finally.” Andrew was beginning to get bored, waiting for Riko to make a move. 

“Kevin, I do hope your mutt has had his shots, I would hate to have to put him down.”

Andrew grins, but it's not from amusement; that was a lame ass joke. “Liar.” 

Riko ignores him. “If you and Nathaniel come back tonight, I won't punish you. I'll consider this a lesson learned.” 

“I'm staying.” Kevin's voice shakes, but at least he's speaking for himself. A mild improvement. 

“See? Kevin isn't stupid enough to go back there. Try again-- or don't, and save us both the effort of these pointless little chats.” 

“Last chance, Kevin. I won't be so lenient next time.” There's a hard glint to Riko's eyes. 

“Don't you crows have a fence to shit on?” 

“Ravens,” Riko growls. 

“Nevermore,” Andrew chirps. 

Riko never did have any patience for Andrews humor. He looks between the pair, entirely too pleased with himself, considering the direction this conversation is going. 

“That's a shame-- Perry and Dodgers are collecting Nathaniel as we speak. He's going to miss you. But I'm sure the others will be happy to keep him company. They've missed him.” 

“Don't touch my things, Riko.” 

“I could say the same to you, Doe.” 

There's a disturbance in the lineup behind Riko, and then a familiar omega is fighting his way through, his small size an advantage, for once. He looks to be in one piece, if a little frightened. Neil has convenient timing. He comes to stand by Andrew. 

“Looks like Neil wasn't aware of your plan. Don't you just hate disobedient omegas? It can be so terribly inconvenient when someone has thoughts of their own. Free will is a bitch. And oh, so sad when daddy's money can't even buy good lackeys anymore,” Andrew smiles. Riko turns his attention elsewhere-- to the redhead, of course. To Neil. 

“You look delicious tonight, Nathaniel. Did Andrew dress you? The mutt has good taste. You never looked this pretty for me. You must like him. Tell me-- do you think he minds my sloppy seconds? He has Kevin, after all, but you--” Riko shakes his head and chuckles like there's an inside joke here; the joke is usually Nathaniel. 

“Leave him out of this!” Neil snarls now, sudden and violent. There's a story there that Andrew isn't sure he wants to know-- but he can guess.

“Your daddy misses you, Nathaniel. He tells me you haven't called him once since he's been in prison. Don't you miss him?”

“Jealous much? You are so far beneath his notice that he doesn't even know your name-- when we speak, he calls you ‘Second Son’. Kevin and I often discuss your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time. It's pathetic that you think fucking a couple of omegas is going to get you his approval. You're worthless to him. Your father wouldn't give you the time of day if you knocked up every omega in the state.

“And as for my father, you had better hope that he gets out of prison soon, because otherwise I am going to destroy you.”

“Don't worry, he won't keep us waiting long. Your fathers will be released in May.”

Riko's words punch the air from Neil's lungs. He feels unanchored, the world spinning around him. And then--nothing. Neil had grown up knowing his father would kill him one day-- it had been his earliest lesson in life. He knew this was a long time coming. At least he wouldn't die alone in some dark black room or a cold basement in Baltimore. 

“Then before he kills me I will tear your precious castle down, I don't care what it costs.” 

“Even if it costs you your team? What will you do without your alpha to protect you, I wonder. Would you come crawling home, or would you whore yourself to another alpha for protection. You don't know what to do without someone to knot you.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Neil growls a warning that rumbles deep in his throat. Andrew can feel it in his own chest. 

Neil lunges for Riko himself-- giving away his newest weakness; Andrew. If Andrew had known Neil was going to be this stupid, they would have stayed at home. 

Andrew grabs the back of Neil's shirt to keep the idiot leashed. When Neil takes a step back, obedient for once, Andrew slides his hand up the back of Neil's neck. His skin is warm and flush with anger-- it looks good in him; it smells better, like hot fireball candy and caramel and something spicy that is completely Neil. 

“Should I tell him about your birthday party? You were so feisty, for the first few hours. It's a shame Andrew hadn't signed with us when we first offered a position on the Ravens. He would have been fun.”

Andrew sees red-- he attacks Riko, careless of witnesses. He hits Riko hard enough to send him stumbling back into the crowd of players, who in turn stumble back in a domino like effect. It starts a chain reaction-- Ravens stumble back, bumping into some other partygoers, who shove back in turn. It escalates. 

Andrew and Riko snarling at each other in the center of the chaos while Andrew happily beats the arrogance out of Riko. He doesn't feel the few lucky blows that Riko land. They don't matter. 

As soon as Andrew is sure that Riko will stay down for the moment, he goes for Neil while the other Ravens are busy fighting themselves are the other partiers-- a group Jackals, known for their dirty tactics on the court. 

Kevin is useless, leaning against the wall and trembling and stinking the entire court of fear. Renee is the first to notice, to grab his hand and guide him away from the violence, probably to find Coach. 

Neil is in the fray, happily breaking some Raven’s nose with that vicious grin on Neil's lips. Andrew drags the idiot away from the violence he so desperately wants to join. Andrew wonders at the omegas bloodlust-- partly in appreciation, partly in disgust of the omega’s suicidal tendencies. Neil is nearly as short as Andrew, and skinny enough for any of those alphas to snap in two-- fighting isn't Neil's strong point. 

There's yelling around him and all Andrew cares about his family and the omega in his hands. The Foxes find Andrew on his way to the bus-- maybe they saw Kevin's tall head above the crowd. Or maybe they sensed the trouble. Nicky and Aaron run when they see Andrew. They gesture to the others by the door, and to Wymack who is arguing red faced with the Jackel and Ravens coaches. 

“Andrew, we have to go. We need to leave _now_.” 

Andrew briefly considers leaving Neil with the other foxes and staying behind to kill Riko, consequences be damned. 

However, said omega is struggling violently in Andrews hands, anger and revulsion so thick around him that even Aaron makes a face. He can't allow Neil to run back into the fight. The idiot would get torn to pieces. 

Andrew nods and lets Kevin lead the way, practically leaving a vapor trail behind him in his hurry to the bus-- and the booze. 

Neil takes his usual seat and stews in his indignant anger. His arms are crossed over his chest and his knees are curled in front of him, braced against the back of the seat in front of him. Still, it's a far sight better than Kevin who is clutching Coach’s bottle of vodka like a baby to a bottle. Abby lets him, rubbing his back soothingly. Wymack is driving the bus, merging into traffic with little care for traffic laws. 

“You look like a brat when you pout.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. The spelling on this was atrocious. I fixed it. Sorry. Yikes.

It was a long drive back to Palmetto. Kevin had passed out and Andrew was asleep-- as were every other Fox. Neil was left alone to stew in his hatred for Riko for the entirety of the ride. 

Coach tries to make Neil stay with him at the apartment. He doesn't want Neil getting into anymore trouble tonight, and he fears Riko's retaliation. Coach wants to keep Neil where he knows the kid can't get himself into any more trouble. But it's Andrew that interferes. 

“Ah ah, coach. This one’s with me, remember? Don't worry, I'll keep him and Kevin safe with me tonight.”

True to his word, Andrew pulled Neil along by the collar of his shirt into his own dorm. 

“Um, Neil?” Matt asks, head tilted to the side and confused. 

“What do you think you're doing?” Matt’s attention had drawn Dan’s, of course. 

Aaron ignores them, unlocking the door and going inside. He leaves the door open behind him. 

“It's fine, Dan. Get some sleep.” Neil tries waving her away before another fight can start. 

“Yeah Dan, let the monster babysit those two. At least they're out of our way.” Seth is provoking the fight. He loved the drama. It's no wonder he and Allison are together, though Allison isn't nearly as high maintenance as her omega is. 

“I won't let you boss him around just because he's an omega. If he wants to sleep in his own room, let him.” Dan stares Andrew down, her feet braced apart and arms at her sides. It's not necessarily a challenging stance, but it's obvious she isn't going to let this one go. 

Tired of bossy alphas sticking their noses where they don't belong and deciding Neil's fate as if he isn't there-- Neil steps up. His father's temper is in rare form today. 

“You don't get it, do you? I said it's fine. I don't need some other alpha breathing down my neck because they think I need protection from _Andrew_.” Neil says his name like it's some impossible thing, Andrew hurting him. “News flash-- I'm not some helpless omega. I lived in Evermore since I was sixteen. I can take care of myself.” 

It's obvious from the look in her eye that Dan doesn't believe him. After all, Neil had been half dead after he arrived on their doorstep. First impressions are hard to beat. But Dan takes a step back in submission. 

Andrew cackles and drags Neil through the open door. “You can sleep on the floor.” 

“Why? Why can't I sleep in my room?” 

Andrew's lips quirk up in a faint smirk, as if he found Neil's sudden confusion amusing. “Because if you're here, I can keep you out of trouble. So be good and go to sleep.” 

Nicky brings Neil a pile of extra blankets and a pillow. They smell like a mix of Nicky's and Andrew's. The pillow is definitely Andrew's. Neil curls into the beanbag by the wall and promptly falls asleep. 

But his dreams are plagued with Riko and Jean. His dreams had been vivid and red with his own blood. His nightmare is a twisted kaleidoscope of faces and blurred scenes. He can feel the drugs in his body making him weak and pliable. He vaguely hears Riko as if through a tunnel- _I want to see if the drugs really work. Birthday boy can be guinea pig_. Another experiment. 

Too many bodies to count. Neil had quit fighting. Had he ever caught them? He wasn’t sure, he can’t remember. It hurts. It hurts, it _hurts_ , it- 

Something changes. The room feels bigger now and there’s only one body beside him. He isn’t blindfolded now, or tied. He writhes on the sheets, hot and unbearably large for his own skin. 

Riko is there. He rolls Nathaniel over so the omega can bury his face in the blue pillow. His mother had decorated his room, had snuck in colored bedding and pillows and the teddy bear leaning against the headboard. 

Riko’s hands move from Nathaniel’s hair to his shoulder, down his back to his sticky thighs. Nathaniel cries out, daring to move away- he should know better. This is the first time Riko strikes him. He slaps Nathaniel hard across the mouth, shoves his face into the mattress and tells him to shut up and be good. 

Neil wakes up expecting to be ten years old with Riko hovering above him, body pressed against Nathaniel’s in all the wrong ways. Neil wakes up expecting pain. His scarred neck throbs and his fingers tingle from the force of someone holding his wrists. His dick is hard in his pants, the same slacks he had worn to the banquet. 

Neil has to run to the bathroom so he doesn't vomit on Andrews beanbag. Somehow he thinks the alpha wouldn't appreciate that. 

The bathroom tile is cold beneath him. He leaves the light off so he doesn't have to see himself in the mirror-- doesn't mistake his own reflection as his father. The thought makes Neil choke again. A low whine dares to escape without Neil's consent. Maybe it's the discomfort, maybe it's the fear. Whatever it is, Andrew follows it to the bathroom where Neil is gagging and trembling over the toilet bowl. 

Neil curls around himself, ignoring the insistent ache between his thighs and too afraid to move. He doesn’t understand- he doesn’t like when anyone touches him. He shouldn’t respond like this. It feels like his body is betraying him by becoming aroused from his own nightmares. This is wrong and Neil doesn’t like it but he can’t make it go away. He can’t breathe- his body doesn’t obey him, it isn’t his. It’s Riko’s, or whoever Riko decides to give him to, or whichever alpha Mary decides to lend Nathaniel to. But it isn’t his, it hadn’t ever been his. 

*****

Neil doesn't hear him the first few times Andrew says his name. Usually that would be amusing. But Andrew isn't higher than a fucking kite right now and nausea rolls in his belly-- both from the withdrawal and his nightmares. The banquet hours earlier had been amusing when he was drugged but now Andrew can see it for the shit show it was. The combination of all that, plus the stink of omega fear, means his patience is short tonight. 

Andrew grabs the back of Neil's neck, and snaps his fingers under Neil's nose until the omega finally opens his eyes. There's a flash of panic, quickly followed with recognition, but the fear stays. 

“Don’t touch me.” Neil breathes, hardly even a whisper. But Andrew isn’t one to ignore that. He takes his hand away.

“I won’t. You’re safe with me.”

Neil shakes his head. He isn’t safe anywhere, not so long as he’s an omega. Not as long as Riko owns him. Not as long as his body keeps betraying him. 

“Nowhere is safe.” 

Andrew fills a cup of water from the bathroom sink-- and dumps it over Neil's head. The cold water is a shock to his hot skin, and a grounding rod to his wandering mind. It reminds him that he's here, no longer in the nest. But it doesn't keep Neil from baring his teeth at Andrew, glaring up through soaked bangs. 

“Asshole!” 

“Don't say shit like that. I said I would protect you, loud mouth and all. It was your desperate whining that woke me, so I say we're even. Now why are you panicking?” 

Neil stills. He doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to tell Andrew about all of the horrible things in his head right now. How does Kevin cope? Of course, the answer comes immediately-- Kevin drinks. A lot. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” 

Andrew scoffs. He leaves without waiting to see if Neil will follow. He might puke if he says something, so he pauses to crook his finger at the idiot. Maybe the fresh air outside will help Andrews rolling stomach and hot flashes. Andrew throws his coat at Neil on their way out the door. 

Of course they go to the roof. Andrew would rather drive but frankly, he can't be in a moving vehicle right now, much less drive it. And anyway, Andrew doesn't want to smell Neil's stinky fear or anxiety or whatever right now.

“Speak,” Andrew mumbles around the cigarette between his lips as he struggles to light the thing with his shaking hands. 

Neil plucks the cigarette and lighter away from him and lights it himself. He takes a drag before handing it back to Andrew, and then lighting his own from the pack between them. 

“Bad dreams,” is what Neil settles on. 

“Bad life,” Andrew mumbles. It's for both of them. It's not pitiful or pessimistic; it's simple fact, they know. “It's no wonder you're so fucking skinny.” 

Neil feels empty. Hollowed out and exhausted and wrong in his own skin. He doesn’t want to talk. He wants a moment of peace, whatever it takes. Just a moment where he is undisturbed by Riko and his nightmare memories; where he is left unharassed by his own body. 

“Stop.” 

Neil startled at the suddenness of Andrew's voice. Neil doesn’t know what he means. He can’t be bothered to respond. 

Eventually what he says is, “you don’t have to stay.” 

“I promised I would protect you, I’m not leaving you along on a roof to die of your own stupidity.”

“You think I’m suicidal?” Niels mouth feels numb. The words come out flat and uninhibited. 

“Don’t waste your question on something so boring.” 

So Neil shuts up and sits quietly, staring out at the campus lights, and watching how it makes the shadows dance on Andrew's face. The alpha doesn’t move a single inch from his position, chain smoking an entire pack of cigarettes trying to get the taste of Neil’s fear out of his mouth. 

Neil feels like he should give Andrew something. Some sort of explanation as to whatever this is. He can’t tell Andrew the truth, not right now. He can’t bring himself to say that he’s been having nightmares about his first heat and that he feels wrong in his own skin and that no, he didn’t _like it_ , his body is reacting of its own accord and Neil can’t control anything right now and that he’s overwhelmed with how powerless he feels. 

So instead, Neil diverts attention. Andrew should know what he’s up against, and Neil’s currently numb state makes him brave. 

“Riko is going to have my father come get me. Either I go back to Evermore or I die.” 

“Your father, the truck driver? You’ve been lying to me.” 

“My name is Nathaniel Wesninski. My father is the butcher of Baltimore.” 

Andrew doesn’t know what that name means, not yet; Neil knows Andrew will research tonight and then… and then Neil will deal with whatever consequences come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love! My tumblr is booksaboutgay come find me!


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s 5am and I had a bad dream so here. Have an update

_My name is Nathaniel Wesninski. My father is the butcher of Baltimore._

Neil and Andrew had stayed on the roof until the sun rose. Andrew goes back to sleep but Neil goes to his own room, rather than Andrew’s dorm. Nobody would be up for hours and there was no practice scheduled today, thanks to the banquet; even if there hadn’t been trouble, the Foxes wouldn’t have stuck around the entirety of the two day event. 

Neil is up and dressed for a run when Matt comes out of the room looking sleepy and hungover. Maybe the upperclassmen has drank all night. 

Allison and Seth soon follow after. Neil is suddenly _very_ glad he had been anywhere but here all night. 

“Morning,” Neil mumbles into his bottle of water. Matt flashes him a grin. 

“Good morning. You going for a run this early? We were going to get brunch. You should come with.” 

Neil shakes his head. “I’m going to go for a run.” He doesn’t feel like being with people right now- Matt’s smile makes him feel displaced. 

Matt makes a pot of coffee because Seth refuses. When it finishes he pours one mug for himself and one for Neil and takes a third back into the room. A moment later he hears Dan’s muffled voice. 

It takes everyone a while to get ready, but none of them change out of their pajamas except for Allison. Matt and Dan try one last time to convince Neil to go. He turns them away again. 

“Be careful. No more going for runs in the middle of nowhere. Call me if you need me.” Matt insists. 

Neil warms up with a run to the stadium. He doesn’t take it personally that he hasn’t got a key yet but he picks the lock easily enough. Neil runs laps and does stairs until his legs feel rubbery. Then he grabs his racquet and practices drills he’s done a thousand times over. 

This is where Andrew finds him- ricocheting balls to knock down cones and dodging shadows. 

Andrew heads to the stands and lays down. An oversized hoodie that may be Nicky’s or Kevin’s- did Andrew even own a hoodie so large?- swamps his short frame. Is he really going back to sleep? 

Kevin watches Neil practice, judging him silently, for now. This doesn’t last long. Kevin is ever the perfectionist, when it comes to Exy. 

“You need a heavier racquet.”

Neil nods. 

“We’re not good enough. You have to step it up, Nathaniel we have to be good enough to make up for the rest of the foxes lack of skill. Winning and losing is on _us_ , you and me. You need more power in your throws, and quit projecting your throws. It’s a wonder you’ve scored any points before now.” 

“Fuck off. I can’t deal with you today, so you and Andrew can both just leave.” 

“Andrew is the one who brought me here. He knew you would be here.”

Neil shakes his head, weary. Every time he blinks he imagines blood on the court floor. He’s more tired than he should be, he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. He ignores Kevin in favor of collecting the used balls. Kevin follows after him, not being the least bit helpful in cleaning up. 

“He said you told him about your father.” 

“We don’t need to have this talk, Kevin.”

“We do. What happens when he gets out? Is he going to come for you? What are we going to do?” 

“I don’t care.” 

Kevin looks stubborn and confused. “Will you go back to Riko?” 

Neil shakes his head. “No. I’ll die before I go back that monster.” 

“Aren’t you scared?” 

“Of course I’m scared, Kevin.” Neil snaps, bright anger rising through the blue fog he’s been in. “You think that I want to go back to that? Do you think I want to go back to being nothing? To being an omega who just so happens to be good at Exy? To constantly being reminded of ‘my place’; as if I could ever forget what Riko feels like, much less the others that he threw at me. Kevin, I am _terrified_ of going back. Riko murdered Jean- our best friend. But at least he isn't stuck at Evermore.”

“You always act so defiant when you’re around Riko. You stood up to him at the banquet, but even before that- you and Jean taught me French against Riko’s wishes, and you talked behind his back all the time and you mouthed off, even though you knew it would get you punished. You’ve always been so strong.”

“Because you were number two- you were always with Riko. Jean is the one who had to pick up the pieces. And we spoke French because we would go crazy if we didn’t have something to hold onto, something just ours that Riko couldn’t touch. I wasn’t being brave, I was being _stupid_ and Jean paid the price. Jean was not nothing,” Neil grits through his teeth. “I won’t let that be for nothing. Riko made a big mistake, losing his inner circle, and we’re going to make him sorry. The Foxes are going to the championships, we’re going to play against the Ravens, and we are going to win. Lets show the world that Riko is nothing but a pathetic alpha with anger issues.” 

“Do you think we can do it?” 

“We have to. I meant what I said. We have to beat the Ravens.” 

Andrew naps while Kevin and Neil play themselves into exhaustion. When he wakes two hours have passed and Nicky has called him four times; Aaron once. Probably wondering where Andrew is, wondering when they were going to leave for Columbia. Neil is lobbing balls at the goals while Kevin shouts criticism and tries to block the shots. 

Not interested in their obsession, Andrew bangs on the door, startling both the omegas. He nods to the door and leaves, knowin. They’ll follow. 

Sure enough, they file into Andrew’s car and Neil even agrees to come with them again- he hadn’t been comfortable going to the club again or staying at the cousin's house with Nicky and Kevin. Andrew suspected that Neil might be a little afraid that Kevin might turn on him again too, but it appeared that they made up with their long heartfelt speeches earlier. 

Neil even wears the outfit Andrew had been saving— ripped black skinny jeans tight enough to make Andrew’s night interesting and a matching shirt that read ‘problem child’. It wasn’t usually to Andrew’s taste but he found it entirely too appropriate for their newest trouble maker. Neil wore the same heavy black boots Andrew had given him the first time around. Andrew had to admit that he looked damned good in that outfit, and he silently hoped Neil would keep the clothes this time. 

Nicky drove and Neil and Aaron sat in the back with Andrew. Kevin napped in the front seat and to his surprise, Neil began to drift off soon after. Maybe Andrew shouldn’t be surprised- the idiot had been up most of the night and then worked himself into exhaustion before Kevin and Andrew came for him. But Andrew didn’t expect Neil to become trusting enough to nap- to leave himself vulnerable while so close to Andrew. 

Nicky pulls into the lot of the same restaurant as the last time. Their usual order of ice cream comes with their usual side of drugs. Andrew takes a pack of crackers immediately, upending the contents right into his mouth, despite the lack of privacy. Neil wonders if getting to know the real Andrew still counted if he was drinking and doing crackers instead of whatever he was prescribed. He decides not. 

Eden’s Twilight is a little less packed since it’s a Saturday night and the club closes at midnight to accommodate the blue laws. But they still have time to get drunk- Andrew and Neil head straight to the bar while the others find a seat. Andrew is talking to the bartender that Neil vaguely recognizes while Neil stands at his back. The bar is crowded and loud, people shoving their way through and shouting out orders that mostly go unheard in the chaos. Neil wonders how the monsters get such good service. 

“The bartender treats you well,” Neil speaks loudly over Andrew's shoulder. 

“We used to work here, Nicky and Aaron and I; after Tilda died.” 

That made sense, he supposed. Someone bumped into Neil, pressing close behind him and standing above him to shout at the bartender. Neil finds himself pressing into Andrew’s back. Andrew twists an arm around Neil’s ribs and pulls him forward so Neil is between him and the bar, protected from the crowd. Neil allows himself to lean into Andrew’s shoulder. 

The bartender smiles and hands Andrew a full tray nearly overflowing with drinks. With one arm still loose around Neil, they move to find the rest of their group. People move out of their way on instinct- Andrew pretty much constantly looks ready to kick someone’s ass. He just has that kind of face. 

The monsters attack the drinks like they’re going to disappear too soon and Andrew quirks his brow at Neil’s hesitance. 

“Do I get a choice this time?” 

“Of course. You get a choice in everything from now on.” 

Nicky nods enthusiastically. “Yeah, you’re one of us now! We take care of our own.” 

Andrew leaves for another round. Aaron goes to dance, Kevin stares forlornly out into the dance floor and Neil just sits quietly.

Nicky gets his attention. “Hey. I just, um. I wanted to apologize again. For last time. That won’t happen again. I promise.” 

Neil is hesitant to believe him but he finds himself nodding. 

“Are we good? Can we be friends again? Or at least try?” 

It sounds so simple and honest when Nicky says it out loud like that. “We can try. But I’ll cut out your intestines and strangle you with them if you try anything like that again. I mean it.” 

“Don’t worry!” 

“Hey, Nicky, can I ask you a question?” 

“Of course,” Nicky looks glad Neil is even speaking to him. 

“What happened to Andrew and Aaron’s parents?” 

“Oh, um, well. Nobody really ever knew who their father was. Aunt Tilda never told anybody. And there’s this big long story to it, but the basics? She died in a car wreck. Of course there’s more to it than that but Andrew hates when we talk about it.”

“So talk fast.”

“Ok. Well, Dad- my dad- found out about Andrew, right? So he started this years long campaign, wearing Aunt Tilda down to bring Andrew home. They talked to all sorts of people about releasing Andrew from juvie early and Dad brought Aaron to meet his brother. And suddenly, like, Andrew started behaving and stuff and they gave him early release a year early.”

“Andrew changed his mind?” 

“Apparently. But then aunt Tilda died and Aaron blamed Andrew.” Nicky’s voice drops low, cuing Neil to the severity of those words. 

“What happened? How is that Andrew’s fault?” 

Nicky leans closer, as if Kevin wasn’t too drunk to see and the music wouldn't cover their words anyway. “That day, Aaron and Tilda got into a fight. That’s how mom and Dad found out she was abusing Aaron. He showed up with a whole bunch of new bruises. Aunt Tilda came to get Aaron back and take him home, only they didn’t make it. She drove into a median and flipped the car into oncoming traffic and she wasn’t wearing her seatbelt. 

“The thing is, it wasn’t Aaron in the car. It was Andrew. Aaron was standing in for Andrew at a tutoring session. Aaron thinks Andrew did it on purpose.”

Neil blinks. “Of course he did- their mother was beating Aaron and she hurt Andrew. He did it to protect Aaron.”

“I don’t think so, Neil. Even Andrew wouldn’t-“ 

“How did he end up on his medication?” 

“I got jumped in the alley here and Andrew nearly killed all four of the guys who did it.” 

“He cares about you. That’s the problem- he cares too much about what happens to you and not enough about what happens to himself.” 

After the club, Andrew drives them home. Neil is all but dragged into Andrew’s rooms and offered the beanbag on the floor with a spare pillow and blanket that smell strongly of Andrew. Kevin passed out in the living room couch and Neil wasn’t sleeping on the floor out there with him. He sure as hell was not going to share with Nicky and Aaron wasn’t even an option; both Aaron and Neil would rather cut off their fingers. 

Of course coach had chosen to call Andrew. Andrew actually growls at Wymack through the phone but then promptly stops. Neil rolls over to watch, confused but not frightened. Andrew hangs up without a goodbye. Neil’s eyes are open, if blurry, and he stares at Andrew. 

“Seth is dead. Overdose.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tada!!

_Seth is dead. Overdose.”_

“What? What happened?” 

Andrew rolls his eyes. “He took too many drugs and died. That’s generally how an overdose works, Neil.”

Neil glares at him. “Shut up. You know what I mean.” 

Now Andrew shrugs. “Allison found him in some bathroom at a club in Palmetto.”

Neil frowns. “Do you think it was Riko?”

“Do you?” 

Neil nods slowly. “It’s convenient timing, isn’t it? Right after the banquet and the interview, and right before we play against them. It sounds just like Riko.”

“And they think you’re just a pretty face,” Andrew smirks. 

“I need a smoke.” 

Andrew obliges in following Neil out to the porch with a pack of cigarettes and his lighter. Together they sit on the swing Erik had put up for Nicky during one of his visits. 

“Who’s turn is it?” Neil wonders. 

“Yours.” 

Neil nods. “How did you meet Aaron? Riko’s file had a lot on you, but not that. And he stopped researching you when you turned him down.”

“Do you believe in fate?” 

“No.” 

Andrew exhales slowly, like he’s savoring the taste of his slow death.

“Luck, then.” 

Neil doesn’t believe in anything. He knows better. “Only the bad kind.” 

“Woe is you.” Andrew flicks his wrist as if to dismiss it. “Higgins, some cop who volunteered in a do-gooders program for kids. He knew me from back when. He ran into Aaron at some game and thought he was me.” 

Andrew finishes his cigarette and throws it away. Then lights another. As always, he takes his time before he asks. “Now, I want to know what you plan to do for your next heat. Will you go to Columbia, or hand yourself over to the closest alpha?” 

Neil ignores Andrews sneering. “I’ve never had a heat alone before. What does Nicky do? I know he’s bonded to Erik, how does he deal with his heats alone?” 

Andrew whips his head around to Neil again and laughs, manic and sharp in his ears. “You’re so tragic. You don’t even know basic knowledge about your own designation. You can only have so many issues, Neil.”

“I pretended to be a beta while on the run, and I only knew I was an omega for about a week before that, most of which was spent with Riko.” Neil scowls at Andrew and breathes in the smoke to remind him of his mother. 

Andrew quiets, though the smile remains. “Ok, ok, don’t get your feather ruffled. Erik is an alpha but he doesn’t mine Nicky bringing another omega or a beta around. But since he’s mated and not around Erik, he doesn’t get his heats often. Sometimes Erik flies down. That’s something most bonded mates do.” 

Neil doesn’t answer for a long time; not because he doesn’t know what he’s going to say, but because he’s hesitant to say it aloud. He puts his hand in his pocket, presses the outline of a key into his palm. “What would you want in return for taking me to Columbia?” 

Andrew answer is immediate. “No,” he says sharply, all traces of smile gone for just a moment. “Do not confuse me with Riko. If you come to Columbia, I will stay to protect you. I will not touch you. Are we clear?” 

Neil nods dumbly, amazed and confused at Andrew’s offer. 

“Yes or no?” Andrew pushes. 

“Yes. Please.” 

“I don’t like that word. 

Neil locks his lips, happy to drop the subject. “My turn. What did Higgins want when he called coach?” 

“My help, but he’s useless. Hes investigating one of my old foster family’s; he thinks that the dad has playing boogie man with the little kids. It won’t come to anything; He’s got the wrong guy.” 

“If that cop has the wrong guy— who’s the right one? What did he do?”

“That’s two separate questions.” Neil waits for a long time for Andrew to answer. The silence stretches on for minutes, and then linger. Several cigarettes die a fiery death and a long fall to the alley below. He knows he won’t like Andrew’s answer, but he waits. And waits. 

“Their son Drake. An alpha. He thought I was an omega.” 

Neil understands. God, does Neil understand. Andrew doesn’t give Neil time to breathe again before he takes his turn. 

“Tell me about your birthday.” 

Fucking Riko and his big mouth. Neil didn’t understand what he was trying to accomplish by airing all of Neil’s dirty laundry. It only made Andrew hate Riko more. 

“I don’t remember most of it.” Neil shrugs. “There were a lot of drugs, and a lot of drinking. I hurt for days after and Jean wouldn’t tell me anything. But I’m an omega— we can both guess what they did.

“Is Drake the reason you don’t like ‘please’?”

“No. Do you regret what you said?” Neil knows Andrew means at the banquet. “Regret is a useless emotion.”

***** 

Monday morning brought the prep club out with orange and black streamers, more for Seth’s death than for Halloween and this Fridays upcoming game. Posters of Seth’s face adorned the walls; someone had placed a memorial shrine outside Fox tower where students placed candles and Exy balls and little orange fox plushies. 

Tuesday was orange day, where the majority of campus wore jerseys with Seth’s number, or had it painted black and orange on their face. So many people mourning a boy they didn’t even know left Neil baffled. 

Wednesday was a repeat of Tuesday’s theme, with white instead of orange. The students chose to wear black instead, to show their support and mourning. 

Allison was making herself scarce, either from grief or from dealing with the arrangements. There was no public service for Seth but Dan had told Neil that Allison had been the one to pay for her omega’s cremation and that she had kept the urn- his family had wanted nothing to do with him. 

Thursday had the upperclassmen in an aggravated, tense mess. Renee was the only one who could attempt to console Allison, the alpha lashing out in her grief. It sent Dan to Matt’s bed; which, in turn, sent Neil to the cousin's dorm. He would rather sleep in the beanbags on the floor than disturb the emotional upperclassmen. 

Andrew seemed to be the only one unaffected. Even Aaron and Kevin felt the loss. Aaron had begun disappearing more, to wherever he wandered off to when he thought Andrew wasn’t looking. Kevin was living out of a bottle now- he had gotten desperate enough to drink one of Andrew's cake flavored vodka bottles, cursing midgets with sweet tooths and high calories and ruined diet plans. 

Neil had something other than Seth’s death to obsess over- the Ravens game tomorrow afternoon. It would be the first time Neil had officially faced off against Riko- and his first time playing against them as a striker. 

Neil stays up most of the night rewatching the Ravens last game. They were suffering this season, without Kevin and Jean. They still obliterated the teams they played against but they had lost three of their perfect court and it showed. 

Neil and Kevin knew the inner workings of the Ravens team. They knew how Riko and everyone else played- they knew their stride length and their playing style and their temperament; hopefully the foxes could pull off some sort of miracle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Babes, you have earned this.

Neil is… numb isn’t quite the right word, but it’s close enough. He’s not afraid of playing the Ravens now, as he gets his gear on in the locker rooms. He thinks vaguely that he should probably run, but that’s just old habits dying hard. He can practically feel his mother’s hands in his hair, tugging away and screaming at him to run while he still has a chance. 

But mostly he’s numb. 

Abby distributes suppressants to the omegas while Wymack does his poor excuse for a pep talk. Abby holds Neil back after. 

“Have you had your heat yet, since we changed your medication?”

Neil shakes his head. 

“It’s been almost a month. You know that stress can affect the coming of your heat. It’s why we give you the suppressants, so you don’t trigger it during the game.” Neil had not known that. “But if you need to, you let me know and we’ll figure something out, okay?” 

Neil nods. 

The numbness lasts past the cheering bleachers and cheerleaders and announcements. He can hear Riko speaking to an alpha reporter with long and badly dyed blonde hair. She laughs at something Riko says like they have some private joke between them. 

“Some omegas are just not cut out for the rough handling.” He shoots a glance as fuck Kevin and then Neil. “It’s good to remind them where they belong.” 

Neil ignores it only because coach grabs the back of his jersey and marches him forward into the lineup. 

“Ignore him, kid. He’s just trying to shake you up,” Wymack consoles. 

Neil shrugs off the hold. “His mistake.” 

The teams take their places on the court. Riko pulls Kevin into a hug, as if he hadn’t been bad mouthing them to reporters only minutes before. It’s another way to manipulate the crowd, to trick the fans into adoring Riko. 

Kevin looks ready to run until Andrew smacks his racquet into the ground- the same time Neil shouts Riko’s name. 

“Riko! The world doesn’t revolve around you, get in place. We have a game to win.” 

Riko snarls something but gets into place- because of the refs, not because of an omega like Neil ordering him around. Still, satisfaction warms in Neil’s chest. 

The buzzer sounds and then Neil is in motion. Allison catches the rebound after the Raven’s serve and she passes to Andrew. With a loud crack, Andrew sends the ball down court to the Ravens goal. 

Kevin catches it, narrowly avoiding the Raven backliner tailing him. He takes his ten steps, shouldering against his tail the entire way before passing to Neil. 

Johnson was tailing Neil. He tried to jerk the racquet out of Neil’s hands but Neil ignores the pain in his wrist and shoulders past him. 

Paying attention to Johnson and not behind him, someone crashes into Neil, crushing him beneath their weight into the hard floor. The ball bounces out of Neil’s net and Johnson runs it back down the court. 

Neil shakes his aching wrist and gets back to the game. The Ravens score and the buzzer sounds. 

The foxes look like clumsy newbies compared to Riko, even with Neil and Kevin fighting for them. Andrew can’t do all the work, even as he bats away another ball. Matt is decent but he isn’t trained to play full games- none of them are. Nicky isn’t fast enough to keep up, even when he isn’t tripping over his clumsy feet. 

Neil’s heart nearly stops when Andrew leaves the goal- Matt takes Riko out, crashing into the floor in a mess of limbs and gear. Andrew darts from his position, faster than Neil’s ever seen him move. He can tell the direction the ball will go as soon as Andrew swings his racquet. Neil runs for it, darting around Ravens and foxes alike. He catches the ball midair and deflects it to Kevin. Kevin doesn’t wait to aim- in one smooth move he catches the ball and keeps his racquet moving forward, flinging the ball straight past the Raven’s goalie. 

The foxes are doing unexpectedly well, all things considered. They aren’t a match for the Ravens- not yet; but Neil sees potential and he knows Kevin sees it too. Something like hope dares to grow in Neil’s chest. 

By halftime the foxes are exhausted. Allison and Renee are slumped together- Neil finds too alphas so close to be perplexing but now isn’t the time. Nicky is puking. Matt looks pissed- angrier than Neil has seen him before. Neil wonders what Riko said to make Matt earn a yellow card. 

“Dan can sub in for Neil-“ 

“I can play a full game, coach. I know the Ravens, better than you know each other. I know how the Ravens play; how Riko plays. I’ve been practicing with Kevin. I can do it.”

Dan looks as tired as the rest of them but Neil can still play. As long as he can breathe, he can play. Broken nose or not. 

“Nobody is letting you into that court while your face is bleeding,” Abby chides. 

At least Neil had earned another point in the foxes favor. The Ravens were only winning by four points and the gap made Neil feel both triumphant and sick. Triumphant, because he never expected this pathetic team of fuckups to be able to stand against the Ravens; sick, because when Riko didn’t win he made Nathaniel pay for it in blood. He knows he’s no longer in the nest. He knows that Riko can’t touch him. But it’s a learned trait that’s hard to unlearn. 

Second half isn’t the backslide that Neil had expected. The foxes were going against a fresh lineup, and they were already wearing down. Neil expected a slaughter. But Andrew was the backbone of the team and apparently Riko was interesting enough to make Andrew put real effort into playing. Neil and Kevin scored a few points each, though Neil could tell his accuracy speed and accuracy could use some work; he couldn’t quite manage that quick move that Riko and Kevin used, where they used the momentum of the catch to add force behind their throw. 

Second half was more violent than the first- Neil lost count of how many times he was ground into the floor or crushed against a wall. Neil’s tail was chatty, bragging about having Neil beneath him again. How he wished Neil would give the backliners a proper congratulations, preferably on his knees in the locker room. Neil nearly got yellow carded when he tripped the Raven, sending him face first into the wall. 

The Ravens won, predictably. Thirteen to seven. The lineup was a joke- was like herding snarling dogs, all posturing and snapping. 

Andrew looked like he might puke on the floor- or the Ravens. Neil wondered if Andrew would let himself be pointed in Riko’s direction if he started vomiting. That alone would be well worth the loss. 

Kevin was snagged by a reporter, and a tired and fake smile plastered onto Day’s face. Coach is busy with Nicky, who is shouting in the background at the Ravens; something about homophobia and designationists that Neil doesn’t pay attention to. A reporter makes the mistake of shoving a microphone into his face. 

“Nathaniel! Does playing against the Ravens make you homesick? Do you regret leaving Edgar Allen for a low ranking team, such as the Foxes?”

Neil clears his throat. “The Foxes did well tonight. I’m proud of what we did tonight. We held fought hard and held our own against the best team in the nation, without resorting to underhanded tactics. It’s why I joined the Foxes. Kevin Day is the best striker in the States, and he has a lot to teach me.”

“Why the sudden switch in positions?” 

“I’ve always wanted to be a striker, but there was never a position open for with the Ravens. Kevin and Riko were always the top strikers, one-and-two; there was room for a three. And it was stifling, to say the least.” 

The reporter frowns. Obviously a Raven fan. “Your thoughts on omegas being banned from full contact sports, such as football and Exy?”

Neil glares. “That’s stupid. Half of my teammates are omegas, and I think we held our own against Edgar Allen today. Designation is archaic and everyone that thinks is omegas should stay at home are fucking stupid. Omegas can do anything that anyone else can.” 

The reporter feigns shock. “You don’t think that violent, full contact sports could endanger an omegas health, possibly making it difficult or impossible to conceive a child?” 

Something inside Neil snaps. “Omegas are human beings, just like everyone else. We aren’t breeding tools. Maybe the number of omegas would be higher if alphas would stop abusing us and using us as breeding bitches.” 

Someone else shouts. “How does it feel to play without Jean Moreau? You two were inseparable.” 

Jean. The sudden name drop punches the air out of Neil. He had dealt with death before- both people he had lost and people he himself had killed; but Jean’s always hurt the most. More than his mother’s. 

Neil swallows heavily. He doesn’t answer, instead turns to leave. As soon as he’s around the corner, a hand darts out to snag his jersey. It’s Riko; he’s only giving Neil attention because Kevin is still talking to reporters, along with coach and Dan. 

Riko pulls Neil close enough to touch, towering over him by those few precious inches. He takes a deep sniff of Neil’s throat, ignoring the way the omega cringes away. “You smell delicious,” the alpha growls. 

His voice is what kicks Neil into action. ”Don’t touch me!” He shoves Riko away. The alpha lets go, appraising Neil as one would their breeding bitch. Neil hates it with everything in him. “If you touch me again I will cut your knot off.” 

Still, Riko looks very pleased with something. “You’re right, you know- you’re never going to be a good striker. You will have to return to your assigned position when you return home.” 

“I’m never going back.” 

“You will. If I have to have your father fetch you, I will.” 

And then Andrew is forcing himself between them- his hair is wet from the showers. Neil sees him flick a finger into the sleeve of his bands and flash the blade of his knife. 

Neil steps away, quick to put space between himself and the two alphas. Conveniently, Coach Wymack pulls the two apart before blood can be shed. 

“Guest showed are across the court, Riko. Stop harassing my players.”

Neil’s stomach cramps uncomfortably as nausea strikes. Riko leaves, but the anxiety still swells in Neil’s chest. 

The foxes have all showered and it’s Neil’s turn. Even with the divided stalls in the showers, it still feels to public- too vulnerable- to undress in. Neil hesitated outside the lockers until Andrew passes him. 

“Come on, idiot.” 

Wordlessly, Andrew guards the room while the omega showed. Neil washes slowly, content in the knowledge that Andrew was warding the door. He notices that his shampoo smells like strawberries instead of apples, and wonders shortly how the bottles had gotten switched. 

He lets the heat steam around him and ease a little of the ache in his body. The cramps in his gut don't ease much but his shoulders loosen. He watches the bruises darken against his overheated skin. He stays until Andrew shouts at the door, making Neil jump and anxiety spike. Neil dresses as quickly as he can manage and follows the monsters to Andrew’s car and back to the dorms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... I wrote this chapter so long ago I don’t remember what it’s about..... but I hope you enjoyed it :)  
>  My tumblr is booksaboutgay 
> 
> I’m thinking about reading Six of Crows, come talk to me :)


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooooh the next few chapters are gonna be good. Are you excited?? I am :)

Neil is the only person walking the streets at this hour. The upperclassmen were still at Abby’s drinking, and probably would be all night. Neil’s nerves had send him sneaking out the front door at the first opportunity; he had changed his mind as soon as he had gotten there. Usually the team was a comfort to him, now, but he had felt stifled and nervous at Abby’s and so he had walked back to the tower alone. 

The monsters were probably in Columbia by now, or nearly there.

The road is dyed orange by the cheap streetlights. It’s very much in theme with the school’s Foxes. As he gets closer to campus, the sound of televisions from the houses morphs into loud music and sounds of a party. There’s an open window somewhere and Neil can smell whiffs of cigarettes and pot. 

A bolt of pain makes Neil hiss and rub at the tender spot between his hips- over the long, horizontal scar. His stomach has been cramping for a while now. It had started on the wall to the tower and he had forgotten to take a few painkillers for the cramps and the lingering aches from the game. 

He’s been feeling progressively worse since the game ended. His skin feels itchy and uncomfortable; he feels restless and mildly anxious for no sane reason; his head aches and he feels hot, despite being up on the roof without a jacket. He’s craving sweet apples but there weren’t any left in the fridge- he had checked. 

He twists to ease some of the ache in his shoulder and- ohhh. Pleasure loosens the cramps as Neil’s jeans rub just right. _Oh_. Pleasure is quickly followed by recognition, which is even more rapidly followed by dread. 

Neil hadn’t recognized the signs; when Riko had wanted him in heat he simply stopped giving Neil the pills. With enough sweating and activity, the suppressants would leave his blood and he would go into heat fairly quickly. It had started with a sudden mix of exhaustion and anger, and then progressed Neil to a whining slick mess within the hour. 

This was a slow slide- the nameless anxiety after the game; the restlessness; the cramps; the cravings. 

Neil panics. Of course, first he considers locking himself in the bathroom in his dorm. Then he recognizes that Matt will come back soon enough and Neil can’t possibly hide in the bathroom for days. 

He remembers how it was before and that isn’t what Neil wants. He doesn’t want to spend days helpless to some alpha and his own body. He doesn’t want his skin to crawl for days afterwards. He panics for several long minutes before he hears Andrews voice. By the time, he had been repeating Neil’s name for a while now- Andrew sounds impatient. Neil looks at the phone in his hand, which tells him he had been using it for almost five minutes. He didn't remember calling Andrew. 

“Neil!” 

“Andrew?”

“Where are you?” Andrew all but growls. Neil can hear music in the background. He’s surprised Andrew can hear him 

“The roof of the tower. You?” 

“Take a breath and then tell me why you called.” Andrew makes it sound so easy, so Neil obeys. 

The breath burns his throat. “I’m in heat.” 

“Neil, listen to me.” Andrews voice is sharp, “stay on the roof. You’re above everyone else there and the wind will help carry your scent away so you should attract any alphas. Nobody goes up there, it’s the safest place until I come get you. Call Renee or Wymack if anything happens, anything at all. I’ll be there soon.” 

Andrew hands up with a click. If he’s at Eden’s Twilight then he will still have to find Aaron and Nicky and drive an hour back to campus. It would take Andrew over an hour to get here. The phone shakes in Neil’s hand, but he doesn’t dare call Wymack and definitely not Renee. Andrew had been right about the wind helping to disperse Neil’s scent and he’s too high up for most people to smell him. And nobody comes onto the roof except for himself and Andrew. He will be safe until Andrew gets here. 

He must have broken several speeding laws because Neil watches Andrews car pull into the lot, directly in front of the doors. Neil can see him usher a very drunk Kevin inside while Aaron helps Nicky. Andrew is bursting through the door almost immediately. 

He takes a few steps and stops to sniff the air. He growls a little but doesn’t lunge at the omega. It’s the most restraint Neil has ever seen. Usually alphas attack him when they smell his heat. But Andrew frowns and leads Neil out the door with a hand around the back of his neck, reassuring and protective. They pass by Neil’s dorm room and keep walking. 

“Don’t we need to pack a bag or something?” Neil wonders aloud. The had on his neck is so warm. His head is beginning to fog. 

“I’ll have Aaron bring by things. Get in the car.” 

Andrew’s car is still idling in front of the door. Neil takes the passenger seat, if only to spite Kevin. Neil curls against the door and shrinks down into the seat. The ride is longer than it should be, but that’s due to Neil’s impatience. Andrew is definitely speeding, the way he swerved between the traffic on the interstate. 

Neil’s heat is distracting but Andrew doesn’t let himself be affected. Neil smells like cinnamon ice cream and something hot and musky. He also smells fear- Neil is only being practical, being afraid to have his heat after so many years of being abused by the alphas around him. Andrew was sure that Neil’s mother hadn’t been much better. Andrew grounds himself on that fear. He will not let himself be like them. 

Neil muffled his whimpers when the sensation becomes too much- either the cramps or the growing arousal. Neil should have told Andrew earlier, instead of waiting. Andrew could have gotten Neil to the Columbia house before his heat had gotten this bad. It was probably the stress of the game that triggered the heat. 

Andrew pulls in front of the house and guides Neil inside. Logically, Andrew knows that Nicky’s room is probably the best place for Neil; Nicky probably has toys and supplies for Neil to use. But the alpha in Andrew doesn’t want Neil smelling like Nicky. Besides, Andrew’s room is the only one with an adjoining bathroom and a bath would probably help sooth the cramps and aches from the game. 

Neil stops suddenly at the foot of the stairs. He looks at Andrew with wide, solemn eyes. 

“You won’t let anyone in?” Neil hesitates to ask, like it’s ingrained in him to expect denial. But Andrew is not Riko. 

“I won’t. You’re safe here.”

Neil nods and they continue their way up the stairs. Neil is starting to smell like burnt gingerbread. 

Andrew leaves Neil locked in his room and calls Renee for supplies. 

****** 

Neil locks the door behind him with a shaking hand. The room is dark, even with the lights on. The walls are a standard beige color, like the owner couldn’t be bothered to repaint. But the bed is all done in black- black sheets, black pillows, black blankets. Black clothes hand in the closet. This black curtains keep the street lights from shining in. The walls are bare but the bookshelf against the wall is nearly full. The entire room smells of Andrew. 

One of the doors is the closet, but the other leads to a master bathroom. It seems starkly bright against the darkness of the other room. But it has a large tub that has Neil stripping off his stinking clothes and filling the tub with hot water. He locks the bathroom door, just to be sure, before he sinks to his nose in steaming hot water. He manages to wash his hair again before his body demands attention. 

He’s so sensitive that his hand on himself feels electric. His thighs tremble in the water as he strokes himself desperately. When he finishes, he scrubs himself with body wash and then drains the tub. The towels on the counter are green, not black, but Neil doesn’t bother with them. He dresses in his old clothes and leaves the steamy bathroom. 

There are bags left just inside the bedroom door and a key beside them on the floor- supposedly the key to the bedroom lock. Andrew must have had it; it looks like he brought Neil supplies and then left the key for Neil. 

The bags smell like Nicky and Aaron and Andrew. Inside one bag is his own clothes. Inside another is a small assortment of toys- a vibrator, a dildo with a knot, and something with a wired remote that looks too complicated for Neil to bother with. The groceries are things like bottled water and Gatorade, protein bars and a bag of assorted fruit; there’s also a bag that’s nearly all candy, though Neil doesn’t care for sweets. That bag he sets outside the door for Andrew. 

Another wave of heat flushed his skin and Neil feels more slick squirt between his thighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Worth the wait? Let me know!


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning- I did not edit before posting.

Neil reeks. He stinks up the entire upper floor and it’s testing Andrew’s patience. Neil smells like some spicy dessert that Andrew wants to devour. 

It’s been two days since Neil’s heat started. Aaron had brought them supplies. Matt, of all people, had been the one to drive him. Thankfully Matt had stayed in the truck. Omega or not, Andrew had a hard enough time answering the door for his own twin. He would have attacked Matt if he had tried to come inside. Andrew’s protective instincts are in overdrive, making him restless. He swears that he can hear every needy whimper that Neil makes, even with an entire floor and a locked door between them. 

Andrew uses his restless energy to work out. He does pull-ups until he gets bored but the medication makes his attention short and he can’t protect Neil if he’s going through withdrawal. So Andrew stays downstairs and sleeps in Aaron’s room. He cooks a weird spaghetti that is mostly just noodles and tomato paste with spicy sausage and whatever hot spices he can find. 

Neil’s heat stops after two more days. Andrew wakes up after the fourth day and can smell the difference. The sweet candy smell lingers but it’s stale now. Andrew sets about opening the windows to let fresh air in, now that attracting strays isn’t a problem. He showers quickly for the first time since they had arrived. He lets himself jack off with the smell of Neil still stuck in his head. 

He dresses and Neil still hasn’t come downstairs. Andrew knocks on the door. There is no answer. 

“Neil.” 

Neil answers the door in a pair of boxers, like he had forgotten to dress. His hair is greasy, sticking together in clumps. He lost some of the weight he had gained and his face is pale. His eyes are unfocused, staring blankly at Andrew. He looks like he’s about to go into a sub drop- like a depression for omegas who haven’t been taken care of properly; Neil has never spent a heat alone before. 

Andrew is instantly annoyed. He isn’t the nurturing type. He doesn’t cuddle or nurse omegas back to health. That’s what Abby is for. 

“Thank you.” Neil’s voice shakes and he sounds like he’s been swallowing glass. “Thank you. For keeping me safe and not-... just, thanks.” 

“You’re a tragedy. Go shower and then come downstairs.” 

Neil has been good about obeying Andrew because Andrew hasn’t hurt him. Even when he had Neil drugged, Andrew didn’t hurt Neil. So he goes to shower and Andrew opens the windows and the fan in his room. He knows it will probably stink like Neil for weeks now, but Andrew doesn’t regret it. It had been the right thing to do, even if Andrew did believe in something as pointless as regret. 

Andrew orders three large pizzas for delivery. Pineapple/Canadian bacon for himself, one cheese and one with everything. Neil comes downstairs before the delivery is made. He’s dressed in thick flannel pants that Andrew hasn’t seen before, and a long sleeved shirt. He has Jean’s old raven hoodie on over it. The sweetness has turned bitter as Neil drops; omegas weren’t made to be left alone. They’re meant to be touched- cuddled and petted and held. 

Andrew hands Neil a bottle of water and orders him to sit. He throws the blanket at him and puts on some movie. Neil makes himself as small as possible in the opposite end. The closest thing to cuddling that Andrew can manage is to sit on the middle cushion. Slowly, Neil relaxes into his corner and his eyes begin to droop. 

He jolts awake when the door knocks. Andrew ignores it and answers the door. He can feel Neil’s eyes on him as he pays the man and locks the door again. The pizzas go onto the coffee table and Andrew hands Neil a piece of the plain cheese, keeping the Hawaiian to himself. Most people hate pineapple on pizza so Andrew always knows it’s guaranteed that he has the thing to himself. 

Neil eats the pizza slowly with big gulps of water between bites. When Andrew grabs a sofa from the fridge he brings a bottle of water back for Neil, who takes it gratefully. 

“Thank you again. For everything.” 

“Shut up and eat. We’ll go back to campus tonight if you’re ready.” 

Neil does not look ready- he looks spacey and exhausted. But he nods anyway, and guzzles half the water bottle. He must be dehydrated. Neil surprised him not by grabbing another piece, but by helping himself to Andrew’s Hawaiian pizza. 

Andrew’s eyes narrow. “Larcenist.” 

Neil takes a big bite of the pizza, looking entirely too innocent as he does. Andrew doesn’t believe it for a second. 

Andrew finishes the Hawaiian pizza and half of the combination before he puts the leftovers in the fridge for the morning. Neil is asleep by then, curled into his corner of the couch. Eventually, after checking every single lock in the house, Andrew leaves Neil to the couch and wanders upstairs before remembering that his room is filthy and still stinks like omega in heat. Andrew goes to sleep in the chair in the living room. 

Andrew wakes first. He cleans the room and changes the sheets and jacks off again in the shower while the open window breezed Neil’s smell away. Not all of it, but some. Andrew sprays the entire room with air freshener and wonders if he’s going to have to burn the mattress. 

Neil is still asleep and it’s nearly afternoon. Andrew leaves him safely locked inside the house and goes for brunch at a reasonably close cafe. He gets two omelets for Neil and an entire box fills completely with French toast for himself. 

Neil is awake when Andrew unlocks the door. He’s sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the wall. He doesn’t hear Andrew come in but he jumps when the alpha puts the bag of takeout boxes on the coffee table. 

“What-?” 

“Eat.” Andrew shoves the foam box at Neil and grabs the syrup from the pantry to drown his mountain of French toast. 

“Thanks.” Neil takes a slow bite, afraid his stomach will rebel but desperate to eat something. He was starving. 

Andrew makes Neil shower again and clean the room before they go and then the omega naps the entire drive home. Andrew jerks the car to a stop, which has the desired effect in waking Neil. The omega starts and cringes away like he expects to be hit but then he blinks and seems to recognize their sweepings and he calms down with a heavy sigh. 

Neil takes the elevator rather than trudging up the stairs, a true testament to how tired he must be. His heat had obviously exhausted him- that, or his drop had been deeper than Andrew had gauged. It was hard to guess how Neil was doing sometimes, he was so used to hiding his pain and discomfort and everything else. Everything that wasn’t Exy or life/death seemed to be mainly ignored. 

Andrew had called Wymack to explain two of his players disappearances, and obviously the word had been passed along because nobody is out standing guard in the hallway. Neil takes a look at his own door, and then back at Andrew. Back and forth once more before settling on the alpha. Neil knows that it’s his fucked up instincts that want him to be close to Andrew. After all, Andrew had stayed with him during his heat, had taken care of him and protected him and- surprisingly- hadn’t fucked him, even when he obviously could have. So right now he would prefer Andrew’s silent company to Matt and Dan’s inquiries. 

Andrew just shrugs like he doesn’t care what Neil. Because he doesn’t. Andrew just wants to sleep in his own bed in a room that doesn’t reek of cum and slick and heat hormones. If Neil wants to sleep in a beanbag on the floor, let him. He just has the door unlocked when the smell of fury and Dan Wilds wafts out. Neil takes several steps back. Andrew is willing to ignore her and the obnoxious shouting until she grabs him. 

Andrew is faster than her and meaner than her and he hasn’t slept in literal days- not with Neil stinking up the house and the threat of it attracting every alpha within a half mile. 

Andrew slaps his elbow back into her sternum hard enough to bruise some ribs and knock the wind out of her. Then he punches her in the side of the face for good measure. She lands a blow on Andrew that he barely feels. 

“You fucking monster,” she snarls, her hands fisted at her sides. She looks ready to tear him apart- for what, Andrew doesn’t know. He’s happy to have someone to release his pent up anger on. “How dare you take advantage of him. He’s your teammate, for fucks sake.” 

Neil is pretty sure that Dan is talking about him, specifically. “Wait, what?”

“He’s still halfway to a drop, he needs aftercare. You’re useless.”

Dan moves to grab Neil’s wrist, to get between him and Andrew. Her unwanted touch is like a burn to his skin, and Neil pulls away with a snarl. 

“Don’t touch me! And don’t talk about Andrew like that. You clearly don’t know what you’re talking about here. He took me somewhere safe. He told me he wouldn’t touch me and he didn’t. And he very easily could have made another choice, and I wouldn’t have been able to do much about it. But he didn’t and it’s more than anybody else has ever done for me.” Neil glares pointedly at Dan’s hands raised between them, as if ready to drag him away to somewhere. “So don’t talk about him like he’s some monster that you need to protect me from. I’m fine. Just leave us alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts comments? Are you disappointed in the agaonizong slow burn?? Let me know!


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The biggest thank you to fukukiatsuya!!!!!
> 
> Things are starting to get fast, I’m excited and you should all be nervous.

Neil spent the rest of the afternoon hiding on the roof, and later napping in the library. Somebody woke him when the library closed, touching the back of his neck. Neil jumps out of the chair and nearly falls, but a strong arm grabs him. It’s just Andrew. 

“Idiot. Did you think the library was safe? Anyone could have gotten you here.”

Neil yawns, his jaw cracking. He pushes his hair out of his eyes but it falls back in a second. “I thought that was why we made our deal. So you could keep me safe.”

Andrew hums, noncommittally. He squeezes the back of Neil’s neck, but it isn’t painful or uncomfortable. Andrew’s hands are big and calloused from holding a racquet and warm against Neil’s sleep-flushed skin. 

“Come on, junkie. Before Wymack sends a search party out for you.” 

If any of the Foxes notice Neil’s upbeat mood, they don’t mention it. He catches a ride to the court for morning practice- sometimes with Andrew and sometimes with Matt, depending on where he spends his night.

He watches Andrew sweat in the gym, his back pressed flat on the neck and over one hundred and fifty pounds on the weight bar- over two hundred, of you counted the weight of the bat itself. Matt is spotting him, because Matt is the only one on the team who can bench press over two hundred pounds. Kevin is close, but Kevin is busy with cardio- perfecting his stamina by trying to keep up with Neil on the treadmills. 

He eats breakfast with Matt and the girls afterwards, if only because he’s had enough of listening to Kevin’s criticism. Not that he minded the upperclassmen’s company. Not as long as Dan kept her temper and Renee and Allison minded his space. Neil’s Outburst the other day had helped with Dan’s suspicion, and Renee was careful to keep Allison from being pushy. 

Neil eats lunch alone and uses the free time to finish a page of math homework between bites. Andrew catches him after last period and Andrew steers Neil to the car with a hand on Neil’s neck. 

Neil follows along obediently, for once content at the small amount of contact. It doesn’t hurt, it’s soft and warm and it’s _Andrew < _, who always smells so nice. Who took care of him and-__

__“Hey. Don’t start getting all sentimental. If you cry everyone will blame me. But then, everyone will blame me anyway,” Andrew grins._ _

__Neil sighs and closes his eyes for just a moment, allowing Andrew to lead him outside. Neil takes the front seat and Andrew drives. Neil takes the opportunity to study Andrew’s profile in the dim reflection of the street lights._ _

__“Stop it.”_ _

__“What?” Neil asks, entirely too innocent. Andrew is suspicious._ _

__“You’re staring. Stop it.”_ _

__Neil huffs a laugh, quiet and quick but pleasing nonetheless. The alpha in Andrew preens at being the one to make Neil laugh._ _

__“Make me,” Neil dares, a smirk drawing up his lips._ _

__“I will wreck this car and kill is both.”_ _

__Neil glances at the speedometer. “Not at thirty miles an hour.”_ _

__Andrew punches the gas just to be spiteful._ _

__Neil smiles and can’t help but think how of nice this is- just driving and not having to worry. He never thought he would get here- out from under Riko’s thumb, alive and in most of one piece. Temporary though it is, this is the best neil can ever remember feeling. His stomach is full and he isn’t afraid all the time, and he doesn’t hurt. This is something Neil never thought he would have. He can see why Kevin left them behind, if this was what he had missing after his mother’s death._ _

__“Andrew?”_ _

__“Neil,” Andrew mocks._ _

__“Why didn’t you fuck me during me heat? You could have, and I would have even let you. It would have been easy.”_ _

__Andrew gives Neil a look that the omega doesn’t know how to interpret. He waits while Andrew lights a cigarette._ _

__“I won’t be like them. I won’t let you let me be.”_ _

__Neil let’s the words sink in for another few blocks._ _

__“I’ve never had a heat alone before.”_ _

__“Tread lightly, Neil,” Andre warns him around a breath of smoke._ _

__“Would you spend my next heat with me?”_ _

__“Don’t push.”_ _

__“Me or you?”_ _

__Andrew gives him an unamused for a few rare seconds until the drugs push his lips into another hideous smile._ _

__Andrew is quiet for so long that Neil begins to think he may not get an answer. They pull into the Fox parking lot, but Andrew doesn’t move. Neil stays seated while Andrew lights another cigarette. Halfway through, Andrew turns to stare at Neil. Neil stares back, letting himself be observed. Whatever Andrew is looking for, he must not find because he squints at Neil, fighting the smile._ _

__“Ask me tonight, after the drugs are down.”_ _

__Andrew leaves without waiting for a response. Andrew takes Neil into his dorm, where Nicky and Aaron are sitting and playing video games._ _

__“You’re back! You two ready to go?” Nicky pauses the game and rolls to his feat._ _

__“Go where, exactly?” Neil asks, wrapping his hands in the sleeves of his sweater._ _

__“Costume shopping, of course! Halloween is coming up.”_ _

__Neil had never celebrated Halloween before. Before the nest, it had been ignored for reasons Neil couldn’t explain. In the nest, there would be small Halloween parties scattered quietly throughout the Nest, in groups of four or six throughout the rooms in the nest. It usually involves alcohol and fucking, and spooky soundtracks played on low volume, as to not attract the Master’s attention. Riko had acquired costumes that Neil didn’t understand- a french maid costume one year, a black cat the next- complete with tiny black velvet shorts, a black collar instead of a shirt, and a leash. Riko had Jean clip cat ears into Neil’s hair and draw on his face. Riko has enjoyed keeping Neil on a literal leash, and had torn the black shorts off with gusto later in the night._ _

__Nicky had ran off as soon as they entered the shop, and Aaron wandered in still staring at his phone more than the costumes. Neil browsed for a moment; a giant sponge with pants? A milk carton?_ _

__Andrew pulls a costume from the rack. A cow, complete with rather phallic looking rubber udders._ _

__“Nicky! Look! A cow. You should be this.” Andrew crows and giggles._ _

__“Ew! Titties! Andrew, no. At least make it a bull. As in, _hung like a_.” _ _

__“Just pick something so we can go,” Neil pleads._ _

__“But you haven’t picked out anything yet,” Nicky whines._ _

__“Because I’m not getting anything.”_ _

__“Oh! What about this?” Nicky pulls a short dress from the rack, complete with a red cape. Red riding hood, with a very, very short skirt. Neil shudders._ _

__“No. I mean it, Nicky. Nothing flashy or _pretty_ ,” Neil spits the word out like poison. _ _

__“Nicky, put that away. Learn to take a _no_ , before we have a problem.”_ _

__“Ok, ok. No need to get stabby. You find him a costume and I’ll look for something amazing for myself.” Nicky bounces away before Andrew starts pulling knives._ _

__Neil’s phone buzzes in his pocket- it’s Matt, texting to ask about Neil’s Halloween plans._ _

___Going to Columbia with Andrew._ _ _

___Can we come?_ Matt asks. Neil pauses- the upperclassmen have never made a move to hang with the monsters. _ _

__“Andrew?”_ _

__Andrew turns to Neil with a hum._ _

__“Can the others come to Columbia with us?”_ _

__“Hmm, why? Doesn’t our dear captain, oh captain trust me with you?”_ _

__Neil shrugs. “Matt asked.”_ _

__Andrew stares at Neil for a long moment. Then he flicks his wrist. “Whatever. Let them if they dare. But they aren’t sleeping in the house, they have to find their own place to crash.”_ _

__Neil nods, already replying._ _

__Andrew throws a striped inmate costume over his shoulder and keeps looking for Neil’s costume. At checkout, Neil catches a glimpse of something fuzzy and orange and his suspicions raise._ _

__“Andrew, if that is some sexy animal costume, I will kill you.”_ _

__“Ye of little faith.” Still, Andrew doesn’t put it back so Neil huffs and decides to pick his battles. Surely whatever Andrew bought couldn’t be as bad as what Riko picked out._ _

__

__******_ _

__Neil catches Andrew on the roof, hours after he’s taken his last dose of medication. He should be sobering up, and Andrew likes to be alone while he crashes._ _

__“You don’t swing,” Andrew says eventually. “So wick time were you lying?”_ _

__“I wasn’t lying. I don’t see strangers and think about how appealing they look or if I want to save sex with them. You’re different.”_ _

__“Because I’m the nearest alpha.” Andrew doesn’t say it like it was a question._ _

__Neil shakes his head and scowls. “Because I trust you. It’s not the same.”_ _

__“Then yes or no, Neil?”_ _

__Neil doesn’t even have to think about it. “Yes.”_ _

__Andrew closes the space between them and presses their lips into a kiss. It’s not what Neil expected, but it’s surprisingly nice. Andrew’s lips are warm and chapped, and it’s nearly bruising with the force he puts behind it. One of his hands wraps around the back of Neil’s neck, slow enough for Neil to pull away if he wishes._ _

__Neil returns with the same sort of vigor as Andrew. He’s careful to keep his hands at his sides, respecting Andrew’s boundaries. He doesn’t touch, though his palms itch to feel the alpha’s hard muscles. Instead, he clenches then into his lap, fisting his jeans so he doesn’t move them. It’s Andrew who pushes away first, one hand on Neil’s chest._ _

__Andrew looks for signs of deceit, or fear or something and finds nothing. “Listen. You stop if I say stop. If you don’t like or want something, then say something. None of your martyrdom. We consent to everything. If I think you’re holding back, I’ll call the whole thing off. Oh, and I’m not going to fuck you.”_ _

__Neil nearly starts in surprise at the last condition, but is careful to keep his face blank. “Okay.”_ _

__******_ _

__“Dude, seriously, how did you pull it off? Andrew hates us.”_ _

__“I asked,” Neil shrugs._ _

__“Whatever, man. Hey, how are you feeling?”_ _

__“I’m fine.” And he was. The heaviness in Neil’s chest eased when he was with Andrew but Matt was nice, too; just in a different way. And he may still be a little foggy from his heat, but that was normal. Neil had always felt bad after his heats and it usually lasted anywhere from a few days to a week. Ten days if it was bad- like when he had gotten shot, and the first few times Riko had shared Neil._ _

__“Come on, don’t give me that crap. I can smell that you’re still down. Andrew may not have knotted you but he didn’t exactly take good care of you, either. Come on, I can help. Stay here.”_ _

__Matt gets up from the couch and goes to the bedroom- he returns shortly with an arm full of their blankets. Stray hoodies and shirts and things neil has collected are balled into the mix, and Matt dumps them beside Neil. Over Jean’s hoodie Matt wraps a blanket that smells like the upperclassmen- probably one either from the girls room, or from the back of the couch. A hoodie from Andrew is draped over Neil’s shoulders. A large shirt of Nicky’s is thrown somewhere in the mix. Other blankets and pillows are buried around him until Neil is almost too hot. Matt puts some movie on the tv._ _

__“Are you hungry? I was thinking about making spaghetti for dinner. Dan’s making me practice my cooking but she doesn’t dare try it until I’ve pea tumors. You think you’re down for some practice spaghetti?”_ _

__Neil isn’t picky. He’s eaten soup still cold in the can, out of date sandwiches and moldy tortillas. Whatever Matt makes can’t possibly be that bad._ _

__“I’m not picky,” is what Neil says instead. He gets tired of the pathetic look Nicky and the upperclassmen give him sometimes when he says things._ _

__Matt chatters cheerily while he cooks, sometimes singing along to the cartoon on the tv- Mulan, the title says. Neil doesn’t recognize it._ _

__Matt brings the plates to Neil after it’s done, puts on another movie and curls next to Neil on the couch while they eat. The spaghetti isn’t bad, but is heavy on the garlic._ _

__Neil fidgets on the couch, tired, but his back is itchy._ _

__“You ok?”_ _

__“I’m fine.” Neil stills for a moment before rolling his shoulders again, trying. To shake off the uncomfortable sensation._ _

__“Seriously, dude, you look like you have ants in your pants,” Matt laughs._ _

__“My shoulders itchy. It’ll go away soon.”_ _

__Matt sighs. “Here, turn around. I’ve got you.”_ _

__It takes several whole minutes to untangle Neil from the nest but Matt’s fingers are heaven against Neil’s back, even if he doesn’t have nails. He scratches all across Neil’s shoulders thoroughly, then slowly down his back and up again. Neil is purring so quietly, practically melted against the back of the couch, and Matt doesn’t want to interrupt Neil’s moment of peace so he just keeps scratching and rubbing through the material of Neil’s shirt. He only stops when Neil’s rumbled purrs turn into quiet little snores._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg the first andreil kiss!!!! I changed things but trust me, you’ll thank me later ;)


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, guys. Just... omg.

Apparently Halloween is a night for complete and utter chaos. Betsy texting Andrew pictures of her. We costume and Andrew actually _laughing_ while fairly sober. The upperclassmen crowding into the same booth as the monsters. Andrew wrapping an arm around Neil’s ribs to pull them closer together. Andrew downed crackers with his ice cream, pretending that maneuvering Neil wasn’t an unusual thing, and even Neil makes a face at the mix of flavors it must be. It surprised him that he didn’t mind the weight of the alphas arm around him, or the heat pressed against his side. Something in Andrew’s chest tumbles low and Neil wants to melt against the alphas side. 

Matt follows them to Eden’s and everyone follows behind for once, because the club is offering a free shot to anyone with a costume- Andrew in a striped inmate costume, Aaron as a vampire, Nicky as something glittery that might be a unicorn, and Kevin as a cowboy zombie, courtesy of Nicky. Neil was a fox- complete with fuzzy tail. The costume had come with a pair of fuzzy shorts that Neil had thrown out the window as soon as he saw them; Andrew had smirked and thrusted a pair of torn black skinny jeans into his arms instead, as if he had already anticipated Neil’s reaction. 

The upperclassmen must have done their own shopping because Matt was something with green face paint and torn clothes, his hair spiked as usual. Dan had somehow teased her hair up with white stripes along the side; Renee wore a red dress and cape while Allison wore a white wolf costume that was entirely too familiar for Neil’s comfort. 

Roland mixed close to twenty, on the tray and Andrew and Aaron balanced them fairly gracefully to the table. Nicky and Kevin had made fools of themselves on the dance floor- Neil had never seen Kevin dance before, but it was horrible to watch so he turned away. Andrew was much better to look at- his hazel eyes reflected back gold against the dark background, and whispers of blonde hair were poking out from his crooked cloth hat. He kept track of all of his charges and fetched drinks and seamlessly ignored the upperclassmen, despite having allowed them to come. Still, Neil thought this was a good starting place. 

If the Foxes could get along, they could work better on court. He wonders if that was Matt’s plan all along, or if he really had been concerned about Neil’s safety, as Andrew had suggested. 

Who knows where the upperclassmen were staying, but Andrew had brought Neil to sleep on the floor beside Neil’s bed, in a makeshift nest of blankets and pillows that someone must have bought recently because they weren’t here when Neil had spent his heat in this room. Several thick comforters made up a soft mattress, along with a layer of pillows. There was a u-shaped pillow that Neil can snuggle into and more than five blankets of varying textures and sizes. There was a PSU blanket on top, bright orange with a large white fox paw. Neil was surprisingly content when he curled up for the night. 

 

******

 

Neil is woken from a nap on the couch by rather frantic knocking. His first thought is of Riko and Nathan, but Neil pushed the thought aside before it could swallow him into a panic. It’s just Nicky, looking quite whole and alive, but absolutely stinking of panic. 

“What?” 

“Oh thank god. Help.” 

Neil looked behind him for a body, but found none and wondered why Nicky would be so panicked. Was Andrew hurt? 

“What’s happened?”

“My mother called to wish Andrew and Aaron a happy birthday.” 

Neil hadn’t been aware that the twins had a birthday coming up. Still, he doesn’t see how this Warner’s Nicky’s panick. Unless Andrew was on a celebratory murder spree. 

“So?”

“So! So she invited us to thanksgiving dinner.” Nicky pales even further and the hallway stinks of his fear. Neil feels like he’s missing a piece of this story. While watching Andrew interact with Nicky’s homophobic preacher father would be entertaining, it isn’t something that Nicky needs to fear. Even if Andrew decided to kill him, Neil doubts that he would do it so obviously with so many witnesses. 

“Then say no.” 

“It’s not that easy. I can only go if Andrew and Aaron go. But- I just miss her, ok? I miss my mom so much. She only ever talks to me on Christmas and hangs up on me when I tell her I’m still with Erik. And I just- I want to see her. That isn’t so wrong of my, right?”

“They’re homophobes, Nicky. There is nothing good that can come of this.” 

“But what if she’s changed her mind?” Nicky looks so hopeful that Neil cringes. This is a bad idea, and as much as Neil wants to slam the door in Nicky’s face and go back to his nap, he can’t. He knows how much he misses his own mom. 

“What do you want me to do?” 

“Andrew won’t go,” Nicky shakes his head, dismayed, hair bouncing. “Will you ask him? Please?” 

“Don’t say that. I don’t like it.”

Nicky scoffs. “You two are ridiculous about that. But ok, I’m sorry. Just- ask Andrew for me? He’ll say yes to you.” 

“I’ll ask.” 

“Oh my god, thank you so much!” Nicky makes to hug Neil and he maneuvers away. 

“I said I would ask. No promises that he will agree. I think we both know this is a bad idea.” 

Nicky loiters in the hallway while Neil pushes past him. Andrew is on the roof- a bottle of whiskey in one hand, a cigarette on the other, and a painfully sharp expression on his face. How Neil hates that smile. 

“Oh, Neil! Hello.” 

Andrew wordlessly offers Neil a cigarette, which the omega takes willingly. He takes a moment to bask in the smell of smoke and Andrew- the two safest scents that Neil has come to know. 

“Can we talk?” 

The noise Andrew makes is a low growl- a far cry from the soft rumble from days before. “Today’s not a good day. Try again tomorrow.” 

Neil knows how terrible his own birthday had always been- fake parties in Baltimore that Neil had been punished for, and real parties in Evermore that Neil dares not remember. He wonders if Andrew could compare. He hopes not. Alphas don't usually get used like that. 

“Two minutes.” 

“So persistent.”

Neil waits, patiently smoking and pointedly not staring at Andrew. He watches the traffic below and revels in the peace of it. This time last year, Neil was getting beaten for a ‘blatant foul’ on a practice session. Now he was sitting with Andrew and smoking and not afraid that the alpha would punish him for it. 

Finally, Andrew sighs dramatically. “You have my attention. Now keep my interest.” 

“Nicky’s mother called.”

Andrew snuffs out his cigarette, shakes his head, and lights another one. He makes an annoying buzz sound. “Foul start. Too bad, so sad. Now go away.” 

Neil continues anyway. He isn’t afraid of pressing Andrew, he knows he won’t be hit for being too pushy. Not in this, anyway. “Nicky’s mother invited him to thanksgiving, but on the condition that you and Aaron go too.” 

“Sucks for Nicky. Luther and I don’t get along.” Andrew tilts his head to the side. “Maybe Abby will make a turkey this year. She’s a decent cook, but can’t bake to save her life. We’ll have to bring frozen pies again.” 

Andrew was still including Neil in his plans. It warmed something unexpected in Neil’s heart. He doesn’t know what it means. He stares at Andrew for a while. 

“Why won’t you go?” Neil knows this sounds fishy but he doesn’t know why. Maybe Luther is strong on family relations- maybe the old man has changed his mind and wishes to see his son. Or maybe he thinks that putting up with Nicky is worth it if he can see his nephews. 

“You’re not listening to me. Shut up and listen. Cass wanted to keep me. Andrew Joseph Spear. I went to juvie because she wanted to adopt me. She thought a stable home would fix me and so she offered to take part of her son’s college fund to pay for my adoption and college. Drake wanted to be a marine, he didn’t need it.” 

Andrew slips a hand around the back of Neil’s neck, his thumb resting on Neil’s pulse. Neil didn’t move. He waited patiently for Andrew to continue- there had to be a point to this. Andrew finishes his cigarette and lights a third. Neil sees that most of the pack is missing and wonders how long Andrew has been out here. 

“Luther would have let her have me if that was what I wanted. He knew Aaron’s mother wanted nothing to do with me, but he wanted to make things right with me somehow. And if Cas was ‘right’, he would have fought on her behalf to get the adoption approved. Couldn’t have that, could we?” 

Neil is frozen. Something in Andrew’s smell, in his words, in his posture has Neil bracing for impact. He is waiting for a ball to drop; for Andrew to explode. Or implode. He wasn’t sure. 

Neil is nearly doesn’t want to ask but it’s clear that Andrew is waiting for the cue. “What went wrong?”

“That’s a different story. This is about Cass and Luther. Luther tried to send me back to Cass, so I gave him a secret so he wouldn’t.”

“He told someone?” 

“No. These kinds of secrets aren’t given out so lightly. First we calculate collateral damage plan escape routes. We have to brave for the reaction and fallout.” Neil’s stomach sinks. “But Luther did not tell. He chose not to believe me at all. And it was a thousand times worse.” 

Neil remembers now. “He said it was a misunderstanding.” 

Those are very good reasons not to go. But it had been so long ago. Maybe this was why Luther had tried to summon Andrew and Aaron- to make amends. “Maybe he’s sorry.” 

“You don’t know him.” 

Neil is curious about Andrew’s family, at the rare glimpse of Andrew’s shadowed past. He speaks before he can calculate the consequences. He isn’t used to being able to ask for things but Andrew makes him brave. “Can I?” 

“Oh? What? You wouldn’t know what to do with a god fearing minister, you can barely stand Renee. There’s no way you could stand Luther. He’d end up exorcising you when snapped.” 

“That could be entertaining.”

“It could be.” 

“Let’s all go. Aaron will agree for Nicky’s sake and Nicky can see if his parents have changed their minds. Kevin can come so he’s not left alone and you can harass me instead of Luther. Imagine the chaos.” 

“Or we could stay here,” Andrew says stubbornly. 

“Not as interesting,” Neil offers. 

Andrew hums and waits. He likes keeping Neil in suspense. “One last chance. But I’m not spending thanksgiving with them and I won’t play nice. Get Nicky to change the date and we’ll go.”

Andrew smiles something sharp and bitter. “We’re all going to regret this. Especially Nicky, if his father winds up dead.”

“Did you really kill Aaron’s mother?” 

“That was a tragic accident. I would have thought Riko would have made you read the police report when he recruited me.” The twitch in his lips give him away after a moment and he laughs aloud. “Guess she hit him one time too many. I warned her not to lay a hand on him but she wouldn’t listen. She got what was coming to her. Do I frighten you now, Nathaniel?”

Neil frowns at his name, at Andrew daring him to turn away like everyone else had. “My first memories are of watching people being slaughtered like pigs. I’m not afraid of you.” 

“Aw, yes, the butcher. We never did chat about that, did we? That was quite the surprise, but it certainly explains a lot. It does not explain how you landed in dear Riki’s claws, however.” 

“I was good at Exy and the Master wanted me. My father sold me to them.” 

“Junkie. You’re lying.”

“I’m not.” 

“Then you’re not telling me everything.” 

“My father works for them. I didn’t know until I was trapped. My mother knew what was going to happen and she tried to save me. He killed her in front of me, to show me what happens to those who run. And he’s going to take me apart when he’s free.” 

“You don’t believe I can take him? I’m offended.” 

Neil shakes his head. If anyone could, it was Andrew. “I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not. But I don’t think I want you try. If it comes down to me or Kevin, pick him. He needs you.” 

“Don’t give up before the fight even starts, Neil. Have you learned nothing from your Foxes?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone know how to do a pink with something on tumblr?? Someone drew the cutest thing for this fic <3 
> 
> You can answer in the comments or message me on tumblr at booksaboutgay


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, we should all love and appreciate fubukiatsuya, for kicking my ass about writing chapters :)

It’s been nice, spending time on the roof with Andrew in the glimpse of sobriety between his coming down from the drugs and the start of the bad withdrawal. They share cigarettes and slow kisses that are never soft, and Neil wouldn’t change a thing. 

Andrew helps with his chemistry homework on a few rare occasions and Dan has backed off from whatever territorial claim she thought she had. Neil decides his free time between the monsters couch and the upperclassmen that usually gather in the girls’ room. It’s been so nice that Neil has nearly lost track of the weeks since his last heat. 

Neil’s heat hits him only a few weeks after the first- Neil knows what to expect now- he feels hungry and hot and sticky and he bolts from his class. He runs to his room, ignoring the looks that he gets. He locks the door behind him and begins throwing clothes into a bag. His mind is trying to race through the panic and the fog. 

There’s a key in his pocket and a parking lot full of vehicles outside. It takes about a minute for Neil to fill his bag- half with clothes, half with bottles of water and energy bars. It takes just a few minutes to break into an old car at the back of the lot and hotwire it to start. And over an hour to drive to Columbia. He can smell himself all over the car- something hot and spicey-sweet that burns his nose. 

Neil parks a few blocks from Andrew’s house and jogs to the door, key clenched tightly in his fist. He hides in Andrew’s room again, moving the nest of blankets and pillows from the floor to the bed. The toys Andrew had given him were in a drawer in Andrew’s room- meaning that everything smelled a little bit like the alpha and it was perfect. 

Neil took one of the plainer toys to the bath with him and sank himself into the hot water. In a drawer, Neil finds a black ball with his name written on it. The instructions say to put it in the water and he does, black sparkling foam filling the tub. It smells calming and a little musky and the foam is fun to play with. At least, until his hormones get the better of him and Neil is bent over the edge of the tub with a toy in his ass, trying to find a good angle. 

 

******

Andrew is walking back to the dorms when Nicky pulls him to a stop. In front of the building is two cops and another athlete from Fox Tower. 

“Andrew, somebody stole a car right out of the lot! You wouldn’t have anything to do with that, would you?” 

Behind them, staring at his phone, Aaron scoffs. “He’s a murderer, Nicky. Not a thief.” 

“Listen to the doppelgänger,” Andrew laughs. “I have an alibi and everything. Innocent until proven guilty. Aren’t you proud of me?”

Nicky sighs. “Have you seen Neil? I wanted to see if he would help with my math but Matt says nobody’s seen him since morning practice.” 

“His classes ended early today, he should be in the dorm or running laps at the court.” 

Nicky shakes his head. “Kevin said he isn’t at the court. And Matt is alone with Dan in the room doing the straight person nasty.” 

“First one to find Neil gets to use him for math homework for a week,” Andrew grins. 

Nicky goes back to the court, Aaron goes to the library, and Andrew checks the roof. He honestly doesn’t worry until evening practice. But when the junkie refuses to show, Andrew has had enough. 

“Minyard! Get your midget ass back in goal. You still owe me an hour of your time.”

“I’m hunting down your wayward kit, Coach! You should be thanking me.” 

“Kit?” Nicky looks confused. 

“A baby fox, you idiot,” Aaron scoffs. 

Andrew ignores them. Kevin comes to block him from the entrance and Andrew growls low in his throat. “Kevin, if you don’t let me leave I will take myself out of the game permanently.” 

Kevin opens his mouth to argue and Andrew hits the plexiglass wall of the court hard enough to bruise his knuckles. 

“Fuck- Andrew, stop.” 

“Get out of my way.” 

“Kevin, let him go,” coach calls from behind them. Andrew can feel the Foxes eyes on him but he doesn’t care. Kevin steps aside but he looks pissed. 

“We’ll deal with this when you get back.” 

Andrew goes to the dorms first. If Neil had ran, he would have taken clothes with him. It stinks of marathon sex from Dan and Matt- and beneath it, a faint hint of something more familiar; Neil’s heat. No wonder Dan had been jumping Matt’s bones. The thought made Andrew angry so he pushed the thought away. Jealousy wouldn't help him find Neil. 

Neil’s phone is on the bed, and the drawers left half open like Neil had gone in a hurry. Andrew checks the phone first but there are no harassing texts or calls from a certain Raven. Daring to be hopeful, Andrew drives to Columbia. He blares some cd Aaron had bought that isn’t too bad, loud enough to drown the thoughts of Neil out of his head. It doesn’t work completely but it helps. 

Andrew parks in the street and goes inside. It smells like Neil and Andrew allows himself to calm before he goes upstairs. He gallows the smell of burnt gingerbread up the stairs to his own bedroom. Neil has left the door unlocked and Andrew can hear Neil before he sees him. Ass up on the bed, hair still damp and curly from a bath and the room smelling of bath balm. He had a toy in his ass, bucking back in an unsteady pace that frustrated even Andrew. 

The door squeaks when it opens fully and Neil jumps hard. 

“Fancy meeting you here,” Andrew starts. He throws Neil’s phone to land on the bed in front of the junkie’s face. “Why didn’t you call me? Did you change your mind?” 

Neil shakes his head. He knows, rationally, that he probably shouldn’t have a dildo inside him for this conversation but he doesn’t want to put his hips down. 

Neil shakes his head. “Didn’t think. I just panicked and left. I would have called you.” 

“You left your phone in the dorms and this house doesn’t have a landline. What then?”

“Knew you’d come looking for me,” Neil smiles. 

“How can you possibly be so stupid?” 

“Andrew,” Neil whines, shimmying his hips. The friction inside of him feels good; even better with Andrew here. 

Panic aside, safe in the knowledge that Neil is safe, Andrew bends for a bruising kiss. Neil sighs and goes pliant, save for the occasional desperate jerk of his hips. Andrew pulls away to move on. 

Neil has a shirt on, pooled at his ribs and leaving his bottom half bare. There are scars on his back, teeth marks on his hips and ass, slashes in his thighs. Neil doesn’t offer an explanation and Andrew doesn’t need one. He read about the butcher and he knows Riko’s style. Andrew can guess. 

“Neil, do you want me here?”

“Yes, Andrew. Don’t leave. Stay,” Neil all but begs. Neither of them like the word _please_. 

“I told you I won’t fuck you. But I’ll still touch you. You won’t be alone. Is that okay?” 

“Yes, yes,” Neil huffs, impatient. It brings a smirk to Andrew’s lips- a real one, until the medication pulls it up, up, up, like the cat that got the cream. 

“Tell me if you don’t want or like something. We can stop at any point.” 

“ _Andrew_ ,” Neil whines. “Yes, Andrew. I’ll tell you if I change my mind. I trust you.” 

Andrew huffs a laugh. “Your funeral.” 

Andrew strokes a hand over Neil’s trembling thigh, goosebumps raising behind him. Neil smells good enough to eat. Andrew presses his nose into the small of his back, just above the firm globes of Neil’s ass. The omega whines and Andrew presses a quick kiss there, his hand swatting Neil’s away from the base of the toy. Neil moans just from the weight of Andrew’s hand. 

Andrew slides the toy out to the tip, slick shining on the ridges of it. He teases Neil with a few shallow thrusts, teasing the rim of the omegas entrance. 

“Shit! Fuck, Andrew.” Neil is gasping, impatient. 

Andrew drops the toy on the bed, just to be spiteful. Neil whines and writhes in the sheets, looking for friction. The sheets aren’t exactly comfortable on his sensitive flesh and he doesn’t get the friction he wants. He needs to feel full, to be fucked and knotted thoroughly. 

Andrew ignores Neil’s little noises and stubbornly ignores his own hard cock, pressing painfully against the zipper of his jeans. The toy drawer is open, displaying plain and flavored lubes and the toys he had bought Neil. The one with the inflatable knot is still new in the packaging and Andrew opens it slowly in front of Neil, enjoying the view of his wet hole and the pretty face that looks over his shoulder at him. Even the scars can’t distract from Neil’s beauty and he doesn’t wear makeup like some other omegas do. Andrew had even caught Kevin with a hint of mascara and lipstick before, but Neil never wore anything. He didn’t need it. 

Andrew washes the toy first- to be safe- and then lubes it thoroughly. He can’t help but trail his wet hand over Neil’s pretty little cock, hard and red and dripping. 

“Do you know what this is?” 

“No?” Neil sounds confused, as if there could be a wrong answer. 

“It’s a toy, obviously. This,” Andrew points to a cluster of buttons as he speaks. “This is vibration adjustment. And this is for an inflatable knot. It had good ratings.”

Neil whines, bucking his ass back into empty air and his empty hole clenching around nothing. 

Neil licks his lips, his eyes blown black with desire, pupils ringed with a thin circle of blue. “Can I have it?” 

“How do you want it?” Andrew teases the tip across Neil’s wet lips. It tastes like strawberry. 

“Hard, alpha. I want it hard.” Neil revels in the fact that he didn’t have to beg as Andrew pressed the tip inside. 

Neil is wet and loose enough that the toy glides in smoothly, helped along by Neil’s natural slick and the strawberry lube. The thick ridges catch and stimulate and Neil is making all sorts of lovely little sounds. 

“ _Yes, yes yes yes,_ ” Neil chants. He arches his back, his chest pressing deeper into the mattress and his ass high in the air, just perfect for fucking. 

Andrew doesn’t start on the lowest setting. Neil wanted it hard and Andrew puts the vibrator on its highest setting. Neil makes a squeak- a cut off scream of pleasure as the vibrations assault his prostate. And then Andrew _moves_ the thing, fucking Neil at a relentlessly quick pace. 

“Fuck! Fuck fuck, yes, fuck. Shit,” Neil babbles, trembling. “Andrew, fuck, yes!” 

Neil screams Andrew’s name as he cums, thick white strips staining the black sheets. Andrew doesn’t mind; he can buy more sheets. 

The omega shivers as Andrew pulls the toy away and discards it on the bed. Neil collapses, limp and sated. After several long moments, he grimaces. Concern shoots involuntarily through Andrew’s chest and Neil huffs. 

“Ugh, wet spot.” 

So it hadn’t been something Andrew had done. Well- not in a bad way, anyhow. 

“Good, then?” 

Neil nods, smiling lazily. His eyes are mostly closed and he looks blissed out. He purrs. 

“Was good, ‘Drew. You’re so good,” the words slurring together as Neil falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, yeah. I practiced writing smut. Still not sure if it’s a pass or fail.... rate me! Let me know!!


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wingsofwax and fubukiatsuya are beautiful and amazing and honestly I can’t thank them enough :)

Andrew dozed on the bed with Neil, the omega naked from the waist down and Andrew shirtless but in sweatpants and armbands. Neil doesn’t like having his scars openly on display, and with a shirt he can maintain some fragile form of modesty he had never been allowed before. Andrew dozed lightly, one hand under Neil’s pillow, afraid to sleep too deeply and hurt Neil in the aftermath of a nightmare. 

So the phone buzzing in Andrew’s free hand wakes Andrew but not Neil. It’s coach. Andrew ignores it until he wakes up hours later, hungry with a rumbling stomach. 

Andrew goes downstairs and frowns at the contents of the fridge. Eggs are more effort than he wants to use, and they rarely keep groceries here during the school year anyway, save for during breaks. Usually Nicky cooks. Aaron and Andrew like to order out. However, nobody delivers before noon. So Andrew can either wait and starve for two more hours, or he can cook. 

There are frozen waffles that Andrew makes for himself. He knows Neil won’t want any, but he can’t let Neil go hungry during a heat. The junkie would probably forget to feed himself and starve, considering how much weight he lost during the last heat. Andrew tires of staring at the freezer and microwaves two of Aaron’s frozen burritos. Neil can eat then or not. 

Neil is still asleep in bed, his face to Andrew. Even in his sleep, his dick is hard and Andrew knows they will need the fuel. They had fucked around until they grew hungry around 3am and Andrew had microwaved them frozen dinners that Neil had obviously eaten without tasting. 

“Neil.” Andrew kicks the mattress by Neil’s face. “Neil. Get the fuck up, lazy ass.” 

Neil crumbles and turns away, burying his face in Andrew’s vacant pillow and leaving the alpha with a perfect view of his round ass. Food first, Andrew reminds himself. 

“Food. Eat it or don’t. It’s stuff from the freezer, we’ll eat lunch in a few hours anyway.” Because there was no way that two burritos would fuel Neil and the last waffles were an appetizer for Andrew. 

Neil perks up at the thought of food. He sits up in bed, hissing at the feel of the sheets rubbing his bare ass. He eats the burritos in a hurry and goes to the bathroom while Andrew takes the plates to the sink and jacks off desperately in the downstairs bathroom. 

Neil is on the bed, stroking himself when Andrew returns. Andrew leans against the door, admiring the view and the frustration on Neil’s flushed face. 

“Are you going to join me or just watch?” 

Andrew pulls Neil in by the back of his neck and kisses him thoroughly. He nibbles on plush lips and the omega sighs beneath him. Andrew pulls away and Neil makes a quiet noise of complaint. 

“You can touch me. Shoulders and up only.” Neil grins like he won some sort of prize. 

Neil kisses him with a renewed fervor, widening his legs and pressing his body up against Andrew. Neil bathed in the scent and feel of Andrew- the blonde hair tickling his face and Andrew’s warm palms stroking his thigh and holding his neck. 

Neil kisses down Andrew’s jaw and licks his neck. Andrew shudders above him and Neil hears his breath hitch. Neil kisses him in the same spot and Andrew pulls away with a little scowl. 

“Your neck fetish is unattractive.” 

Neil smiles. “You like it. I like that you like it.” 

Andrew she’s Neil up with another kiss. 

Neil’s hands stroke Andrew’s shoulders, feeling the hard muscle breath. Andrew was strong enough to defend the goal for hours. He could probably lift Neil if he really wanted to- he files the thought for later. His muscles are large and firm and covered by a thin layer of fat from eating so badly. Neil prefers it that way, Andrew having a hidden layer of softness over his strength. It’s fitting for the alpha. 

Andrew let’s Neil’s chest through the cloth of his shirt, rolling his nipple and sending waves of pleasure through the omega. 

“Fuck,” Neil pants. “Andrew. I want you.” 

“I’m still hungry,” Andrew jokes. “I want to use my mouth on you. Yes or no?” 

Neil has plenty of experience in sucking dick- in giving, but not receiving. But the alphas liked to use his mouth and Neil wants Andrew. 

“Yes!” Neil gasps, spending his legs to make room for Andrew. 

The alpha swallows him down and burrows his nose in Neil’s short red hairs. Andrew’s mouth is hot and wet and so, so good. It’s even better when he rubs his tongue against the vein underneath and Neil bites at his lip. 

Andrew bobs his head, taking Neil deep and swallowing before he comes sick up for air. Neil’s hips are pinned with calloused hands so he can’t buck up into the heat. Neil is panting, little whines catching in his throat. 

“So good, Andrew. You’re so good, fuck, yes.” Neil babbles constantly, Andrew has learned. He lets Andrew know that he likes what the alpha does to him. And Andrew loves it. Andrew presses his tongue into the spongy head of Neil’s cock, and Neil moans long and loud. He’s dribbling precum and arching into Andrew’s hands. Andrew releases him with a wet slurp. 

“Good?” Andrews voice is raspy and deep and the sound goes straight to Neil’s dick. 

“Don’t stop, Andrew. I need more, it was so good. Fuck.” 

Andrew flips Neil to lay on his stomach and Neil yelps in surprise. “Tell me to stop if you don’t like it.” 

His hot breath ghosts over Neil’s bare skin and the omega shivers. “Okay. Yes.” 

Andrew squeezes Neil’s cheeks with both hands, savoring the insistent way that Neil wagers presses into the touch. Andrew swats him on the ass lightly with one hand. Neil squeezes and bucks but arousal scents the air. 

“Yes!” Neil pants sharply. “Fuck yes.” 

Neil likes a little bit of sting, and Andrew notes the reaction for later. They have plenty of time. For now, Andrew parts Neil’s cheeks and stares at the hole glistening with slick. Rosy pink and gaping, Andrew can’t help but dive in. 

Neil gasps in surprise at the first lick. He hadn’t known what Andrew would be doing but this is god- this is so, so good. Andrew’s tongue swirls around the outer layer and dips inside and Neil writhes in pleasure. 

“Oh fuck! Shit, damn. Fuck, Andrew! Don’t stop, fuck, don’t stop.” 

Andrew buries his tongue in Neil’s ass, spurred on by the happy noises his omega makes. He sucks hard on the outer rim and Neil nearly screams. 

“More, Andrew, more.” Neil begs. 

Andrew slips two thick fingers inside easily, scissoring Neil’s hole open further. Neil’s thighs and Andrew’s face shine with spit and slick and Neil tastes amazing- like cinnamon ice cream and something just especially Neil. 

Andrew crooked his fingers to run Neil’s prostate, pressing insistently; torturously. Andrew licks down Neil’s taint and sucks at his balls and then Neil is cuming, Andrew’s name on his lips, and his ass clenching around the alphas fingers. Andrew works him through it, fucking every ounce of cum out Neil with his fingers. 

Neil signs heavily, sated. “So that’s what that feels like.” 

Andrew leaves to order lunch so he doesn’t frighten Neil with the anger that rolls in the alpha’s chest. He seats Neil on the ass again before he leaves, smiling hungrily at the little noise the omega makes. 

“Go shower. We’re having Thai for lunch.” 

Neil blinks slowly up at Andrew. “I can’t feel my legs.” 

Andrew scoffs, both prideful and amused. He had made Neil like this, and they had both enjoyed it. Andrew’s knot was still hard in his pants. 

Neil reaches for Andrew and he takes pith, helping Neil onto his wobbly legs and to the tub. Andrew calls in the order for delivery and then jerks off in the bathroom and changed clothes.

The food arrives, delivered by some beta that cocks a brow at Andrew when he meets the stranger out by the car, rather than at the door. The beta can smell omega and sex all over Andrew. 

“Must be something,” he comments. 

Andrew snarls, going tense. The beta bares his neck, backing down easily. 

“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean offense- here.” He thrusts two bags of food at Andrew and lists the total. Andrew doesn’t tip. 

Neil is sitting on the bed in boxers and a shirt when Andrew brings the food. He smiles a thanks when Andrew hands Neil his food first, and Andrew digs into his own spicy chicken noodles. 

Neil is squirming in his seat by the time they finish but Andrew makes him finish a bottle of water before they go again. 

“Sit still,” Andrew says, just to antagonize. 

Neil scowls But puts effort into sitting still while Andrew finishes his second box of takeout. Neil doesn’t last long before he’s squirming again. He can feel slick soaking through his boxers into the couch and his dick is renting in his boxers, the least bit of friction driving him crazy. 

“Andrew,” Neil whines. 

Andrew nods and motions to go and Neil has a hand down his boxers before he even reaches the stairs. Andrew finds that he likes Neil’s eagerness. He doesn’t have to worry that Neil doesn’t want this, because Neil is the one initiating it. 

Neil already has a toy picked out with Andrew follows him upstairs. No surprise, it’s the vibrator with the inflatable knot. They have yet to try the knot but Neil loves the vibrations. 

“Yes, Andrew,” Neil pants before Andrew can even ask. He strips out of his boxers and waits for Andrew on the bed. 

“Cheeky. Yes or no, Neil?” 

“Yes, yes yes yes,” Neil chants. 

The omega lays on his back, spreading his legs. For his sass, Andrew teases him mercilessly. He drags a finger over Neil’s cock, feeling it hot and hard. Lower now, he spends entire minutes sucking at Neil’s balls and rolling them in his hand. He sucks and licks at them until Neil begs him to go lower. 

Andrew spanks Neil a few times in reprimand and Neil writhes. 

“Andrew, Andrew, I need it. Just fuck me already.”

“Hush,” Andrew chides. Slowly, teasingly, he eases a finger inside of Neil. He thrusts a few times at an agonizing slow pace. After a few minutes of Neil being fairly patient and good, he puts in a second finger and a third, until Neil feels full and relaxed. It’s not the same as a knot but if Andrew wants to take it slow, Neil won’t argue. Much. 

Andrew prods Neil’s prostate, making him gasp and fist the sheets. Andrew waits until Neil is babbling incoherently, close to orgasm, before he pulls away. Neil whines at the loss, loud and long and a little bratty. 

Andrew waits for Neil to calm down and strokes his thigh, squeezing the muscle. Finally Andrew relents and lubes the toy. He turns the vibrations on a low setting and runs it up and down the length of Neil’s dick. 

“Fuck!” Neil shouts. Neil’s eyes are hazy with lust, his body taut and flushed and pretty. 

Andrew rubs it over the leaking head of Neil’s dick and the omega sobs. “I’m going to cum. Andrew, Andrew,” he chants. 

Andrew pulls away before Neil can come, and shoves the dildo inside Neil in one smooth motion. Neil yelps at the suddenness of it, but then sighs contentedly at the sensation of being filled again. 

Andrew moves slowly, the vibrations still on low. He teases Neil, gradually building in the strength of the vibrations and slowly quickening the thrusts to drive Neil crazy. He starts inflating the knot until it’s pulling at Neil’s outer ring with every thrust. Andrew watches it stretch Neil’s hole wide, filling him. 

When it’s at its largest and Andrew stops thrusting, the tip of the dick is edging against Neil’s prostate. Andrew puts the vibrations on maximum and sucks Neil’s cock into his mouth. The omega tastes almost as good as he smells. 

Andrew swallows Neil down, his tongue stroking along the veins and head. He takes Neil down to the root and hums. With his free hand, he grabs one of Neil’s and lets the omega fist a hand in his hair. 

“Andrew,” Neil cries. 

He cums with a reedy whine, Andrew swallowing it down and licking up the mess. Andrew turns the vibrations off, but leaves Neil knotted until the omega looks like he might fall asleep. Andrew slowly deflated the toy and tosses it aside, aware of the Lowe hiss of discomfort from Neil. 

“Was that good?” Andrew had made a habit of asking this after bouts of sex. 

Neil nods minutely, his eyes drooping. He yawns. “Good, Andrew. You’re amazing. Thank you.” 

Andrew makes Neil stand and and strips the ruined sheets from the bed. He replaces them with Neil’s nest of blankets and helps Neil slip on a clean pair of boxers- Andrew’s, this time. 

Andrew leaves the room to grab them Gatorade and water- and a banana for Neil- and to finish himself off in the bathroom. He had the scent of Neil all around him, and Neil’s slick still in Andrew’s hand. He finishes almost embarrassingly quick and returns to Neil barely awake in his nest. 

He puts the banana aside for later but sips the water. Andrew lays on the bed beside him, on the bare mattress with a stray pillow that smells like Neil. Neil must have swapped it for Andrew’s. The thought of Neil smelling like him pleases something primal inside of the alpha. 

Andrew grabs a book from the side table and begins to read as Neil’s breath steadies beside him. 

“Andrew?” Neil mumbles some time later. Andrew thought he was asleep. 

Andrew hums. 

“Lie down with me. It’s soft and warm.” 

Andrew looks over. Neil is staring him down with sleepy, half lidded eyes and his mouth in a full pout. He lifts the edge of the blankets open in invitation and the smell of warmth and comfort and gingerbread wafts about. God help him, Andrew wants to. He should tell himself no, should put distance between himself and the omega. But Neil was too much to resist.

Andrew rolls inside the nest and opens his book on his knees while Neil rearranges and curls around him. Neil’s head lays near Andrews shoulder, his breath tickling the hair on his neck. Neil tangles his feet with Andrew’s in the smallest amount of contact. It’s nice. It’s warm and Andrew has to admit, it feels safe here. 

Andrew reads until he joins Neil in sleep.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOUBLE UPDATE!!!!

Neil’s heat lasts until the day of Luther’s dinner. Neil wakes up the night at some ungodly hour, hungry and thirsty, his muscles pleasantly aching and his dick blessedly limp. Andrew spent the last few night in the nest on the bed with Neil and he’s curled there now, one hand behind Neil’s head, the other trapped between them. 

A smile pulls at his lips. He’s sore- his thighs and back and ass hurt but it’s just a low ache. It’s nothing like with Riko. There are no stitches or bruises or burns. Andrew may have sucked a Nicky into Neil’s collar bone but it doesn’t hurt. Neil remembers what happened during the entirety of his heat and it was- it had been good. 

Neil knows Andrew would wake if he moved, probably violently. So he moves his head lightly, just a little, in hope of it rousing him. 

Sure enough, Andrew’s eyes flutter open. Neil forces his lips back down. 

“You’re a pest,” Andrew complains. 

“I have to pee.” 

Neil disentangles himself from the blankets and pillows and clothes, and wobbles to the bathroom where he pees and showers and brushes his teeth. He borrows Andrew’s sweatpants- Neil’s clothes will all have to be washed, as will a pile of Andrew’s. Neil gathers them and throws them in the washing machine downstairs and grabs water and a carton of leftovers from the fridge- spicy stir fry. 

Andrew joins him after a moment, snagging the carton from Neil’s hands and eating with his fingers. Neil returns to the fridge and warms something else instead. Andrew must have showered right after Neil because his hair is wet and his sweatpants are clean. Neil had no idea Andrew owned so many sweatpants, considering all the effort that he put into his clothes. They head to bed afterwards, Neil and Andrew sleeping amongst the nest and barely touching. 

Neil wakes when Andrew does. Andrew’s phone alarm rings. Neil whines and burrows into the warmth of the nest, exhausted. 

“Nope, up. If I have to suffer, so do you. We could have milked this for another day. Put off the Addams Family Reunion with dear Luther and leave the junky and the rest of the Minyard/Hemmick party at Palmetto. You’re the one doing the meddling here.”

“I’m up, I’m up,” Neil whines. He’s usually a morning person but the heat has left him tired. He would rather stay in bed but he needs to be there for Nicky. 

Andrew snags Neil’s arm on the way to the shower. “Yes or no?” 

Neil had assumed that the affection would end with the heat. He has to stop the smile pulling at his lips. “Yes, Andrew.” 

Andrew’s kiss is rough- all bruised lips and teeth. Andrew’s tongue prods between Neil’s lips and Neil opens his mouth happily. Their tongues and lips move together and leave Neil breathless. Ne moans into it, hands coming up near Andrew’s shoulders, but not daring to touch without permission. Andrew pulls away eventually, leaving Neil weak kneed and content. 

“Out the clothes in the dryer, unless you intend on staying.” 

Neil sighs and lets Andrew have first shower while he puts their clothes in the dryer. He states at the empty fridge for a second and grabs the last bottle of water. He writes it on Nicky’s grocery list on the fridge door. 

Andrew comes down and Neil goes to take his own shower and they dress when the clothes dry. Andrew picks out Neil’s outfit- one of the ripped skinny jeans Andrew had bought him for Eden’s- which Neil had no clue he had lacked; along with a black shirt that was definitely Andrew’s. Neil wore them and didn’t say anything. 

Andrew drives, of course. Neil takes the opportunity to stare, even knowing that Andrew is glaring fully in disapproval. 

“You smell like me,” Neil smiles. “Thank you. I n- thank you.” 

Andrew tears his eyes away from the road to pierce through Neil with another week glare that quickly fades with the medication. He pokes a finger into Neil’s scarred cheek and forcibly points Neil’s stupid face elsewhere. 

“Hush. You can thank me if I don’t kill Luther.” 

They stop for breakfast- lunch?- at Sweetie’s and eat quickly. They would be cutting it close on time; they will probably be late to Nicky’s family’s dinner. Neil doses in the front seat while Andrew drives them both back to campus to pick up Aaron, Nicky and Kevin. Andrew gets calls from Nicky and Aaron and even Kevin- because of the Exites store Columbia, not because of the dinner. Andrew has been ignoring them all day and Neil had turned his own phone off days ago. 

The trio is waiting in the parking lot for them when they arrive. Neil ignores Kevin’s complaints about having to sit in the back again- and the beginnings of a tirade about missed practice. Aaron sits in the middle and openly glares at Neil and Andrew. But it’s Nicky who opens his mouth, of course. 

“Oooh, Andrew smells like Neil! I mean, Neil always smells like someone else, with all those ‘borrowed’ clothes, but- _Andrew_ smells like _Neil_!”

“Nicky, shut up or I’ll have someone else drive.” Andrew gets out of the car and motions Neil to follow. “Aaron, get in the front seat.” 

Kevin whines again. He smells like vodka and soap, had probably been drinking in preparation for this afternoon's event. Neil sits on the middle, and Andrew boxes him in. This time it isn’t bad. 

Nicky pulls into the road in a hurry, cutting off another driver. “Seriously, dude, good job landing the hottie!” 

“Just because you’re driving doesn’t mean you’re safe, Nicky. I can buy a new car as long as it finally shuts you up.” 

Nicky huffs. “Whatever.” Nicky babbles to Aaron, sounding more nervous by the second, as they get closer to Columbia. 

Kevin makes them stop at the Exites shop and they buy Neil another heavier racquet. He’s been slowly building muscle to use heavier racquets for stronger throws. Andrew pulls Neil aside as the others load into the car to go to Nicky’s home. 

“Don’t leave my side tonight. I don’t trust Luther not to do something stupid.”

“Then why did you agree to come?” Why would Andrew come if he thought there would actual danger, rather than drama? 

“Maybe it will good for Nicky to be reminded how much his parents had him and his blasphemous lifestyle,” Andrew grins. “Let's go watch the chaos ensue. Should be fun.” 

Nicky’s house is pale blue with dark shutters, a two story with a pitched roof. Two cars sat outside, clean and new, on a paved driveway beside a perfectly manicured lawn. It was so domestic and suburban that it made Neil uneasy. 

Andrew brings Neil’s new racquet with them to the door and Neil only notices when Andrew bats the top of Neil’s head with the net. Andrew heads towards one of the cars and Nicky yelps. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m humbling the ministers nice, shiny car. For scientific purposes, of course.” 

Neil wonders if the racquet can stand up to Andrew’s strong swings and the frame of the car. He’s willing to watch until Nicky pulls the racquet from Andrew’s grip in a surprisingly bold move for the man, and hands it back to Neil. 

It starts bad and goes downhill from there. Maria, a rather timid omega, answers the door with a confused expression when Nicky knocks and he has to remind her that she is the one that threw him out. 

“Aaron, it’s been too long,” Maria says to Andrew, the alpha’s hand on the Neil’s back, keeping him close. 

“Mom, that’s Andrew. Can’t you even smell the difference?” 

The woman blushed, her eyes downcast. “Oh yes, of course.” 

“Can’t you even tell your own nephews-“ Nicky stops in his tracks. 

There’s a tall beta in the kitchen- a balding man with a large curved nose. Neil briefly wonders if it was Andrew who had broken it. He glares at Nicky until he seems to remember himself and his guests, and forces his face into some sort of neutral expression, though he still smells like anger and cold rejection. Something about the man worries Neil. Andrew must pick up on it, because he’s quick to put himself between Luther and Neil, the alpha’s shoulder against Neil’s chest. Neil leans into the casual touch. 

Luther barely glances at his son, but takes time surveying the lack of distance between Neil and Andrew, and to Aaron behind them. He needs everyone outside to a partially covered patio with a mesh net and heat lamps at the corners to keep the chill away. Neil burrows deeper into Jean’s old jacket. Andrew keeps Neil closer to Maria, and the alpha sits himself in a middle chair with Kevin on his other side with Luther. Nicky sits across from Andrew with Aaron beside him as a buffer. 

It takes a while for Luther and Maria to lay out the food and Andrew combs his fingers through Neil’s hair while they wait, his other hand tapping a beat on the table. Luther and the others bent their head for prayer, even Kevin bowed out of respect, but Neil just looked at Andrew, who blatantly ignored the others. Luther looked to Neil across the table, once again eyeing the contact between him and Andrew. Andrew was busy playing his food- adding a roll to his plate, and one to Neil’s; a spoonful or two of casserole on each. He made sure to give Neil green beans, just to be spiteful. Neil hates vegetables. 

“Are you religious, Neil?” 

“No.” 

Luther waits for him to continue, trying to stare the omega down in a way that would have had Maria, and maybe even Nicky, submitting. Neil stares back, unperturbed. 

“Why not?” He questions when it becomes obvious that Neil isn’t going to elaborate. 

“Because I have no reason to be, and I’m not sure it’s any of your business anyway.” 

Andrew snickers, nudging Neil in approval. Nicky and Kevin both whine lowly in some warning to keep his manners, to _be good_. 

Luther opens his mouth, face flushed red with indignant anger, and Aaron interrupts. Nicky is busy hurrying his hands, whining. Neil can smell the distress waving off of him. 

“Is that really the question you want to start with, uncle Luther? Not how our games went, or how class is doing?” 

“We had a game against Florida,” Nicky adds. “Last week. We won, you know.” 

The game against Florida had hardly been a challenge. Nicky talks about his marketing degree, which leads to talking about Erik. Luther’s fury and disgust is poorly disguised and Neil has a hard time biting his tongue, but Andrew’s hand is on his knee under the table, reminding him that this isn’t Neil’s fight. 

Maria calms the chaos. “This kind of conversation is too difficult on an empty stomach. We will eat and try again, and reward our efforts with dessert. I made apple pie, Nickolas. Your favorite.” 

Neil has only ever heard Nicky’s full name if coach is lecturing them about something but Maria uses it with familiarity. Andrew sighs, bored and finished with Maria’s poor cooking. He nods to Neil to stay and the alpha goes inside for a little bit of space and quiet. Unfortunately, Luther follows. 

“You two seem… close,” the man hedges. 

Andrew puts his hand on the back of Neil’s neck. “Careful, Luther. Remember last time.”

Something unrecognizable shines in Luther’s eyes. “I though you may not like coming here. I bought alcohol for you, upstairs in Nicky’s old room. It’s yours if you want it. As I said, we are all here to make reparations.” 

Andrew hums. “So you do know how insufferable you are,” Andrew grins. He continues upstairs, laughing at the shade of red the man’s face burns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..... I’m just gonna leave this here :)


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve!!!

Andrew hums. “So you do know how insufferable you are,” Andrew grins. He continues upstairs, laughing at the shade of red the man’s face burns. 

******

Luther comes back and Andrew does not. He waits a few minutes, wanting to give the alpha space after he had been so good to Neil the last few days. But with every passing minute Neil’s concern grows. He slips from the table silently and nobody even notices him leave, considering how Maria and Aaron and Nicky are all chattering away. 

Andrew isn’t downstairs and a quick check out the window tells him he isn’t in the car either, though it’s still parked outside. Neil continues up the stairs, quietly. He can smell something odd and faint- his nose is still filled with the scent of cinnamon spice from his weekend alone with Andrew and he can’t smell much. As Neil reaches the top of the stairs, he recognizes the metallic scent of blood and the bitter notes of fear. 

The first door is a bathroom. But the second door is locked and Neil can hear something on the other side. He kicks the door down. The first kick punched a hole in the hollow door and a second breaks the knob and the door breaks inward. 

Neil only gets a moment to realize what he is seeing. There’s an alpha on the bed. He’s on top of Andrew- one arm braces against his neck, forcing Andrew’s face into the pillow, and the stretching Andrew’s arms up over his head. Andrew is laughing and snarling in equal measure. His shirt is tucked up to his shoulders. His jeans and underwear are scattered on the floor. There’s too much blood between Andrew’s thighs and the strange alpha is still thrusting. 

The room smells like blood and pain and fear. Neil chokes on it, nearly frozen by the onslaught of memories that the smell brings. But Andrew is the cause of that pain and fear and Neil has to move. 

Neil launches himself at the stranger- an alpha at least twice Neil’s size, and covered in muscles. His face has lines clawed into it by desperate fingernails. Andrew’s fingernails. 

He knocks the man off the bed and away from Andrew with his momentum, while the alpha was still tangled in the sheets. The alpha bats Neil away with a large hand and shoves the omega into the floor. He has Neil pinned in a second. His hand is covered in Andrew’s blood and it wraps around Neil’s throat, lifting the little omega from the ground and pressing him into the wall. 

“Look AJ. Your little boyfriend wanted to join us. Not the same as your brother, but he’s a pretty little omega, isn’t he?”

This must be Drake. He leans forward to take a long sniff at Neil’s neck. The man smells like sweat and sage, and something repulsive and rotten. He licks Neil’s throat and for a moment, he isn’t in Columbia. Suddenly the walls are black around him and the Ravens have him pinned down. But it’s not his own fear that he smells. 

No- Neil knows that not right. He blinks and he can move again. He is not tied down and helpless anymore. He’s furious at this man for daring to touch Andrew- someone that is _Neil’s_. He bares his teeth in an open threat to the alpha. 

Neil claws the arm holding him, punching at the inside of his elbow and at his chest- anything he can reach. Neil sees a movement behind him- Andrew, silver flashing in his hand. He jumps on Drake’s back, digging the knife into his throat and yanking it across. Blood splatters in a wave- all over Neil and Andrew and the room around them. 

Drake’s body falls with a thump. Neil slides to the floor, but Andrew collapses. There are bruises blossoming on his alpha’s fair skin and he is trembling from the shock and pain. Andrew won’t quit laughing. 

Neil pulls him away from the body- away from the blood pooling on the ground. Andrew lets Neil pull him close to his chest, needing to feel his alpha in his arms.

“Ow,” Andrew laughs. It makes Neil sick to his stomach. “I don’t like this at all.” 

Neil tilts Andrew’s face into his neck, letting his alpha breathe in a safe scent instead of Drake and blood. How had things gone so badly so quickly? They shouldn’t have come here. Neil should never have asked Andrew to come. 

Andrew is still cackling wildly into Neil’s collar bone. A low whine of despair escape from the omegas throat. 

“I’m sorry.” Once Neil says it, it’s all he can say. He doesn’t ask if Andrew is okay- he knows he isn’t. Neil has been where Andrew is, bleeding and hurting and forced, only it was Jean who held him. Neil takes off his jacket, careful to move around Andrew, and covers his alpha with it. “I’m sorry, Andrew. I’m so sorry.” 

Someone is coming up the stairs and Neil wraps protectively around Andrew. He clenches his fist around Andrew’s knife. 

“What the fuck?” 

Its Aaron. Behind him is Nicky and Kevin. The omegas whimper loudly in obvious distress but it’s hard for Neil to hear around Andrew laughter. 

Aaron follows the smear of blood to Drake, throat slashed, eyes wide, and pants around his feet. Aaron looks from Neil to Andrew and it takes a second to see that it was his brother that was hurt. He reaches for Andrew and Neil takes a swipe at him. 

“Don’t touch us,” he snarls loud enough for the entire house to hear, even over Andrew’s laughter. “Don’t fucking touch us!” 

“I need to see how bad it is.” Aaron argues. Behind them, someone is on the phone. Probably with emergency services. 

Andrew glances from Neil’s neck to look up at his twin. He’s not moving away from Neil, just looking up. “Did he touch you?” 

“Wha- no. No, Andrew, nobody touched me. I’m okay.” 

Everyone is trying to crowd in and someone is sobbing distantly. Neil is clutching Andrew desperately, still laughing and groaning and mumbling incoherently into Neil’s neck. Neil is holding Andrew tight enough that it had to hurt but he doesn’t dare loosen his grip. 

He doesn’t want anyone to see Andrew like this- hurt and broken in the worst way. Drake had not simply lucked his way into Luther’s house to wait for Andrew. Someone was at fault for inviting Drake and for helping lure Andrew. Luther. 

“Get out,” Neil snarls at everyone, half rabid in his worry and anger. Kevin stumbles to the bathroom next door to vomit. Nicky grabs at Aaron, and Aaron holds the omega in a rare show of support. 

“I think I’m concussed,” Andrew slurs, burying his nose in Neil’s throat. Neil can see several bloody bites to Andrew’s own neck. “If I throw up on you, it’s only half intentional.” 

Neil wishes Andrew weren’t medicated. He wishes he had come sooner. He wishes Drake had found him instead of his alpha, so Andrew wouldn’t be hurting- Neil is used to it but Andrew doesn’t deserve the pain. Alphas aren’t made to be fucked like that. Neil wishes he hadn’t talked Andrew into taking them here. He is so very, very sorry. 

“Luther. Oh good, you’re here. Is this the reunion you had in mind, hm? Still think this is some sort of misunderstanding? Go on, tell me again that I’m too unbalanced to understand brotherly affection and love. Tell me this is natural.

“You told me Cass wasn’t going to foster anymore kids. Six. She had six kids, and how many do you think were there during Drake’s time home between deployments? How many little kids did you help him get by keeping your worthless mouth shut? And you let him into your house. Under the same roof as your son and my brother, after everything I did to keep them safe from him. You’d better run, Luther. Because as soon as I can stand I am going to tear you apart.” 

Neil would help him. 

Aaron understand before the others. Andrew had tried to warn Neil before- but just like Luther, he hadn’t read between the lines. He hadn't paid attention. And now Andrew was paying the price. 

“I’m sorry,” Neil whispers into Andrew’s hair a thousand times while they wait for the ambulance. 

Andrew laughs, his voice growing hoarse. His breath warms Neil’s collarbone when he speaks. 

“I don’t smell like you anymore,” Andrew whispers. 

The words hit Neil like a punch to the stomach. Regret clenches in his chest. “I’m sorry.” 

He keeps Andrew pressed to his chest, breathing in each others scents- of pain and despair and so much hatred and anger that Neil nearly chokes on all of it. He can feel himself dropping down, down, down with the shock but he needs to be here for Andrew. 

The paramedics come with a stretcher and Neil won’t let Andrew go, though Andrew’s hands go limp instead of clutching Neil’s hair and his shirt. 

“No! You can’t touch him. Leave us alone. You can’t have him!” Neil bares his teeth at them. 

None of them are alphas but Neil is ready to kill anyone who tries to take Andrew away from him. Someone grabs his arm and Neil shoves his elbow into their face, feeling the satisfying crunch of something breaking. 

“Don’t touch us! Don’t touch us, he’s mine.” 

Someone else comes at them and Neil lashes out- they catch his arm and something sharp pricks through the skin. Neil pulls away with a death threat and a terrifying snarl and then- nothing. His world quickly fuzzes and greys and Andrew is being pulled from his limp arms. 

******

Neil wakes slowly and it takes ages to gather his wits. Neil is used to waking up confused, but the walls are usually black, not white. And he’s usually in pain but he feels fine. 

He tries to sit up but he sticks. He looks down. Metal cuffs circle his wrists, silver and sharp, despite the field edges. Neil’s wrists are already encircled with thick white scars. Worse yet, someone has stripped Neil while he was asleep. He isn’t naked, but he may as well be. His bloody clothes have been replaced with blue hospital scrubs. The implications make Neil want to vomit. 

“No,” Neil moans, pulling at the cuffs. “No, no, no.” 

Neil struggles, pulling against the metal until it cuts into his wrists. He can feel the blood but he doesn’t care. He has to get away. He doesn’t know who has him trapped here, but he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t want anyone to touch him; he knows it’s going to hurt. It always hurts.

He has to run. He’ll break his thumb if he has to. He’ll cut his damned hand off. 

The door opens and Neil can smell alpha and _no no no no_ \- he isn’t ready. He doesn’t want to. Where is Andrew? Andrew promised to keep him safe. He promised- 

“Neil, calm down or they’re going to sedate you again. I have news about Andrew.” 

Neil whines at Andrew’s name- a flash of him, red staining his hair, blood staining his thighs, makes Andrew cringe. He can’t even rub his eyes. He can’t move and he can’t breathe and he’s confused and maybe scared. 

“Just me, kid. Take it easy. Now listen- you’re in the hospital. You were covered in blood so they had to take your clothes and give you the once-over. But you’re okay.” The man’s words do little to comfort Neil. Even if they hadn’t touched, they had still looked they had seen Neil’s scars and his body and had been either repulsed or appreciative. Alpha were always one or the other- disgusted by the scars or turned on by Neil’s pretty muscles. He cannot repress the shudder. 

Wymack continues. “Andrew is still being checked over. Betsy is working on getting him into rehab early to get off his meds. Ok? You’ve been caught up to speed. Now can you tell me why you wouldn’t let the paramedics touch him? Kevin says you attacked them. That doesn’t sound good, kid.”

Neil only scowls. His thoughts may be muddy from the drugs, but this has Riko written all over it. From what little Andrew had mentioned about his old foster brother and Officer Higgins, Drake was under investigation in Oakland. He shouldn’t have been able to get to them in Columbia. And Neil thinks that somehow bringing to Andrew’s doorstep sounds exactly like something Riko would do. And if Neil’s suspicions are right, there would be no way to pin the knothead for this. It was a good thing Drake was dead. 

Neil didn’t have anything to say. Drake was dead, the problem had been felt with. Andrew might be upset if Aaron were arrested, but it was obviously in defense of his twin. The eventual trial would’ve open and shut. And as a bonus, Andrew got off of his drugs early. The timing wasn’t great, but there was nothing anyone could do about that. 

Wymack sighs heavily, as if a great weight were on his chest. “Christ, kid. You’re gonna give me a damn ulcer one day, you know that? You can’t just shut down.” 

Neil thinks he would be fine if Wymack would take a few steps back and if his handcuffs were gone. 

Wymack gives him some indescribable look but he smells sad and maybe a little angry. “Your parents must be something, kid.” He shakes his head. “I’m going to find some staff to open those. So for fucks sake, don't tear your arms to ribbons.” 

Too late. 

A nurse unclasps the cuffs and wraps the new wounds before she lets Neil free, and Wymack even bright him a change of clothes from the dorms. Neil has to demand his hoodie back from evidence- it’s his last link to Jean- but Wymack’s argument about neglecting omegas is what does it and Neil cradles it in his arms, worrying a clean spot anxiously. Nicky tries to take him home but Neil isn’t leaving without seeing Andrew- he says as much, and then sits quietly as the people bustle around him. The waiting room smells like pain and blood and cleaning supplies. He hates waiting. Every time he blinks he sees Andrew trapped beneath the body of another man. The image haunts him and Neil feels himself hollowing out like he did in the Nest. ‘Dissociation’, Jean called it; ‘Depression’. Neil called it _bracing for the worst_. The world called it a _Drop_. 

He can feel himself dropping further down as the last of the sedative fades but Neil doesn’t care. He doesn’t matter, he’s nothing, and it’s Andrew that was hurting. 

Betsy gets to see Andrew before Neil does, as does Coach and then Renee. He doesn’t ask for Neil or even Kevin. But Neil will wait as long as he has to. 

A doctor brings him out eventually. They take Andrew to grab a bag of clothes from the Columbia house and Andrew packs a bag while Abby explains the situation. 

Andrew is leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yell at me in the comments


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I rearranged the chapters and did some editing. Hopefully this makes more sense :)
> 
> This is 37.5

Andrew nods to Neil, and then stands and leaves, obviously expecting Neil to follow. Neil excuses hims of quietly and leaves with Andrew. They aren’t leaving, like Neil had suspected. No, they go inside to smoke. The kitchen is quiet, save for Andrew’s lighter and the quiet puffs of cigarettes. Neil is pretty sure this is a smoke free household, but he doesn’t really care. Andrew loops two fingers through Neil’s jeans and just lets them rest there, tethering the pair together.

Of course the quiet doesn’t last. Luther is right behind them, scowling and waving his hand in the air, as if to clear the smoke. He sighs heavily.

“We don’t smoke in this house.”

Andrew grins, and takes another drag. “I didn’t ask,” he replies through the smoke.

“Must you always be so difficult?”

Andrew, if course, doesn’t bother replying. Luther’s gaze drops from the cigarette, to the Andrew’s hand on Neil’s belt.  
“You two seem close.”

The old man can probably smell Andrew’s scent on Neil, and vice versa.

“Careful, Luther. Mind your own business. Remember last time.”

“I thought you may make this difficult. So I bought some alcohol for you, it’s upstairs in Nicky’s old room. It is yours, if you would like. As I said, today is about reparations and forgiveness.”

Andrew hums. “So you do know how insufferable you are. Come on, Neil.”

 

“It would be better if Neil stayed downstairs. Dinner is not finished.”

Andrew laughs. “As if I would trust him with you.”

Andrew leads Neil upstairs. All of the doors are closed, but Andrew seems to know where he’s going. He opens one of the doors and steps inside, with Neil a half step behind him. Andrew doesn’t see any bottle.

An arm swings down from the corner, the brown bottle smashing against Andrew’s head. It is quickly followed by a meaty fist, the force of the blows enough to knock Andrew to the ground before either of them can react.

Neil’s first instinct is to run, but Andrew isn’t moving. He isn’t getting up or swearing or even twitching. He was unconscious and Neil wasn’t going to just leave him, regardless of his mother’s voice screeching in his ears to run.

He dodges the first hand that reaches out to him, but not the second. It twists in his hair, almost familiar, and then slams Neil’s face into the wall. His nose crunches and blood spurts like a broken water balloon. Stars dance across his dark eyelids. He feels himself sag to the ground. His hand lands on Andrew’s leg.

 _oh_.

Neil darts his hand up to Andrew’s arm bands- or, more importantly, the knives sheathed there. His fingertips grip the handle just as the stranger kicks a heavy boot into Neil’s ribs. He hears something snap- or maybe he could feel it, it was always so hard to tell. But Neil knows the sound of broken bones; ribs and toes, and fingers that had to be taped to the handle of his racquet so Neil could still play. He recognizes the flare of hot/cold, followed by the numb. In a moment, the pain would come.

The boot crunches down on Neil’s hand next. Thankfully nothing breaks this time, but the knife slips from his numb fingers, to be kicked away.

The pain hits in a wave, body tensing and instinctively curling on his side, around his injured, and therefore vulnerable, ribs. Neil groans, angry and confused and definitely alarmed. Andrew still wasn’t moving, and Neil assumes that he is down for the count. The alpha in front of him is a stranger. There is no scent to go by, which is strange, but Neil assumes the man is an alpha. He’s built like a tank, tall and wide shouldered with thick corded muscles. He isn’t a Raven and he doesn’t belong to the Butcher.

“You’re feisty, for an omega. You’re pretty, too.” He picks Neil up by the throat. He’s strong enough to do it one handed. He takes a deep breath, smelling Neil. “You smell like AJ. Why is a pretty little thing like you with some short stack like him? I’m surprised he turned into an alpha. We thought for sure he’d be at least a beta. AJ was a late bloomer.”

Oh. Oh no. Oh fuck, this was Drake.

“There it is,” Drake growls. He’s sniffing at Neil’s throat, savoring the fear that washes over the omega. “Did AJ tell you about me?”

Anger rises with the fear. How dare this man touch Neil’s alpha? How dare he hurt him.

Neil swipes, his fingers curling into a fist to hit the vulnerable spots on the alpha- the throat, or the eyes, or the groin. The throat is the closest, and Neil tries to make it count.

The man dodges, and Neil hits his shoulder instead. Drake punches the side of Neil’s head in retaliation, bringing back the stars. He hits him again, and then again until Neil’s vision is blurring and twisted and he vaguely recognizes a concussion.

Neil would fall limp, if it weren’t for the hand clenching his shirt. His knees have turned to rubber from the blows, his brain disoriented and uncooperative.  
He struggles clumsily, clawing at the hands holding him up. If he drops, maybe he can get the knife. He needs that knife. He needs Andrew to wake up.

Drake squeezes Neil’s chin until he’s sure the finger marks will bruise. He kisses Neil’s cheek, his lips wet and messy and disgusting. Then, with a cackle, he tosses Neil to the bed.

Neil bounces off the side of the mattress, rolling and collapsing to the floor. Drake is there in an instant, kicking at Neil’s side again. A pained whimper turns into a long whine before Neil can stop it.

A hand fists in his hair, the other in his shirt, dragging Neil off the floor and onto the bed.

Trying to think through the pain and the fog in his head is difficult. But Neil manages a solid kick to Drake’s thigh and stomach. It send the alpha back a step, but not far enough. It warns Neil another punch to the face. He blacks out for a second.

Or maybe longer, because he wakes on his stomach. He thinks he’s suffocating, because he can’t breathe. A hand on his head is pushing Neil’s face into the mattress. Another is petting Neil’s bare thighs. Drake has stripped him.

Neil tries to scream, but it muffles into the blankets beneath him.

“Be good, baby. This won’t take long.” Neils wrists are pulled behind him after the hand stops stroking him. The man is stronger than him, and he pins Neil’s legs down with his body weight.

Neil can’t breathe. This can’t be happening. Not again.

“I was waiting for AJ, but you’re too much to resist. Small and pretty, and you smell so good.”  
A hot head nudges at Neil’s hold. “I can’t wait to tear this ass up.” He gives Neil’s rear a resounding smack. 

He penetrates Neil with a slow but steady push that burns as he stretches the omegas opening too far. Without the heat to ease the way, Neil is tight and dry. He breaches Neil, ignoring the screaming below him as he tears his way inside. He seats himself with quick, short thrusts until he’s buried deep. “Fuck, you’re tight.”

Neil closes his eyes against the assault. It hurts, but by now Neil has learned that struggling makes it worse.

“I’m going to fucking kill you,” Neil’s voice shakes, stuttering from the force rocking him.

“Talk dirty to me, princess.” Drake pulls Neil’s hair back and using the new leverage to fuck him harder.

“A-And-drew,” Neil chokes.

“He’s not waking up any time soon, babe.”  
“And-Drew’s going t-to kill you,” Neil stutters, the five of the thrusts punching the air out of his lungs.

“AJ never could beat me. He’s gotten a little more muscle now, it would be fun to see him try. Maybe after I’m done with you, we can wake him up.”

Drake punches Neil again, just for fun. Neil goes limp, biting into his lip to keep from screaming. The screaming always spurred them on.

“Andrew!” Neil calls, begging.

Something tears, and Neil screams. Without the blankets to muffle it, the sound echoes through the room. Drake is laughing at him. His breath is damp on Neil’s neck. The alpha strokes over the teeth marks left by Riko. He licks them, sucking the skin into his mouth to leave a purple mark.

Neil whimpers. “Andrew.”

“Cry for me, sweetheart. I bet you’re pretty when you cry. Let me see those tears.”

Drake fucks into him harder, trying to reduce the omega to tears.

Neil quiets and let’s his mind settle into that numb, distant place he uses when it’s too much. The slapping of skin becomes a distant echo in the background. It sounds like a clock ticking, counting down. Someone has to come soon. Someone has to notice Neil and Andrew have been gone too long.

As if far away, there is a hollow pounding. The ticking stops and a warning growl rumbles, reverberating from the body on top of him, to Neil. Neil doesn’t dare move but he can’t help the whimper that tears out of his throat like bile.

A smash. Neil doesn’t dare open his eyes. He can taste blood in his mouth. But then the alpha is pulled away, pulled _out_ , of Neil. And the air smells like fury and blood, not lust.

Neil opens his eyes. Drake…. isn’t there? He ignores his precarious vision and searches for the threat. He’s dead on the floor. Neil looks to the rest of the room, confused. This is new. This hasn’t happened before. Nobody has ever stopped an alpha before, not for Neil. Nathaniel wasn’t worth that much effort.

Aaron looks torn between going to Andrew, still on the floor, to Neil. Behind him, the door hangs off its hinges. And behind that, a small crowd.

“Is-“ Neil coughs, his throat sore. “Is he alive?”

Aaron kneels beside his brother, checking the pulse on his neck. There’s blood beneath his head now. Neil hadn’t noticed that earlier.

“Andrew’s alive.”

“Drake?” Neil sees Andrew’s knife on the floor, clean and sharp and ready. If Aaron hasn’t killed him, Neil will slit his throat. If he can get his hands to work properly. They’re still behind his back, like Neil had frozen in place. He moves them slowly to his side. Aaron refuses to look at him. He checks the pulse of the alpha.

“This ones dead.”

“Good.”

Behind them, Nicky gasps. Maria is sobbing, her back to the scene. Luther looks more confused than he has a right to.

Neil’s pants are across the room and his shirt is tucked up around his armpits. His scars are on display.

“Kevin, call an ambulance.” Aaron orders, since Andrew is unable to lead.  
Neil sits up slowly. He licks his lips and feels liquid drip. He’s bitten his lips bloody. He fucking hurts. Everywhere. He doesn’t miss this.

“Don’t move, dumbass,” Aaron snaps. Neil freezes, leaning on his side.

“Aaron,” Neil rasps, his voice breaking.

He points to his clothes strewn on the floor. The beta has the kindness to throw Neil his underwear, but not the jeans. Neil send him a pleading look, pushing their discourse aside.

Aaron shakes his head. “You have to go to a hospital. The doctors will just cut them off anyway.”

Hospital? He’s fine.  
“I’m fine.”

“Shut up, Josten. Save that shit for Andrew and coach,” Aaron snaps. “Wait for the damn perametics.”

Neil listens, but not because of Aaron. It’s because his body hurts, and when he tries to stand his stomach and head both rebel.

Either the hospital is nearby, or Neil loses time. Because he closes his eyes, and then suddenly there’s people lifting him onto a stretcher. He doesn’t like the hands on him, and he fights them before he realizes who it is. Neil isn’t sure how long the ride is, his brain feels like mush after all those blows to his head. But they’ve covered Neil’s legs with a blanket, and his chest with another, though Neil still has his shirt. Maybe it’s for the shock, Neil doesn’t know. Usually he’s left to lie in the backseat of the car while his mother drove them away. Or locked away in a room until he can play Exy again.

Neil sees them load Drake into another ambulance. And then Andrew is out, still limp, on another gurney.

“He can ride with me. He’s my alpha, please!” Neil doesn’t want him there with Drake. “Let him ride with me.”

The paramedics give each other hesitant looks. But Neil does smell like the smaller blonde alpha, beneath the scent of blood and- and Drake.

“Okay, but you gotta stay still.”

Neil lies back, trying to make his dysfunctional eyes focus on Andrew. Well, one eye, anyway. The other was well on its way to swelling shut.

There is blood on Andrew’s face from his nose and a cut on his head. The bump has swollen, probably making it bleed more than it otherwise would have. But head wounds always bleed more anyway.

The door slams and Andrew begins to stir. His eyes twitch first, and his fingers. And then he scowls.  
“Sir? Sir, can you hear me?” One of the paramedics asks. They’re giving over him, trying to give Neil space.

“Andrew?” Neil croaks like a rusty hinge.

“Sir, please stay still.”  
“Fuck,” Andrew groans.

“Sir, you have a head injury. Can you please answer some questions for me?”

They do their check quickly, Andrew answering as if on autopilot. He lets someone check his pupils with a penlight before he settles his gaze on Neil.

 

The omega’s face is turning purple. One of his eyes is swollen shut, and his lip is bleeding freely. His nose is swollen and red. Andrew remembers Drake and he has to collect himself before he breaks something. He can deal with his inner turmoil later. Neil smells like Drake…. the implication is nauseating.

“Neil.” Andrew hates the question in his voice.

“I’m fine.” There are more bruises on his neck. A hickey, too.

“What did he do?”

“Sir, please calm down.”

“Neil.”

“He’s dead, Andrew. Aaron killed him, it doesn’t matter.”

“We have a deal, Neil.”

“I’m an omega, Andrew. What do you think he did? He fucked me. It’s fine, I’ve had worse.”

“That is _not_ fine,” Andrew growls.

“Sir,” one of the medics interrupts. “Sir, please calm down or we’re going to have to sedate you.”

Someone offers Neil painkillers, which he gladly accepts, and allows his battered body to rest while Andrew quietly seethes beside him.

They’re separated at the hospital. Neil is brought to a small, private room and a female omega with bright blonde hair gently performs the rape kit, all the while mumbling small apologies. It hurts, and Neil allows himself to move mechanically, distancing himself from the woman’s hands on him, and the invasiveness of the test and detailed interview. Thankfully she stitches his lip quickly, without further question.

It’s nothing like Neil has ever experienced. He’s used to letting Jean stitch together his butchered skin; alone in their rooms, mumbling little French curses at each other to distract from the pain. 

She finishes up, stripping off her rubber gloves and tugging her ponytail. “Okay, so give me a moment, I’ll send back a nurse to bandage you up.”

Neil waits, and waits. At least twenty minutes pass before a nurse knocks and comes inside. She wordlessly cleans the nail cuts and scrapes and teeth marks. Thankfully nobody says anything about his scars.

“Okay, all done. A few people are outside. David Wymack, he said he was your coach, and Andrew Minyard are outside. They brought you some things. Is it okay if I let them in?” The nurse asks kindly.

Neil nods. Wymack has a bag of clothes- a team hoodie and a pair of sweats. 

”Kevin called me. I thought you might need these.”

Neil takes them gratefully and they leave him alone to change. Neil suspects that Andrew has been guarding the door for a while now, despite the pending concussion. The hallway smells like anger and pity and worry.  
Neil dresses, confident that nobody is going to barge in. It hurts, both from the beating and what happened after. His head is spinning too. The nurse had confirmed a concussion, so Neil knows that’s normal. He doesn’t even complain when Andrew makes him sit in the wheelchair- walking hurts anyway.

 

Andrew pushes Neil wordlessly while Wymack talks, catching Neil up. 

“So Aaron was booked and Andrew called his lawyer after he called the ambulance. It may take the rest of the night, but the lawyer says he’ll get him out. I’m going to take you to the monsters house, and we can pick Aaron up in the morning. They want to take Andrew off his meds, now that he has an omega to protect. He’s leaving tomorrow.” Coach and Andrew both scoff at the same time. Neil doesn’t understand the logic of their thinking, but he doesn’t ask questions.  
He takes a breath, expecting the pain, and rises from the chair. He hisses as he stands, forcing himself not to groan aloud from the pain of it. He doesn’t miss this. His knees almost buckle beneath him, and he leans against the car door, rather than collapse.

“Need some help?”

 

“Don’t touch him,” Andrew warns, his voice low.  
“Jesus, Andrew.” 

Neil ignores their disagreeance. This isn’t Neils first time- far from it. He climbs into the car with stiff legs and an aching back, and seats himself on his hip, leaning against the door to relieve the worst of the pressure. The nurse had given him painkillers, but Neil won’t take them until they get to the house. He can lock himself in their room and not come out until Andrew has to leave.


	39. Chapter 39

Since everyone liked the alternate version more, I’m gonna roll with it ;) thanks for putting up with my angsty ass.  


Neil wakes up in his nest. He doesn’t remember falling asleep, but Andrew is in bed. Still asleep, his back to the squishy side of Neil’s nest, facing the door. The alpha’s steady breathing is calming, and Neil tries to lull himself back to sleep with the rhythm but his body hurts too much. The painkillers are in the dresser beside Andrew and Neil can’t reach them. Neil decides that the pills can’t wait a little longer.  
Andrew wakes only a few minutes later. His body stiffens and he jerks; he elbows at the presence behind him with enough force that Neil can feel it even through the padding of the pillows and blankets.  
“Andrew,” Neil calls. Talking hurts. His whole face hurts, actually. Everything is throbbing. 

The alpha’s gaze looks to him and softens briefly. As his eyes catch on the bruises on Neil’s face, it hardens again.  


Wordlessly, Andrew opens the pill bottle and hands Neil a dose, careful not to touch him. Then he stands and leaves.

“Andrew?” Neil calls after him.

Andrew doesn’t answer, closing the bathroom door behind him.

Neil sighs and wedges himself out of bed. He desperately wants a shower, though he had one before he went to bed. He had avoided looking at the mirror, and used all the hot water but Andrew hadn’t complained. They had spent ages trying to get Neil to smell like Neil again; between the sour, bitter smell of abuse and the stink of blood and hospital it had taken the rest of Andrews’s soap to make Neil smell right. He had held Neil up under the stream, the alpha still fully dressed. After, he had dried Neil with careful hands and helped him dress and made him take another dose of pain meds before they slept.  


Andrew comes out and begins packing a bag. Right. Andrew is leaving. Until next semester, even. Neil tries not to think about it because there is nothing any of them can do. This is the best that could have come from the scenario. Andrew needs off that medication. 

They were sending him to Easthaven; the nearest rehab center, to get him off of the drugs that Neil knows the alpha should never have been on. Whoever prescribed them was a stupid fucking asshole. Neil wanted to tear their throat out. As much as he doesn’t want Andrew to go, he knows that it’s for the best and he doesn’t argue.

Andrew comes out and Neil takes a moment to admire the bruise on his head, cut from where the bottle had broken. His eyes are tired and bruised from a restless night.  
“I’m sorry,” Neil whispers through numb lips.  
“Neil, look at me.”  
He looks into Andrew’s eyes.  
“You stick by Kevin. Don’t let him go crawling back to Riko in a fit of desperation and fear. You two stay by Renee, I’ll talk to her before I leave. She’ll protect you until I return. Don’t go making trouble for her.”  
Neil hesitates before he nods. He avoids Renee when possible.  
“And you better be here when I get back.”  
Neil nods again. “I’ll stay.” It wasn’t like Neil had anywhere else to go. Andrew digs something and tosses it at Neil- another key. The key to Andrew’s car. It’s Andrew’s way of ensuring Neil’s promise.

Andrew finishes packing his bag, Neil watching. He could go downstairs and eat- he smells someone cooking breakfast. But he would rather stay with Andrew while he still had the opportunity. 

They go downstairs to breakfast, Andrew holding Neil steady as they walk. Andrew leaves shortly, supposedly to call Renee. They eat and then Neil watches Andrew leave. Abby and Betsy file Andrew into a car and Neil can feel the distance growing between them like a string pulled taught.  
Eventually the others are ready. Coach had driven Abby and Betsy, and they follow behind Nicky. Neil doesn’t want to drive, not with the pain meds. He sits in the backseat and stares out the window while Nicky chatters on endlessly.

“Wait.” Neil remembers suddenly, sharp and anxious through the haze of his drop. “We have to go back for my racquet. It’s still at your parent’s house.”

Nicky steers then back that way, though he looks rather ill at the moment. Kevin talks over him, launching into a lecture about leaving behind precious equipment that Neil desperately needs- or something like that, Neil isn’t really listening. Nothing much can get past the fog in his head.

Nicky offers to go with him out of courtesy but it’s a hollow offer at best. He doesn’t want to speak to his parents again- not after what they did to Andrew. Neil slips out of the car before it’s fully stopped and finds the front door unlocked. He walks inside without knocking, startling Maria in the kitchen. She shouts for her husband and Neil ignores the noise, grabbing his racquet.

The house still smells like blood. Both Drake’s and his own, and it churns Neil’s stomach.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Luther rounds on Neil. “You’re not welcome here, after-“

Neil punches him as hard as he can manage. Luther is a tall man, so Neil aims for his soft stomach first and then hits him in the face once he’s bent down to Neil’s level. The old man goes sprawling across the floor and Maria is screeching something.  
Wordlessly, Neil takes his leave.

Kevin looks at him and expectantly, eyeing the new racquet and he catches on Neil’s bloodied knuckles.

 

“Neil? What did you do to your hand?”

Aaron looks over and scoffs. It’s merely a scrape- maybe from Luther’s teeth, or maybe his glasses. Neil doesn’t know, nor does he care.

“Neil?” Nicky’s scent is perpetually tinged with worry now. Neil ignores the unspoken question.

Kevin reaches behind him to grab at Neil, oblivious as always to Neil’s flinching. He needs to learn to listen. Kevin can probably smell Neil’s distress- unless he is too used to the scent to really tell anymore. But Neil can smell the concern on the other omegas.

Neil smacks his hand, scowling at Kevin and hating every second that he’s in the car. It’s making his skin crawl. He wants to be alone. He wants Andrew.

Back at the dorms, after a long and tense car ride, Neil trades Jean’s ruined hoodie (thankfully it’s black so the blood didn’t ruin it) for Andrew’s, breathing in his alphas scent and curling into the comfort of his nest.

******  


Someone must have told the rest of the Foxes what had happened. Maybe Renee, probably Nicky. But Neil wakes up and Matt is gone, so Neil limps outside to the kitchen. Food is burning on the stove while Matt buries his face in his alpha’s shoulder. 

”Matt? You okay?” 

Matt turns, his eyes wide and glued on Neil. “We should be asking if you’re okay. We heard what happened. Oh, Neil. Can I hug you?”

“I’m fine,” Neil says, skirting around them to turn the stove off before the dorms burned down. The Foxes have had enough bad luck. 

“Oh Neil,” Dan sighs. If she smells sad, then Matt smells devastated. 

“Can we do anything to help?” Matt asks eagerly. “Are you hungry? Here, you can wear my sweater, it’s chilly today. What do you want to eat?” 

Neil feels bombarded with questions. He takes the offered sweater anyway. Something inside of him wants to surround himself with familiar smells. 

Neil sits quietly and eats the eggs the Matt makes them. 

The others come over later. Allison and Renee bring bags of takeout and coasters of drinks with them. They circle around the tv with another movie on, and Renee hands Neil a bowl of mild soup- easy to eat and bland enough not to hurt the cuts in his mouth. He would rather deal with the pain than the bland flavor but he doesn’t complain. She also hands Neil a fruit smoothie, since the others got shakes and everyone knows that he doesn’t like icecream. 

Coach starts practice the next day. Abby fuses over him and Wymack has him sitting on the bleachers watching the team and pointing out the teams weaknesses. Eventually he has Neil rewatching old games and taking notes. 

******

The smell of frustration is so strong that Neil can taste it in the air. He hasn’t spoken since Andrew left. He’s been hiding from the rest of the team, hiding on the roof homework in the locker room to avoid everyone’s stares. They haven’t left him alone since he returned. He knows that his unresponsiveness is frustrating them. He thinks they may be trying to help him, but Neil would rather be alone. Especially since they’re being so nosy.

The combination of Andrew’s violent attack and the scent of abuse on Neil’s skin has them hounding the omega for details. They must think that since the alpha is gone, that nobody will stop them from heckling the monsters, Neil in particular. The thought bothers him, in a distant sort of way. He hasn’t been feeling right since Andrew’s attack. Moody and numb all at once. He is too sensitive to the closeness of the other Foxes. He allows himself to hide when he isn’t in class.

Neil bought a pack of cigarettes on a whim and smoked the whole pack in one night, sitting alone on the roof. He’s considering sleeping in Nicky and Aaron’s living room just for the lingering smell of Andrew but he eventually decides that would be too pathetic.

It had been chilly outside, even with the black jacket. But Neil didn’t want to face going inside. The Foxes scents have mingled and have been making Neil’s head ache, and the thought of people around him right now has been making his skin tight. The thought of Matt rubbing his hair makes him crawl.

So he hides on the roof or in the stadium. He goes downstairs when his shivering becomes constant and uncontrollable but only because he knows that would be the practical thing to do. He can hear Andrew in his head, calling him an idiot and telling him to get inside before he catches a cold and Kevin yells at them both.

“Neil!” Matt catches him on his way to take a hot shower. “Hey buddy. I was going to grab some burgers for dinner. You want some? We can put in a movie.”

The offer is kind, but Neil just wants to be alone. He’s trying to think of a nice way to turn Matt down. He just does not have the energy to respond to Matt’s enthusiasm.

“Look, man. I know you’ve been down after everything, and that is totally understandable. But you can’t just shut us out. You can’t go into a drop because Andrew isn’t here to take care of you. He’s not your alpha, Neil. I just wish you would let all of us help you.” 

He sounds like Neil’s mother; holding by the ear or the hair, screaming at him not to get attached. Hitting him, telling him not to be so weak. Beating him because he had kissed a girl from his math class.

Neil doesn’t want to hear it. He doesn’t even want to argue. He just leaves. He walks past his roommate.

Matt holds his hands up, surrendering. “Whoa, wait. I’m sorry. I’ll shut up if you want to eat and watch a movie with me.”

Neil keeps walking.

Dan is in the hallway, walking up the stairs with Allison. They block the stairwell and Neil still dislikes elevators.

“Neil, wait, listen.” Dan starts. “We’re sorry about Andrew. I know you were close.” She makes a face that Neil chooses not to look into. “But we should use this time to get to know each other more. Without Andrew here to shuffle the monsters away and keep them guarded in their room, and you two not disappearing off to wherever it is you and Andrew go, the team can work in getting closer. You know as well as I do that the Foxes aren’t as strong as they would be if we pulled ourselves together. Will you help me arrange something? We did good on Halloween. We could do a movie or something-”

Part of Neil is furious that she would use Andrew’s absence, considering the circumstances, to her own advantage. Part of him respects her for seizing the first opportunity. But now isn’t the time.

He pushes past them, muttering an excuse about texts or something- he doesn’t know, his lips are numb and his ears are ringing.

Neil stops in the lobby to shove his feet into his shoes. He forgot his jacket upstairs and the cold hits him right away. But he won’t be cold while he runs, so it doesn’t matter. He jogs the length of perimeter road all the way around campus, conscious of what happened last time he had gone wandering about.


	40. Chapter 40

Neil has been feeling progressively worse since the weekend. He hasn’t been allowed to practice, except for some light weights in the gym. So it must be the sudden lack of exercise that makes his head ache and his stomach cramp. 

He’s been avoiding the dorms as much as possible. He goes there to sleep, sneaking in after Neil is sure Matt won’t be up. He’s tired of being nannied. He's just … tired. In general. He’s exhausted. He’s tired of hurting, and there always seems to be _something_.

A plate drops in front of Neil. He hadn’t heard the door open, nobody ever comes into the roof. He looks up to find Aaron crouching in front of him, a respectable distance away. On the plate is a sandwich and an apple.  
“Everyone’s going nuts about you, you know. Not eating, not sleeping. Are you seeing the moving shadows yet? That usually takes a few days.”

Neil nods. The moving shadows make Neil jumpy, though he keeps telling himself they aren’t real.  
“Is it Matt? I bet he snores.”

Neil… doesn’t know what to say to that. He eyes the sandwich warily. Aaron hasn’t been an ally to him, and Neil knows that kindness comes with a price. First the rescue, and now this? Neil doesn’t know how to process this.

“Stop poking at it. It’s not like I spit in it. Andrew would probably kill me if he found out. Just eat the damn thing.”

Neil stares at him, if only to be defiant. He doesn’t have to listen to Aaron.  
Aaron sighs. “I’m a medical major, remember? Killing people isn’t my thing. Eat it or don’t. Whatever.”

Neil takes a slow bite. Turkey with tomato. It’s bland, which is probably a good thing. Everything tastes like ash on his tongue anyway. Neil eats the entire thing, though he really doesn’t want to. He would rather be left alone.

Aaron picks up the plate, slowly so that Neil can gauge his movements. “Come on, Nicky is out for the afternoon.”

Neil follows only because he’s confused. Aaron doesn’t act this way, not to Neil. Or anyone really, except maybe the secret girlfriend everyone keeps talking about. It’s the Foxes worst kept secret.

The monsters dorm smells like Andrew still. Neil can pick out Andrew’s beanbag easily. The room is quieter than it usually is. Maybe because Nicky is gone, and Kevin is at Wymack’s. He still doesn’t know why Aaron brought him here.  
“You can take whatever. Kevin and Nicky won’t be back for hours, so you can nap here. It’s quieter than your room, at least. I’m pretty sure Matt and Dan are fucking in there anyway.”

Neil doesn’t object. Mostly because yeah, he’s tired. He’s always been a fan of naps but usually he’s too busy or anxious for them. But the room smells of Andrew and Neil curls up gratefully into the beanbag against the wall. Aaron even throws a blanket at him, which also smells like Andrew.

“Don’t piss on the carpet,” Aaron calls. He leaves, closing and locking the door behind him. Neil can’t see anyone else here, and so he sleeps.

For a while, at least. Eventually he wakes to harsh whispers, and he tenses even after he recognizes them.

“But he’s so cute!” Nicky is cooing, supposedly at Neil.  
“Don’t be gross. Did you forget what just happened in Columbia? Yeah, I don’t want to hear that shit.”

Nicky huffs, but bags rustle rather than Nicky replying. It smells like Thai food.

“Neil,” Aaron calls to him. “Come fucking eat or I’ll sic Kevin on you.”

Huh. What a strange turn of events.  
******  
Thanksgiving is chaos. Neil has nothing to compare it to, save a hurricane. Neil had spent the morning napping, but Kevin had woken him up to go to Abby’s for dinner.

Matt had gone home to his mother, and Dan to her sisters. Allison and Renee stayed, solely because Renee was watching over Neil and Kevin. If it weren’t for the ‘runaway ravens’, as the media dubbed them, Renee and Allison would be with Renee’s mom Stephanie. Neil feels a little guilty over it, but Renee knew what she was agreeing to when she made the deal with Andrew.

Nicky had made the mistake of asking if Neil had a family he would be going home too, and Neil had physically flinched away. He had replied with a terse _no_ and offered no explanation. Surely Nicky had picked up that Neil didn’t have a family- everyone else had.

“Nicky, leave him alone.” Aaron has been strangely protective towards Neil lately.

Thanksgiving was hosted at Abby’s. Wymack was already there, and Renee and Allison followed behind Neil as he drove Andrew’s car. Nicky chattered to Kevin nonstop, while Aaron stared at his phone. Neil wondered who Aaron was talking to so much. The cheerleader?

They watched the parade on tv and drank Irish coffee, heavy on the Irish. After, Abby assigned chores and dinner was ready early. Neil made the mistake of admitting he had never celebrated it and Nicky nearly started crying from the tragedy of it. Neil should have known to lie, if only to save them all Nicky’s dramatics. Actually- everyone looked rather disturbed by Neil’s words. Coach looked like he was studying Neil, and Abby and Nicky shared their looks of anguish while Aaron looked mostly unaffected. Allison said something about not being surprised at the complete and utter tragedy that was Neil Josten. Renee looked…. pitying? Sympathetic? Neil couldn’t tell.

Everyone decided to stay at Abby’s for the night- Neil was going to talk to the dorms but found himself threatened into submission by Wymack signing him up for marathons. So he took the corner and curled up with a blanket and pillow. Kevin took the couch, Aaron and Nicky sprawled across the floor, and Allison and Renee slept closest to the door. With so many bodies in one room, Neil felt claustrophobic. The bought that he knew he couldn’t run only made it worse, and while he tried to think about other things, he couldn’t calm the anxiety out of his constricted lungs. Taking a pack of cigarettes and a jacket, Neil killed several hours outside on the porch, smoking his way through a chain of cigarettes and pointedly not missing Andrew.

To his surprise, Aaron follows him out. He even steals a cigarette, uncaring for Neil’s glare. He’s no replacement for Andrew, but the tension between them is gone.

While they’re here, Aaron checks the stitches on Neil’s lower lip. He had bitten through it when Drake was fucking him. 

“These can come out in a couple of days.” 

Neil nods. Good. He’s tired of the looks he keeps getting around campus. While raped omegas weren’t exactly unheard of, Neil could smell the waves of pity as the people see him. 

“Why?” Neil blurts, before he can stop himself.

Aaron raises a brow. It reminds him of Andrew. It’s funny how similar they were, sometimes. “What?”

Neil chooses a better question. “Why did you come into that room? You had no reason to think it was anything but me and Andrew fooling around. Drake didn’t even leave a scent. How did you know?”

“You were screaming. We could hear you outside. I was just the fastest.”

Neil nods. He lets his cigarette burn to the filter, only smoking it to keep the ember alive. Aaron, surprisingly, smokes like a man who knows how. He didn’t know Aaron smoked too. He must have quit before Neil met him.

“Drake didn’t leave a scent because the military gives them medication for it. It blocks the scent of the troops so the enemy doesn’t smell them before they attack or whatever.”

Neil hadn’t known that. He stays when Aaron stands to go back inside.


	41. Chapter 41

Nicky finds Neil sulking in a corner of the library. Kevin is with coach, and Neil had intended to catch up on an English paper but found his thoughts stunted and erratic. Gathering the necessary information was like herding cats. He simply couldn’t collect his thoughts. But then Nicky is standing beside him, running a hand through Neil’s hair to catch his attention. Neil flinches violently, kicking out of his chair and onto his feet before Nicky can speak.  
“Oh, whoa! Hey, yeah, sorry. I didn’t think you’d leap away like some stray cat. Sorry. Um-“ Nicky pauses. He looks over Neil slowly, taking in the tired eyes and the sleepless bags beneath them. Neil looks stressed and tense, ready to run. He’s glancing from Nicky to the exits and back again.

“I thought we were good,” Nicky sighs. He thought that Neil had forgiven him for the kiss at Eden’s.

“We’re fine,” Neil says quickly, finally settling his gaze on Nicky.

“Yeah,” Nicky drawls. “So I wanted to talk. About you and Andrew and …. things,” he finishes lamely.

“Things.” Neil sounds suspicious.

“I know it’s not a great time-“

Neil sighs, his shoulders dropping as he allows some of the tension to fall away. “No, it’s fine. Really. Let’s talk on the way to the dorms, though.”

 

Neil gathers his books and Nicky pulls alongside him as they walk.

“So you and Andrew,” Nicky starts awkwardly. “I mean, it’s great! I always wanted Andrew to be happy. And you make him happy- as happy as he ever gets, anyway. It was just unexpected? Like, we had no clue. Andrew would just leave Kevin with coach and disappear for a few days and come back. Was he with you the whole time?”

Neil shrugs. He can’t deny it, though he doubts Andrew would appreciate them talking about him like this.

“Wow, right under our noses. And then Bam! It was obvious. I should have seen it coming. You two were always disappearing at the same time. But I guess I thought you were with Matt. And honestly, who would even think about Andrew wanting an omega? He’s just so-“

“Nicky,” Neil interrupts. “Be careful how you finish that sentence.”

“Antisocial! I was going to say antisocial. I mean, he had Rolland in Columbia but you’re obviously different. See? Love fixes everything!” 

“Is there a point to this?” Neil wasn’t in the mood to listen to this.

“Yeah, anyway. I just wanted to let you know that you don’t have to hide anymore, you know? Not like you did at the beginning of the year. You can talk to me about stuff. We aren’t the Ravens. We care for you and I want you to be happy, even if that’s with Andrew. You’re one of us. So, um, when it comes time for your heat and Andrew is gone, you can come to me if you want.”

Neil’s temper snaps. “Are you kidding me? Andrew’s gone a week and everyone thinks that they can jump in and replace him? That’s not how this works, Nicky! I’m not going to climb into your bed because Andrew isn’t here. I’m not interested in anyone else. It’s just Andrew- he’s the only option. So don’t think that you can _play_ with me just because my alp- because Andrew is gone. He is coming back.”

“Neil, I- I didn’t mean it like that, I swear. Fuck. I just meant that I know your heats must be hard because you go missing for, like, days; and I didn’t want you to suffer alone. I just wanted to help.”

“Thanks,” Neil snarls, backing away. “But no thanks.”

Neil’s hackles are up and a growl is trapped in his throat. He doesn’t understand why Nicky feels the need to push. This isn’t helping- he’s too close and it’s making Neil’s skin shiver.

Unable to stand another moment of this- whatever this was, Neil flees. Taking the stairs two at a time, he goes to the court. The bright orange is both nauseating and wonderful in its neon glory. It’s so far from the red and black that the orange shines like a beacon in Neil’s anxious mind.

He changes out with a practiced hurry and does the minimum of stretching before he pushes that anxiety into fueling his legs as he circled the perimeter of the bleachers. His legs start to burn before Neil takes his racquet and a bucket of balls into the empty court. He sets up a line of cones and lets himself fall into the familiar pattern of aiming and throwing and restacking targets. When he bored of that he picks spots on the goal and does crosshairs around them. Eventually he moves on to twisting around shadows and putting a twist into the throw, spinning the ball into an arc to change the trajectory. He’s practicing the aim on the trick throws and forcing himself to be faster, _faster_. 

He doesn’t notice the doors open and close but he turns when he smells a whiff of Kevin. The omega is standing several feet away, critically analyzing Neil’s form.

“Yes, Kevin?”

 

“How long have you been here?”

“What time is it?”

“Late. Nearly 4 in the morning. Have you been here all night?” Kevin looks shocked.

Neil shrugs the question off. “Andrew told us to stay with coach or Renee.”

“Renee brought me over when Matt said you never came back to the dorms. We thought something might have happened again and this is the first place we looked.”

They stand in silence while Neil picks the balls from the floor and stacks the cones. Through the glass, Neil can see Renee watching them from the stands. She gives them a little wave.

“Neil, when is the last time you’ve slept?”

Neil shrugs. Days, maybe. He doesn’t know. He’s napped but keeps waking a few short hours later.

 

“When did you eat a full meal?”

Neil doesn’t know. “Lunch.” He takes too long to answer and Kevin glares at him.

“You can’t do that, Neil! I know that you’re upset about Andrew, but your pining is affecting your game. Come on. You need to shower and then you’ll eat some leftover ginger chicken stir fry. It has green peppers and rice, you’ll like it. I’ll cut up some fruit for you, for dessert.”

“Fine.” Neil allows Kevin to lead him to the locker showers. Kevin all but shoved him into a stall, but at least allows him to shower in peace. Until the water shuts off, anyway.

“I see what you’re doing,” Kevin starts. “And it’s not coping. You attached yourself to Andrew and now that he’s gone, you’re lost. I understand You’re used to having a partner. But you can’t replace Jean with Andrew. You hardly leave his side since your first heat here, and you’ve been pining after him since he left. It’s pathetic.”

Neil emerges from the stall, half dressed. “Fuck you, Kevin! You would know all about pathetic, wouldn’t you? You can’t even look at Riko on the tv without Andrew in the room. You would go running back to that knothead the second he snapped his fingers. So don’t talk to me about ‘coping’ and being pathetic.”

“You can’t be mad at me forever, Neil.”

“I’m not mad, Kevin. I just don’t want you to leave again. We may no have been as close as Jean and I but that was because of Riko. Not because I didn’t like you. We used to be friends and then you _left us_. You could have told us you were leaving. We could have left together and maybe then Jean would still be alive. But you didn’t. So how long is it going to take before you change your mind and leave again?”

“I’m not leaving, Neil. I swear I won’t leave you again.”

Neil scoffs. “Prove it.”

Kevin turns away. Neil can smell the hurt on him but he doesn’t care. Neil is hurting too, more than Kevin would understand. Kevin had always been a selfish omega but Neil could hardly blame him. After all, Riko had gotten into his head before Nathaniel had shown up.

“Your heat will be coming,” Kevin all but whispers. “I could spend it with you, if you wanted. Whatever you want, Neil.”

“Not just whatever I want,” Neil shakes his head. “It isn’t like that anymore. This isn’t a one way street anymore, we have control over ourselves now. You can say no. What you want matters, too.”  
“I don’t want you to be alone. I-“ Kevin pauses, taking a steadying breath. “I want to be with you. But I don’t want to ruin whatever it is between you and Andrew.”

 

“You won’t,” Neil replies easily. “I’ll call you when my heat starts and we can go to the cousins house. It’s safe there and Andrew keeps the place prepped. It’s not so bad.”

“Okay. If you change your mind on anything, you have to tell me.”

Neil nods. “Same goes for you.”

Neil leans over to nap the bottle from Kevin before the other striker can retaliate. The vodka is bitter hot in his throat but the warmth in his belly feels nice. He looks to Kevin again, smelling alcohol and contentment on the other omega.

“Can I kiss you?” Neil asks, curious and wanting.

“Yes.”

Kevin has to bend comically to reach Neil’s slight stature but Neil meets him in the middle, surging up into his toes to meet Kevin’s lips. They taste like vodka and orange and something darker and specifically _Kevin_.

This isn’t like kissing Andrew. This isn’t a battle. Their lips tangle together slowly, hesitantly. There is no all consuming heat that usually came with kissing Andrew. Kevin brought a heat to his lips, dripping down to thaw something inside Neil’s chest that he didn’t know had still been frozen. Having Kevin touch him warms his chest and spreads, tingling in his fingers and toes.

It’s a little awkward, because of their height difference, but Kevin touches Neil with halting and gentle hands. And when they pull apart, Kevin presses one hand to Neil’s cheek, carefully touching the burn. He tilts Neil’s head up and looks into those impossibly blue eyes.

“I’m not leaving you behind. We’re going to make it to finals and we’re going to play the Ravens.” Kevin’s voice is hesitant, even if the words are bold. He wants to believe what he’s saying. “And after college, we’re going to make court together.”

Neil scoffs, wondering at Kevin’s sudden optimism. He would be dead as soon as his father was released from prison. He was wondering why the Moriyama had not come for him yet. He thinks they are waiting for Nathan’s return. But until then, Neil was going to live, rather than survive.

******  
“Get in, loser! We’re going shopping.”

Neil is walking across the parking lot when Allison calls to him from her car. He gets the reference only because Matt and Dan were watching it the night before.

“Um- can I?” Neil motions upstairs, and to the coffee stained shirt- the result of an early morning collision.

“Wait, i'll walk with you. I want to bring Renee, anyway. Oh, and grab Kevin for me, will you?” Allison chatters as she opens the door for Neil.

 

“Okay.”

In his room, Neil quickly showers the coffee off of his chest and stomach and dressed in a pair of black sweatpants that may or may not be Andrew’s, and his own purple long sleeved shirt. It’s been freshly washed- by who, he doesn’t know. Probably Matt. Matt has taken to babying Neil lately, and he hasn’t been sure how to take it.

Kevin is in the kitchen, digging in the fridge. It’s time for his kale shake.

“Allison is taking us out. She said to bring you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, everything all edited :) I hope it reads better now.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read end note :)

Neil naps most of the ride. He’s healed from the beating Drake gave him, and can now curl comfortably in the seat. Everyone is happy to have Neil so close. Dan looks content to have her pack gathered together safely.   
She had given Neil no less than three stuffed animals- a dolphin, another bear, and a fox the size of a body pillow. Neil kind of liked wrapping it around him at night, not that he would admit aloud. Renee had baked several pans of cookies, and Allison had bought a supply of booze for last nights mini party. Neil wasn’t sure what they had been celebrating but he stayed inside that night, curled in the squishy hair Matt had bought him. It was like a beanbag chair but with a backrest. It was orange, which seemed to be a common theme with his presents. Not that Neil minded.   
They had invited Aaron and Katelyn, and Nicky, and Kevin came for the free alcohol. Neil had curled up with his drink in his chair and Kevin had sat beside him. To Neil’s surprise, Aaron and Katelyn sat down nearby, and Katelyn started a conversation with them. It had been a surprisingly nice night. Kevin must have thought so too, because he brought Neil a single oatmeal raisin cookie that Renee had baked.   
Now the team was nursing their hangovers on the bus. Allison had handed Neil a fuzzy pink blanket to burrow into for the long drive, and Neil finds the mix of scents oddly comforting. It hadn’t been like this with the Ravens; Their scents had set him on edge with memories of pain. But the Foxes brought nothing but warmth to Neil’s chest, like something humming and soft inside him. Sometimes he even found himself purring, which he had no idea was even physically possible until coming to Palmetto.   
The bus stinks of Kevin’s panic the entire ride- along with the burn of alcohol. The other omega is seated up front by coach and nobody even bothers trying to take the vodka away until after Kevin is almost completely sloshed. He’ll have to have help stumbling to the banquet but at least he’s finally shut up about Riko, Neil thinks bitterly.   
Neil leaves that to someone else. He doesn’t want to be touched right now. He feels prickly and sensitive, so he walks himself inside. They’re late enough that they don’t have to mingle. The teams have already been seated at their tables, and this time someone had been smart enough to keep the Foxes far away from the Ravens.   
Afterward, they’re fair game. Riko finds Neil loitering beside a door. He’s watching Renee and Allison dance, intrigued by the dynamic of the two alphas. They look happy together. Renee has to bend to kiss Allison’s cheek and he turns away. Because a swatch of black is coming his way- Riko leading the pack. With a wave of the alpha’s arm, the others disperse, supposedly to run interference with the rest of the Foxes. Neil knows Riki’s methods intimately.   
“Nathaniel,” Riko purrs. He steps closer, expecting the omega to cower.   
It’s a shame that Nathaniel wasn’t feeling very intimidated. He wasn’t feeling much of anything, really. Not for the last month, anyway.   
“Where’s your usual spirit, Nathaniel? Or have you given up already?”   
“I’m not afraid of you, Riko. Quit your pathetic posturing and go bother someone else. Or actually, better yet, go play in traffic. Save everyone you have ever talked to, from being disgusted by your presence any longer.”   
A snarl. A quick, but forceful smack against Neil’s cheek. “Your alpha isn’t here to protect you, omega. Don’t make me remind you of your manners.”   
“What are you gonna do?” Neil sounds bored. “Tie me to the bed again? Rape me? Let your alphas fuck me because they’re too pathetic to attract an omega of their own? You’re getting predictable, Riko.”   
The alpha’s face is red in fury. He smells pissed off. Someone would probably notice soon. The clock was ticking on Riki’s little ‘jump on Neil’ game.   
“Rape,” Riko scoffs. “You can’t rape an omega, you _belong_ to me. I can give you to whoever I wish. You can’t rape an omega. You were crying, begging to be fucked. You came with my knot inside of you, and my teeth in your neck. Don’t act like being mated by me was a hardship you had to endure. You probably still have wet dreams about me.”   
Riko has stepped closer. Neil can smell the lust on him as he presses himself against Neil. Neil is backed against a wall, trapping himself. A flicker of fear melts through his apathy- Riko can smell it.   
Neil does dream of Riko, and the other Ravens too. But they aren’t wet dreams. They leave him shaking at night, his hand pressed over his own mouth so his cries don’t wake Matt; or Nicky or Aaron, if Neil is sleeping across the hall.   
“I’ve let you stay with the Foxes out of amusement, but you have been learning bad habits. It’s time to stop your petty rebellion and come home, Nathaniel. Or I will take Kevin in your stead,” a sly smirk twists Riko’s lips.   
Neil shoved Riko’s hands from his chest. “Don’t touch me, you’re not my alpha. This is a public event, you can’t do shit here. Go fuck off somewhere else.”   
Riko slaps him. Hard. Neil’s head smacks against the wall from the force of it. “Don’t presume that because you are in public that I won’t punish you, Nathaniel. Drake wasn’t there for you, you stupid omega. I wanted Andrew out of the picture, and now your alpha has abandoned you here, for weeks. I can get to any of them. I can make your pathetic team regret ever tasting your name on their tongues. I can punish all of them for harboring you from me.”   
“I know you get off on the sound of your own voice, but get to the point. We don’t have all day.”   
“You can pay the price, save them all the pain, and come with me; or I can simply take Kevin, and let all of your flounder in your failure.”  
Riko would kill Kevin. Maybe not on purpose- or maybe in some insane fit of rage, as the alpha was prone to. But if Riko took Kevin, the omega would not make it out of Evermore alive. He would wind up like Jean, beaten to death in some cold room. Alone.   
Or worse, Kevin would live, leashed to Riko’s side until they died.   
Riko can’t have Kevin. Neil won’t let him.   
“Fuck you,” Neil snarls.   
His hands clench into fists. He hits the alpha in the face. Again and again, until he is thrown off. He can taste blood in his mouth- maybe Riko got a few hits in.   
Neil wants to rip his throat out with his teeth.   
Someone pulls Neil away, lifting him up off of the ground so his feet kick into the air. He wishes he could have worn the heavy soled boots Andrew had bought him. They would do more damage than the soft-soled dress shoes Allison had forced on him.   
“Josten, god damnit!” Wymack barks in his ear. “Just what the everloving fuck are you two knuckleheads doing?”  
“Nothing.”   
Riko doesn’t dignify a reply. He speaks only to Nathaniel, in Japanese so nobody but Kevin would understand. “Johnson will have your plane ticket. And if you don’t show, I’ll let Andrew suffer first. Doctor Proust has been very interested in practicing therapeutic reenactments. See it as added incentive.”  
Neil isn’t stupid. He knows what that means. And considering that Riko had sent Drake after them, he wasn’t surprised.   
“Christ,” coach mumbles. “Who knew Andrew was the one keeping a leash on you.”   
Neil blinks. “You think I need Andrew to take care of me? I was a Raven. I’ve been dealing with Riko for years.”   
“Yeah, I seem to remember something about that,” Wymack says sarcastically. “Shut up and be good. Don’t go near any jackasses in black, you hear me? Don’t leave this side of the court until it’s time to go home.”   
The Foxes are denned together behind coach and Neil steps in beside beside Kevin. He’s so scared Neil can smell it mingling with the ever-present vodka.   
“Neil! My son, that was amazing! Tell me someone got that on video. Please.” Matt ruffles his hand through Neil’s hair, and Neil doesn’t even flinch. Much. He’s getting better. He’s always been good about bouncing back from- …. injuries.   
“Oh, I did.” Allison is smirking but her eyes are full of undisputed pride as she gazes at Neil.   
Renee is shaking her head behind them all, exasperated. She even smells tired. Andrew had said to make her job easy, protecting them. Neil feels a twinge if guilt at the stress he has been causing everyone.   
“Shit.” Kevin is clearly panicking. “You hit Riko. You _hit Riko_!” Kevin pales. “Oh god. Oh no.”   
“Quit moaning,” Neil snaps. “I can still play, and Riko is still a disgusting knothead. I’m not going to let him get you. Nothing has changed.”  
“You either.” Kevin mumbles, looking down at his scarred hand. He sees Neil’s confused face. “He can’t have you either.”   
Johnson finds Neil later, when the tension has calmed, and hands him a printed ticket. His hand strokes Neil’s fingers just a moment too long, and Neil jumps back. He wants to tear the ticket to pieces and spit in Johnson’s face. Instead, Neil folds it into his pocket and gives him Nathan’s smile.   
“When I come back,” Neil grins. “I am going to cut you from open from groin to throat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I will be adding a few short scenes into Bad Habits (you guessed it, Evermore) but!! I am taking requests for other scenes you would like to see happen before Evermore (in Bad Habits) 
> 
> You can comment here, or talk to me at booksaboutgay on tumblr ;)


	43. Chapter 43

“Neil?” 

Kevin snags Neil after practice. Neil was finally allowed on court, all of his stitches removed and his pain gone. He and Kevin had spent most of the day at the stadium, running drills and stretching Neil’s stiff muscles while Renee sat patiently in the stands, giving the omegas their space. Neil kind of tingles all over, less like anxiety and more like a heat brought on by physical stimulation. He thinks his heat may be coming. He will have to pack a bag when they get back to the dorms. He can go to the cousins house after dinner. 

“What do you want for dinner?” Kevin breaks Neil’s thoughts. 

“Something quick,” Neil shrugs. Their voices echo in the shower stalls. “I’m going to pack a bag and go to Columbia tonight. I think my heat is coming on.” 

“It’s early. Do you think it was the stress of the banquet?” 

Neil doesn’t know. “Maybe.”

“Stress seems to be a big trigger for yours.” 

Neil hums. He dresses, still dripping, and waits for Kevin. Finally his friend emerges. Kevin catches his eye before they leave the lockers. He looks sober and serious. 

“Did you think about my offer? Because I meant it. My heats aren’t as strong as yours- I don’t know if it’s a side effect, or what. But your heats are serious, Neil. Even if it’s not me, you need to take someone you trust to make sure you stay safe.” 

He’s using his self righteous holier-than-thou captain’s voice, which Neil instinctively wants to disobey. But he really does not want to suffer along through his heat again. Once had been bad enough. And he wouldn’t even consider signing up for one of those programs, or finding a strange alpha at a club or something. Neil is torn. Neil does not have good memories of Kevin; but he wants to. And Kevin is trying. Neil would be stupid to tell himself that the other omega wasn’t attractive. 

“Yeah, okay. I don’t know how well it will go, but I would like to try.” 

“Good enough.” Kevin looks at Neil with strangely kind eyes. 

“Hey guys,” Renee chirps, tucking her homework into her bag. “All done?” 

Neil let’s Kevin wrap an arm around his shoulders. “Neil’s in heat, we’re going to the house in Columbia. Andrew gave Neil a key.” 

Renee looks suspiciously unperturbed. Neil wonders if she had considered this happening. Does she expect Neil to spend his heat with her? Andrew hadn’t told her that, right? No, Andrew wouldn’t do that to him, especially not after Drake. But Renee was an alpha, and a strong one at that. Did she expect Neil to offer himself to her, simply out of status? “Oh! Okay, I’ll pack my bag.” 

Neil’s stomach drops in dread. He stiffens beneath Kevin’s arm. He knows he should trust Renee. Andrew does. But he knows all too well what malice can hide behind a woman’s pretty smile. And, regardless of Andrew’s kindness, Neil knows better that to trust alphas, especially during his heat. He doesn’t trust Renee around him; or, he doesn’t trust himself around Renee. 

Kevin seems to read Neil’s mind. He’s probably sending off all sorts of distressed scents right now. “We’ll be okay. We’ll lock ourselves in the house until it’s over.” 

“I’m not sure that’s the best idea.”

“We were Ravens, Renee. We can take care of ourselves, we’ve been doing it for years.”

Renee glances between the omegas, considering Neil’s obvious fear of her, despite her best efforts; Kevin’s fierce gaze is rather reassuring, she’ll admit. And Neil looks content enough, at Kevin’s side, at least until Kevin had mentioned his heat. Still, it’s the least distressed that the omegas have been since Andrew left. Neil has been particularly listless since his attack, and if it takes Kevin to help him heal, all the better. The house in Columbia was safe enough; all the doors and windows could be locked, and it was in a nice neighborhood. Andrew has been taking Neil there, she knows. He would already have a nest there, and supplies for his heat. He could nest in a familiar room that smells like his alpha, which would be the closest Neil could get to Andrew right now. 

“Okay. I trust you two to protect each other. Sometimes we forget where you’ve come from; how strong you are, because you’re omegas. But I trust you. If you need anything, please call.” 

Neil’s shoulder drop minutely. He was worried Renee would press the issue; in the past, alphas have attacked Jean for daring to stand between them and Nathaniel. In the back of his mind, though he should know better, he was expecting Renee to attack Kevin for his audacity. Instead, she agrees and smiles encouragingly at them. Neil expects a trick, but they drive back to the tower together. Renee bids them goodbye, and they pack enough clothes and essentials for a week, including Kevin’s stash of vegetables and shakes. The shakes alone take up more room than a week’s worth of Neil’s clothes. After a moment of hesitation, Neil packs the plane ticket Riko had bought him, hiding it at the bottom of his bag so Matt or one of the girls wouldn’t find it on accident. It was safer to take that with him than risk someone finding out. 

For expediency, they grab a couple of sandwiches from the cafeteria and eat them on the road. Neil knows better than to let Kevin drive Andrew’s car, even when his hole starts leaking fluid and blush creeps up his throat and he starts fidgeting in his chair. 

“Neil?” 

“I’m fine.” He’s just really craving some cheese right now. 

“I knew you should have let me drive. This is stupid. Andrew isn’t even here, he’ll never know I drove his car.”

“Do we have any cheese? I know there’s none at the house.” 

Kevin huffs at the blatant subject change. “We have to stop for groceries anyway. Make me a list of things you want.” Kevin starts a list on his phone. He’s already called Wymack and Abby to let them know where the pair of them would be all week. 

“I can go in.”

“You reek, I’m not letting you into public. I’m dropping you and the bags off at the house and going shopping by myself.” 

“I can handle myself, K-“ 

“I know. But we aren’t in Evermore anymore. You don’t have to put yourself at risk, and I don’t have to let you.” 

“That’s a first,” Neil scoffs, unable to help himself. 

“Riko isn’t here to stop me, and it’s about time we put things to rest between us. The team is split enough as it is, though it’s gotten better since Andrew left.”

“I want cheese,” Neil insists. The craving had hit him out of nowhere. 

“You said that.”

“And carrots. And hummus, and yogurt and lots of fruit. And maybe- strawberry icecream?”

“I am not buying you icecream,” Kevin scowls. “You don’t even like ice cream, and it’s not on your diet plan.” 

Kevin should be wilting under the force of Neil’s vicious glare. He sighs, making a mental note. 

“Fine. Anything else?”

Neil thinks. “Do you know how to cook?” It’s not like there had been cooking seminars in the Nest. 

Kevin scoffs derisively. “No.”

Well, there went that plan. He wonders if Andrew knows how to grill chicken… “What about some spicy thai? I want something spicy. And cheesy.”

Kevin frowns. Usually Neil is good about following his diet, but this is like taking a grocery list from andrew. 

Neil pulls in front of the house, and leave’s Kevin to get his bag for him. After unlocking the door, he heads straight to the kitchen freezer for some ice. He feels hot all over, and the thought of cool, crunchy ice bits sounds amazing. But they’re the square cubes in an ice tray, which is not what Neil wants. So, while Kevin brings in the bags, Neil puts the ice cubes in a plastic mixing bowl and begins hitting them with a tenderizing hammer. Kevin drops the bags and runs in. 

“What the fuck is that?”

“Ice,” Neil says, pleased with his work. Ice bits, perfectly sized for crunching. 

“It was ice already!” Kevin looks completely aghast. 

“But now it’s better ice.” Neil glares at him, and grabs his bag in one hand, and the ice in the other. Behind him, Kevin sighs. They get their things upstairs, and Neil flops into his nest with his bowl of ‘better ice’ 

“Thanks, bye.”

“Anything else you want? I’m not going to the store more than once. Do you have, you know; lube and stuff?” For an omega, Kevin sure has a hard time talking about lubes and dildos to Neil, also an omega. Neil laughs at him, and Kevin rolls his eyes. 

“No, I think that’s everything.” Now that Neil has his bowl of crushed ice, he’s mostly just horny. At least he had stopped thinking about cheese. “Oh! Cheesy broccoli.” 

Kevin glares again. Neil can see him mentally counting the calories. “Fine.”

Kevin leaves and Neil strips. His underwear is soaked to his thighs with sticky slick, and he wastes no time looking for the lube and one of his toys. He still hasn’t figured out the complicated looking one. 

He doesn’t need much prep, thankfully. Or stimulation, it turns out. He doesn’t know what has him so hot this time, but Neil crunches a handful of ice while he stretches himself with the dildo, and he’s coming in no time. His dick doesn’t even deflate, it just stays hard, laying on his stomach. Neil crunches another handful of ice, and contemplates Kevin’s dick. 

At least it doesn’t take long for Kevin to return. He hears his friend putting away the groceries downstairs, and the thought of a real dick so close, but so far, is maddening. He throws the dildo across the room and yells for Kevin. Of course, Kevin comes running. The bedroom smells like heat and slick and sex, and Neil is on full display. He’s too hot for the sheets, and he lays spread naked on the bed. His cock is still hard, despite the evidence drying on his belly. The sight has Kevin hardening. 

“Fuck, Neil.” 

“Kevin,” the omega whines. “Kevin, come touch me.”

Kevin eyes the melting bowl of ice chips, and grabs a handful to put in his mouth. With cool lips, he kisses Neil. Neil moans into his mouth, chasing the ice around their mouths with his tongue. With his now wet hand, Kevin strokes Neil’s dick. 

Neil pulls back with a yelp. “Cold! Asshole.” 

Kevin grins wickedly. Neil thinks he likes this version of Kevin, rather than the drunk coward. 

They kiss between mouthfuls of ice, until Neil forgets about the bowl and Kevin’s mouth is on Neil’s cock. He had skipped on the foreplay, but that was fine. Neil wants dick, not foreplay. He needed to cum before he went crazy. He feels like his body is on fire. 

With a wet pop, Kevin pulls away. A string of saliva sticks to his lips, and Neil whimpers. Kevin was impossibly sexy, with a blush darkening his cheeks and his green eyes bright with lust. 

“Bend over,” Kevin orders. “Bend over, and close your eyes.” 

Neil rolls to his stomach, trusting and obedient. He feels Kevin grip his ass in two hands, and spread him wide. A breath of cold air brushes his sensitive skin seconds before the cool lips do. Kevin has a mouthful of ice, and he’s playing with Neil’s sensitive rim. He bucks forward, away from the cold, but the probing tongue chases after him. Kevin bruises his ass with the grip he has on Neil, but neither of them mind. 

Kevin’s tongue licks Neil’s hole, leaving a piece of ice melting at the pucker. Kevin reaches for the bowl, grabs one of the larger chunks, and teases it around Neil’s dripping ass. He dips it inside the pucker, his tongue following behind and pushing the ice in as deep as it will go. Beneath him, Neil squeals. 

“Fuck! Fuck you, Kevin. You dick.” He curses Kevin in every language they knew. 

For forgiveness, Kevin lavishes Neil with his tongue, now warm. He pulls the omega’s petite cock back and sucks at the head, his tongue pressing and rubbing hard on the slit. Neil bucks, wild beneath him. Kevin smells more slick rush out of Neil with a wave of hot arousal. He licks and sucks at Neil’s balls, slowly moving his way back up. 

Neil’s ass is twitching, his hole winking and gaping without anything to fill it. It looks hungry, and Kevin can sympathise. Neil is a babbling mess beneath him. Kevin stands, intent on finding something fun for both of them to play with. If Andrew hasn’t bought anything suitable, Kevin has something in his own bag. 

Thankfully, the bottle of lube is still half full, and another toy. A huge vibrator, with an inflatable knot and a remote. Kevin almost cums at the thought of having that inside him, but Neil is too needy not to satisfy right now. Maybe when Neil is satisfied, he can return the favor. 

“Neil.” Kevin waits to have the omega’s attention before he holds up the toy. “Want to try this? You can say no.” 

Neil bites his lip. He’s wound up tight, like a spring. He forces himself to take a deep breath, and eats some more ice. 

“No, not yet.” It looks complicated, and Neil doesn’t want to wait. He wants Kevin’s cock inside of him. It’s smaller than Andrew’s, smaller than any alpha’s, but long for an omega. It’s long, and dark, and skinny, and Neil needs it inside him _now _.__

__“Fuck me, Kevin. Fuck me, I want you inside me. Make me cum.”_ _

__And how can Kevin say no to that, when Neil asks so prettily? He rolls Neil onto his back, wanting to see his face when he comes. He wants to make sure Neil is okay with that, he wants to see any discomfort Kevin may cause him. Neil bends his knees up his chest, nearly behind his head. He’s more flexible than Kevin is. He wonders if Neil can put his legs all the way behind his neck, but that’s for a later time._ _

__Kevin pushes inside, and nearly overwhelms himself with how hot and wet Neil is. He slips inside without the least bit of resistance, and Neil looks grateful beneath him. The omega’s face is flushed red, and his lips are swollen and wet. Kevin bends down to kiss him, finally seating himself fully inside of Neil._ _

__Neil whimpers, returning Kevin’s kiss with ferver. Kevin moves his hips slowly, tentatively._ _

__“Faster,” Neil pants. “Harder. I can take it, Kevin. Fuck me harder.”_ _

__With a frustrated groan, Neil bucks his hips up, picking his own pace. With an encouraging grin, Kevin obeys when Neil lets go his legs, and rolls them on the bed. With Neil on top, the omega picks up the pace to something almost brutal. He begins panting, his eyes closed and eyebrows wrinkled together. He keeps whining, forcing his hips to move faster. His bouncing cock is red and flushed, angry looking._ _

__“Fuck,” Neil begs. “Kevin, fuck. I can’t- I can’t cum.”_ _

__“What? What do you need?” Kevin is close. Neil looks desperate._ _

__Neil whines again, twisting to find a new angle. He doesn’t slow, fucking himself down onto Kevin in a harsh rhythm. Kevin cums without warning. Neil doesn’t even slow, until Kevin is whimpering and oversensitive. He has to push Neil onto the mattress to get the omega to stop moving. There are tears in Neil’s eyes._ _

__Oh fuck. “Did I hurt you?”_ _

__“No. Kevin, I can’t. I want to, I need to. But I can’t. Knot me, please. I need a knot, I need it.”_ _

__Kevin grabs the toy from the dresser and holds it up for Neil to see. “You mean this?”_ _

__Neil nods frantically. His hair is sticking to his forehead, and his eyes are bright. He’s flushed down to his groin, his lips and nipples red and swollen and sensitive looking. Kevin lubes it and positions himself behind Neil. The omega is on all fours again, his back to Kevin and his ass high. His hole is wet and dripping slick and Kevin’s cum. It looks loose, but Kevin asks, regardless._ _

__“How do you want it?” He doesn't want to hurt Neil._ _

__“Fast. I’m dying, just give it to me. Knot me, fuck me. I need it, knot me.”_ _

__Despite Neil’s words, Kevin eases the toy in slowly. Neil bucks back, trying to take move, but Kevin holds him steady with his free hand until he’s filled to the base. Kevin takes a moment to play with the vibrations until Neil is writhing desperately. He picks a fast pace to match Neil’s earlier, and slowly inflates the knot with the remote._ _

__It swells until it’s tugging at Neil’s rim as it punches in and out of the omega. Neil has tear streaks down his red cheeks, and he’s begging Kevin shamelessly. Kevin is just beginning to worry that it might not be enough when the knot, as large as Kevin can expand it, snags on Neil’s rim on the way in and the omega cums with a cry. Kevin moves the toy minutely, the knot tugging at the rim but never pulling completely out. He’s trying to mimic a cumming alpha, and when Neil has collapsed on the bed, Kevin tries to remove it gently. Neil’s insides clamp around it like a vice._ _

__“Leave it,” Neil says. His voice is wrecked, hoarse and quiet. Kevin leaves it, worried that he may have pushed Neil too far, too fast. He should have done things slower, nicer. Andrew is going to kill him for hurting his omega._ _

__“Stop worrying,” Neil whispers, his eyes drooping. “It was good.”_ _

__“Good.” Kevin says. He stands and fetches a wet washcloth for them both. He wipes himself in the bathroom before cleaning the cum off of Neil’s stomach and thighs, and easing the cloth carefully around the toy in Neil’s ass. With another rag, he wipes Neil’s arms and face and neck and back._ _

__“I’m hungry,” Neil mumbles. He looks tired now that he’s been satisfied._ _

__Kevin sighs. “What do you want?”_ _

__Neil thinks for a moment. His bowl of ice is now melted, and his fingers just skim through the cold water. “More ice. Crushed ice. And… Spicy thai. Can we order some spicy food for dinner?”_ _

__They had eaten not long ago, but Kevin figures that the sex may have been an okay workout._ _

__“Okay, how about some of that stuff with the hot shrimp? I’ll get the chicken and we can share.”_ _

__Neil nods. He wiggles his hips minutely, as if testing the pressure. “Want me to-”_ _

__“Leave it,” Neil says._ _

__While Kevin is downstairs ordering, Neil microwaves one of those frozen bowls of steamed broccoli, and adds some cheddar cheese to melt on top. He’s starving. The knot inside him isn’t uncomfortable, but walking keeps making his legs buckle. He probably shouldn’t be walking, but he likes the way the knot feels stretching inside him, and he _needs _some cheesy broccoli. Like, right now. This heat is giving him crazy cravings. He wonders if Kevin has this problem.___ _

____Kevin finds him in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and blowing on a fork of orange broccoli._ _ _ _

____“You couldn’t wait? I just ordered, it will be here within the hour.”_ _ _ _

____Neil shrugs. He has some cheese smeared on his lip, and his cheeks are still flushed from the knot inside him. Kevin should probably take that out of him, but if he touches Neil right now, he will want to fuck him and Neil seems to want food more than sex right now, despite his earlier lust._ _ _ _

____“Neil, are you pregnant?” Kevin squints his eyes at the omega._ _ _ _

____The reaction is explosive. The fork, still cheesy, comes flying dangerously close to Kevin’s face and he has to duck to avoid it. Next comes the bowl of broccoli, which hits Kevin’s bare chest in a hot, goopy mess._ _ _ _

____“Goddamnit, Neil!”_ _ _ _

____“Fuck you, Day! Fuck. You. How can you ask me that? You _know_ I can’t do that.” Neil lifts his shirt, the only thing dressing him currently. The scar between his hip bones is low, and stretched from age. “As if you didn’t look at this every day in the locker room for years. Fuck off.” _ _ _ _

____Neil opens the freezer, wanting something sweet and creamy after the salty broccoli. The freezer is empty. Suspicious, Neil looks in the fridge. Strawberry yogurt._ _ _ _

____“Yogurt? What- How could you. Ugh! Fuck you, Kevin!”_ _ _ _

____Neil limps his way past, back up the stairs. And Kevin realizes. Neil is wearing his shirt._ _ _ _

____He sighs. Usually Jean was the one dealing with Neil’s temper, and more recently Andrew. This is an unusual circumstance. His options are, go upstairs and have more things thrown at his head, or shower downstairs and give Neil time to cool off. Wisely, Kevin chooses to shower downstairs and scrub the melted cheese off his chest. Feeling a little guilty over the yogurt/ice cream Thing, Kevin even mops up the cheese mess on the kitchen floor. The delivery guy comes not long after, and Kevin has decided to dare venturing upstairs._ _ _ _

____Neil is in the shower, the dildo now on the bed. The knot was still inflated, which had to have hurt, but the remote was still on the dresser where Kevin left it, so maybe Neil just hadn’t wanted to figure out the buttons._ _ _ _

____He sets the food on the side table and strips the bed sheet, putting away the toys- how had one landed all the way across the room? Kevin even digs through Neil’s bag for clean clothes- had Neil even remembered boxers? He had fifty shirts and no boxers. Digging to the bottom of the bag, Kevin unearths a plane ticket. For West Virginia._ _ _ _


	44. Chapter 44

Digging to the bottom of the bag, Kevin unearths a plane ticket. For West Virginia. 

“Neil!” Kevin barges Into the bathroom. He hears Neil jump and slip in the shower, but he catches himself. He leans his face out from behind the curtain, as if Kevin hadn’t seen him naked only minutes before. 

“What the hell is this?” Kevin holds the ticket up. “Did Riko give this to you at the banquet? Is that why you hit him?” 

“I hit him because he threatened you and Andrew. I should have cut his throat open. He gave me the ticket because he wants me back. It was me or you, Kevin; I can take the hits better than you can.” 

For a moment Kevin freezes at the thought of returning to Riko. But Neil’s defeated tone melts him.

“No. Neil, no.” Kevin shakes his head slowly, his eyes never leaving Neil’s. “You’re not going back to him.” 

Kevin takes the ticket in both hands and begins ripping into smaller and smaller pieces. Neil lunges for them and nearly eats shit on the slick floor. Kevin dodges him neatly and continues destroying the ticket. If Neil goes to Evermore, he won’t come back. Not alive. And Kevin won’t let him be the human sacrifice, regardless of who Riko had threatened. The pieces flutter and pile on the wet floor in the aftermath. 

“Goddamnit, Kevin! Do you know what you just did?”

“Fuck Riko. You promised me and Andrew that you wouldn’t leave. You don’t have to take the hits anymore. You’re a Fox. We’ll help you. Riko already took Jean away from us. He isn’t getting us too. Not to mention, if you’re not here Andrew will probably kill all of us, and then Riko.” Kevin is pleading. Kevin never begs anyone but Riko or Andrew. 

Neil shakes his head. “Kevin, he’s a Moriyama. He’ll send my father after me, or Lola and Romero, or someone else. He can get to either of us and make it look like an accident.”

“Your father is in jail, and Ichirou won’t waste resources by killing you unless he thought you were a danger to them.” 

“You’re not listening. Riko is going to take what he wants, and he wants _you_!” Neil shouts. “I’m just a poor substitute.” 

“I’m not letting you go,” Kevin says, his chin held high like he hadn’t been cowering behind Andrew for months. 

“Oh, you won’t _let_ me? I wasn’t aware that you could stop me.”

“I don’t want to fight with you. Just- don’t go. And we’ll handle the rest together. _Andrew_ will take care of it.” 

Neil let’s his shoulders sag. He nods. 

*****

His heat lasts only a few hours longer. He’s more lucid that usual, which is nice because he’s too mad at Kevin to fuck. Neil locks him out of the room and plays with the toys Andrew had bought him. They don’t smell like alpha anymore, but Neil burrows his face into Andrew’s pillow and calls Andrew’s name when he cums. 

Kevin knocks a while later, with food. Neil can smell it through the door and his stomach rumbles. He had forgotten they had ordered food. Kevin must have warmed it after it had gotten cold. Neil grudgingly opens the door and Kevin rewards him with spicy shrimp that Neil devours and absolutely does not share with Kevin. 

Neil feels better after food. Tired, but sated. His hormones aren’t screaming for him to fuck and breed, which is nice. And Kevin is being tolerable for once. It’s weird to see without Andrew threatening his life. 

“I’m sorry for earlier,” Kevin says between bites of chicken. Neil gives him a confused look. “Not for making you stay, but for what I said in the kitchen. So I’m sorry for that.” 

“Oh my god. The great Kevin Day? Apologizing?” Neil squints in disbelief. 

“Don’t be an ass about it.” 

They finish their meal and Kevin mixes some yogurt with a mix of berries, and some granola in Neil’s. They eat it in bed, and it takes some maneuvering to make Neil’s nest for them both. It smells like sex- both Neil and Kevin, plus Andrew’s stale smell. It’s nicer than Kevin would have admit, and Neil settles right in. He barely finishes his yogurt before he falls asleep. 

 

******

 

To Kevin’s surprise, and Neil’s relief, Neil sleeps through the night. He doesn’t wake up horny and desperate and Kevin even lets them sleep in a while. It’s not that Neil doesn’t want Kevin; but he hates how his hormones and instincts can control him during his heat. 

Neil wakes up hotter than usual. Kevin is already awake, petting Neil’s side and sniffing his hair. He’s scenting Neil. 

“What time is it?” Neil mumbles, his skin tingles pleasantly. 

“Eight. How do you feel?” 

Neil moans as he stretches. “Mm, good. Hungry. Wanna do breakfast?”

Kevin scoffs. “You don’t _do_ meals, Neil. You eat them.” 

“Whatever, I’m starving.” 

Neil stretches again, his back pressing against Kevin’s hard chest. 

“Can I kiss you?” Kevin asks softly. 

His green eyes are bright and glowing emeralds as he stares down at Neil’s content face. He doesn’t smell like he’s in heat anymore. He still smells like ginger and cinnamon, but it isn’t as insistent as it was. 

“Yes.” Neil twists and catches Kevin’s lips with his own. 

It’s nice. Neil doesn’t feel rushed and hot, and he can relax into the kiss. It isn’t bruising and furious, like Andrew. Kevin doesn’t bite his lips and clash their teeth together. His tongue slips into Neil’s mouth and he slides their lips together sensually. It’s soft and slow and still manages to leave the omegas breathless. Until Neil’s stomach growls. 

Kevin laughs, giddy and amused. “Okay, let me cook something. Omelets?”

Neil wrinkles his nose. “I swear I can smell the eggs burning already.” 

Kevin frowns again. “You like eggs.” 

“Let’s go out.” Neil’s hungry, but he doesn’t want to smell the food. And if Kevin cooks, the house is going to smell. 

“You’re in heat, Neil. You can’t go out.” 

Neil takes careful stock of his body. His limbs feel loose, but not hot and tight; his eyes don’t burn with the fever of heat. Most importantly, the slick between his thighs has dried and he doesn’t feel like he could fuck anything that moved. 

“I think I’m fine.” 

“You’re still in heat. It’s only been a day. You’re not even twenty four hours in. You’re not fine.”

“I don’t feel like I’m in heat. Smell me.” 

Kevin rolls his eyes and sniffs at Neil’s hair. He’s right, though. Neil doesn’t smell like heat, which is weird. He frowns. 

“You’re right. I’m going to call Abby. If your heat is suddenly so irregular it could affect your health, and the game. Maybe you’re-“ Kevin stops and reconsiders. “Maybe it’s a side effect of your medication.”

“You’re overreacting again. I’m fine.” 

“Your health is not something to ignore.” He’s already calling Abby. 

“Fine,” Neil scowls. “Whatever. Because I’m not an adult who can tell if I’m in heat or not.” 

Kevin opens his mouth to argue, but Abby picks up. Neil walks away, instead of listening. He’s fine. He doesn’t need Kevin to rattle every time Neil’s body does something weird. His heats have always been unpredictable, and thankfully this time it was short, if sudden. Neil isn’t going to complain. He goes to the kitchen for some more ice chips. He has a bowl of them when Kevin comes back. He’s finally off the phone. 

“Abby says to keep you here until tomorrow morning. If you’re not showing symptoms then we can leave. But you may just be fluctuating.” 

Neil is not ‘fluctuating’. He’s fine. 

Kevin fixes omelets for breakfast and stinks up the whole house with egg smell. I’m hey can’t leave the house, and of course they don’t have a single piece of exercise equipment, so Kevin makes due with pushups while Neil sits on his back. In return, Kevin holds Neil’s feet balanced while he does handstand push-ups. If Kevin sat on him, he would squish Neil to death; a puddle of Omega jelly on Andrew’s floor. It would be tragic. 

True to form, Kevin makes chicken salad for lunch. At least he cuts some more fruit so Neil isn’t stuck with that leafy grossness. By dinner Neil is so sick of Kevin’s healthy food that he cooks chicken tortillas. Kevin looks horrified, but he keeps his comments to himself for once. The other omega doesn’t have that, though. Kevin makes himself avocado toast with tomato and spinach. It looks good, but Kevin has a crunchy toasted tortilla, stuffed with melty cheese and leftover chicken from the salad. And because Aaron left a jar in the fridge, he has a pickle with it. It’s not bad. 

“So-“ Kevin pauses a movie to look at Neil. “What about Andrew?” 

“Andrew?”

“Are you going to tell him about _this_? With us?”

Oh. Neil hadn’t thought about that. He knows Andrew isn’t obsessed with omegas like the other alohas Neil had known. But will he mind that Neil has fucked Kevin? Neil’s chest begins to tighten. His thoughts begin to race. 

He hadn’t considered the possibility that someone would be possessive of him; after all, Riko had shared Neil with anyone the king deemed acceptable and Riko was the closest thing Neil ever had to any sort of relationship. Neil had only knew that he hadn’t wanted to spend his heat alone. 

Would Andrew be mad? They hadn’t discussed this before Andrew had left, for obvious reasons. Neil had been to messed up from Drake to even think about sex. Stupid. He should have known that he would have a heat while Andrew was gone. He should have asked before his alpha left. But Neil hadn’t even considered the possibility that he would share his heat with anyone. Fear makes Neil’s legs itch to run away. His palms are sweating. 

Would Andrew punish him for being bad? Did Andrew expect Neil to spend his heat alone? He knew Neil didn’t like to be alone. 

But he had a lot of reservations about sex. He even thought that asking Neil things during his heat would be manipulative. So… where would he stand, with _this_?


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some cute stuff :)

Kevin helps Neil pack his bag. They left Columbia yesterday when it had been apparent Neil’s heat had passed. Now they were packing to go to New York. Matt had invited any Fox that didn’t have somewhere to go, to come stay at home with him and his mother. Nicky had been so excited to see New York that he made the rest of the monsters agree so he could go without splitting the pack up. 

Allison would be going with Renee, and Dan would be staying with her sisters. So Neil, Kevin, Nicky, and Aaron were going to New York. Apparently Matt had bought Kevin and Neil’s tickets while they were gone. 

Kevin had asked if they had a court to practice on, and Neil had been pleasantly surprised. He had expected to stay at Palmetto. He hadn’t even considered what he would do once the dorms closed down. So Kevin is in Neil and Matt’s room, lounging in Neil’s nest with an Exy magazine. Riko is on the cover, and it advertises an article in Jean’s memory. Kevin bought it but Neil doesn’t want to see it. 

Matt is waiting for them. Everyone but them have been packed for days, apparently. They’ve been waiting for the omegas to come back. They pile into Matt’s truck, and Kevin offers a hand to help Neil. He had been knotted, and Kevin and Matt both know he must be sore. The drive to the airport wasn’t bad, but sitting on the plane was a bit uncomfortable. Neil’s ass was sore, and his legs are stiff when they land. 

Matt huffs an easy laugh at Neil’s wince when he stretches. Kevin eyes Neil appreciatively, that tight body pulling up, exposing a sliver of stomach. 

“Good job, Kev,” Nicky snickers. “Is it bad that I’m a little jealous?”

“You look a bit sore.” Matt picks up some aspirin before they leave the airport, and Neil takes them gratefully. He carries Neil’s bag, too. 

Matt’s mother is nearly as tall as she is, and built like an athlete. She even stood like a woman who could kick ass without effort. The only woman who could stand to her would be Thea Muldani… Neil was more than a little intimidated. At least, until she cracked a smile, warm and bright just like Matt’s. She pulled Matt to her. 

“How was your flight?” 

“It was fine.” Matt pulls away, and drapes an arm over Neil. “This is Neil.”

“I see what you mean,” she nods. Neil feels lost, like walking in halfway through a conversation. “It’s nice to meet you. Matt talks about you all the time.” 

Neil cringes. When people talk about him, it’s always bad. “Sorry.” 

She smiles, but it looks off somehow. “No, sweetie. It’s great to meet you. You must be Kevin and Nicky, and Aaron. Call me Randy.” 

Randy takes them to her car- an suv with enough seats for everyone. She has a house large enough for everyone, though Kevin follows Neil to a room without question. There are a pile of sheets and bed things on the bed, and Kevin even helps Neil make the bed. 

She orders in several of the largest pizzas Neil has ever seen. It’s better than going outside and putting effort into socializing. Randy seems to understand, and they sprawl across the living room with the pizzas on the coffee table between them. Neil curls up in a recliner with two pieces of pineapple pizza. 

Neil dozes there while Kevin reads and the boys play video games. He didn’t dream, which was nice. He only woke with a gasp with Kevin woke him to go sleep in an actual bed. 

The next day, Matt had cooked everyone a breakfast of scrambled omelets; it was made with scrambled eggs, diced potatoes and peppers, sausage, bacon, and a thick layer of melted cheese. Kevin looked green just smelling it, but Neil got himself a large serving. 

“You shouldn’t be eating crap like that if you’re not practicing enough to burn off the extra calories.” 

Kevin reaches for Neil’s plate, and Neil jerks it away. 

“Try to take this away from me and I will gut you open with this fork. Don’t test me, Day.” 

“He’s a growing boy,” Nicky cries around his own mouthful. “He needs the fuel.” 

“I’m an adult. I’m pretty sure I’m full grown now.” 

Matt gives him a smile. “That sucks, bro. But at least you’re not as short as the two blonde midgets.” 

“Fuck you too, Boyd,” Aaron flips his finger. 

Matt winks at him, and Aaron sputters. “If I wasn’t in a relationship I’d be all over that.” 

Aaron blushes, and leaves. 

 

******

 

Despite Matt and Nicky’s attempts to distract him, Neil could take his mind off of Riko and his threats. They pinged Neil’s phone at all hours, hundreds of texts from Riko and the other Ravens. They were… descriptive, to say the least. Threats to Neil, all describing in vivid detail all the twisted ways they would make him pay. Most were sexual; some were average at best; all of them were graphic. 

Neil finds himself unable to sleep, the feeling of being hunted too much to ignore. He finds himself looking around, searching the crowds for a familiar face; searching for a threat. Riko won’t wait long to punish him. His retaliation will be brutal, and Neil half hopes he would hurry with it just so Neil wasn’t anxiously awaiting retribution. 

They see movies and shows, and Nicky drags them shopping. Neil does his Christmas shopping- a phone case for Nicky because he’s always dropping it. New armbands for Andrew and a gift card for Aaron; matching sweaters for Matt and Dan which Nicky helped pick out; matching rainbow scarfs and gloves for Renee and Allison. 

It’s kind of nice, doing these little outings as a pack. In the evenings, Matt and Nicky make hot cocoa and sometimes Neil cuddles with Kevin for comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to buy me a coffee :) 
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/P5P89RDW


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!!! It’s not dead!!

Knocking on the door wakes Neil up. He flinches and sits up, sore from running and working out with Aaron- the challenge of a bet Neil had lost. The door knob rattles. Neil jumps out of bed, his heart racing. It takes a second to recognize the Boyd’s guest room. He doesn’t have any weapons here. 

“Neil! Open the door. It’s important, please let me in.” 

It’s just Nicky. Neil feels the tension release and he takes a shuddering breath. Beside him, Kevin is still snoring, oblivious to the disruption. 

“What do you want, Nicky?”

“Unlock the door, you need to see this. It’s important. You’re not gonna like it, it’s terrible. Just let me in.” 

Neil rubs his face, pushing his hair out of his eyes. He crawls out of bed and unlocks the door. Nicky obviously hasn’t gone to sleep yet. 

“ _What_ , Nicky?”

Nicky just hands him the phone. There’s a video open on it- Neil doesn’t know what RedTube is, but he recognizes the sounds of sex when he presses play. He closes his eyes and pauses the video, then drops the phone on the ground. 

“Why did you give me porn?” Neil nearly yells, but remembers that Matt and Aaron are sleeping on either side of his room. 

Nicky picks the phone up and presses play, and holds it up to Neil’s face. Too close to see, until Neil pushes it back. 

“Just watch for a sec. I- I think it’s you.” 

It is.

It’s Neil, his pale skin contrasting brightly against the black background. There’s a party hat cone strapped to his head, and another over his genitals. He doesn’t remember this. He keeps watching the screen, waiting for some sort of remembrance, and finds nothing. He can’t bring himself to look away, because he wants to know what happened to him. The camera tilts. Now he recognizes one of the lounge areas in the Nest. Black leather couches and chairs, black tables and shelves and tile. Not carpet, which would stain. There is a bowl of punch on the coffee table, and an untouched cake. A banner is strung up, it’s gold letters reading ‘happy birthday’. 

It’s edited to blur the faces and tattoos of the other players. Some of them still have their uniforms on, but their info is blurred. 

“Neil?” 

He jolts. He had forgotten Nicky was there. He pauses the video, and deliberates for a moment before he texts himself the link. Neil needs to know what happened. Then he hands the phone back wordlessly. 

“You okay?” 

“Get out.” Neil sounds hollow, even to his own ears. 

“But- are you sure? That was-“ 

“I’m fine. Get _out_.”

Something in Neil’s tone must have worked, or maybe he can smell something on Neil. It doesn’t matter. He clicks the link on his own phone. And then quickly realizes that he can’t play videos on a flip phone, and sends it to Kevin. 

Kevin has his phone locked, but his security code is his moms birthday. So instead, Neil watches it there. It’s not like Kevin didn’t know what happened there, anyway. 

It’s horrible, like watching someone else get toyed with. It’s like having an extreme dissociative episode, watching himself get fucked on screen. It’s edited to be half an hour long, but Neil suspects that it was longer. Not that he would know. Nothing is triggering any memories. They have him down on the floor, writhing and already drugged. 

The team gives him birthday spankings, taking turns bruising Neil’s ass and thighs with a heavy paddle. Neil remembers it taking weeks for the bruises to heal. They had hurt a lot. They take the birthday cone off his dick and Neil can see a bright red ribbon tied tightly around his cock and balls. 

They play with him a while, multiple sets of hands petting him- they pull his hair and they kiss him. They tug at his limp member and grope at his ass. Riko straddles Neil’s chest to fuck his mouth and the camera focuses on the cock between Neil’s lips. Neil can hear himself gagging and he turns the volume down. But he wants to know what Riko is saying. 

Someone takes the candles from the cake and drips wax over Neil chest. The Neil on screen whimpers and presses down in some weak attempt to get away from the pain. They drizzle it over his throat, over his nipples and down his limp cock. It makes the ribbon glue to him. 

He certainly doesn’t remember where the cake went. It’s fucked into him like lube and some of the Ravens eat it off of his body. Neil’s eyes turn vacant and he just lies there and lets his body move across the tile with every sharp thrust of the alphas. Someone holds him up so Riko and whoever else can fuck Neil’s mouth and ass at the same time. They make him cum, drenching the ribbon in seman. 

He didn’t know that he looked so… small? Pathetic? Is this what people saw when they looked at him? 

They maneuver Neil to sit in someone’s lap so the omega is riding on the knot. Another alpha comes to stand above him, and he holds Neil down while he pushes inside. On-screen Neil is crying quietly, his pale fingers clenching into his own legs just for something to hold him steady.

The phone starts the shake because Neil is shaking. He can’t breathe and he stares, feeling empty and distant. They make him beg. Riko leans forward, his hand tangling and pulling Neil’s hair, to whisper something in his ear. Neil whimpers little pleases, barely audible over the sound of fucking.

They’re fucking him hard, two at a time. They switch out, taking turns when one of the alphas finish. Neil is a useless rag doll between them, exhausted and drugged senseless. Someone writes ‘cum dump’ on his back in sharpie but his scars are edited over. Heaven forbid someone think Neil was abused at the Nest. 

The scene changes, and Riko and Neil are centered in the screen. Something shiny and indistinguishable is shoved inside of Neil and the base of it is twisted as Riko sets whatever it is. Neil doesn’t know. 

It ends with the Ravens singing some fucked up remix of Happy Birthday while one of them pisses on him. Neil scrolls down, searching. There are already several comments below. Most of them are talking about how ‘hot’ the video was. Someone saying it was clearly a body double. Below that, someone questions Neil’s ability to consent- and below it, someone had wrote ‘ _you can’t rape an omega._ ’

Neil runs to vomit in the bathroom.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the whole moderated comments thing, guys. Anyway! Here’s another chapter ;)

“Jesus fucking Christ, kid.” 

Wymack is pissed, pacing in front of the couch in the locker rooms. Neil, Kevin, and Aaron are perched there supportively, with Neil in the middle. He hasn’t spoken for days- since the video release. Matt and everyone had come home to find Wymack in a fury, managing press calls and dodging the school board because of Neil ‘gross misconduct’. 

“You’re going to send me to an early grave. I’m getting grey hair because of you!”

“It isn’t his fault,” Kevin snaps. “Riko did this to make Neil look bad. This wasn’t Neil’s fault.”

“I know that, you know, he knows that. But the rest of the world does not know that. An edited video is pretty damning, and we’re getting calls from angry parents bitching about role models. The board wants to speak to Neil before the press conference on the second.” 

“They’re waiting?” Kevin says.

The same time Aaron says, “then they need to keep their kids away from the fucking tv, they shouldn’t be watching shit like that anyway.” 

Neil let’s everyone talk around him. He doesn’t care what they do, it doesn’t matter. The videos are already out there. Everyone has already seen them. The whole world has seen Neil treated like a whore, and it can’t be undone. 

If he had fought harder, had ran faster, this wouldn’t have happened. He wouldn’t have been caught and taken to the Moriyamas. If he had stayed in the nest and never ran, he would be dead but at least every alpha on campus wouldn’t be staring at him as he walked by. If he had returned before Christmas Riko wouldn’t have posted them. 

“Neil, calm down. You’re scenting all over the place,” Aaron scowls. He takes a place between Neil and Wymack like he had seen Andrew do. Aaron may be a poor substitute, but he could do this for just a few more days.

“They’re not expelling you. I won’t let them throw out one of my foxes,” Wymack tries to calm him down. 

But they would. It’s obvious that Neil is a menace. He’s always causing problems, it’s just one dramatic scene after the next. That’s what the Ravens want, is the chance to swoop in and take Neil again when Palmetto throws him out for this gross misconduct. 

“They can’t afford to, neil was a Raven, and he’s one of two strikers on this team. They can’t afford to let Neil go, not with his skill; not when he has no replacement.” 

“Neil,” someone touches his shoulder, and the omega is out of his seat and out the door before anyone can grab him. Aaron and Kevin shout after him but they know better than to chase him. 

He finds a quiet place under the stairs by the door so he can hear everyone leave. The court is where he feels safest now. Only certain people have the code to get inside, and nobody dares touch him here. Neil knows every inch of the building by now, and it’s the closest he’s ever felt to home, save the Columbia house. Neil knows he shouldn’t get attacked. Riko will tire of the games and come for him, or his father will. But Andrew had promised, and Andrew was one of the strongest alphas Neil has ever known. 

The foxes leave before Neil comes out of his hiding spot. He runs laps until his brain is quiet and he’s too tired to worry. It’s dark out after he runs his laps and drills, and then showers. He has the coat Nicky bought him for Christmas, but it had been in Matt’s truck. Neil doesn’t mind too much. It’s nothing like running through the Black Forest, or Ontario. That’s one of the perks of living in the south; it rarely, if ever, gets below zero, much less -20. 

Walking is chilly, but not cold. Neil keeps his attention on his surroundings, but doesn’t turn and run when two alphas grab his attention on his way through the square. The fountain in the lake echoes eerily against the trees. 

“Hey, you’re one of the Foxes right? On the Exy team? I’m Austin.” 

“I’m Darrin.” 

“Neil.” He keeps walking, despite the alphas best attempts to stop him. “Whatever you’re trying to do, forget it and fuck off.” 

“We’re just fans of yours, that’s all.” 

“Yeah, did you make that video with the Ravens? Or are is our Exy team kinkier than we thought?”

They laugh but Neil sees red. One of them grabs his arm. The other grabs his wrist, and Neil snarls. He’s had about enough of this shit. 

“Let me go or I’ll fucking kill you.” He means it. Neil is so, so tired of being handled and touched by self entitled alpha knotheads. One of them grabs his ass and squeezes. “Don’t you fucking touch me!”

If Neil were an alpha, or even a beta, he would be bigger and strong enough to fight these guys. He hates his designation for reasons such as this. He hates how he isn’t strong enough to fight them. 

“You’re quite the hot head, Josten.”

“Easy. I’m having a birthday party this weekend. I just wanted to see if you would be the entertainment.” 

“That was a hot video. My knot swelled up like a softball.” 

Neil begins to shake, still digging in his feet as the alphas drag him to the lake. 

“You may be a beta, but you take a knot like a good little omega slut.”

“If you put your dick anywhere near me I will rip them off and shove them down your throat to suffocate on.” 

One of them slaps him. It whips Neil’s head to the side with a snap that echoes in symphony with the water. 

“Hey Austin.” The other guy shrugs to something. Neil kicks out at the guys knee caps, but his short legs don’t reach. 

“Come on, red.” They drag him across the grass to the edge of the water. “This will cool you down.” 

They shove him in and Neil lands with a splash. He inhales water as he is submerged, and he can only hear the roar of the fountain. He rights himself and stands, coughing water. The pond is deep, though he didn’t land far. It reaches Neil’s chest about ten feet from the shore. The alphas are already walking away. 

Mud sucks his shoes to the bottom of the pond like a vacuum, and Neil nearly toppled back into the water with the sudden imbalance. He pulls, but the shoes give before the mud does. Neil’s feet slip out of his shoes and he falls again and gets another lung full of water. He drags himself out of the lake, his clothes bogged down with water and mud. 

He leaves a trail of wet grass across the square, until he quits dripping. The air feels much, much colder. Neil clenches his teeth against it, and wraps his arms around himself. He starts to shiver long before he reaches Fox tower, and his breathe puffs unsteadily.

Finally walking inside the lobby is a wave of warm air that Neil savors. He runs up the stairs, his wet socked feet slipping on the steps. His hands shake, putting the key into the lock. It takes longer than Neil would like to admit, and his hair keeps dripping muddy water into his eyes. 

Matt is in the couch, alone. He has a video game on, from the sounds of it. He pauses and looks at Neil when he hears the door close. 

“Damn, you’re soaked!” Matt takes the blanket off the back of the couch and wraps it around Neil. “What happened?”

“N-nothing,” Neil lies between his clenched teeth. “I’m fine.” 

“You’re freezing. Hang on I’ll run you a bath.” 

Matt leaves for a moment to their bathroom. Neil goes to the bedroom to change into dry clothes. 

 

******

The harassment continues. Neil had taken to staying inside, but when he absolutely had to venture outside, he brought Matt or Kevin or Aaron, or even Allison a few times. Kevin hates running, but Matt and Aaron take turns volunteering to go on Neil’s morning runs with him. It’s early enough that there’s hardly ever anyone out, but they would rather accompany him and be safe. 

Neil is catcalled and hollered at. People shout abuse at him- for having no shame, for making the Foxes look bad, for daring to transfer from the Ravens. Allison and Matt will shout back at them, Kevin and Aaron will usher Neil by them quickly. To avoid it all, Neil hides on the roof or at the stadium. 

New Year’s Eve passes, and Neil sits on the roof alone to watch the parties below. The monsters are partying with Matt, drinking downstairs. The rest of the upperclassmen won’t be back until tomorrow at the earliest. Neil doesn’t feel like listening to music, drinking and dancing with the others. December has been hell and Neil is glad it’s over.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K guys, listen. Constructive criticism is cool, and the supportive comments are great. I know I make typos and things, and I try to fix them when they’re pointed out. But can we just fucking NOT with the trashing all over the whole ‘you shouldn’t be writing these terrible things’ comments? I’m over them. They’re not helpful and they make me want to drop this entire site. So please, unless it’s helpful comments and support, shut up. If this isn’t what you want to read, then don’t. There are plenty of other fics on this site. 
> 
> Sorry to go off and sound like an asshole but I’m over it. 
> 
> Anyway! Here’s a new chapter. Fucking yay!

He’s felt distant lately, since Drake happened. He feels almost numb, like it’s somebody else shopping with the cousins and boarding the plane and everything else. He feels like a ghost in his own body. Neil tries to participate in the life going on around him, and sometimes it works and he feels better. It was easy to fuck Kevin during his heat, to let the hormones take over his brain and make his brain fog with the lust and hormones. It was fun, shopping with Nicky; running with Aaron had been okay. Matt’s mother had been kind, and her home had been comfortable. 

But when the sun goes down and Neil is left alone while Kevin sleeps, his thoughts take him somewhere dark. He can still feel Riko’s knives in his skin; Drake’s knot inside him. And then the videos posted, in all their damning details. And Neil just… stopped. He shut down, unable to make himself participate in his own life. He goes along with whatever Nicky and the others decide without much care. He can’t bring himself to care, if he was being honest. 

So he showers and dresses like a normal human being. The smell of his beta soaps all burn his nose, for some reason. And everyone knows he’s an omega now, thanks to the videos. Speculation was higher than ever and Neil could hardly step foot out of the tower because of all the attention he got. His fellow foxes have taken to escorting him everywhere. 

Nicky, and Aaron meet Kevin and Neil at the car. Neil drives Andrew’s car like it’s an extension of his own body. He hadn’t been allowed to drive in the Nest, but his mother had taught him how to drive when he had been young, and he had spent hours, days, months behind the wheel. It has become synonymous with running. It’s a long drive to Columbia, with Kevin insisting that they discuss what to say at the press meeting on the fourth. 

“What are you going to say? You can’t blame the Ravens, the Moriyamas would kill you for defaming them.” 

“I’m not going to tell them anything. Most of the videos have been taken down by now.” Thanks the school’s lawyer, Allison’s lawyer, and Allison herself threatening to sue anyone who would play rape porn. 

“The reporters are going to ask, Neil. You need to know what to say. This isn’t your first press conference.”

“It doesn’t matter what I say, because they’re all going to think what they want anyway. It’s none of their business who was in that video, who-“ Neil pauses. He’s unsure how to finish that sentence. 

“It’s none of their business who fucked you, consensual or not. That’s between you and them and fuck anyone who thinks they deserve to know,” Nicky finishes for him. Neil is uncomfortable with Nicky’s choice of wording. 

“Fuck them,” Aaron agrees. They’ve been getting along much better since Drake. Neil has been surprisingly appreciative of him, even if he can’t replace Andrew. 

“Fine. But you have to tell them _something_. They’re making this look bad on you.” Kevin huffs from the passenger seat. 

“The only reason they care is because I’m an omega. If I were an alpha, they wouldn’t care if I put out a video of me fucking a dozen omegas. Because alphas are allowed to fuck whatever they want, right? It’s in their breeding,” Neil sneers.

“Oh, that would be fun to watch,” Nicky grins.

Neil flinches. There’s a thump of flesh and a yelp, so Neil assumes Aaron has doled out punishment. It’s appreciated. 

He parks the car as close as he can manage. He pulls his hood up over his face to hide from prying eyes. They have to wait for Andrew but when he emerges, he looks… like usual, actually. Better, even, because he doesn’t have that fucking smile on his face. And he doesn’t smell like chemicals. He smells like alpha, just the natural smell of Andrew that Neil instantly focuses on. 

Unconsciously his shoulders relax. It feels like he can breathe again. He wants to take Andrew and hide away in a room together; to burrow into his nest in Andrews room, with his alpha beside him, and shut the cruel world away. He shouldn’t be thinking about this. He couldn’t believe how attached he had gotten; how much he needed this man. This was going to be a problem. 

Andrew ignores them all, passing by them with hardly a glance. He takes his black duffle and passes by the car to the dumpster. He upends his bag, spilling black clothes into the trash. Neil wonders but dares not ask. He hands the keys to Andrew, hoping for more than just a passing glance. He wants Andrew to acknowledge him, to maybe touch him one last time before he sees the videos. The Foxes have been doing their best to convince Neil that it’s okay, that it’s not his fault and they don’t blame him for any of the backlash. But that have seen the videos for themselves- Kevin, Nicky, Allison, all flinch when they see Neil. They give him space, as if afraid to touch him. Even Nicky has been careful to keep a four foot space between them. Regardless of what they’ve been telling him, he knows he’s disgusting. The videos and the things that were done to him were disgusting, and Neil cumming to them was twisted. Neil isn’t surprised. Only shocked that it took them this long to realize. 

Andrew drives. Kevin takes the front seat and Neil is sandwiched between Aaron and Nicky, who press against the doors to keep as much space between them and Neil as possible. Neil tries not to feel bad about it. He should have expected this. He should have prepared for this. Andrew doesn’t even take a glance in the rear view mirror. Nicky tries to say something but Andrew turns the radio up over him. It makes Neil’s head hurt. 

He waits until Andrew is parked to get out, but the alpha still won’t look at him. Andrew pulls Nicky aside and shoos the rest of them away. Neil tries not to feel dejected as he goes up the stairs. Aaron and Kevin follow him. It’s Aaron that tried to console him. 

“Ignore him, Neil. He’s just being a dick.”

Neil doesn’t have a reply to that, so he doesn’t bother. He goes to hide on the roof, where nobody can smell the dejected misery whafting off of him in waves. Andrew can have it when he inevitably comes up here; it was Andrew’s hiding spot first, anyway. Neil will leave if the alpha tells him to. He doesn’t feel like fighting. He doesn’t feel like much at all, actually. If Andrew is this disgusted with him now, just wait until he sees the videos. 

He stays there for a while, slowly snacking on apples with peanut butter. He blames his sudden sweet tooth on him missing Andrew. 

The door slams open after what feels like hours. The sun is getting low, and the air is growing colder. Neil is glad he has his coat to burrow into; Nicky had bought him a fluffy black one for Christmas. 

“Someone didn’t listen. I told you to let Renee protect you.” 

“I don’t need her protection. I was fine.” 

“Riko send me the videos. The originals.”

Neil’s heart stops. This is it. Andrew is going to tell him to leave, that he is too much trouble and that nobody wants him on the team anymore. It hurts even more than Neil had expected. 

“I’ll leave. If you want,” Neil offers slowly, staring at Andrew for some sort of reaction on that blank face. 

“What do you want?” 

“I want to stay,” Neil dares to admit. He had finally found a home here with the Foxes, and he wanted to stay. 

“Talk,” Andrew orders. Neil knows what he means- did Riko share these unprompted, or had Neil been making messes again. 

“He wanted me to go to Evermore. He threatened Kevin. And you.” 

“You didn’t go.” 

“No,” Neil agrees. “Kevin sat on me all break, he wouldn’t let me out of his sight. I think he would have locked me in a storage closet if I had tried to go.” 

Andrew hums. “Interesting. So the coward is finally growing a spine. Was this before or after you shared your heat with him?” 

Nicky must have told. 

“During.” 

Andrew lights a cigarette and hands one to Neil. Andrew sits beside him, within arms reach but not touching. Neil breathes the smoke deeply, reveling in Andrew’s company. He smells like vanilla and alpha, sweet and strong and perfectly _Andrew_ without the drugs making him stink like chemical undertones. 

“I didn’t watch all of them. When I knew what they were, I stopped. I will not pry without your permission, not in this.” 

Neil is shocked. Everyone else had watched them without hesitation. From the comments Neil had read, many people had liked them. But Andrew had learned what they were and had stopped. He had asked Neil’s permission. That meant something. 

“Can I kiss you?” Neil smothers his cigarette embers into the brick and discards the butts below. 

Andrew does the same, and he wraps his hand on Neil’s neck to bring him closer. Neil melts into the touch. Andrew has been away for too long. Neil hadn’t meant to get so attached but he hadn’t been able to help it. Maybe it was stupid omega hormones, or something; Neil didn’t know. But he feels high as Andrew kisses him, and Neil kisses back. He feels a piece of … _something_ slide back into place inside him. He wants to follow Andrew to a bedroom, to curl around him and burrow then into Neil’s nest. He wants Andrew’s scent on his skin again. 

Andrew pulls away first. He lights another cigarette and smokes it slowly. 

“You smell different,” Andrew says slowly. Neil thinks he must mean that he smells like Nicky and Matt and Aaron and Kevin. Or maybe just Aaron and Kevin, since that is who Neil has been spending the most time with. They were safe, and they were quiet. Well, Aaron was quiet. And Kevin was easily occupied with Exy videos or history movies. 

“So do you.” 

Andrew hums. Neil filches his cigarette, snagging it out of Andrew’s hand like a suicide mission. Andrew flares but doesn’t retaliate. He lights another. He would have really missed them, and Neil wonders where Andrew had gotten the pack; they hadn’t stopped anywhere between Easthaven and here. 

Maybe it’s the stress of the videos that has Andrew chain smoking. Part of Neil wants to delete the videos from Andrew’s phone. But the larger part knows that he owes Andrew information. Neil had not intentionally learned about Drake, but he had learned something dark and festering about Andrew that day. Neil owed Andrew a piece of his own infected past. Even if Andrew will be disgusted, he deserves an even ground. 

“You can watch them, if you want. I owe you.” Neil swallows hard. “They aren’t- I don’t remember. I think Riko has drugged me more than I thought. There was more than one video; more than six. I stopped looking. I couldn’t keep watching.” 

Andrew wants to delete all of them just so he doesn’t have to see Neil like that. He knows that once he sees them he will never get the images out of his mind. But Neil knows about Drake. And Andrew wants to be prepared for the next time Riko throws Neil’s abuse back in his face like he had at the banquet. 

In the end, Andrew can’t make himself watch. His finger hovers over the texts, but he doesn’t touch them.

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think?


End file.
